The Chariot
by Karina4
Summary: [Pre HBP] COMPLETE Harry and Draco are back in the sixth year and as the saying goes....You never know what's round the corner....
1. The Readings

**Disclaimer!!!! Miss J.K Rowling has full credit for the wonderful characters she has created. The only thing I am getting out of this story is the enjoyment of writing it!! **

This is a **Harry and Draco** fic..so if you DON'T like them **romantically involved**.. **Don't **carry on reading!!! There's no point giving yourself eyestrain and then moan about it later! **But** if you do like them as a couple (if they can get it together!!) then by all means read on and tell me if you like it or you think it blows.

Also I should put an **AU** sticker on this fic already, because it is written **before Book Six. **Cos maybe Once upon a time – some one _may_ read this in years to come and you know go ''huh? But that's wrong!!''

I think it's only fair to warn people! And also like anything I write in this fic will happen! More to the point I mean Harry and Draco duh! Lol

Over the past, quite a lot of months, people asked me about the **Tarot Readings**! I must tell you that I know '**nothing at all'** about Tarot. I did a reading _online_, thought it looked fun and then did two readings for Harry and Draco! **So I do apologise if any of you are horrified at the blatant misuse of cards drawn- lets put it down to artistic license!** I actually did get those cards- but 'really' it is apparently impossible to draw them at the same time! Hehee. But ignorant people like me would not know any different and it is **serving my purpose for this story so**… :o)

* * *

**Chapter One - The Readings**

The pressure of course work to be handed in, was weighing heavily on the minds of many of the sixth year students in the Gryffindor common room, one evening in January. Harry and Ron were slowly wading through their essay piles for the NEWTs they had decided to take on in their sixth year. They had received a list of subjects in the summer, along with their OWL results. Harry had miraculously managed eight OWLs and had been more than stunned to see he had in fact received and Outstanding for Potions. Ron had also done well, and had excitedly ''Fellytoned'' Harry with his results. He had gone on to say how it would be great if they both took the same subjects for their NEWTs, as both of them had shown some interest in becoming Aurors after school. Harry had listened to Ron's voice with a slightly detached mind. He wasn't sure if he would even be alive ''after school'', but concluded that he needed to learn as much as he could. The subjects Ron had been suggesting would provide very useful to him - hopefully.

He snapped out of his reverie, as Ron waved a bit of parchment in front of his face. He was holding a small list of credit options, that held a five percent mark towards their NEWTs. It was to be a class that was unrelated to their existing subjects and the students could decide which class they wanted to take for it. Harry hunched over and browsed through them. Hermione had chosen to do an Ancient Runes class, as it was not one of her chosen NEWT subjects. Ron raised his eyebrows and was obviously looking for the easiest option from the list.

'Divination Harry and it's going to be taken by Trelawney. We could make up a lot of crap and she would never know.'

Harry shrugged, 'you don't know what she is going to set us Ron. It could be anything. Palmistry, Numerology, I dunno.'

Ron shook his head, ' nah, has to be easier than all these other so-called options. I don't think much of them, tell you that for nothing.'

Hermione sighed, looking up from her the book she was reading. ' You two honestly', she shook her head and Ron grinned at her.

'Yeah? What?' he gave her a cheeky grin and bent forward over her chair, placing a light kiss on her lips.

Hermione smiled softly and returned his kiss. Harry took the parchment out of Ron's hands and went back to looking at the list. Ron and Hermione had got _together_ during the first term. Ron had given her a box of chocolates for her birthday and then come the Halloween feast - he had decided to seize the day and told Hermione that he ''sort of liked her''. Harry recalled Ron telling him, that Hermione had looked at Ron suspiciously and asked what he had exactly meant by that. Ron, surprising himself, had kissed Hermione in answer. Harry had quickly cut the conversation off, saying he could gather what had come next.

It had been strange at first seeing them together as a couple, but they looked very happy and Harry was glad for his two best friends.

'You're right Ron,' Harry finally looked up from the list.' Lets do Divination. What's the worst thing she can ask us to do?'

A week later Ron and Harry were sitting in the North Tower, in the stifling hot room that was still Professor Trelawney's teaching abode. There were a large mixture of students from all the four houses, and Harry and Ron had not had a class with a few of them before.

' Looks like we weren't the only ones who thought Divination would be a piece of cake,' Ron muttered.

Harry looked around. He had never seen this room so packed, and it still had more people filtering in. He looked up as Malfoy came in with Blaise Zabini and took a seat near the window.

Ron gave Malfoy a look of loathing as he passed by, but it seemed to go unnoticed by the Slytherin. In fact Harry suddenly realised, he hadn't had much contact with Malfoy at all since the new year had started.

Malfoy's threats of '' you're dead Potter,'' at the end of the fifth year, hadn't really amounted to much. If truth be told, Harry now noticed a subtle change in the blond. Maybe the shock of having his father in prison, and spending a long summer without him, had finally made him grow up. Harry knew for certain that the arrested Death Eaters were still in Azkaban awaiting trial. He watched as Malfoy lounged back in his chair talking to Zabini. Malfoy had definitely been more restrained in his ongoing animosity and verbal sparring with the Gryffindor's, which did come as a small surprise- but Harry wasn't complaining. Perhaps Malfoy wanted to keep a low profile this year and he wouldn't be the only one. Harry wanted to get through the sixth year without any nightmarish episodes, if that was at all possible.

The summer had been long and torturous with the Dursleys but not for the same reasons as previous years. They had been icily polite to him due to the Order's request, and had barely spoken to him for the duration of the holidays. Uncle Vernon had stiffly avoided eye contact with Harry as had Dudley. They hadn't asked him to do any household chores either, even though he had offered to help Aunt Petunia. She had given a quick shake of her head and said that it wouldn't be necessary. They seemed frightened to ask him to do anything and Harry had sighed and given up. Aunt Petunia spoke to him in the least amount of words as one could whilst living under the same roof. There were many things that he wanted to ask her, but she deftly avoided any means of conversation with him and he had finally given up in that area too. He found that the days stretched ahead of him with having not much to do. He had pretty much been left to his own devices.

He had seen Mrs Figg a few times and had tea with her, but she always seemed so anxious for him to get home. During the last few weeks of the holidays, he hadn't bothered fishing for an invite - just told her that he was fine whenever he saw her and that all was well. It was what she wanted to hear. He had _hoped_ that he would be able to spend some valuable time with her at least, and learn some more about the Order etc. There was so much about the Wizarding world in general that he didn't know. But Mrs Figg did not seem to be the person to get any type of information from, so he had given up once _again_.

He knew that the Order would prefer him to stay close to home, or better yet, stay inside the house at all times. So he had complied for the most part. At the end of the fifth year, he had been comforted somewhat, that he may be able to go to the Weaselys near the end of the summer. But once he had returned home and had a chance to think things through – he had declined the offer to go to The Burrow for the end of the holidays. As long as he stayed at the Dursleys, he was safe and Voldemort would probably know of his whereabouts. Therefore, Harry would not be risking the whole of the Weasley family by his mere presence. He did not want to put the family, or any of his friends at risk and had made a shoddy excuse saying that he just wanted to hang out at home. He didn't know whether Ron and Hermione had genuinely believed him or not- but they had never questioned him about it.

He had felt trapped in the house and found himself most of the time in the garden during the daylight hours. He could empathise how Sirius had felt when he was locked up in 12 Grimmauld Place. Even though he knew that it was the safest thing for him, it didn't make it any easier or the time less stifling and boring and ever so lonely. However, Harry didn't complain to anyone or express his thoughts. There was no point.

He had kept up a stream of owls to Mad -Eye and Lupin throughout the summer, assuring them that he was ok and everything was fine. As fine as he could be.

He had relived Sirius's death over and over again during the long break. He made a conscious effort to appear normal when he was around people, whilst in private and in the night - the guilt and loss ate away at him like acid. The chasm in his chest grew ever wider and he desperately kept the agony pursed up behind closed lips and dry eyes.

He felt that if he let himself go and grieve over Sirius, he might never stop. He couldn't bear to talk about it to anyone and thankfully nobody asked him to. Ron and Hermione had carefully skirted the issue ever since he had been back to school, and he supposed he was grateful. There were just some things he could not share with them even though they had known Sirius reasonably well.

The day before term had started, Tonks and Lupin had come to collect him and took him to a private ceremony in honour of Sirius. It had been a quick and short service at the Norfolk Broads, attended by Lupin, Dumbledore, Tonks and Harry. The Order thought it unwise to have all the members present at one time. Harry knew that there was no body to be buried, no ashes to be scattered. Just a simple prayer and flowers thrown into the water. He had spent some minutes watching the bunch of flowers separate and drift along to the middle of the river. He hadn't asked any questions as to why and who had decided to have a service for Sirius. He had thought about it often himself, but felt his mind shutter off when he thought to bring it up in the owls he had sent over summer.

He had been returned to the Dursleys after the service and the next day, some of the members of The Advance Guard had come to take him to Kings Cross, much to the horror of his Aunt and Uncle. Seeing 'his kind' twice in two days had proven more than the Dursleys could stand. Harry could almost hear the whole house (as well as the people in it) sigh with relief at his departure.

He snapped out of his thoughts and looked up as Professor Trelawney walked into the room and smiled widely.

' My,' she said, ' I am so pleased by the turn out! So many of you taking my extra credit!'

Ron smothered a snicker,' she thinks she's popular,' he whispered to Harry. 'Little does she know.'

Harry kept quiet and didn't respond. He knew why Dumbledore had kept Professor Trelawney on at Hogwarts, even after Umbridge had given her the sack. Quite possibly she was unaware of the reasons too. But she looked happier than Harry had seen her for a long time and kept busy by doing extra tutorials for those who wanted it. She also took the extra credit classes that Firenze was more than glad to pass over.

She pushed back her enormous glasses and looked around.

'Ok, well this is what we are going to do. I'm going to put you in partners and I will give you three exercises to complete. In the first and second exercise you will be doing Tarot card reading.'

She paused as murmurs passed through the room.

Ron grinned at Harry,' See? Easy option.'

Trelawney beamed and continued, ' the first Tarot reading you will be doing will be of the Past, then Present and finally the Future. The other reading I will leave to you and your partner to decide upon. Write up both findings. To end, we will do some face reading which you only need note down of your partners. You hand these in a week from today. It'll be a lot of fun I assure you,' she smiled.

'It's a doddle,' Ron leaned forward in his chair and whispered to Harry.' I told Hermione to come with us, but she is so stubborn. She won't set foot in Trelawney's classes.'

Harry nodded. Once Hermione had made her mind up, she very rarely backed down.

Professor Trelawney started to look down the sign up sheet and called out the names of whom she was partnering together.

'Weasley and Boot…'

'I'm with Terry,' Ron said picking up his bag and moving to an empty seat next to his partner.

Harry waited for his name to be called out.

'Malfoy and Potter.'

Harry smothered a sigh, what were the odds of that? He glanced over at Malfoy who seemed to have had no reaction at all. He was sprawled back in his chair, making no attempt to move. Harry stayed seated stubbornly for over a minute as Trelawney continued to call out more names. Finally he picked up his bag and got up. Of course I would have to be the one to go to him, he thought. It was too much for Malfoy to pick his arse up off his chair and come to the vacant seat beside Harry. Typical, Harry fumed, as he sat down heavily in the chair where Zabini had been seated, deliberately not looking in Malfoy's direction.

Once every one had been paired up, Professor Trelawney handed out a deck of Tarot cards to each set and a thick musty book.

' The book explains all you need to know about the cards and at the back is a chapter on face reading. The three exercises have to be completed within half an hour. You may start now.'

Malfoy reached for the deck first and drew out the cards. He did a fancy shuffle and pushed the book towards Harry.

' Read what it says Potter and try not to stumble across the words.'

Harry gave the Slytherin a cutting look, as he flipped through the pages. He laid it open and read out the instructions. He saw Ron looking at him concerned and Harry gave him a tight smile of assurance.

'Ahhh is Weasel worried about you being partnered with big bad old me?' Malfoy drawled with a small chuckle, his eyes glittering.

'Shut up,' Harry snapped. 'Lets just get on with it.'

So much for him giving Malfoy a smidgen of credit earlier. Grown up? No, maybe he was just disguising his immaturity a bit more carefully nowadays.

Malfoy laid out the cards face down as the book instructed.

' You can go first Potter,' he gave a tiny smirk.' Lets see what your brilliant future holds for you, that's if you _have_ any future.'

Harry's brows creased. Malfoy had the uncanny ability to say things that often rung true. He wasn't wrong this time either, but Harry didn't want to show Malfoy that for once, he agreed with him on something. Harry slipped out one face down card from the spread out deck.

'Past,' Malfoy said.

Harry chose another.

'Present.'

Harry finally reached for the last card.

'And here lays your gem of a Future.'

Malfoy looked at him coolly. He then leaned forward.

' Right Past,' he said, and picked up the book resting it upon his knees. He turned over Harry's first card with a slender hand.

' The Hermit,' he stated.

His eyes flicked over the pictures and words till he found the right paragraph.

'_The Hermit is a positive card, but lays bare acute loneliness and pain in the past. The advice is to not give up.'_

Malfoy's eyes swept across Harry's face. Harry remained impassive to what had been read out as Malfoy reached out for the second card.

'Ok Present. The Hanged Man.'

He cleared his throat and read out the next reading.

' _This represents much loss, sacrifice and illusions.'_

He stopped for a moment and then carried on.

'_There will be a time soon, for you to get back on your feet, even if you feel powerless. Weakness is not the key here._'

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his chair and Malfoy flicked over the last card.

'The Future. Luvvers!' he raised his eyebrows, ' that will be a change for you….' he turned over the page in the book and read out.

'_You often have doubted your choices in life and have now become insecure. Whatever happens you will always have choices and because of this your life maybe full of changes and different paths._'

Malfoy leaned back casually in his chair, ' well that didn't end too badly Potter.'

Harry remained silent and pulled out his parchment and started to jot down the readings. Malfoy did the same. After a moment, Harry shuffled the cards this time and spread them out on the table. Malfoy slipped out three face down cards and Harry turned over the first one taking the book from Malfoy.

'_Past. The Judgement card. Represents your past as it has been laid out for you, but keep an open mind and know that you still have choices and new possibilities_.'

Harry turned over the second card, ' _the Present, The Chariot. You will soon have everything you need for happiness. Do not deny it. Do not be afraid of change._'

Malfoy smirked, 'looks like my cards are a lot better than yours.'

Harry ignored him and turned over the third card.

'_The Pope. Protection is the key here. No matter what happens, you will always have an angel around you, guarding you from harm.'_

Harry tried not to snort out aloud as he read Malfoy's last reading. That's just classic, crappy irony. Malfoy was going to have an angel watching over him? What's he ever done to have an angel watch over him?

Malfoy gave Harry a mocking grin and wrote down his reading as did Harry.

' I think we should do a Love spread. It's a lot more interesting than money and business etc.'

Harry shrugged, 'whatever.'

He didn't care either way. The Slytherin walked over to Professor Trelawney's desk and picked up a new deck.

Harry went first again. The readings here were shorter. Malfoy flicked over all three cards and read out.

'_Your Present is The Strength card. You will have a new love encounter_.' His eyes flicked over Harry, ' I take it you're single Potter because then I don't need to read out the already in relationship section.'

Harry narrowed his eyes,' yes,' he muttered.

' Thought so,' Malfoy cast an amused look and then read out the second reading.

'_Your potential mate is The Star. Your new love will fulfil you in more ways than you knew. _Finally the Future is The Devil,' Malfoy chortled,

'this is priceless. _You will take great risk in a passionate relationship, which will have repercussions._'

Harry sighed and wrote down the findings again. He shuffled the cards and laid them out. Malfoy picked three cards with his index finger and

Harry turned the first one over.

'Are you single?'

Malfoy gave him an arrogant look,' why tie yourself down?'

Harry read on quickly.

'_The Present is The Hermit. Expect some delay concerning a much wished relationship.'_

He flipped the second card.

'_Your potential mate is The Fool card. You are at risk of wanting what will not come easily, but your desires will come through with your ability and determination.'_

' Ha,' Harry finally gave a satisfied smile turning over the final card, 'looks like you have The Devil as well.'

Malfoy's face fell slightly and he looked bored again.

' You don't need to read it out. Passionate relationship bla bla.'

He started to write it down, ' who believes in all that shit anyway'. It was a statement not a question.

' We don't have that much time left for the face reading,' Malfoy said.

'Well let's do each other at the same time, it'll be quicker.'

Malfoy raised an elegant eyebrow, 'do each other at the same time? Now now Potter easy. I'm not usually one to put out on the first date and frankly I'm not quite sure how we could manage that.' He tutted, ' I always knew you had a strange and depraved mind, you've just confirmed that for me now.'

'What?' Harry looked momentarily confused and Malfoy shook his head.

'Oh shut up,' Harry caught on and looked at him appalled.

Malfoy turned the pages over to the correct chapter.

'_Anyway_,' he drawled,' this should be easy enough. Let's start with hair.'

Draco didn't need to feel Potter's hair to know it was thick. It looked thick and was jet-black, lying messily all over his head. Always messy- the boy hadn't yet learnt the fine skill of using a comb or a brush it would seem. Strangely enough he got away with it. Draco would never admit it to anyone though. The black hair fell quite artfully around his face. His eyes fell to the thin lightning bolt scar on Potter's otherwise flawless face. Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived, kept on living in fact - that must be pissing the Dark Lord off something chronic. That scar was a constant reminder enough, every time your damn gaze fell upon it. Draco blinked, hang on…..flawless? He quickly dropped his eyes to the book and found the hair section reading out what it said.

'_Your hair is a measure of physical insulation and endurance of strength. Thick hair is an indication of your physical prowess and your resilience in life. You have great recuperative powers_, mmm yeah yeah,' he muttered and handed Potter over the book as he wrote that down.

Harry didn't need to feel Malfoy's hair either. It was blond, almost white and lay in silky strands framing his face.

'_If your hair is fine, silky and delicate,'_ Harry paused, ' you are _sensitive_?' he couldn't help the disbelieving tone in his voice.

Malfoy looked up,' what can I say Potter.'

Harry made a face and read on.

'_You are also likely to look fragile physically, especially if you are of slender form._'

Malfoy did have a slender form. He was also tall- about Harry's height, who had had another growth spurt over the summer. Malfoy carried his frame well, Harry admitted reluctantly.

He studied the pale face for a moment, as Malfoy was still writing. He had a slender straight nose and full pink lips. High delicate cheekbones and a small pointed but determined chin. Very good bone structure. Malfoy lifted his face and Harry sat silently studying the colour of his eyes. Grey, silvery almost. They sort of had a metallic sheen to them. With swirls of darker grey laced in between. His eyes glimmered like polished silver and were fringed by fine, slightly darker blond lashes, which matched the colour of his faintly arched brows. He' s so pretty Harry thought with a startled revelation. It wasn't right for a man to be so pretty, and certainly not for a snot like Malfoy. No wonder Malfoy had all those girls clustering around him all the time. Of course you shouldn't be fooled by Malfoy's delicate exterior. He was very strong and lithe, as Harry well knew from Quidditch.

It was bizarre that after six years of being in the same school as Malfoy, Harry had only now looked at his face properly. But to be fair to himself, Malfoy disguised his good looks quite well with that constant irascible expression on his face. It was hard to tell what he looked like when he wasn't sneering and throwing insults around.

Harry quickly looked down at the page.

'_Grey eyes are intelligent with much passion and imagination. Grey eye persons are of a refined class of people with a fastidious streak.'_

'Told you Potter. A refined class of people. Something you will never know.'

He gave Harry a coldly assessing look and Harry said tersely,' well that's in the eyes of the beholder I believe. Depends what you call class.'

Malfoy pursed his lips together tightly and Harry bent his head and scribbled down his findings. He handed over the book to Malfoy.

Malfoy stayed quiet for a second and then exhaled loudly, 'so are you going to take off your glasses or what?'

'My eyes are green,' Harry said simply.

'I know they're bloody green, everyone knows they are green. You can see them a mile away.'

'A mile away?' Harry repeated.

'You want to do this properly or what? Take off your damn glasses,' he snapped.

Harry gave him an indignant look, but did take his frames off and laid them on the table. He looked steadily at Malfoy with a petulant look on his face.

Draco studied Potter's eyes and felt an unexpected shiver of surprise run through him. They glimmered and glowed like cat's eyes. They were so bright, so clear and green, that they actually looked unnatural. The shade was so vibrant. Draco had never seen such a deeply vivid eye colour in all his life, well till Potter had come along, but he had never really _looked_ at them before. They pounced out at you, and there was something odd about them. They looked bottomless and strangely haunting. He had no idea how that sudden thought had entered his mind, but it was true. There was something distinctly disturbing and mesmerising about Potter's eyes.

Draco swallowed hard. He suddenly found himself not being able to look away and it was only till Potter narrowed his eyes suspiciously, that Draco was able to rip his gaze away from the green pools. He had never collided with Potter's eyes in such close proximity before. He'd had safety in distance.

Potter gazed back at him with an impatient expression.

' Finished yet?' he said shaking Draco out of his trance. Professor Trelawney announced that time was up and started to collect the decks and books.

'Yes I'm finished,' Draco retorted sharply and finally tore his eyes away from the Gryffindor.

He hadn't finished actually. Too busy checking Potter's eyes out, he berated himself. He read the paragraph from the book quickly to himself as the other students started to pack away their things.

' _Deep green eyes are highly energised and inventive. You will need time to understand the spontaneous and sometimes wilful mind of a green-eyed person. Men and women of genius often possess this eye colour. You will need to sharpen your intellectual skills with a green-eyed person.'_

He glanced at the rest of the page and hastily wrote it down. Potter had a classic small, straight nose that was ideal. He had well shaped lips and a strong chin, with prominent cheekbones that suggested innocence as well as authority and power. Quite possibly Potter would be very handsome when he grew up, he didn't have such a bad looking face. Potter had no right to be so good looking, Draco thought angrily. He should be really ugly; he deserved to be _really ugly_. Maybe he put some kind of charm on himself to make him look better? Draco rubbed his chin. Perhaps Potter had always been all right looking, but Draco had spent so much time hating him that he had never really looked at him before. But he had now, much to his chagrin.

The dark-haired boy had already thrown his belongings into his bag, and had started to walk out of the room without a backward glance, as Draco collected his things. He watched Potter's retreating figure and still could envision the green eyes burning clearly in his mind.


	2. Noticing What I Already Had

Disclaimer – Miss JK Rowling owns the whole HP universe, I own naught. 

******** 

The next few weeks of January saw an icy frost settle over the grounds. It was bitterly cold and as usual it had decided to snow _after_ Christmas. The highly organised individuals of the sixth year were carefully working their way through their course work. Harry for the first time in his life gave his homework the full attention that he knew he ought to give, for personal reasons unbeknownst to Ron and Hermione. Ron had been surprised by his enthusiastic display and bemoaned it.

Hermione gave him an exasperated look. 

' I'm going to make a plan for you in that homework diary that YOU still haven't used!' she reprimanded him. 'It'll be easier for you. Trust me.'

Ron groaned, ' why bother Herm? You know I'll never stick to it.'

Hermione shook her head,' well will you try?'

' Do I have an incentive?' Ron sidled his arm around her waist and nuzzled her neck. Hermione blushed.

' Well you'll just have to wait and see!' she said pushing Ron away playfully.

'Seriously', she carried on. ' This year is almost as important as next year. We're going to get the bulk of the course work done this term and we had better do well in them. It could have a serious affect on our finals, I'm telling you Ron,' she said purposely.

Ron planted a loud kiss upon her lips, 'O-K', he said. 'I get it.'

Hermione closed her mouth and tried not to smile, giving Ron a critical glance. 

Harry stretched out his arms and got up off his chair. They had been sitting in the Gryffindor common room for a while now and it was nearing dinnertime. He needed any excuse to get away from writing yet another essay. He was getting finger cramp. 

They made their way down the marble staircase and into the Great Hall. Out of the corner of Harry's eye, he saw Malfoy walk in and take a seat in the middle of the long table. Crabbe and Goyle sat down on either side of him. Harry watched as Zabini whispered something into Crabbe's ear, which made his face split open into a wide grin. He got up and swapped seats with her so she was sitting next to Malfoy. The blonde-haired Slytherin looked neither pleased nor displeased with the seating arrangements, and started to load up his plate. It was pretty obvious that Zabini was trying to get his attention. Harry looked away and sat down.  He hated how he always seemed to notice such irrelevant things about Malfoy. Like he cared what was going on with him anyway.

He turned his attention to his food and all thoughts on Malfoy disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. 

********

On the Slytherin table, Draco was eating whilst Blaise was chattering away to him. He wasn't listening, but nonetheless nodded now and again as if he were. He had seen Potter look towards him and even from this distance he could feel his piercing gaze. It was bizarre really. Ever since that ridiculous Divination assignment, Potter had been in his thoughts more than usual. Not because he was spending all that time hating him and thinking up horrid ways to humiliate and insult him. No- it was stupid things like noticing objects that were the exact shade of Potter's eyes. A cover of a book. His Slytherin scarf, the green in his tie. He could see green everywhere. The colour of sparkling emeralds. He chewed and swallowed his food and glanced at a tray stacked with vegetables. Broccoli had that same colour. Leaves that were wet and shiny after a rainfall, shared the same green. At the most strangest times, the Gryffindor's face would swim before his eyes and he was certain that somehow that day, Potter must have cursed him. He must have hexed him or something. Everyone knew Potter was a powerful wizard, who knew what he was capable of. Bastard. 

Draco drank from his goblet. Truthfully he knew that nothing of the kind had happened, but he still liked to lull himself into a falsehood of reassurance. If he thought of it like that, then he wouldn't feel as if he were betraying his whole belief system by having such atrocious thoughts about a certain idiots face. 

Potter was quite obviously the most beautiful looking person in all the school. Well, aside from himself naturally.  It was a bit alarming that he had arrived to that conclusion all on his own. He liked girls. He was attracted to girls. He had never thought of a boy as being good looking or anything of the sort before. But it seemed Potter exceeded gender divisions. Stupid tosser, Draco thought. Even in those geeky glasses he looks ok. He wondered what Potter would look like beaten to a pulp…… wouldn't be so good looking then would he?

 His face burned suddenly and he swallowed in disgust. He loathed Potter and didn't want to spend another minute thinking about him.

Blaise was leaning into him and gave him a brazen look. 

' Want to practise some of your moves Draco?' she purred. 

He studied her face for a moment. She was pretty, very pretty, but that Gryffindor arsehole was better looking. 

' I don't know Blaise,' he said smoothly. ' I'll have to see what your moves are exactly, before I practise mine on yours.' 

She gave him a broad smile and cocked a brow. ' You'll like them trust me.'

'Well,' he said moving his chair back.' We'll just have to wait and see,' and with that he got up and left the table.

Over the next week Draco became keenly aware that he had not been his usual self these two terms. He hadn't come up with a smart remark, or done any malicious activities for a while now. He didn't want the _holier than thou trio_ thinking he had lost this touch. 

He was sure that many of the students had been surprised that he hadn't tried to rip off Potter's head yet. Last year his hatred for Potter had intensified to such an extent, that he had been shaking with anger at the mere sight of him. And on the return journey back from Hogwarts he had seen red and wanted to hurt Potter any way he could. But…  

He felt his cheeks warm – Potter's little friends had seen to it that their precious hero came to no injury.

Draco had fully expected to be lying in wait for the dark-haired Gryffindor come the sixth year, and make him pay for what he had done. But the summer back at the manor had almost stunned him into silence. His mother had maintained a cool indifference to the whole situation at first, which Draco had found slightly alarming. For the first time in so many years, Narcissa Malfoy was left all alone without her husband by her side, without her husband's presence surrounding her, without the assurance of when her husband would return to her – if ever. Alone in the great manor, without any direct means of contact to Lucius other than letters to and from the Ministry Of Magic. 

The little information Draco had accumulated had consisted of was; the Daily Prophet article that had printed the story of the arrests, Dumbledore's brief explanation that had comprised of, ''your father has been taken to Azkaban prison,'' and a short note from his mother confirming that it was all true. Draco had hoped somehow, that Lucius would have managed to break out of prison or be freed by some loophole. But on his return home, the inevitability that his father was staying in prison for the foreseeable future was apparent. 

 Draco had hoped for more answers when he had arrived back, but Narcissa had not been much open to discussion in the beginning. Draco had asked her worriedly of Lucius's health and well being in which his mother had replied, 'the Dementors were no longer responsible for the prison guard, so your father is most probably not being driven insane.'

After a few minutes silence, Draco had asked what was to become of the manor? Narcissa had gazed at him with clear light eyes and said that she was legally bound to the manor and there was no need to worry about the house or any monetary issues. Again the silence as they ate dinner. Draco then asked, would he be returning to Hogwarts?

'Of course,' his mother replied, 'why wouldn't you? Your father's actions are not a reflection on what kind of student you are. Dumbledore will accept you back and you will finish your education as planned.'

 She had looked down for a moment to the table and then said, 'you are safe there Draco. You will not come to harm there.'

 Draco remembered swallowing a sudden lump in his throat as he looked at his mother. 

She smiled at him slightly and said, ' not to worry my darling. He will return, but till then I will take care of things, do not concern yourself.'

But Draco couldn't help but be worried. One night in the Drawing room, his mother had been sitting by the fire and Draco had quietly walked in. Her beautiful face had looked so sad and so alone that his heart wrenched. Her eyes seemed to glimmer with unshed tears and Draco went silently to her and knelt down by her feet, hating the world for making his mother feel like this. Hating Dumbledore, hating Potter. He took her hand in his, and she squeezed it. He laid his head on her lap and she had started to stroke his hair and then spoke in a soft voice.

She had said that she had warned Lucius of the dangers he was putting himself into. That this time round, certain people would be more prepared and that Lucius should not be so foolhardy in any rash and haste actions. That he had a family to think about – a son. But Lucius had assured her that all was well. 

'Thought he was above mere men and their mistakes. So arrogant,' Narcissa said in a dry laugh. Thought he was inexorably resistant to human blunder. 

'Servitude is all very well,' Narcissa continued, 'but it is a failing when you do not stop to realise what repercussions your actions will incur.' 

Narcissa was a fellow counterpart in on going events, but never put herself in the immediate path of danger. Preferring to maintain a veiled veneer that was questionable in her favour. So much in her favour that she had escaped a possible arrest too.

She had then lifted Draco's head and looked into his eyes. 

'Promise me, 'she said,' that you will not mar your skin with something ugly and brand yourself into a claustrophobic coven. There are other ways to believe and fight for a cause without giving away your life. Always remember that you still have to live in this world. Your father has already once been acquitted as a reformed Death Eater. It will be harder the second time round, no?' she said in a bitter voice. 

'He did not need to go that night to the Ministry. There were other Death Eaters that were all too eager to carry out further instructions. We had already given the Dark Lord specific information months before which had proven very useful to him. ' 

She had paused then and shook her head before continuing, 'your father should have told the Dark Lord that he was too valuable a constituent to be risking a possible capture, but your father said that it was his duty to serve the Lord and clear his path.' 

His mother's eyes had a steely glow lightening them as she spoke, 'but Lucius, ' she carried on, 'is a determined and stubborn man once he has made up his mind. I disagreed to his going, but in the end assented to his decision. I can only hope that his time in prison will make him realise what risks are worth taking and what aren't. His duty is not only to the Dark Lord, but to us as well Draco. His failing was not realising this and he got caught. He can blame no one else but himself for this.'

Draco wet his lips and asked that in the article, they hadn't mentioned the recapture of his Aunt Bellatrix. His mother nodded and said that indeed her sister seemed to have escaped somehow, but had not heard from her. The manor was under ministry surveillance twenty four hours a day and his aunt would know better than to contact her. 

'We are going to be fine Draco, you and I,' his mother had said with a small smile. 'I will always love you my darling, my beautiful boy,' she spoke as she hugged him close. 

Draco had held onto her tightly feeling slightly lost and unsure, instead of being wholly comforted by his mother's words. He had never seen this side to her before- had never needed to. Narcissa Malfoy was a strong and beautiful woman who often appeared to be inexpressive and cold. She was neither for those who knew her well and Draco had seen her, more than once, using her feminine wiles on his father. But for most of the summer holidays she wore a stiff determined expression in her eyes and Draco felt a small chill inhabit his body.

And so he had come back to school with a heavy heart, and feeling exhausted - though grateful for the normal school routine that befell him once again. He kept his head low and got on as his mother had said. Dumbledore had called him into his office the first week back and Draco had stood quietly, but defiantly in front of the headmaster. Dumbledore watched him with shrewd eyes and said calmly that he was glad to see Draco back at school and doing well. Draco stared into the blue eyes that were fixed on him, and nodded curtly with a, 'thank you sir.'

Dumbledore had inclined his head and Draco had left the room. 

By the second week, he had got used to the frequent glances shot towards him from students of the other three school houses. He ignored them and acted like he didn't care, and to a fair extent he didn't. He still had the support of his own house as other students were in a similar position to him. Professor Snape's presence was ever reassuring and Draco kept a reasonably unobtrusive profile and immersed himself back into the daily schedule of school life.

He pushed his hair back and shifted his mind away from his thoughts, as he looked around at his fellow Slytherin's now in the common room. He had totally lost track of the conversation. What had they been talking about? Oh right, yes payback. An immature task for sure, but Draco felt a sudden need for it. He mulled over the possibilities quickly.

This coming Saturday, Gryffindor were playing Hufflepuff. It would be quite amusing if he could arrange some sort of disturbance or hinder the play somehow. After all in a trivial sense, he should get Potter back for beating him in the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match before Christmas. Dumbledore had of course revoked Potter's lifelong ban set by Umbridge, and the Gryffindor had come back to the Quidditch team. Secretly Draco was glad. There was no point playing Quidditch if it wasn't to play along side Potter and try and beat him. Playing the game with the absence of Potter held no thrill for Draco. 

He suggested his idea out loud and was met by much approval. 

' That Potter thinks he is so it!' 

Draco sat back and heard various ideas go back and forth. Some of them sounded a bit violent and he calmly interjected that they couldn't do anything so obvious like getting one of Gryffindor team members killed. Something a little less aggressive perhaps. They finally settled on a plan and Draco casually offered to be the one to carry it out.  

He finally got his opportunity on Thursday night. The Gryffindor team had just been practising, and all but one lone figure did not go into the changing rooms - Potter. 

Draco stay hid under the bleacher shadows, as Potter swooped and dived after an imaginary Snitch. Good, Draco thought. The longer the boy zoomed around outside, the more likely the changing rooms would be empty by the time he went in. Draco just needed a minute alone with Potter's broom, providing of course that Potter did not go to the broom-shed first. 

He watched as the other Gryffindor team members eventually left the small building, and made their way through the grounds. The two carrot heads waved at the Seeker, but thankfully walked off with the rest.  Potter was now completely alone.

_Forty_ minutes passed and Draco ran his hand impatiently through his hair. It was freezing cold and his breath was misting before him, as his teeth chattered. Sodding Potter was still looping and gliding through the air. Didn't the prat feel the cold? It's January for God's sake! Winter months? Hello? Draco swore under his breath and walked around to relieve the stiffness from his body. 

_Finally_ he saw Potter land gracefully on the grass and make his way to the showers - with his broom. Draco stayed where he was for a minute and then quietly followed the Gryffindor into the changing rooms. 

He peeked his head in cautiously and then stood just inside the entrance. The main corridor was dark and he could see the beam of light from the shower stalls on the shadowed floor tiles. He walked soundlessly towards the lockers. There was Potter's Firebolt leaning against the bench. He smiled and reached out to grasp it, when he heard the sound of a shower being turned on. His hand froze in action and he looked towards the lit passage that led to the showering area. There was definitely no one around. 

He stood still for a moment, carefully considering his next move. Potter was showering…. 

Knowing Potter, he was probably very hygienic. He just looked like he might be, even with that hair. And that kind of deep cleansing had to take a few minutes in the shower for sure. Draco twitched suddenly as a morbid curiosity overtook him. It wouldn't hurt, would it?

Just 

To 

Take

 A 

Quick 

Peep……. 

Just have a quick look. He felt a strange pull, pit inside his stomach. Actually this might be worth doing. He may see that Potter in fact had a vile and hideous body. And he could get over this strange fascination he had developed with Potter's face. Yes, he resolved. That would be the most logical thing to do, given the circumstances. See if Potter had a disgusting body and use that as precious knowledge for later abuse. Blackmail always came in handy.

Draco carefully tip toed down the passage and ducked his head a fraction around the side. 

There he was. About half way down the white tiled area. With his back to the partition, that Draco stood behind. Draco knew he couldn't be seen from here. He was being such a pervert. Appalling behaviour, he scolded himself, but his eyes, nonetheless, strayed.

His gaze ran slowly over the green-eyed Gryffindor's body and his breath hitched in his throat, as his mouth went dry. He had never seen anything as erotic and arousing as the sight that befell him that very moment. Eewwww – crap, what the hell _was_ he thinking? 

Potter's smooth honeyed skin glistened under the fine rain of water. His back rippled as he washed himself, and the soapsuds slipped as white, bubbled froth, down the contours of his body. Draco's eyes fell to a narrow waist and ……Draco gulped as he feasted his eyes on the raven-haired boy's bottom. 

_I'm  -  sick_…Draco thought _but that is the_ _cutest, finest bottom I've ever seen_. This isn't happening, he told himself. I am not seriously doing this.

Draco felt his cheeks grow warm, as he took in the pair of legs that Potter stepped back on and began to wash his hair. Adolescence had done a fine job on Potter and he had none of that I'm-growing-faster-than-my weight thinggoing on now. At sixteen years of age, his body had caught up quite nicely with his growth spurt, though he still retained a slim frame. Not like that lanky, too – tall, red-haired beanpole, Draco thought spitefully. 

He shook his head and carried on watching. The air around the black haired boy was steamy, and Draco could almost feel the waves of heat from the shower drift towards him. He stood transfixed, not quite feeling the small crick he was getting in his neck. Turn around, he willed Potter. Just a quick look and I'll leave, he promised himself. And turn around he did … 

Draco's mouth fell open. Potter's eyes were closed as he washed the last of the suds from his hair. His neck tilted back as the water cascaded over his face and down his chest. He had a beautifully, lightly toned torso, with a taut flat belly. Draco felt light headed, he wasn't sure if it was from the sudden heat that engulfed him, or the dizzying effect of watching Potter shower. Draco's eyes widened and he forgot to breath, momentarily stunned as his eyes fell lower…

_Oh my god he was_…….Draco thought astonished. _Geez_, Potter was hiding that body under his robes all this time? 

He had a body of a young Greek god for craps sake! Like those Muggle statues! _Damn! _ No imperfections there!! Where and how did Potter get it from? Draco considered, mystified. So much for getting over his fascination. Now he had delightful images of Potter naked! 

_I'm gay_, he thought horrified. I must be. Or you know, he mused; I'm just appreciating the human body in its original form. Urrggh this is Potter!!! He can't be nice looking with a nice body, it didn't fit. It wasn't allowed. I hate him. 

Draco suddenly felt an irrational pang of jealously strike through him. I'm not a pervert, those other Gryffindor's were, they were the perverts; they got to see Potter naked all the time. His thoughts were thankfully interrupted by the sound of the Gryffindor turning off the taps. 

Draco spun quickly on his heels and speedily stepped down the passage. He had reached the lockers when his heel skid and he slipped and fell face down on the tiles with an _OOMPH!_

' Who's there? 'Potter's voice reverberated across the tiled walls as he came closer. 

Suddenly the room lit up with a bright light, illuminating everything. 

SHIT! Draco quickly reached for his wand and saw it laying a few feet away. 

He was still in a heap, as he tried to get up quickly when Potter came up behind him.

'_Malfoy_?' the green-eyed boy looked down in startled bewilderment. ' _What the HELL are you doing here?_'

Draco gingerly picked himself up off the floor. 

'Not admiring the décor I assure you…' he cleared his throat. 

  
'Owww', he suddenly yelped, as he felt a pain shoot through his arm. His right wrist was hurting badly. Crap, he had probably twisted it or something when he NOT so gracefully landed on his face.

Potter's eyes narrowed, '_well_?'

Draco looked the Gryffindor over. He was partly covered now; thank goodness……….but not covered enough….

With a white towel wrapped snugly around his waist, he still had droplets of water glistening on his shoulders and chest. Draco felt his pulse accelerate. Potter's bare eyes looked huge and so bloody green, as they gleamed and sparkled in the light. His jet-black hair was slicked back and Draco felt a maddening surge of passion, as he stood not two feet away from Potter. He felt so pissed off that his body was betraying him in such an unjust and unholy fashion.

Draco took in a gulp of air, which filled his nostrils with the smell of the freshly showered boy. He suddenly realised that it was the same '_smell _' that always emanated from Potter. With awed horror it dawned on him that whenever Potter walked past, Draco breathed in his scent. It was a warm, sweet, clean smell. Comforting, like walking into a shop that sold candies and chocolates and soft marshmallows. Like a childhood memory that never quite went away. It was the indefinable smell that was Potter. Draco had always liked it whenever he caught a whiff. It was highly unsettling seeing the object of that pleasant smell now before him. This annoyingly; repulsive, attractive, detestable being in front of him.

Potter was now gazing at him with an irritated, inquisitive look and Draco quickly jolted out of his stupor and arranged his features in his typical sneer.

'_I'm waiting,'_ Potter snapped, his voice hard. 

'I came to perv on you,' Draco said in a casual voice, his eyes fixed on the Gryffindor's face.

'What?' the green-eyed boy looked at him distrustfully, shaking his head. 'Yeah right,' he passed off derisively. 'I'm going to ask you one more time. What -are -you -doing -_here_?'

Draco rolled his eyes. God, tell the boy the truth and he doesn't believe it.

Draco sighed.

' Ok,' he held his palms up. 'You got me,' he shook his head ruefully.  ' I came into the changing rooms with an unsavoury plan of action. But alas, could not carry it out.' 

His wrist was throbbing now and he held it lightly with his left hand.

' You're such an immature git!' the black haired boy spat out. ' Haven't you got over childish pranks yet?! Of course you would have to play low down and sneaky!'

Oh Potter if only you knew, exactly how low down and sneaky I have been…..

' What did you do?' 

' I haven't,' Draco replied truthfully. 'I didn't do anything. I didn't get a chance to.'

' You liar!' Potter stepped closer.

Draco moved back, his arms lifting in reflex.

'_Arghhh_!' he cried out and sucked in his breath. He winced, and cradled his wrist protectively.

Potter halted and looked down,' have you hurt yourself?'

'No!' Draco snapped.

' Then why are you holding your wrist like that?' He gestured towards Draco's right arm.

'Am not!'

'Are too!' the raven-haired Gryffindor walked over to the bench and put on his glasses, before picking up his wand. 

Draco was still standing rooted to the spot. 

'What are you doing?' he asked Potter suspiciously.

'You're questioning _me_?' Potter looked at him incredulously. ' You've probably sprained it or something. Hold still,' he murmured. 

He muttered something under his breath and conjured a sling around Draco's arm, supporting his right hand up to his elbow. He leaned over it and with a surprisingly gentle hand, adjusted the sling around Draco's neck.  Draco dared not breathe, as he felt the faint tickle of Potter's fingers skim his neck. He was obviously suffering from lack-of-sexual-contact syndrome, because right now - Potter's fingers and breath just barely brushing against his skin, were making Draco want to purr like a sodding damn cat. Meow. He could actually feel the hair rise on the back of his neck. _I hate you so much, this isn't fair._

' You should get to Madam Pomfrey.' Potter looked deep into his eyes for a split second.  'She'll heal that in a minute.'

Draco looked at him and quietly said, 'thanks,' without meaning to.

'Don't thank me!' Potter's voice rose an octave and his eyes flashed furiously.

'Ok,' Draco said simply.

' You're a right scumbag,' Harry finished softly.

Draco bit a small surprising smile back. 'All right, all right. I'm a scumbag. I'm going already.' 

He bent down to retrieve his wand with his good hand and walked out.

His lips curved, as he came outside. That was pretty decent of Potter to do that. Typical because he was so virtuous with all his goodness, but all the same……… He was kind of sexy, IRRITATINGLY and hatefully sexy, nauseatingly and atrociously so.

He reached the Entrance Hall and ran lightly up to the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey did indeed fix it in a jiffy. 

A few minutes later, Draco made his way back down towards his common room, and Blaise pounced on him as soon as he came through.

' Well?' she asked her eyes sparkling. ' Did you do it?'

He gracefully fell into an armchair and stretched out his long legs.

'Not exactly. There were too many of them in there and I couldn't get it alone.' He shrugged. 'Then I slipped and twisted my wrist. Madam Pomfrey just healed it.'

'Awwww,' Blaise crooned,' you poor baby.' 

Draco gave her a woeful look as she sat on the armrest next to him and bent down and smiled. 'Want me to kiss it better?' 

_Ick_…. Draco patted her leg,' no it's ok.'

Crabbe smiled dimly,' we'll get him next time Draco.' 

Draco nodded, ' yeah we will. Till next time.'


	3. It Begins

Disclaimer – Miss JK Rowling owns the whole HP universe, I own naught. 

********  

Draco found his mind wandering, as he sat in Arithmancy on Friday morning. They were going over the last few chapters in the textbook and he stifled a bored yawn. He knew it well. He was very good at the subject and had already read the book; furthermore, also knowing what his course work hypothesis was going to be. He looked over the pages pretending to be listening. He could see Granger's back sitting in front of him. He felt like throwing something at her. Make her squeal. She was so annoying, and had become even more righteous in her Prefect duties in the sixth year. She wasn't the _only_ Prefect, he sneered fingering his badge idly.

She knew every answer every time and often gave Draco an infuriated look when he beat her to it. Again, she wasn't the _only_ one who excelled at Arithmancy. 

He thought back to Potter from last night. He still couldn't believe he had perved on him. Couldn't get the image of his naked body out of his mind. He wondered if the green-eyed Gryffindor had told anyone about what had happened. For some reason he didn't think he had. 

He suddenly felt a swoop of anger ignite in his body. What on earth was he playing at? This was Potter! His sworn enemy. The boy who had blabbed to the papers revealing that his father was a Death Eater. _I hate him, I do_, and Draco felt wronged by his own mind. I shouldn't even be thinking about him.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Still, ok, it was just a physical attraction clearly. He'd been ogling Potter's assets is all. He didn't _like_ him or anything. He hated him with a vengeance, truly. He was a grotesque, tragic, little, _misunderstood_ hero. _Poncy, Muggle-loving git_. That was better. He let out a deep breath. He needed to rile himself up and hopefully this sexual bit phase would pass.

He felt a surge of shame pass through him. He had seen Potter naked without him knowing it, and spying on even a Gryffindor in that way - it was a low thing to do, nothing to be proud of. Draco quickly dismissed the disturbing mental pictures. The sooner he forgot about the incident the better.

******

Harry walked down to the library. He was going to try and do some research for his Transfiguration essay. If he could get all his course work finished by the first week of February, then he could concentrate more on reading and learning spells and such for himself. Ron had been horrified at the amount of study Harry had been doing, though Hermione commended it. He also had an Occlumency lesson with Snape in a few hours and wanted to be well prepared for it.

After having a few short words with Dumbledore at the beginning of the first term, the headmaster had urged him to go to Snape and make amends, so that Harry may continue his Occlumency lessons with the Potions master. He had swallowed his pride and anger and approached Professor Snape, hating the satisfied, smug look that had appeared in the dark, cold eyes. Harry asked him to re-consider teaching him again. After a few seconds pause, Snape had given a brief nod and spat out the time and place. And so it had gone on from there. 

Harry hadn't forgotten the Pensieve incident and he was sure that neither had Snape. He was both gruff and snappish with Harry in all accounts, but Harry reaffirmed that there was no choice in the matter. These lessons were a necessity for him. He couldn't risk anyone getting hurt, leading his friends to danger again, or some one else getting killed. 

He had tried to practise over the holidays too, and had only felt his scar twinge now and again. He hoped that he had learned to close his mind somewhat to Voldemort, as he had had no further visions. He wasn't quite sure what that meant, as there hadn't been any signs of Voldemort's whereabouts since last summer, which was nor a good thing or a bad thing. 

Nonetheless, after three lessons in the first term, Snape had informed him that they could drop down to one lesson per week from now on till the end of year. Harry took that as a sign that Snape, or perhaps Dumbledore, was pleased with his progress. 

He closed his eyes briefly to the sudden stab of pain in his chest. He had learnt to close his mind way too late for it to make a difference to Sirius. He had let Sirius down in the most awful way and Harry would live with that guilt for the rest of his life.

He let out a deep breath and walked into the library.  On a side note, Snape had looked quite disgusted when several of the Gryffindor's had returned this year to be taking his Potions class for their NEWTs. He had hoped, Harry was sure, that he would never have to teach them ever again. Now Snape had Harry not only for Occlumency but also for the next two years. Harry could assure Snape that he too was not thrilled at the prospect of spending even more time in the other's company. But there were just some things that had to be done  - whether you like it or not.

He walked past the shelves and saw Madam Pince arranging the books with her wand as he came past. He browsed through the bookcases, finally taking down one that was for reference purposes only. He walked to the far end, up the stairs and around the corner. The library was full, but not many people realised that there was a desk tucked away in a corner behind a huge bookcase. That was where he sat with Ron and Hermione and it was usually empty. Unfortunately it wasn't today. He saw some textbooks laid out on the table, but the library was crowded. He sat down on an empty chair and plonked down the book and pulled out his parchment and quill. 

He began to make some notes and a few minutes passed when a shadow fell over him.

'Potter,' came Malfoy's slow drawl.

Harry tutted in irritation, ' what are you doing here?'

The Slytherin seated himself behind the table on the opposite end. 

'Well this is the library. Not solely owned by Gryffindor's only. It is to be used by _ALL_ students,' he stressed slowly and clearly as if Harry was hard of hearing.

Harry felt himself bristle with anger, 'yeah but why here? This table? Of all the tables you could have picked?'

Malfoy raised a brow, ' because I have psychic abilities and knew it would annoy the hell out of you.'

Harry glowered at him and Malfoy rolled his eyes, ' what? I didn't know this was your much loved, top-secret seating area.' 

He paused,' In fact I sit here a lot. I was here first and if anyone should move it should be _you_,' he cast Harry an amused look.

'I'm not moving anywhere,' Harry replied stubbornly.

'Neither am I,' Malfoy returned smoothly. 

'Fine,' Harry said.

'Touché, ' Malfoy's silver eyes sparkled at him. 

They bent their heads towards their books and continued in silence. Five minutes passed and Harry could feel Malfoy's stare. 

' What?' he spat out.

' Nothing,' Malfoy gave him an innocent look.

Harry's eyes narrowed and he made a hateful face at the Slytherin. Malfoy reciprocated the same look back and Harry took a deep breath and dipped his dark head back down.

Malfoy started to turn the pages of an exceptionally old looking book. The pages were stiff and crackled with a loud, crisp, crunching sound. He kept turning them and it was fraying on Harry's nerves. Harry finally lifted his head. 

' You're just doing that to _annoy_ me! I'm not moving!' he hissed in fury.

' You think a lot of yourself Potter, all the attention got to your head again?'

Harry didn't answer back and clenched his jaw, turning back to his text. The silence fell between them again and Harry tried to concentrate. He had to get at least some notes written down. One chapter and then he would go. He glanced up at the same time as Malfoy and gave him an irritated look, before averting his eyes away.  He wrote down a paragraph and could still feel the hot gaze of the blond sitting opposite him. 

Harry looked up and met the polished, silver orbs straight on.

' That's it,' he shot out. 'What is it?'

' Nothing.'

Harry watched him steadily.' You've done something haven't you?'

Malfoy eyes widened a fraction,' have I?'

' Don't play games!' Harry whispered angrily. 'Last night, you did do something didn't you? Tell me! You know that I've got the game tomorrow.'

Malfoy chuckled softly, ' well if I tell you that Potter, it negates the whole purpose of pulling any kind of prank on you now doesn't it?'

Harry shot him a furious glare,' you're such a creep!'

The Slytherin seemed to be enjoying this strange repartee, 'now I never said I went through with it did I? It's not my fault you have such a distrustful nature?'

Harry seethed in a low voice,' _distrustful nature_? It's you!'

' Easy Potter,' Malfoy said silkily, ' no need to get insulting. You'll hurt my feelings.' 

He gave Harry an injured look.

'Why are you acting like that?' Harry asked infuriated. He wanted to grab Malfoy and give him a good battering.

'Like what?' Malfoy gazed at Harry's eyes unblinking.

'Different, like this. You're being,' Harry searched for words,' weird.'

'Weird?' Malfoy repeated in a scandalized voice.

'Yes!' Harry spat out heatedly. ' You owe me for that stupid sling I cast on you yesterday. Now tell me!' Harry's eyes burned with an indignant fire. 

Malfoy leaned back casually, his face composed in a relaxed and calm expression. ' I knew one day you would throw that back at me, didn't think it would be so soon though,' he said in a woeful tone.

Harry watched him with a mixture of disbelief and raging fury. He was having a laugh right? Malfoy leaned forward, his slender fingers steepled together as he rested his elbows on the table. 

'Look Potter you'll just have to take my word for it. I didn't do anything.' He looked intently at Harry,' yes my intentions were bad, but I didn't carry it through. I fell, you saw, I left, end of story. Really, you need to learn to relax more, so uptight all the time – you'll give yourself a nosebleed.'

'Are you still talking?' Harry gave him an amazed look.

' It would appear so wouldn't it? See my mouth moving? And before you come out with '' I'm not listening'' save yourself the trouble, because that's bullshit. People who say that, actually always are in fact listening.'

Harry looked flabbergasted and let out a small puff of air.

Malfoy smirked knowingly,' you're thinking of something to say aren't you? Well do yourself a favour and don't burn out the few brain cells you have. You'll be needing them one day I'm sure.'

Harry stood up and gathered his things,' you're unbelievable.' He shook his head, 'if anything happens tomorrow I'll know it's you,' and giving the blond Slytherin a hard glare, he picked up his bag and walked away. 

******

Saturday morning, Draco awoke earlier than usual. His covers had slid down the bed and he shivered slightly in the cold morning draft, which seeped through the Slytherin dormitories in the winter months. He pulled his blankets up back around him and turned on his side, gazing at the green curtains that hung around his four-poster bed. 

The colour of Potter's eyes. 

He cursed himself for that unexpected thought. _Get over it_. He sighed deeply and buried himself further into the warmth of his covers_. I hate him._ Since when had Draco been a sucker for a beautiful face? What was this new inclination he had towards Potter, which was making him act awry? Potter was the same boy he had known all these damn years. The same boy who had refused Draco's friendship that first year. The same boy who had punched him in the fifth year. The same boy who had humiliated him at the end of last year, and countless other times. 

Potter.

 You're a Malfoy, he repeated to himself. I'm still a Malfoy. It was his mantra. And Malfoy's don't act like this, especially over boys and even less so with boys called _Harry damn sodding Potter_. He threw back his covers in disgust and got out of bed. It was barely eight am. Great, he thought irritably. 

He walked silently to the door and went towards the toilets. 

It was a quarter to nine, when he went into the Great Hall for breakfast. The tables were half empty at this time of morning. It was Saturday, people enjoyed lazing around – like he should be doing. He sat down and his owl swooped over him, throwing him a package. He caught it and opened it up. It was a letter from his mother, informing him that she was fine and all was well, and had come back from a trip to France. So she had been allowed to leave the country it would seem, he acknowledged. He started to eat his breakfast, when from the corner of his eye, he saw Potter come through the doors. He purposely didn't look up and carried on staring fixedly at the letter.

A few of the other, snivelling Gryffindor's joined the messy-haired boy. The table rang with laughter and animated conversation. The game was at one pm. _It must be all the excitement_, Draco thought scornfully. Stupid Gryffindor's thought they were so great. _We're so unbeatable_!! Yeah right they were! Just because of bloody Potter. They wouldn't be so confident if the black-haired boy wasn't playing, Draco knew this for certain.

Weasley was grinning from ear to ear about something and Draco shuddered. How Johnson had put that bumbling buffoon onto the team, Draco would never know. She must have been really desperate. It was an insult to all Quidditch players in fact. Draco felt instant nausea when it came to Ron Weasley. He was like a Neanderthal, dragging his knuckles across the ground when he walked. That frizzy –haired- know -it -all girlfriend of his, had dared to imply in the second year, that Draco had got onto the team just because his father had made a generous contribution. But actually Draco was a good player; he was a good flier. 

And horrors to end all horrors was when, _Weasley _had been made _Captain_!!!  Mcgonagall clearly had not recovered from her injuries, which she had suffered in the fifth year. It was so obvious that Potter should have been made Captain, but rumour had it, that he had been offered but declined – much to everyone's astonishment. Therefore, _Weasley, _being the next most experienced player, after Potter, had taken over the role. _And_ he was Prefect, with a Prefect girlfriend. Life couldn't get better for the pillock could it? He must be loving it, all that responsibility, making him feel oh so self-important? It was a hard contest for Draco to decide who pissed him off more, Potter or Weasley? Though looking at them now, Weasley seemed to come first in that particular race.

And that bitch of a sister of his was also on the team. Her and her fucking Bogey hexes. Draco would get her back one day, and watch her face as he got his sweet revenge, _just you wait, you cow,_ he thought. The Gryffindor team couldn't do without its ginger-nut brigade. It was a pity 'Weasley is our King' was no longer applicable. Much to Draco's deepest disgust, Weasel had improved as Keeper. It was all so hateful and unfair.

Draco felt his appetite diminish rapidly and swallowed his last piece of toast. He got up off his chair swiftly and flounced through the hall. 

He went back into the common room and did some reading. The time passed slowly and he breathed a sigh of relief when it was lunchtime. Blaise hooked her arm through his possessively as they made their way out. He nonchalantly moved it away and ignored the look of hurt in her eyes. Pansy Parkinson glared at Blaise and Draco walked past both girls. Let them stare it out, he didn't care much for either of them.

As he walked into the Great Hall again, he caught Potter's eye and gave him a mocking sneer. Potter's eyes glinted narrowly, his face etched with mistrust. Let him think that something was up, Draco thought. It was highly amusing to keep Potter guessing. Keep him on his little toes.

After lunch, the crowds of students filtered into the stands. As a Slytherin player, Draco felt it was his responsibility to watch the other teams play. Not because he wanted to steal their tactics, but to see what team member posed a threat and who had weaknesses that he could exploit. He saw the gold and red colours of the Gryffindor flags sway lightly in the wind. 

Everyone seemed to be seated and the usual succession began. The two teams flew out of their corners and hovered above the stadium. Madam Hooch on her count blew the whistle, and the Quaffle was released. A Ravenclaw boy had been made new commentator, replacing the vacancy of the ever-biased Lee Jordan. Draco had been exceedingly fed-up of Jordan praising his stupid team every three seconds over the last five years. It had been about time they got a commentator from another house.

He fixed his eyes on Potter as the players started to manoeuvre around the stadium. Draco knew that he was good in the air, swift, and precise. However, Potter was an exceptional flier. Even though Draco was very comfortable in the air, he was still aware that he was sitting on a broom and that he could possibly fall off it, if he wasn't too careful. But the green-eyed Gryffindor seemed to be as one with his broom. He flied with a natural ease and grace as if he had wings. He soared and sliced through the air in a way that was fascinating to watch. He was so fast he appeared as a blur and his instincts were quick as lightning. Draco could see him playing professionally when he got older, that was assuming Potter lived to see his twenties. At the ripe old age of sixteen, how many times had Potter nearly died?

Gryffindor scored the first goal that was followed by an exuberant whoop from the red and gold coloured crowd. Draco settled back and watched the play unfold. If Potter hadn't been playing, the teams would be evenly matched in regards to the other players. 

'And Hufflepuff have the Quaffle and…they score! Ten points for Hufflepuff!'

There were groans from the Lions and excited yells from the Badgers. 

Potter was soaring high in the air looking around the playing field. He had that fiercely determined expression on his face, which he always had when he played Quidditch. 

It was about half an hour into the game and Gryffindor were leading 60 - 50. Suddenly, Potter plunged into a nosedive from a near eighty-foot drop and was speeding down towards the ground. Draco's eyes shifted quickly to where Potter was aiming and saw the Snitch barely inches above the grass. He was going to crash headfirst surely? It was like those Muggle machines he had seen once, the ones that drilled ferociously into the ground. That was what Potter looked like, as he hurtled downwards in a blurred spiral towards the Snitch. The Hufflepuff Seeker didn't stand a chance and Potter reached out and grabbed the gold-winged bird. He wrenched his Firebolt upwards, scarcely seconds from the ground and soared up mid-air.

'Potter catches the Snitch!!! Gryffindor win!!!'

A burst of cheers filled the stadium and Draco kept his eyes on the dark-haired boy. Weasley was jumping up and down in delight accompanied by the other team members. Potter was smiling, but Draco noticed something off in Potter's expression. Winning a Quidditch match was no longer high on Potter's list of priorities it would seem….

Later that evening Draco saw Potter walking alone towards the Great Hall. He hesitated for a second and then caught up with the Gryffindor easily. 

'Told you to take my word for it Potter.'

'Excuse me while I remind you that your word doesn't count for much,' Potter gave him a harsh look. 

Draco narrowed his eyes, ' what's wrong Potter? Wallowing in self-pity again?'

The Gryffindor met his eyes in a cold gaze,' I think I've wasted enough time acknowledging your existence,' and with that he walked past Draco into the hall.

Draco stood stock still for a moment, feeling a burning sense of humiliation seep over him. How dare Potter speak to him like that? How dare he? Like Draco wasn't deserving of even a comment? Who the hell did he think he was anyway? 

Draco gritted his teeth and took in a deep breath before joining the other Slytherin's.


	4. The Dance

Disclaimer – Miss JK Rowling owns the whole HP universe, I own naught. 

******* 

Over the next week or so, it seemed that Malfoy was going out of his way, to be as obnoxious and vile as possible. It appeared as if his unbridled hatred for Harry and his friends had risen again noticeably. One afternoon, he pushed Ron aggressively out of the way, as he was walking down the corridor. Ron looked after him furiously and yelled,' you tosser Malfoy!' which provoked the Slytherin to casually turn back and say nastily, 'I didn't realise rubbish could talk.'

'What the fuck is his problem?' Ron said furiously, his face red with anger. He had his hand gripped tightly around his wand and Hermione laid a calming hand on his arm. 

'Ron leave it, he is just doing it to aggravate you. Don't play into his hands.'

Harry watched the scene with a small frown on his face. Things seemed to have got a lot worse since the day of the match. As if Malfoy was making up for all the months he had kept a reasonably low profile. Harry looked after the blond, as he strode down the passage, and felt perplexed. He was probably imagining it, but it almost seemed as if Malfoy, had been offended by the way Harry had talked to him after the game. And his oncoming behaviour was in retaliation of that. 

Strange if that was the reason, why should Malfoy care how Harry had spoken to him? They had spoken to each other like that for years. Harry paid it no more thought and put it out of his mind.

At the end of the first week of February, Harry had finished all his coursework. However, he still hit the books with alarming regularity and Ron again questioned Harry's sudden bookish fever.

Harry said he wanted to do well again, and Ron had pursed his lips, giving him a sceptical gaze. He had said that he didn't mean to offend Harry at all – but…… he was made Quidditch captain – only after Harry had declined. He was more than happy to be asked and had accepted it, in spite of his Prefect duties. He also had a girlfriend AND was doing the same subjects as Harry. Frankly speaking, he seemed to have much more on his plate than Harry had this year. Harry had also not chosen to continue with the DA meetings, and Hermione had left Harry's decision uncontested. So really, what was the deal with all the books and the constant studying? What gives Harry? He had asked straight up.

Harry had not known how to answer. He supposed his behaviour may seem strange to Ron and Hermione, but honestly, he really couldn't offer them any kind of explanation that he would want to give them.  Ron had looked at him suspiciously and Hermione had been concerned. She had asked him if anything were bothering him? Harry had said that he was fine and just wanted to take a back seat this year, no other mystery about it. That did seem to mollify her and she had looked at him sympathetically and squeezed his arm. Harry knew that she was thinking about Sirius then. He didn't say anything and surely enough Ron stopped with the questions and let Harry get on with his 'studies'.

The next week, the school was giving a Valentines Day party for the fifth years and above on Saturday night. Apparently it was to relax and revive the spirits of the hard working students. 

Harry, however, hated the thought of going to another dance, let alone having another Valentine Day fiasco. The last dance he had been to was the Yule ball in the fourth year, and that had been painful enough. Last years Valentines Day hadn't exactly gone swimmingly well with Cho either, and so the combination of two such uncomfortable memories made it all the more worse for Harry. 

Cho now in her final year, was still with Michael Corner – to many people's surprise. No doubt she would be appearing at the dance with him as her date. Not that Harry minded. He was glad that she had found someone on her own wavelength. Glad that she seemed secure and comfortable enough to be in a committed relationship. Harry and her had clearly been wrong for one another, or perhaps the timing was off Harry thought. Not that it mattered anymore. 

A few days before the party, he made his way down to the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom. He had just turned the corner when he saw Malfoy. The Slytherin's tall, elegant frame was leaning casually against the wall with his arms crossed. His eyes were closed and his head was resting back. The door of an empty classroom was open, and he seemed to be waiting for someone. His bag was down by his feet on the floor. 

Harry was struck by the sudden innocence, and dare he say it, vulnerability on the Slytherin's face. He looked remarkably peaceful and young with his eyes closed. For someone who spent most of their time snapping and snarling, Malfoy looked strangely endearing right now. Harry felt a small, strange tingle dart through his body and gave a confused shudder.

As if Malfoy felt Harry's gaze upon him, his eyes snapped open. He saw Harry standing there and straightened up to his full height. His slate, grey eyes hardening like stone, giving Harry a seething look of contempt. 

' What the _hell_ are you looking at?' he spat out.

Harry shook his head, ' nothing.'

'Yeah?' Malfoy said scornfully, ' sure you're not thinking about what your next story is going to be for the Quibbler? Any more heroics that you have done since you've been back? Anything else you would like to share with the Wizarding world community? Any other delicious secrets you can't help spilling from your great big fat mouth?'

Harry looked at him and then said evenly, ' everything I said in that interview was true, and you know it.'

Malfoy threw him a foul look, ' you just can't stand it, that's all,' he ground out, his teeth clenched. 'You don't have any parents, so you have the need to take away other people's!' 

They glared at each other now and Harry watched as a pink tinge smarted Malfoy's pale cheeks.

' Yes that's why did it,' Harry said quietly.

Malfoy glowered at him and Harry gave a small shrug, ' if you believe that Malfoy, then you are a bigger fool than I think you are.'

'Get lost Potter, you're so fucked up, I hope you rot.'

Harry watched as Malfoy swooped up his bag and walked into the classroom. Harry stood for a moment in the empty corridor, thinking over Malfoy's words. He sighed and carried on towards his destination.

Later on, back in the Gryffindor common room, Ron came and fell into an armchair next to Harry. 

'So Harry got a date yet?' Ron asked cheerfully. 

' Nope, no date,' Harry replied.

Ron gave him a remorseful look, 'I bet you could get _someone_ to go with ya mate?'

Harry shrugged,' I don't mind, I think I prefer going alone. I can go stag.'

Ginny was speaking to Hermione, as they walked over to the boys. 

' I can never ever wear red but Dean quite likes it so I'm going to try.'

Ron started, ' what? You're going to the dance with Dean, Ginny?'

Ginny nodded and sank into a chair opposite Harry.

'But, but….. are you sure you're not going out with him?'

Ginny looked bored, ' stop it Ron, we are just friends and we're going together, that's all. Why do you think I'm obsessed in finding a boyfriend all the time?'

' I do not,' Ron said indignantly.' What I was meaning to say _was_, that if you were thinking of going to the dance with someone as a friend then…. you know…Harry isn't going with anyone,' he nodded slightly towards Harry. 

Harry tried to look like he didn't understand Ron's open innuendo. Ginny just rolled her eyes and met Harry's, smothering a smile. Harry wished that Ron would understand that Ginny was not interested in him _that way_, and nor was Harry interested in her _that way_ – the only person who indeed DID seem interested in them _that way_ was Ron himself. 

Harry had always thought, that surely it would be awkward if he had started to date his best friends little sister. Ron must know that, and Harry found it amusing that he still tried to drop hints to Harry and Ginny about them possibly going out with another. Very bizarre. 

Hermione turned Ron's attention away from Ginny and Ginny leant near to Harry and said, ' so are you still being bachelor boy then?' she asked with a grin.

' I guess,' he said simply with a small smile. She nodded and then said conversationally, 'Luna asked Neville to the dance. Just now in the corridor, it was quite funny.'

' Did he say yes?' asked Hermione who had overhead Ginny's comment.

'Yeah he did.'

Ginny looked towards Harry again, ' don't worry, we'll make sure you have a good time.'

' I'm sure I'll be fine,' he said.

Honestly, it wasn't a big deal that he hadn't got a date, even though he appeared to be the only one who hadn't.

*********

On the night of the dance, a few hours before, Blaise sneaked up into the boy's dormitories and into Draco's room. 

'Hello,' she said seductively, sidling up to him. 

He smiled easily and moved away. 'Shouldn't you be getting ready?'

Blaise sat on his bed. ' I came to see what colour top you're wearing. I want to wear matching accessories to complement you.'

Draco responded with an, ' Oh….. well I'm wearing a grey shirt.'

Blaise lay on his bed and propped herself up on her elbow. With her free hand she ran it lightly up and down Draco's covers.

' Want to have some one on one action?' she winked at him enticingly, but he stayed back, eyeing her doubtfully. She was rather forward in her manner…..what had _she_ got up to last summer?

He reached down and took her hand, pulling her up,' don't want to over exert yourself for tonight now do you?' 

She smiled and her head nuzzled his shoulder.' Draco....' she murmured and he gently but firmly pushed her away. 

' Go on off with you. See you later.' He gave her an exaggerated wave and she giggled and walked out. 

He sighed and looked out of the window. He'd only gone with her because frankly she was easily the prettiest girl he knew. She had sent him a Valentine's card and he knew that Pansy had also, although she hadn't signed her name. Honestly he wasn't interested in either girl, but he looked good with Blaise and needed a date for the dance. Pansy had looked upset that he hadn't asked her and shot daggers at Blaise. 

He suddenly thought of Potter. Wonder who he was going with? Draco had seen the amount of mail the green-eyed Gryffindor had received yesterday. He certainly would have the pick of the bunch.

*********

The dance started at eight after dinner. After spending an hour getting dressed, many of the Gryffindor sixth years were ready to go down. Hermione had had a great time putting in wizard's gel in Ron and Harry's hair. Harry was surprised that someone had got his hair to do anything other than lay about in disarray. He had looked in the mirror after she finished. It didn't look bad and he thanked her.

The Great Hall was decorated with fairy lights suspended near the moonlit ceiling. Red velvet chairs, with flower centrepieces decorated the tables. 

They chose a large one and sat down. Luna wandered over to the table, fanning herself with a small feather.

'Hello all,' she said gaily, as she perched herself on the side of the table.

They all smiled back at her and Luna looked around at them.

' Shall we dance then?' she offered her arm to Neville, who looked slightly panic stricken.

' There's no one else dancing yet Luna. The dance floor is empty,' he mumbled.

' Someone has to start Neville,' Luna replied, reaching out for Neville's arm,' might as well be us.'

Ginny grinned broadly as Neville got up.

Neville stood woodenly at the edge of the dance floor, as Luna walked into the middle of the floor and started to wave her arms around in tune to the music. She danced completely alone to the first few songs and Harry had to give her credit for her courage. He would never have dared to do such a thing. He was an appalling dancer; at least Luna could dance though. Finally, two couples joined her and Neville gave in and moved further in from the sidelines and began to dance too.

Hermione looked at Luna wonderingly, ' I wonder if she notices that people think she is a little ummmm……you know….' Hermione couldn't come up with a polite term so trailed off.

Ron shrugged, ' she is a bit..' he gave two, short, sharp whistles and Hermione gave a little nod.

' I don't think she is,' Harry said and he felt all the eyes on the table turn to him.

' I mean she isn't mad or anything, she is just different. I like her,' he smiled.

'_Okay_,' Ron said. 

A moment's silence followed and then Ginny got up and reached for Dean's hand, ' come on lets see your dancing feet.'

He nodded and followed her into the small crowd. Seamus and Parvati braved the music too and Hermione happily tapped her foot along with the music.

Harry cleared his throat, ' I might get a drink, do any of you want one?'

Ron shook his head, ' no thanks,' and Harry got up and walked over to the buffet table. 

He poured himself a drink and started to sip it, when he saw Cho come in with Michael. He turned quickly looking the other way. Gut reaction he figured. Cho and him had not talked to one another at all, except when they had exchanged awkward greetings at the start of the first term. With no further DA meetings, his contact with Cho was very minimal indeed.

The dance progressed and Harry watched people dancing as he sat eating and drinking. He did feel a little strange sitting around alone in the huge hall, even though his friends were making an effort to keep him included. Once again that strange feeling of being a burden or something liking to it, settled inside him. He had felt like this over Christmas just past. He had obviously stayed at Hogwarts for the holidays and Ron and Hermione had informed him that they were too. He had tried to protest and say that they should be with their families, but they had told him to stop being silly. 

Mrs Weasley had asked him to spend Christmas at The Burrow again, but he had felt himself knot up and had politely refused. He wished that Ron and Hermione would have left him alone at school, but they hadn't. All through the festive period, he'd had that uneasy feeling that he was putting them out and being an unnecessary weight on them. They had done it out of friendship and loyalty, he knew that, and was grateful for it. He was touched that they cared so much about him, that they were willing to spend_ yet another _Christmas with him at school. But he was beginning to have that gradual feeling of having no one and nothing to where he belonged. He hadn't felt like this with Sirius - Sirius had been 'his', he had been his 'Godfather' and now Harry had no one. That's what it felt like anyhow, and he felt ashamed to be feeling so sorry for himself.

He puffed out a hollow breath and continued to 'enjoy the dance'.

A half an hour later, Luna walked over to him and touched his hand.

' You are going to dance to at least one song.'

He began to say no, but she gripped his elbow and led him onto the floor, ignoring his words of protest.

' I can't dance Luna,' he said, as he looked around feeling self-conscious.

'It's easy,' she assured him leading him into the centre of the dance floor. ' Besides this is a slow tune, you don't have to move around a lot.'

She placed her hands on his shoulders, her elbows resting against his chest. He held her loosely around the waist and she closed her eyes.

' Feel the music and just sway,' she said vaguely. Her eyes opened, ' go on, close your eyes.'

He licked his lips before closing his eyes, feeling like a prat.

'Sway,' she said and after a few moments said, ' see? You're dancing. Not bad. I saw you at the ball, you weren't awful.'

He opened his eyes and looked down into her face with a, 'thanks.'

She was gazing at him with a tranquil, child like expression. There was something quite touching and engaging about Luna he had discovered. She seemed not to take to heart any criticism or snide comments people threw her way. She shook their insults off and carried on with whatever she was doing - Harry admired her for that. He felt oddly protective of her also.

' You look quite nice you know,' she said in an even tone.

'Thanks, so do you,' and he meant it.

They danced their way through the song and she gave him a small smile as they walked off back to the table.

********

On the other side of the hall, Draco was trying to stop Blaise from draping herself all over him. He had avoided kissing her so far, he figured he would have to make out with her at some point and get it over and done with. At least she'd be happy then. But he wasn't going to have sex with her. He just didn't feel like it. She looked fantastic though in black satin robes. She had accessorised with silver earrings and bangles. Draco was wearing black trousers and a steel grey shirt, which hugged his chest, with a silver cape. He knew he looked good; he didn't need anyone telling him that. 

His eyes drifted over the tables, finally resting on Potter's. It was strange, but it seemed like Potter had come alone. The youngest Weasel that had once thought the sun shone out of Potter's arse, now seemed to be quite over him. She no longer made those sickening goo goo eyes in his direction, that she had been doing some years ago. Draco had just observed the dance that Potter had shared with Luna-tic. She had come with Longbottom though, Draco was certain of that. So why had she danced with Potter? He thought unexpectedly, feeling irritable. Hold on, what do I care? Him even bothering to notice didn't make any sense at all. He felt a strange, unsettling feeling arise in his belly. He ignored it quickly and danced to a few more songs with Blaise. 

Half an hour later, she was flushed and giggling. 

She took his hand, ' lets go outside,' she laughed breathlessly. 

They walked out into the grounds. There were couples scattered everywhere and Professor Snape had taken it upon himself to make sure he made make-out sessions as difficult as possible. Draco laughed amused, and led Blaise around the side of the building to the back. 

There was no one around and Blaise fell upon him hungrily. ' Oh Draco ..' she was kissing him and panted heavily onto his face. 

He kissed her for a few moments, holding her waist lightly as she pressed herself against him. His eyes wandered over her shoulder as they made-out. He suddenly glimpsed Potter walking down the side steps. He would probably come around here, as it seemed to be the only place not occupied by hormonal teens. He didn't want Potter to see him like this….

 'Blaise,' he whispered against her mouth.' I'm really thirsty, would you mind getting me a drink?'

She pulled back slightly, 'a drink?' she looked at him blankly.

'If you would,' he said giving her a grateful look.

'Oh all right you,' she smiled at him.

She began to walk off and Draco straightened his clothes and wiped his lips. Potter approached from around the corner and then stopped in his tracks. 

'Oh..' he said

Draco looked at him, drinking in his appearance. He looked fantastic, the bastard. And fresh and crisp and so unaware of how sexy he was. Draco winced. Yes _sexy_, fine I thought it again. And for the first time all night, he felt a rush of anticipation and excited nerves. He walked slowly up to Potter and the Gryffindor's eyes widened slightly. Draco took in a deep breath. There was that smell again. Draco's sense of smell had seemed to heighten whenever Potter was around. That same, sweet, warm comforting smell, and Draco felt an insane urge wanting to bury himself in it. 

But he didn't. 

Potter cleared his throat,' I didn't realise you were here.'

' Obviously,' Draco drawled offhandedly. 

They stood looking at each other and Draco finally said, 'how come you're still standing here? Come to play the lonesome hero in the wilderness?'

Potter's eyes fired up, as he continued to look at Draco. 

' I just came to get some fresh air.'

'Joy,' Draco muttered, but noticed that neither of them had moved from their now stationary positions.

' You came alone to the dance?'

Potter simply nodded.

' You came with Zabini.'

'What of it?' Draco asked.

'Nothing!' Potter seemed affronted.' it was just an observation.'

So Potter had been looking over at him? That pleased Draco more than anything had all night for some ridiculous reason.

They stood silently again. Potter's expression was unreadable and Draco stared at him steadfastly.

 The silence drew out around them, but Draco found that he didn't mind.

'Is anyone a Veela in your family?' the green-eyed boy's voice broke through the silence.

Draco looked back, slightly thrown. Where did that come from?

'Ummm yeah,' Draco said. It came out of his mouth without thinking. 'Why?'

Potter put his hands into his trouser pockets, and suddenly seemed to falter,' I just thought suddenly looking at you, that you …' 

Potter finally looked down and Draco smothered a curious smile that was threatening to expose itself. Yes it was definitely a smile, because he could feel it tug at the ends of his lips.

' You know Potter,' Draco crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow,  'Veela are exceptionally beautiful looking people.'

The Gryffindor met Draco's eyes in a steady gaze and answered plainly, 'I know.'

Draco pursed his lips together. He hadn't expected the dark-haired boy to say that. 

'Is that a compliment Potter?' he asked suavely, disguising the sudden increase in his heart rate.

' You can take it as you like.'

They both locked eyes and each seemed unwilling to look away. Draco felt his breath catch and something inside him begin to crumble. Being in such close encounters with Potter was having a strange affect on him. He was feeling light-headed again, and his eyes felt very heavy. His fingers suddenly felt itchy and he wasn't quite sure what he wanted to do……or did he? 

Potter was the first one to break the eye contact as footsteps approached. He stepped back, just as Blaise came holding a goblet in her hand. The Gryffindor gave a small nod and walked away.

'What did he want?' Blaise said.

'Nothing,' Draco said shortly.' Probably just fresh air.' He stood still for a moment. 'Lets go back in yeah,' he said ignoring the confused look on Blaise's face. 'I'm feeling a bit cold.'

'Oh ok,' she said and they walked back through the grounds into the hall.

The dance finally ended at twelve, and Draco walked Blaise to her dormitory, giving her a quick customary kiss and went along his way. He wanted to be alone; he wanted to think. Potter had said he was beautiful right? There was no way that he could misconstrue what had been said, could he?

He lay on his bed looking into the dark. He couldn't remember the last time he had had that warm fuzzy feeling of strange happiness, and Potter had induced that tonight with his mere presence and a few simple words…. 

How can that be?

He closed his eyes tightly. None of this made sense. He had wanted to literally rip out Potter's guts last year and now… he had the oddest feeling that of all the students in Hogwarts, Potter could understand how he felt best of all. Now if that wasn't ironically poetic, he didn't know what was.

When had things started to _not make sense_? And why had did he always burn with passion, whether it be it anger and now attraction when it came to that stupid boy?

Subconsciously he had wanted Potter to sought him out tonight and he had got his wish. But now he didn't know how to react. Potter was beautiful and he thought Draco was too. 


	5. In My Minds Eye

**_Disclaimer – Miss JK Rowling owns the whole HP universe, I own naught._**

****

**_******** _**

****

The next morning Harry's eyes flew open. It was Sunday morning and still early by the sounds of it. The sun had come up, and cast a chilly light through the windows. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and reached for his glasses. The world came into sharp focus and he lay back down on his soft pillows. 

All of a sudden, he remembered the scene from last night. _Oh my god _- had he actually said that he thought Draco Malfoy was beautiful? To his face? Not directly, but nevertheless, _I know_ – was quite an obvious choice of words that fell into agreement with Malfoy's previous sentence.

_' Veela are exceptionally beautiful people.'_

_' I know.'_

He let out a soft groan. 

_I know??!!_

What the _hell_ had possessed him to come out with that? As if his life were not complicated enough! He'd never live this down. _Of course_ Malfoy was going to tell everyone. He would probably say 'Potter made a move on me'. 

Harry winced at such horrendous possibilities. Why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut? Just like Malfoy had said the other day in the corridor. What had come over him? 

He had wanted to get some fresh air and gone out into the grounds. As he had rounded the corner, he saw Malfoy. Malfoy had then walked a few steps closer and they had stood there, looking at one another. Harry couldn't even begin to understand the root of why he had continued to stand there. But for the briefest moment in so many months, Harry didn't feel so alone. 

Malfoy had been looking at Harry with an enigmatic expression. Harry had expected to see the open hostility oozing from Malfoy's silvery eyes, but last night, there didn't seem to be so much of that, as it was replaced by something else that Harry could not describe. 

It was strange just even saying a few words to Malfoy without anger and irritation flaring up. Harry could have talked to him for longer last night, _wanted_ to talk to him for longer, had Zabini not returned at that moment.

He couldn't understand it and dared not speak his thoughts to anyone. He was horrified enough for all their reactions. It was Malfoy, his father was Lucius! and Harry had finally cracked. That had to be it, he reasoned. Plus, it was only recently that Harry had noticed the beauty that Malfoy possessed. Aesthetically he was very pleasing to look at. Malfoy no longer looked like a young boy. He had matured into a young man. But so what if he had discovered that Malfoy was good looking? That didn't explain his strange attraction to the boy… I am not shallow, Harry thought indignantly. But why am I being weird? Because Malfoy is good looking? Am I that pathetic? Apparently he was.

Harry felt a quiver of dread at the prospect of seeing the silver-eyed Slytherin today. He knew he would have to face him sooner or later. He wondered if there was a slim chance that Malfoy could have been really drunk (somehow) last night and wouldn't remember the conversation. Yeah right, like that would happen, and life is that good.

Harry got out of bed; a fresh resolve settling in. He was going to act completely normal. Like it didn't matter and that he went around all the time telling boys he thought they were good looking. Boys? Good looking? Harry shook his head. He liked girls, I mean ok there had only been the one, but he thought he liked girls. Of course he had never felt so physically drawn to anyone like he had to Malfoy last night. And he guessed that is what was called attraction, and of all the people in the world – it had to be Malfoy. 

_I'm sick. This is some perverse effect of my hatred towards Malfoy._

He showered and dressed and ran downstairs to gulp breakfast. He sped out of the Great Hall before he saw any sign of Malfoy. Ron was just coming down the staircase when he saw Harry, and looked at him in surprise. 

' I woke up early and thought I'd go and see Hagrid,' Harry said quickly.

'Oh right,' Ron said.' Tell him I said hi.'

'Will do,' he turned around just as a group of Slytherin's were coming out of the door that led down to the Dungeons. Harry didn't wait around to see if Malfoy was one of them.

He spent the next few hours helping Hagrid feed some Flobberworms. He was grateful that it wasn't those damn Blast-Ended Screwts that Hagrid seemed so fond of. 

' So had a good time at the dance 'arry?'

'Uhh yeah thanks Hagrid. You?'

'Yeah, give me a couple of drinks and I'm merry,' he laughed and easily picked up a Flobberworm, placing it into a pen. Hagrid had looked quite merry last night, and danced with most of the female teachers. Harry teased him, saying that would Olympe mind?

Hagrid's eyes twinkled,' oh she knows that I'm only havin a bit of fun. Wish she was 'ere last night though,' he sighed heavily.' Never mind, I'm seeing her soon enough.'

Harry smiled and fetched some more lettuces for the creatures to eat. The hours sped quickly thankfully and he made his way back to school for lunch. 

He was approaching the Great Hall when he bumped straight into Malfoy. His initial reaction was to say sorry, but he stopped himself and bit his tongue, meeting Malfoy's hoary gaze.

'Potter.'

Harry took in a small breath and looked directly back into those glittering eyes. 

'Now where are you rushing off to?' Malfoy smirked slightly.' No running in the hallways, you know that. I could give you detention for that you know,' he shook his head, teasingly clicking his tongue. 

Here we go, Harry thought. He's going to have a great big old laugh isn't he? He probably would give Harry detention, just to spite him. It would be the kind of thing Malfoy would do.

'Harry?'

Malfoy and Harry both turned their heads at the third voice.

'Cho,' Harry said.' Ummmmm err……' he cleared his throat, 'hi.'

Cho smiled, though it looked strained, ' you left this behind in the library.' 

She handed Harry back an inkbottle. 

'It had your name on it so……'

He took it clutching it in his hand.

 ' Thanks. I didn't even realise I left it.' 

He shifted slightly on his feet and dropped his eyes for a moment.

'Yeah…..' she continued, pushing her dark silky hair back. ' Did you have a good time at the dance last night?'

' Uhhh yeah thanks. You?' Harry said, feeling horribly ill at ease.

' Yes it was nice.' She looked at him. 'Well…….' she trailed off, glancing down the corridor.

'Yeah,' Harry said following her gaze, ' ok well see you then.'

She nodded, 'bye,' and walked into the Great Hall. 

Harry stood for a moment and then realised that Malfoy had gone. He looked around and felt strangely disappointed.

*********

Draco had walked away feeling confused and angry. He couldn't figure it out, but he was feeling…………….. _no_, he shook his head furiously. Stupid Cho. It was _so_ obvious that Potter was still into her. He had that whole strained awkward thing going on. He still liked her. Sure she was pretty, very pretty even. But Potter had said _Draco_ was beautiful. Did he think Cho was beautiful too? Draco's eyes narrowed, or was Potter one of those sick people who thought _everyone_ was beautiful? Well Potter had dated Chang for half a second hadn't he? Draco felt a sickening prickle inside of him as he went towards the Slytherin table.

He sat down, glowering in his chair. How dare Potter ignore him? They had been talking……..or could have been talking. But noooooo, as soon as Cho had came along, Potter's attentions had turned elsewhere. Draco caught sight of the dark-haired boy coming in and looked away swiftly. What was it to him if Potter still liked Cho or not? Who cared? And why was he getting wound up? Idiot could do what he liked. Draco knew he was better looking than Cho. 

*********

The next day, Harry was sitting in Charms. Everyone had their own desk and on it, laid a blank piece of parchment.  Professor Flitwick stood on his make shift pedestal of books. 

' Today in class, we will be testing your control over your wand. According to the syllabus, we should cover particular charms using wand control by the end of the second term,' he gave a small squeaky laugh.

He cleared his throat and picked up his wand. 'So now we are going to do a little exercise. You all the see the blank parchment in front of you?' He looked over the affirmative nods and carried on,' I want you all to take your wands in your hands,' the students complied. ' Now all of you close your eyes and clear your minds.'

There were a few hushed giggles and whispers and he waited till all eyes were closed.' Do not open your eyes till I say so.' 

He cleared his throat. 'Now think of the first image that comes into your head,' he paused,' hold it….hold it,' he repeated.' Now utter these words with your wand at the count of three. _Picturam Pingit!_ One… two… three!'

Simultaneously the word echoed through the class. 'Okay,' came Professor Flitwick's small delighted voice, ' now open your eyes and see what image you have created!'

Harry opened his eyes and immediately sucked in an appalled gasp. His mouth gaped wide open and he blinked at his parchment disbelievingly. It was a lovely picture; there was no doubt about that. Black and white, shaded in charcoal it seemed. It was of a persons face. A very beautiful face in fact.

Harry swallowed with difficulty - it was Malfoy. Oh no………..

_That was Malfoy's face!_

Harry looked down at the face looking up at him. It wore a small smile that was playing upon its perfectly formed lips. The piercing eyes looking deeply intense and vivid. They seemed to be staring directly up at Harry from beyond the flat parchment. The hair was dancing gently around the face in silky strands, as if standing outside with a cool breeze ruffling it. 

Malfoy looked relaxed with a mischievous glint in his eye, and that slightly haughty expression that Harry knew so well. Harry sat shocked. It would have been different if his image were of Malfoy sneering or being a prat, but this was………Harry shifted nervously in his seat, as if Malfoy was looking at someone that he was intimate with. The teasing, knowing light in his eyes, the soft smile. Harry couldn't believe he had produced it. _What_ is wrong with me?

Professor Flitwick gave a small cough as he looked out to the class. 

' You can all revel in your masterpieces later. Now for the rest of the lesson I want you to get on with some more small charms from the textbook. If you are having any trouble then please put your hand up.' 

The class continued to work through the lesson and Harry quickly folded the picture and slid it into his bag. He couldn't let anyone see this. 

The lesson ended and they all packed away. 

'Hey Harry,' Hermione called out as her and Ron came up to him.

'Lets see what was yours came out as?'

Harry looked away as he slung his bag over his shoulder, ' er…' he said, 'it didn't come out so good. I threw it away.'

'Oh,' Hermione sounded disappointed, 'never mind. At least you know what to practise.'

Ron showed Harry his, 'it's Hermione,' he laughed,' doing homework!'

Hermione gave him a cross look, 'but look how cute you look doing it,' Ron said lovingly, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

She smiled, 'mine is of Ron and I when we went skating over Christmas on the lake. I thought of that this morning.'

Harry listened silently. Why couldn't he have thought of an innocent, harmless image like that? He stifled a sigh. 

Later on that evening, he was sitting on his bed with the curtains drawn around. He finally had the opportunity to be alone, and it was only now that he dared to take out the picture. He opened it up and smoothed it across his pillow. How on earth had he produced this? It just wasn't feasible; it should be horribly incomprehensible in fact, for him to even begin to be thinking about Malfoy in this manner. 

He looked down at the 2D image. It looked like they were sharing a special secret just between themselves. Harry rested his head on his hand and gazed thoughtfully at the parchment. He spent long moments just looking at it. Finally he got up and opened up his trunk, which stood at the foot of the bed, and hid the picture underneath his invisibility cloak.

There it remained for three days, with an anxious Harry opening it every now and again to see if it was still there. This is ridiculous, he thought. He was worried that some one might accidentally come across it, someone might see it. He could always put a locking spell on his trunk, but that seemed a bit extreme. He was getting all wound up over a picture? 

But he couldn't bear the thought of anyone discovering it. What would he say? Worse still, what if Malfoy found out? He had to get rid of it, but he didn't have the heart to throw it away. He couldn't bring himself to. He considered his other option. He could give it to Malfoy. Not personally of course, but anonymously leave it for him or something. 

He got an envelope and tucked the picture into it neatly after taking a last look. He'd like it, Harry decided. What was there not to like? Malfoy was vain enough that it would appeal to his already swollen persona. He sealed the envelope and wrote on the front ' Draco Malfoy'. He stared at it for a moment and then got out his wand. 

'_Erade,_' the letters disappeared and he re-wrote the name in block letters and put it into his bag.

The next morning in Potions, he purposefully chose the seat behind Malfoy. He quickly eyed the position of the Slytherin's bag. It was underneath the bench and slightly open. The mouth gaping down towards the floor. Malfoy had already got out his things for the lesson, so he shouldn't be reaching for his bag till he needed to pack away.

As the lesson was ending, Harry accidentally on purpose dropped his wand on the floor. Under the guise of picking it up, he muttered the Banishing charm; sending the manila envelope from his bag, into Malfoy's open one. It worked and he straightened up on his chair.

'All right,' Professor Snape said. ' Read chapters ten through to fourteen in preparation for the next lesson. You are dismissed,' he waved his hand and turned back to his notes. 

The pupils started to pack away. Harry muttered, 'C_adoum,_' with his wand, lifting it discreetly by his side. 

It caused a vial upon the window shelf, near Malfoy's elbow, to topple over. It contained distilled water and the contents poured on the floor. 

'Damn,' Harry heard Malfoy mumble. 

Everyone started to walk out of the classroom and Harry followed Ron and Hermione into the corridor. They were a few paces in front of him, when he dropped his bag onto the floor. Ron turned around. 

'It's ok,' Harry said. ' You go on, I'll catch you up.' 

Hermione nodded and her and Ron walked down the corridor out of sight. Professor Snape came out of the classroom, his knee bumping into Harry's shoulder. 

'Potter,' Snape cast a cold sweeping look across Harry's hunched figure and walked past, his robes billowing out behind him.

Harry waited till he was gone and straightened up. He carefully looked around the door. The pale Slytherin was mopping up the last drabs of liquid. 

'Come on,' Harry urged him.

Finally, Malfoy picked up his bag and started to put in his parchment and quill, when he obviously found the envelope. He took it out and looked at it curiously. Harry quickly jerked his head back as Malfoy glanced around suspiciously. Harry waited a few seconds and then peered round again. The blond boy was still holding the envelope between his slim fingers. 

He turned it over, and with a slightly mystified expression on his face, looked like he was assessing the writing. He then slowly tore a tiny corner of the envelope and pushed his index finger in, splitting up the seal. He extracted the crisp parchment carefully and opened it up. Harry bit his lip anxiously, waiting for Malfoy's reaction. There was none at first. The Slytherin's gaze ran over the picture, as if he wasn't sure what to make of it. Harry swallowed nervously. Just then Malfoy's face broke into a small quizzical smile and Harry sighed with relief. It made him smile, Harry felt a tingle of delight at the thought. He couldn't deal with the feelings of why just yet, but all that mattered is that Malfoy liked it. 

Over the next few days, Harry was sure that the Slytherin suspected that the picture was from him. Whenever he looked up from the dining table, Malfoy's eyes were already watching him. The blonde's expression was inscrutable and his gaze was always direct and unwavering. They hadn't spoken, but Harry often could feel the silver eyes burning into him. On more than one occasion he felt the heat spreading across his face, as Malfoy continued to unabashedly stare at him. Harry couldn't believe that no one had noticed. He couldn't believe he was feeling this way.

He didn't know what was happening, but now whenever the silver-eyed Slytherin was near him, he could feel the air crackle with electricity. He wasn't sure what he wanted exactly; only that this was not normal behaviour for someone he spent the better half of six years hating. 

But Malfoy was also not acting the same way he used to either. Gone were the immature insults and the cackles of laughter. Malfoy seemed unmistakeably quieter than he had ever been in all the years Harry had shared with him. For the first time Harry wandered what Malfoy's holidays had been like. His father's imprisonment had obviously had a profound affect on him. 

Harry cursed himself for his idiotic behaviour. _I have to get over this quickly_. It would only be a matter of time before Ron and Hermione noticed, and he hated to think of what perfectly made up excuse he could tell them. They would never understand, he couldn't even begin to understand it himself.

Tuesday evening, he was hurrying down to the dining hall with Ron. The Gryffindor tower being on the seventh floor was no minor feat for the students getting down to the ground floor. Ron was a few floors ahead of him and Harry sped up, sharply turning the corner. He ran bang into an armful of books. The books tumbled around his feet, as he froze to see Malfoy in front of him. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Malfoy calmly bent down to pick up the books. 

Harry bent down too helping, 'sorry,' he said embarrassed. _I'm embarrassed_? In front of _Malfoy_? 

Malfoy shook his head and laughed quietly under his breath, as he piled the books back up again. Harry offered the last book and the Slytherin reached for it.

'Harry?' Ron's voice echoed from several staircases below.                    

'Coming!' Harry called out, his eyes not moving from the face in front of him. 

His lips then turned, into a wide and sincere smile, he couldn't help it. It had escaped from him before he could pull it back. It was as if his genuine smiles were wasting away somewhere deep and dark inside of him. They hadn't surfaced for a while now. Perhaps they needed little excuse to emerge, after being forgotten for so long. His smile faded quickly, however.

What came over him next was so abrupt; he couldn't decipher it into any kind of coherent thought. Everything seemed to instantaneously dissolve around him, all except the blond boy standing before him. Harry was acutely aware of his heart thumping in his chest. Malfoy watched him quietly with a bemused expression. Harry swallowed and suddenly felt weak with desire. He just didn't want to fight it any longer. Wanted to give into whatever need he was feeling and go along with it. 

_Just do it._

Malfoy's eyes looked so soft. Like solid silver slowly melting into a whirlpool of shimmering liquid. Harry felt like he could have spent hours just gazing into the molten pools. _Oh no…._

He drew in a shaky breath and in an unexpected moment of clarity, he leaned in closer and pressed a gentle but firm kiss upon Malfoy's lips. The Slytherin's eyes widened in astonishment as Harry's eyes closed and he pressed his lips once again against Malfoy's soft, surprised mouth, kissing him slowly. Harry let out an involuntary soft sigh as he leaned back, opening his eyes.

Malfoy looked stunned, and 

_Everything _

_Swiftly came flooding back into harsh techni-colour reality. _

Harry gulped, quickly coming to his senses, absolutely _mortified_ at what he had just done. He looked frantically around and then back at Malfoy, who hadn't moved and was still looking shocked. Harry hurriedly stood up, trembling. 

'_Oh my god, I'm so_ s_orry,_' he said aghast, ' I should…I should go.' He finished haltingly, his body quivering. 

Malfoy hadn't uttered a word and Harry felt himself shaking as he raced down the stairs, his breath catching in his throat.  _What have I done?_


	6. Goodnight Kisses

**_Disclaimer – Miss JK Rowling owns the whole HP universe, I own naught._**

****

**_******** _**

Draco put away the borrowed books back into the Arithmancy classroom and slowly made his way down to the Great Hall. He was still shocked by what had happened. He couldn't believe that Harry Potter had dared to kiss him! Just the simple fact that he had come forward and placed a kiss upon his lips…… Draco felt furious, more than furious, he was positively livid.

And _anyway_, Draco had always figured that out of the both of them, it would have been he, Draco, who would have made the first move, _if_ there had _been_ a first move.  He was so pissed off that Potter had done it first. Not that he had wanted to or _anything_. Kiss Potter? Blech, what a disgusting thought? But just theoretically speaking, Draco should have been the instigator not _Potter_.

And to top it all off, making this whole situation much worse - it had been the sweetest kiss he had ever received. Nervous lips, slowly pressing against his own. Draco closed his eyes, caught in the memory and gulped. 

He felt so very strange. Deeply unsettled. Potter had done a complete one eighty. Up till now, there had been moments when Draco had felt a horrifying surge of attraction to Potter but he hadn't acted upon it. It had been leading up to it, Draco knew that deep down. He just hadn't given Potter enough credit to initiate it. You can't kiss someone and expect it not to change things. Potter couldn't be that _dense_. The Gryffindor had changed their relationship forever, straying from the path that they had both known so well. Just one little kiss and it had torn through the fabric of their world, as they knew it. 

But now that Potter had, it sparked off a primal instinct in Draco. He felt wired and the adrenalin now pounded through his body. He was overcome with this mad desire to hunt Potter down and slam him into a wall and kill him or just hurt him really badly. He wanted to chew Potter whole, gnaw and bite him, squeeze him and rip him into shreds of lust and pent up desire. Weave them into an intricate pattern and tear it apart with his teeth. He had never felt so wildly passionate about anything in his life as he did now, after such a simple kiss…. 

Potter always drove him to the edge of containment. 

For the first time last year, during a Quidditch match, he had broken through Potters self-restraint bubble. Potter had gone for him, his fist plunging into his stomach like a cannonball. Draco had been shocked that he had caused such a reaction. But in a twisted way, he had felt a deep satisfaction that he had been the one to make Potter that mad. He had been wild and furious and Draco knew that not many people could get under Potter's skin. Not like he could. 

And now……..there was the matter of the _kiss_. 

The green-eyed boy had looked horrified when he had leaned back and realised what he had just done. Like he had been whacked by a two tonne, sledgehammer in fact. Draco had seen the frantic look in Potter's eyes and Draco now suddenly wished he had grabbed the boy and shook him? Punch him? He should have done something - but he had been too stunned to move. By the time he had come out of his apoplectic state, the Gryffindor had fled. 

He took a deep breath and went into the hall, glancing over at the dark-haired boy. His face was bent over his plate and he was prodding his food with his fork. Draco felt a wave of something close to tenderness engulf him, no matter how hard he tried to smother it and also felt the delightful fire that had spread through him, after feeling Potter's lips against his. Draco took a seat and casually watched the Gryffindor from afar. If Potter had dared to look at anything other than this plate, Draco might have been able to catch his eye. But there didn't seem to be any danger of that happening any time soon.

He knew that Potter had Defence Against The Dark Arts after lunch. Draco had Transfiguration himself, but if he hurried he could get a hold of the dark-haired boy. It seemed imperative that he did so. Resolve this new opened up door. Shut it or close it, but Draco would make sure that he would be the one who was going to decide what happened next. He didn't know if he wanted to ravage the Gryffindor with kisses that would burn through his skin or just hurl him through a stonewall and watch his skull split apart. He would make up his mind when he saw the boy.

He dawdled idly at the table till a few of the Gryffindor sixth years got up off their seats and made their way out. Draco wasn't sure if he would be able to get Potter alone but he could try.

He waited a few minutes and then started to climb the staircase. Luckily for him, the boy seemed to be dragging his feet and was trailing long behind his classmates. He had just reached the class floor, as the others made their way towards the room. Draco made up his mind, and jerked Potter's bag back roughly and quickly pulling him into an empty classroom. He shut the door behind them with a kick of his foot and the Gryffindor stared at him open mouthed. 

'  What… what are you doing?' he spluttered.

Draco pushed him up against the wall, putting his hands on either side of Potter's head.

' What am _I _doing?' Draco said softly in a cool voice, his breath coming fast. ' Are you kidding me? I could ask you the same thing concerning a certain incident not so long ago…'

The Gryffindor seemed to squirm for a moment and turned his head away. He took a deep breath and then looked back at Draco defiantly, although Draco could see an anxious nervous light, flickering amidst the dark green depths. Draco leaned in closer, his breath fanning the side of Potter's mouth. 

'What the hell are you playing at? Insults and death threats getting too boring for you are they? Want to take it to the next level? The great Harry Potter pushing the boundaries once again. Is this some kind of sick joke? Mmmmm?' 

His fists were clenched hard, and his fingers itched to grab the strands of hair and pull Potter's head back, either snapping his neck in half or allowing his own lips to take assault. He wasn't quite sure which option he would act upon as yet.

'I don't know,' the Gryffindor seemed breathless and looked down again. 

'You don't know? That's rich. Why did you kiss me? How did you dare to? Or you think you're that fucking invincible, that you can go around doing whatever the hell you like because _you_ can?'

The Gryffindor stayed quiet.

'Well?' Draco pushed for an answer,' I ought to take your face out for that and hex your sorry arse till it has scorch marks.'

Draco looked at the bent face in front of him and couldn't for the life of him, figure out what was going through this boy's head. Potter looked up slowly and met Draco eyes.

'I don't know,' he repeated quietly and they stared at each other. Draco suddenly brought his right hand to Potter's face, gently grazing his skin with his fingertips, and letting his thumb stroke his cheek. 

It was the strangest feeling, touching Potter like this. Draco let his fingers glide down the boys jaw line, all the while watching the apprehensive gaze of the green eyes. Why isn't he moving away? Draco thought. Why aren't I moving away? 

There was something curiously fascinating being in such close contact with Potter. Feeling the soft skin on his face. What would it be like to kiss him properly? Potter looked out of his depth now and Draco knew he had the upper hand here. 

Draco let his hand fall onto Potter's shoulder and his fingers trailed down Potter's arm and back up again.

' What do you want?' Potter's voice sounded strained and his breath was coming in hitches.

'You kiss me first and then ask me what I want?' Draco moved back slightly. 'What is it that _you _want?' he said quietly,' this maybe?' and moved his head forward.

Potter let out a small gasp and Draco whispered in his ear,' it's ok. Sshhh.'

And with that he grabbed Potter roughly from behind his neck, pulling him in harshly towards his face. He gave a bruising, punishing kiss that let out a tumultuous wave of pent up feelings. He had both hands clutching Potter's head and tilted it slightly, so their lips would meet together, fully and wholly, his mouth crushing Potter's. Potter let out a pained whimper and Draco relaxed the pressure of his lips and moved back.

They were both breathing heavily and Potter looked at him with wide, alarmed eyes. Draco was quite certain his own expression was probably mirroring the same look. The dark-haired boy licked his lips and Draco followed the movements of his tongue. He should be repulsed, disgusted by what he had done. Felt sickened by even the touch of Potter's mouth against his – but he wasn't. It felt new and weird kissing unfamiliar lips, yet ………

He swallowed and licked his own lips before inching his face closer again. He heard Potter draw in a small breath and then saw the green eyes close, as Draco pressed his lips onto Potter's again. 

He kissed slowly this time and slipped his left arm around Potter's waist, his right hand reaching behind his neck again. Draco could feel Potter's tentative fingers brush along his waist and moved closer. He felt himself shudder with desire as he felt Potter's lips begin to respond eagerly to his. They suddenly started to kiss each other breathlessly and desperately. 

Draco leaned back taking in a shaky breath, ' want me stop?' he asked wickedly and Potter shook his head. 

'No,' and as if he couldn't bear Draco to move away, he slid his arms around him and pulled Draco firmly to him. Draco realised that they weren't even leaning against the wall anymore, but in each other's arms.

He cupped Potter's face and flicked his tongue across his lips.

' Relax,' he whispered and gently pushed his tongue inside the Gryffindor's mouth. 

That momentarily seemed to immobilise him, but he succumbed, as he felt Draco's tongue gently coaxing his, bathing it in silky wetness. Draco gasped as he felt Potter's hesitant tongue grow bolder and slide into his mouth, his moan dying against soft lips. His mind buzzed with unbidden thoughts, but he pushed them away. He suddenly wanted to be as close to Potter as he could get. He gripped the boy tightly and continued his assailment of Potter's mouth that drew delicious sounds from the green-eyed boy.  

Draco had never felt more aroused in his entire life. He wanted to drink the messy-haired individual in front him, to devour him. He didn't know for how long he had got lost in this exquisite rapture. He could feel Potter's fingers tangle in his hair. The hot tongue in his mouth, the smooth skin scorching his face, his lips. The minutes filled with sounds of their kisses and sighs. Eventually he felt Potter slow down and ending in one long kiss, as they reluctantly drew apart. 

Draco rested his forehead against the Gryffindor's, as their chests rose and fell against one another. They looked at each other, shock and confusion written all over their faces. They had undeniably done what they thought they would _never_ have _done_. Draco took in a lungful of air and exhaled slowly. Potter watched him carefully, as Draco surprisingly gently, pushed back a dark lock off of the Gryffindor's forehead. It was unexpectedly soft for such a thick head of hair. He nudged closer, burying his nose in the glossy scent. Potter tasted as sweet as he smelt.

Draco's eye caught sight of Potter's scar beneath his long fringe. He hesitantly reached out his index finger, gently touching it. Potter jerked and Draco moved his finger away and replaced it with his lips. He trailed small kisses down the Gryffindor's face till he reached his lips once more. He pressed short tiny kisses upon the soft pink lips, till the green-eyed boy gasped in pleasure. 

'You like that?' Draco was amazed at how tender his voice sounded and when Potter gasped yes, Draco felt a current sear through his veins.

'Have you….' Harry halted and then tried again.' Have you ever done this before?'

Draco's brows rose, '_kissed_? Of course I have.'

'No…I mean…' Potter wet his lips, ' have you ever kissed a …boy before?'

'Oh,' Draco said.' No I haven't. Have you?'

Potter shook his head. Draco's eyes narrowed, 'have you ever actually kissed before?'

The green eyes speared into his own, looking suddenly worried, 'why? Was it bad?'

'No, no,' Draco rushed soothingly, 'just wondered.' 

This had to be the most unusual and unforeseen experience that Draco had ever had. He was actually in a room, having just had made out with Potter ….and more to the point, The Boy Who Lived was nervous………of his kissing techniques. He was a person.

Potter swallowed, 'umm yeah I have…once.' 

'Chang,' Draco stated immediately and Potter nodded. 

So Chang had been the first one to have played tonsil games with Potter. For some reason it made Draco feel ill. But he could bet that Chang hadn't kissed Potter the way he had just done. Draco cupped Potter's face in his hands again and tilted his face once more, so that their lips fitted together again. His tongue traced the outline of Potter's lips, before it dipped into his mouth. Draco felt the sudden need to scrub out all the lingering traces of Chang's kiss. Draco was going to make sure that it was _his_ kiss that Potter remembered for all time, not fucking Chang's. This whole situation was so alien. How on earth had they ended up here? 

They kissed softly for a while and then Draco finally moved back, satisfied that he had indeed left quite an impression on Potter. There was something quite empowering in making Potter moan and gasp for more kisses. 

The Gryffindor's cheeks were flushed and Potter's eyes were slowly hypnotising Draco. They were so damn pretty, as if almost shyly hiding behind the glasses. Had they always been this pretty? Draco couldn't ever recall thinking such a thing or even noticing. 

'We're so late,' Potter said after a few moments.

'Yes we are,' Draco moved a hairbreadth back and stared into the wide translucent eyes. 

' What now?'

Draco shook his head slowly, barely moving at all. What now? He had no idea what now.

The Gryffindor looked like he was trying to desperately to make sense of this bizarre situation, but to no avail it seemed. He looked deliciously confounded and it pleased Draco to no extent. Potter always looked like he had such faith in himself, so sure of his movements, burning with such decisive passion. It was strange to see him otherwise. It made him more real though, like an average sixteen-year-old boy, rather than the wizarding world's 'hero'. 

'Maybe we should go,' the boy spoke again, but neither of them moved.  

Draco could feel himself getting stirred up once more and wanting to melt onto those lips yet again. He quickly moved out of Potter's embrace, and nodded,' we're very late. Be ready for a good explanation.'  

He picked up his bag and before he attached himself to the Gryffindor again, he opened the door of the classroom and walked out.

******

Harry could feel his knees wobbling and sat down onto the nearest chair. He was trembling and could still feel the sweet, stinging sensation of having Malfoy's lips against his. He could never have imagined that a kiss could be so overwhelmingly wonderful and so powerful, that it seemed to strike to the very core of his being.  He could feel the tingle right down to his toes. His head felt dizzy with the after effects. His kiss with Cho had been nice, but very awkward and strange. She had been crying and he hadn't a clue as to what to do except press his lips against hers. But kissing Malfoy was beyond comprehension. He was too stunned to do more than just sit for now.

He couldn't face going to class, he wanted to be alone. Needed to be alone. To savour the moment, because he had no idea what had just happened or why exactly, only that it had felt amazing. 

_He didn't want to think, just feel._

He hadn't felt anything but misery for months. All other feelings had deadened considerably and for the first time in a long while, he felt a thrill of warmth burst within him.

He couldn't wrap his head around it, that he and Malfoy had _kissed_ and not only that, but Malfoy had been gentle, tender even. Just so different from that haughty, arrogant creature that Harry saw day in day out. So different from that Inquisitorial Squad dick head from the fifth year. It was hard to believe it was the same boy.

He leaned his head in his hands and stared blankly at the wooden desktops. He had never been held like that before; feeling so warm and secure. He had been hugged by people of course, but never held for a more than a few moments.  And to feel such gentle kisses on his skin….. He had never thought that it could happen to him or that it would even feel so nice, so comforting. Malfoy had actually found him and kissed him of his own accord.

Harry had sunk into the pit of misery after his kiss-and-run escapade. For a few seconds insanity, he was certain that he would pay dearly somehow. But he definitely hadn't been expecting this. 

By the time Harry came out into the corridor, he knew the lesson was practically finished. He felt guilty but all he could think of was to say he had had a headache. And that's what he found himself repeating to Ron and Hermione, when they came to the next lesson and found him sitting there. Hermione had given him a concerned look and he bowed his head in shame. He felt like a right shit for making her worry. But what else could he say?

He felt uneasy at the thought of seeing Malfoy again. What should he act like? He wanted to kiss him again, run his fingers through those soft, silky, blond strands. He closed his eyes tightly and tried to shake the disturbing thoughts away. He had to focus and concentrate, at least for the rest of the lesson. 

But he wasn't. 

He had time to sit there and go over what had happened and his stomach heaved queasily. 

Malfoy was still Malfoy. Draco MAL-FOY. There was no room in his world that would allow him to forget that. 

It didn't make sense and everything that had shaped his thoughts, suddenly were gone askew. He thought he had Malfoy all figured out, like a dictionary definition. 

Draco Malfoy: A rich, malicious, arrogant, pureblood snob, with an evil bastard of a Death Eater for a father.

But they say nothing is black and white, and it left Harry feeling at a complete loss.  He felt as if he was standing over a frozen pond, teetering over the thin surface. It was dangerously exhilarating and felt so wrong and so right at the same time, that his head was spinning. It was bad to enjoy something so forbidden. Wanting something that was so categorically wrong. He was betraying everything he believed in; the people he knew, his friends by even harbouring these feeling, these thoughts.

Perhaps this was just a defect of his physical, hormone induced urges, wreaking havoc.   

Maybe if he just steered clear of Malfoy it would be all right. Maybe he could pretend the incident hadn't even happened. 

However, as soon as Harry saw the blond, his mindful thinking went out of the window. All he could think about was how hot and luscious those lips had tasted beneath his. How it felt to press up against that warm, firm body. The sweetness that had surrounded him for those precious minutes. He wanted it all over again - now more than ever. Having tasted the sugary nectar, he couldn't wait for his next fix. He was shocked and it _scared him_ as he felt his body gravitating towards Malfoy with an alarming urgency. 

Malfoy had coolly gazed at him at dinner and Harry fought frantically to hide his lack of composure. Why couldn't he look as aloof and uninterested as Malfoy? Harry felt a growing sense of panic in his stomach. What if all this had been some kind of practical joke? A trick of some kind? Or maybe Malfoy had been bored and thought he'd just see how far he could get with him……. no that was silly – but what if?

Thankfully Harry's cause of concern set him straight somewhat, just before everyone was popping off to bed. He was in the corridor, leading to the Gryffindor tower, when he heard footsteps behind him.

' Where do you think you're going Potter?' Malfoy said languidly. 'Bed so soon?' 

Harry felt a tremor of delight at the sound of the voice, and turned around. 

'Depends,' Harry retorted, grinning now slightly. To hell with logic and reason. To hell with everything.

'On what?' Malfoy's voice was low and throaty and Harry felt a thrill of anticipation course through his body.

'Is there something worth staying up for? '

Malfoy leant against the wall and Harry ran an appraising look over him. They stood in silence for a moment and Harry finally walked over to him. They looked at each other with carefully disguised glances and Harry slowly brushed his body against the Slytherin's, sliding his arms around his back without saying a word and pulling him closer. He held his breath in for a moment, anticipating a hex, or a ring of cruel laughter to echo through the corridors. Anything that would make this surreal situation connect to the Malfoy he was used to associating with. But nothing untoward came as Harry tightened his hold around the unfamiliar body that felt so pleasant in his embrace.

Harry was astounded at how bold he was being, but it felt right, it felt good and he didn't want to be thinking about a damn thing other than being here this second. If Malfoy was surprised he didn't show it, he moved into Harry's arms easily, circling his own around Harry's neck. They moved closer at the same time and pulled one another into a rapidly, ravenous kiss. Their tongues entwining together and basking in the delectable warmth. 

'You had strawberries for dessert,' Malfoy whispered against Harry's lips.

' Mmmmm,' Harry moaned. He plunged his tongue further into Malfoy's mouth for a moment and then withdrew slightly. 

'And you had apple pie,' he licked Malfoy's lips nibbling on his bottom lip, ' with cream,' he said triumphantly.

Malfoy chuckled softly, ' very good Potter.'

Hearing a genuine chuckle come from Malfoy, was oddly uplifting. He hadn't given Malfoy any credit of having any such human emotion, other than for derisive moments. 

Their kisses grew calmer and gentler after a while, luxuriating in each other. Finally they breathed shallowly against each other, stroking one another's hair and sliding fingers across ones back. Just standing there. 

'Has all this really just been one day?' Harry placed a small kiss on Malfoy's cheek, his affection getting the better of him. His eyes watched Malfoy carefully for any antagonistic signs. But again, none came.

'All in a day,' Malfoy said and busied himself trailing kisses upon Harry's neck. His tongue slid up and down Harry's throat and Harry quivered with new sensations that his body had never felt before.

'Draco…' Harry moaned out loud accidentally and Malfoy stopped what he was doing and gazed up into Harry's eyes. 

'That's the first time you've ever said that.'

'Draco?' Harry nodded. 

He smiled then at a funny thought, it was as if they had both been amazed that Harry even knew Malfoy's first name was Draco – let alone use it singularly. It was the first time he had said the forename name _without_ it being followed by a narrowed eyed surname. He gently kissed the blond boy's forehead. 

'It does suit you. It fits you. Now.'

Harry couldn't make out Draco's expression and dipped his head. 

'You don't want me calling you that? I mean, I don't have to…you know…' he swallowed. 

Draco shook his head,' it's ok. I just never thought my name could sound so erotic.' 

He raised his brows suggestively and Harry blushed. 

Draco lowered his hands down Harry's back pressing him closer, cushioning his body comfortably on Harry's. Harry trailed his fingers down Draco's throat, to his shirt collar and moved it aside. He took a long look at the pale exposed neck and then flicked his tongue into the hollow of Draco's throat causing a sigh to escape from the blonde's lips. He kissed his way up towards Draco's jaw line and nibbled at his earlobe. Draco groaned, gripping Harry tighter against his body. Harry breathed hotly against Draco's neck making his breath come in short strangled gasps. Harry sucked in the tender flesh that meets the neck and the shoulder, kissing and biting gently, making Draco writhe slightly. 

Finally Harry looked at his handy work. 

A perfect _love bite_.

Though it was hardly a love bite, as much as it was a mark that Harry wanted to leave on Draco. That this had _actually_ happened and when Draco saw it, he would remember this moment. 

It was under the shirt once it was done up, so no one would be able to see it. The colour was in sharp contrast to Draco's luminescent pale skin. 

Harry fingered it gently, 'does it hurt?'

Draco shook his head and Harry bent down to kiss it softly, ' you sure?'

'Yes I'm sure,' Draco smiled easily and Harry felt momentarily awed at such a rare sight. An unadulterated smile on those lips, and all for him and him alone. Draco pulled Harry's face to his lips once more and gave him those sweet short kisses on his lips that made him weak.

'So I've found your weakness have I?' 

Harry nodded giving a small smile.

They looked at each other and Harry couldn't believe that kissing Draco felt like it was the most natural thing in the world to be doing, when it was clearly and patently wrong in Harry's universe- but he couldn't bear to think about that right now.

'We should get going,' Draco said this time.

Harry nodded reluctantly. He cast his eyes down, ' do you think there will be other…' he trailed off and sighed, ' other goodnight kisses?' 

He might as well ask, what did he have to lose? Besides he wanted to know. Perhaps it made him sound needy and desperate, but that had to be  better than being left wandering. He couldn't be certain of what these kisses meant to Draco. He waited for an answer.

'Maybe,' Draco drawled slowly,  ' you want more then?'

Harry looked at him silently and Draco considered him a moment and then said, ' well quite possibly we can have some more kisses, as in good morning kisses and afternoon kisses…' 

Harry's face broke into a smile.

'See if we can squeeze in some study kisses,' Draco grinned teasingly and kissed Harry quickly. 'We'll see what we can arrange.'

Harry's stomach gave a pleasant lurch at his words. 

A small draught blew in just then, from one of the windows above and ruffled Draco's hair. Harry felt a flutter, ' you look exactly like that picture right now.'

Draco didn't look surprised at that revelation,' I knew it was from you.'

Harry laughed softly, ' I did it in Charms class, it was a spell and…well imagine my surprise.'

' Imagine,' Draco smiled impishly. 'I liked it.'

'I'm glad,' Harry kissed him.

Draco looked down the corridor and Harry held him lightly again and then dropped his arms. 

' Goodnight then.'

Draco kissed his lip and then moved back. 'Goodnight Harry'.

Harry grinned and watched Draco turn and walk away into the shadows.


	7. The First Crossing

Harry and Draco - 2gether. U get the drill. See ya, bye byes if u disagree.  
**  
Disclaimer!! I do NOT own one little character in the Harry Potter universe. Miss Rowling owns the LOT. However, this is my teeny fic and how I wish to write it and tell it, But that is ALL the profit I'm making from it - so no one sue me cos I have no money!!**

************

Over the next week or so, Harry found himself not being able to think of anything but Draco. He was distracted most of the time, and waited impatiently for lessons and meal times to be over so he could go and grab a few precious stolen moments with the blond boy. Ron and Hermione were puzzled again by his behaviour and Harry told them that he was just worried about his course work marks. Ron had given him another quizzical look, but Hermione had given him an admonishing glance and said it was good that Harry was taking schoolwork seriously. Ron had sighed and shook his head.  Harry had given him a sheepish grin. 

He knew that it couldn't work - Draco and him being together. In reality the possibility of such a thing was inconceivable. When they were alone they were transported into another plane, another dimension. Whatever liaisons they had, seemed wonderful in that parallel universe but how to drag that back into the real world and mesh it together? It was unthinkable. 

Harry wondered if it were so terrible of him to be seeking and receiving such comfort from Draco's touches. Was it entirely selfish and altogether wrong for him to be enjoying the feelings he had when he was with Draco? Did this make him an awful person? Were his brains finally addled to the point that his greatest source of comfort seemed to be the one and only Draco Malfoy?

On top of that, he felt terrible lying to his friends and sneaking around. But what else could he do? He had thought and thought about the state of affairs, till he had given himself a headache. But his need for Draco won over his mind for the moment. His clandestine meetings with Draco were just for him. There were no questions asked, no answers expected as to what and why…. 

Just meeting and kissing, no heavy demands, no explanations necessary.

Draco was an entirely different person when they were together and Harry just couldn't bring himself to turn his back on this newfound relationship. He actually liked spending time with him. There was so much more to Draco than the person Harry had known all these years. It was as if he were uncovering a delicious secret that was only meant for him to unwrap and discover and it felt _a m a z i n g_. 

Granted, It had taken a few days to disassociate Draco from just being Lucius Malfoy's son. After so many years of such intense hatred for each other, it had taken a few tentative kisses and embraces before they had started to feel comfortable around one another. Harry now itched during the long minutes when he wasn't with Draco.

Since the night they had kissed, Potions would be the first class in which they would be in together. Harry had butterflies just thinking about it as he made his way down the marble staircase with Ron and Hermione. As they descended they could see a small commotion outside the door that led down to the Dungeons. They got closer and Harry could see Draco – he was standing next to the dull-witted pair. The three of them were snickering and Harry shifted his eyes to see what they were laughing at. 

It was Neville, who was on his hands and knees on the stone floor. He was frantically gathering up herbs and such and looked like he was near to tears.

Harry rushed down the stairs with Ron and Hermione. 

'Looks like you missed a few,' Draco smiled spitefully and lifted his foot, bringing it down hard on some dried leaves that Neville was about to pick up.

'SHOVE IT MALFOY!' Ron came forward furiously.

Draco gave him an icy stare.' Make me why don't you?' 

Ron rushed towards Draco and Hermione pulled him back. Draco hadn't even flinched and Harry felt a cold shiver as Draco turned to look at him and raised an elegant eyebrow. 

_Yes? And? _His expression seemed to say and Harry felt numb. Hermione pulled out her wand and holding a clear bag, which she picked up from the floor, pointed her wand at the spilt herbs.

'_Revenit_', she said and the herbs flew up into the bag. 

She handed the bag back to a grateful looking Neville. Neville then turned towards Draco, a look of intense loathing passing across his features.

'There will be a day when you will learn all about humanity and humility Malfoy,' Neville said, his voice clear, his gaze defiant. 'And you'll be crying and all alone, mark my words. ' 

He put his herbs back into his bag and mumbled a 'thanks' to Hermione and walked off towards the double doors that led outside of the building. The Slytherin's chuckled and opened up the door and went downstairs. Harry, Ron and Hermione followed shortly.

Once in the classroom, they made their way to the seats in the back and Harry saw that Draco was sitting in the front row. Professor Snape breezed in.

'That Malfoy,' Ron fumed. 'He thinks he's so bloody it!'

'Silence please,' Snape said sharply as stood at the front of the class, giving Ron a foul look. 

The lesson dragged on agonizingly and Harry breathed a sigh of relief when it was over. Ron was watching Draco intently with an incensed look on his face. 

'Ron?' Hermione pleaded. 'Stop it. It's just what he wants. I've told you that.'

Ron brushed her comments aside, ' no Hermione, he ALWAYS gets away with it! I can't believe he is still here! How on earth can Dumbledore let him remain at school? Everyone knows his father is scum! And he still carries on lording it like nothing has changed!'

Before she could stop him, Ron stormed out in the corridor after Draco. Harry ran out with Hermione.

' I WANT A WORD WITH YOU MALFOY!' Ron shouted.

Draco carried on walking and Ron rushed at him from behind. Draco spun on his heel and pushed Ron off with a vicious hand. 

' _Don't. Touch. Me. You common piece of filth,'_ he hissed with a disgusted look upon his face. 

'YOU THINK YOU'RE SO BLOODY GREAT!' Ron roared, reaching once again for Draco. 

Harry caught Ron's arms,' Ron NO!' he said pulling Ron back. 

'Everything all right here?' came a cool voice behind them. 

Professor Snape looked at Draco, 'Mr Malfoy?'

Draco nodded his head and drew himself up tall, giving Ron a deadly look. 

'Mr Weasley, in spite of Mr Malfoy's good grace, I believe that you were about do something that would cost you quite a few house points. I would like to remind you that even though you insist on acting like a first year, you are in fact a sixth year. Fifty points from Gryffindor for harmful intent,' he stared down at Harry and Ron coldly. 

Ron looked like his head might blow up. He was making a great effort to keep his mouth shut as Snape sneered.

'Now if we can all move it along.' 

Professor Snape waited for Draco and the other Slytherin's to move and walked behind them down the corridor.

Ron angrily shoved Harry aside and Hermione grabbed his hand. 

'See Ron?' 

Harry looked at Ron's red face and stood silently for a moment. 

'Come on,' he said quietly.' Lets go back to the common room ok?' 

Ron glanced at him and walked out in front with Hermione.

Harry knew that Ron was angry with him and sat next to him in the common room. 

' I know you're angry that I stopped you.'

'Why Harry? 'Ron asked him giving him a dark look.

'Because you would have just got into more trouble Ron. Snape lives for that kind of stuff.'

'I'm just so sick of Malfoy, you know. Everyone knows about him and his family and it's just like…..' Ron shook his head. ' They let him get away with it.'

Harry rubbed his forehead, ' he is just immature Ron.'

Hermione nodded and said,' forget Malfoy Ron, he will never grow up, and even though you mightn't agree with it, Dumbledore must have his reasons for keeping him on at school. He wouldn't expel all the children who have Death Eaters for parents Ron, he just isn't like that. You can't choose your parents and nor are you responsible for their actions.'

Harry entirely agreed with Hermione's notion. He still hadn't forgotten about the way his father had treated Snape in the Pensieve. 

Ron shook his head and looked disgruntled with both Harry and Hermione.

Harry looked over at him, 'don't let him get to you yeah? You're better than that,' he gave Ron a small smile. 

Hermione rolled her eyes at Harry and went and sat next to Ron. 

Harry got up and walked outside of the common room. He felt so ashamed. He should have said something back there, stuck up for Ron and Neville. But he had stayed quiet. What was more important? His loyalty to his friends or Draco? 

Harry had blocked all these conflicting thoughts at the back of his head. He hadn't wanted to deal with them. Preferred to live in a bubble of denial. But here it was. This was the first time now, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. He felt a sudden ignition of anger burst inside of him and he went to find Draco. He couldn't let this go. Shouldn't.

He went down to the ground floor and sat on the stairs, keeping an eye on the door that led down to the Slytherin house. He waited almost twenty minutes till Draco appeared. It was as if Draco instinctively knew Harry was there, his eyes automatically turning to him.

'Hello,' he said smoothly.

Harry got up and walked towards him. 

'Can we talk?'

'Sure,' Draco's eyes narrowed curiously and he led Harry into a side room that led off the Entrance Hall. 

Draco folded his arms across his chest and leaned casually against the wall. 

'So talk,' he raised his brows at Harry. He looked so cool and indifferent, and Harry felt a surge of annoyance.

' Why do you have to do that?' Harry shot out. 'Why do you have to act like that?'

Draco's eyes were glittering as they met Harry's fiery gaze. 

'And how would that be?' his voice was low.

 'Acting like the way you did in the hall! What for? What pleasure do you get out of it?'

'Oh please,' Draco scoffed. ' You're pissed about what happened earlier?' he gave Harry a scornful look.

Harry glared back at him and Draco shook his head, unfolding his arms.

'Longbottom is a bumbling fool. He tripped over his bag and spilt his precious herbs. He's pathetic. It was funny. _I laughed.'_ He raised his eyebrows with a lofty look upon his handsome face. 'And as for Weasel?' he gave a mean chuckle, ' he should be locked up in a ZOO. He is the biggest idiot I have ever come across in my entire life, I can't help that. The Gryffindor house must be in real desperate trouble if they are assigning responsibilities to a buffoon like Weasel.'

'H_e is not_!' Harry shot back indignantly.

Draco came closer to Harry. ' I don't like your friends,' he said in a harsh voice. 

Harry face contorted with anger, his eyes blazing. 'But they're _my_ friends dammit! What am I supposed to do?'

Draco kept his eyes on Harry coldly, 'you do what you want to do.'

'Doesn't it matter to you?' Harry's words came out angry and fast. ' You can't act like a juvenile idiot and then expect it to _not _make a difference to what's happening with us?' 

Draco took a step back and eyed Harry with contempt.

 ' Fuck you, you sanctimonious little prick. Juvenile? Who the hell do you think you are? Always the same with you isn't it? You're perfect and everybody else is wrong. I don't expect anything from you, you hypocrite. Because we are making out, I should be nicer to y-o-u-r hideous friends?'  

The air was wrought with tension and Draco's icy exterior was grating on Harry's nerves. 

' You don't care at all about how this affects us? I'm lying to my friends, sneaking around to see you. You make me feel so….' Harry struggled to find the right word. '_Dirty._' 

And it was the wrong word. Harry immediately regretted it the second it slipped from his lips.

Draco's body visibly recoiled, stung. 

'_Dir- ty_?' his eyes hardened like granite. He looked at Harry venomously and Harry bit his lip. That stupid little word had just made him look like a complete shit and had hurt Draco all in one go. Good one Harry.

'Well I do apologise,' Draco said in a flat voice. ' I had no idea that I was making you feel so _soiled _and _tainted_. One can only hope you will be able to rectify the damage done from all that depravity. Perhaps a purifying spell will fix it.' 

Draco's voice was bitter and Harry flinched, hardly daring to meet Draco's eyes.

Draco moved to the door and looked at Harry, his eyes dripping with scorn. ' Who said you were so clean to begin with?' 

With that, he opened the door and walked out leaving Harry alone. 

Harry spent the next few hours agonising over and over what had been said. He was just trying to make Draco understand where he was coming from but instead had insulted Draco in such a tactless, mindless manner. Dirty. He hadn't meant to say that at all. Draco didn't make him feel dirty. In the moments they were together, Draco made him feel wonderful. Draco was never going to forgive him for this. 

Harry felt miserable. Every day had been the same since he had been back this year and Draco had been a glorious unexpected surprise in his otherwise doomed existence. Draco actually made him want to get up in the mornings. He gave Harry something to look forward to, and now? Harry had just screwed it up royally.

Draco had walked to his table at lunch without looking at Harry at all. He had come in laughing and joking with his fellow Slytherin's. His head held up high with an arrogant tilt as he gracefully placed his tall, elegant frame into the chair. He in no way acknowledged that he even saw Harry looking at him. All throughout lunch his eyes did not even flicker towards the Gryffindor table. 

Ron cursed under his breath,' look at him, smug little git.'

Harry didn't need to ask whom Ron was talking about.

' Would you just let it go Ron!' Harry snapped. He couldn't help himself. He felt so bad and couldn't bear anyone saying anything unpleasant about Draco. Not even Ron. This was all so bad and so confusing.

Ron glared at him, 'what is wrong with you?' he spat out.

Harry heard the hurt in his voice and sighed. He couldn't have Ron angry with him too. 

'Sorry, just that D….Malfoy monopolises so much of our conversation.' Harry looked at Ron,' I mean he is sitting there laughing and joking. He doesn't seem to be wasting his time thinking about you.' 

He stopped and after a moment Ron nodded. ' I guess.'

Harry nodded relieved. 

The afternoon finished with three more lessons and Harry again distractedly struggled his way through them. Hermione was looking at him strangely and asked him if he was okay. Ron had given an indignant sniff at her words. He was still annoyed at Harry. Harry smiled tightly at her and just said that he was tired.

Dinnertime came and went and still Harry hadn't managed to get any eye contact with Draco at all. He was ignoring Harry, and doing a brilliant job at it too. Out in the corridor, he had walked past Harry not even registering Harry's existence. Harry was amazed at how quickly Draco could switch. You would never guess that he was the same boy who had moaned into Harry's mouth last night. He was so unapproachable and cold, just like the Malfoy they all knew. 

Harry wondered if he should write Draco a letter. But that seemed desperate and really sad and there was no guarantee that Draco would even read it. Should he leave it? Was this for the best? What if his friends found out? What would he say to Ron? Guess what Ron? You know how much you hate the Malfoys? Well funny story that, cos…. 

Harry shook his head. He'd cross that bridge when he came to it. But first and foremost, he had to straighten things out with Draco. He just couldn't leave it like this. Draco could get angry and scream and shout and tell him that he never wanted to be with Harry ever again, but he had to know that he had never made Harry feel _DIRTY _after all those exquisite kisses and tender moments. It was important that he knew that. Draco, quite honestly had been the best thing that had happened to him this year. And something so good did not deserve to finish feeling so bad.

******

Over the weekend, Draco had barely left the common room other than to eat. He didn't want to be seeing Harry at all. 

Monday morning he was still feeling troubled. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and gazed at the ceiling. He looked blankly for a moment and then his face hardened in a grim expression. Potter. 

_That self-righteous prissy little sod._

Draco turned over and hugged his blanket. He hated how Harry could make him feel so humiliated and shit. How dare he make him, _Draco Malfoy_, feel like that? _Nobody_ should be able to make him feel like that! Least of all Potter! There had been too many times where Draco had come off looking like the prat in front of Harry.

He got out of his bed with a new resolution. Well enough was enough and it would change, starting from now! He was a Malfoy and he was going to forget all this Potter nonsense. Potter could go to hell. He'd show him. No one gets the better of him.

At breakfast he made sure that he was in Harry's full view, and casually put his arm around the back of Blaise's chair. It was a cheap shot but he could feel Harry's eyes on him. He leaned closer to Blaise and spoke in her ear about getting to class. Potter didn't know what he was saying. Let him stew, Draco thought. I don't need him. Draco knew he could have a number of girls eating out of his hand. Maybe he could even have guys doing the same, now that he knew his appeal no longer was just limited to the female sex. He gave a shudder, however. The thought of another guy touching him was nauseating. Well ok, as long as he knew that he was attractive to both sexes- that was enough. 

Blaise grinned at him impishly and he smiled back. She was so easy, and Draco knew that he would need to be a bit careful. The slightest bit of encouragement and Blaise would be all over him like a rash. And honestly he didn't want that at all. It was childish, but he wanted Harry to feel hurt too in the same way he was feeling. 

He collided with the Gryffindor in the corridor and gave him a vitriolic filled glare, 'get out of my way _Potter.'_

Harry was alone but Draco was flanked by his usual twosome,' you don't own the corridor Malfoy,' the green-eyed boy responded coolly, though Draco could see a strange light filling his eyes.

'_Fuck. You,'_ Draco hissed, his words filled with every nuance of loathing he could administer. His slate grey eyes narrowed and his face-hardened as he gave Harry a furiously contempt filled gaze. 

Harry looked at him quietly and Goyle stepped forward and cracked his knuckles, ' get out of it Potter or I'll make you!'

Draco gave a sound of disgust, of course Goyle would come out with something cliché and pathetic like that. No one knew what was going on and Draco felt downright pissed off. He just wanted to get away as far from Harry as he could. He looked at Harry viciously and strode off. 

The rest of the day passed uneventfully and Draco ignored Harry at every opportunity he got, going about his usual routine.

After dinner, Draco was going upstairs to the library when he saw Harry again. He hesitated for a second and then started to climb up. He wasn't going to let Potter get to him, and go out of _his_ way to avoid him.  He went up the stairs steadily, keeping to his far right. He soon reached the same staircase as Harry, who was climbing on the left hand side. 

Draco saw Harry's head turn towards him from the corner of his eye but ignored that too. They walked up silently and reached a landing. Draco's hand slid up the smooth banister, and as he was about to take on the last staircase to the library, he heard Harry's voice.

'I'm sorry.' 

Draco froze where he stood, one foot on the step. However, he did not turn around.

'I'm really sorry,' Harry repeated coming closer now and standing behind Draco.

'Please, will you just look at me?' Harry's voice was low and urgent. Draco turned his head slightly, his eyes resting on his hand that was clutching the banister still.

' I just want to explain.' 

Draco turned around with an obdurate expression on his face. He folded his arms across his chest and gazed at Harry impassively. His icy silence seemed to throw the dark-haired boy a little, who blinked and nervously licked his bottom lip. 

Draco took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, watching Harry swallow and look around them uneasily. He eyed Harry back coldly, not moving. He wasn't going to make this easy for him. If Potter had anything to say to him, he could say it right here. Draco wasn't about to move to a nice safe secluded corner, he wasn't going to give an inch.  

Harry cleared his throat. ' Well…. I just wanted to say sorry for saying something so stupid and hurtful.' 

He paused and Draco shifted his eyes looking uninterested. 

Harry took in another breath, ' I didn't mean what I said. I don't know why it even came out. All this time that we've been together, you've never made me feel …….._Dirty,_' he seemed to wince slightly at the word but carried on.' You made me feel amazing.'

Draco's eyes flickered across Harry's features then.

Harry sighed. ' I'm not very good at this,' his voice was hesitant and Draco felt himself soften. He didn't want to look at Harry's face, his eyes. 

' I've never done anything like this before and I feel a bit out of my depth, it's all so new. I've never really had someone that I've…you know… like this.' Harry sounded a bit breathless. 

Draco averted his eyes to a far off corner. He wouldn't look at him, otherwise his resolve would shatter to pieces.

'I feel guilty about lying to my best friends and sneaking off,' Draco heard him rush on quickly. 'But that's been _my _choice. I've done that because I wanted to see you and be with you.'

Draco's eyes dropped to the floor now.

'It's just so hard seeing the way you are with them and the way they are with you. I feel…' his voice sounded anguished and Draco swallowed hard. 

' I feel,' Harry started again, 'like I'm caught in the middle and I don't want to hurt them but I don't want to hurt you either. I can't explain it, and I know I'm handling this badly. I feel so confused. Just everything, all of it and you've been the one… ' He stopped abruptly and looked down for a moment before carrying on. ' I can't be certain about anything but I am certain about the way I feel when I'm with you.'

Draco looked at Harry and felt his heart give an almighty squeeze. He had never seen anyone's eyes so bright and alive as Harry's were. And right now they were sparkling with so much intensity and emotion. Draco bit the inside of his cheek. All he wanted to do was hold Harry and to kiss him.

' I know this isn't your problem and I'm not sure how or when, but I can't help the way I…' 

Harry's eyes looked imploringly at Draco and Draco noticed suddenly how tired Harry looked. The boy couldn't even finish a sentence. Draco felt himself wanting to buckle and willed himself to keep rigid.

' _I care about you.'_

Draco was taken aback by the simple declaration of those words. Harry had just said it like that, his words ringing with sincerity that even Draco couldn't ignore. Harry finally looked down and they stood in silence for a moment. Draco then dropped his hands by his side. He came closer to Harry and spoke in a low voice. 

' You're not the only one who is feeling confused. This is quite the volatile situation we have here.'

Harry lifted his face and Draco felt his heart flutter. His eyes were bright behind his glasses and his lovely face looked anxious. Draco finally gave a small smile and was rewarded by a small hesitant one back. Draco felt himself quiver with tenderness and closed his eyes.

'It's ok,' he said, his voice gentle. 'Maybe we can just try and muddle through and see what happens all right? That's my best offer.'

Harry nodded, ' I'll take it then.'

Draco reached out his hand and lightly brushed Harry's cheek, dropping his fingers under Harry's chin and lifting his face up. Draco stepped closer and brushed aside a lock of glossy black hair, before placing a gentle kiss upon his Harry's forehead. Harry gave him a glad, relieved smile that took Draco's breath away. 

He gulped and moved back quickly, 'well we're certainly playing it risky huh?' he gestured at the staircase, amazed that no one had come past them yet. 

He lightly touched Harry's hand and walked down the corridor opposite them. He opened a door and peeked into a classroom. It was empty. He grabbed Harry's hand behind him and drew him into the room. Before Harry had the chance to say anything, Draco kissed him with an urgency and longing that had been building up inside him all weekend. Harry seemed just as keen and soon they were both struggling for breath as they crashed at each other's lips fervently. Draco rained tiny kisses over Harry's face as Harry wrapped his arms around him, pulling Draco as close as he possibly could. 

Draco pushed Harry against the wall and licked and sucked at Harry's neck, drawing short gasps from the dark-haired boy. Harry slid his hands behind Draco's neck, his fingers diving into Draco's silky hair. They both looked at each other, their chests rising and falling against one another. Harry pressed himself against Draco's body and kissed him hungrily, his tongue gaining more than willing access into Draco's mouth. 

Draco felt light-headed and breathed slowly, his breath hot against Harry's lips. His heart was racing and he could feel it thumping loudly in his chest. Harry was holding him silently, his lips soft and moist brushing the corner of Draco's mouth.

Draco breathed out raggedly, leaning against Harry, wrapped in his arms tightly. He felt Harry's lips brush his hair and Draco wanted to fold himself in this embrace, cocoon himself in the warmth for as long as he possibly could, his anger temporarily forgotten due to Harry's presence. 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I want to thank **everyone **who has reviewed my story so far. I have no idea what will happen to the reviews once I re-load things, so in case they disappear, I wanted to say thank you.

I really appreciate it greatly, that you have taken the time to read it and then gone that one step further and commented on it. Thank you ever so much – you have all been very kind.

PeachDancer82– My first ever reviewer!! Xxxxx ***hug***

Kodachi –  Thanks again for the disclaimer note! And your emails.

EmptyInBetween – u asked me a question once, I wonder if it is a little clearer now…

PAULA SOLEDAD MALDONADO – I was really touched by what you said, and appreciate it.

**Delphyne** – Thank you for taking the time out to write to me.

Laura – Thank you very much 

To all the nice people who reviewed more than once  - it means a lot that u carried on reading the fic.

Gryffindork1 –EmptyInBetween –beautifulelf - PeachDancer82 - RainbowCarnage - NayNymic, hpgryffin, Kodachi, Malfoy Snogger, HEDWIG, Desertrain, esaure, ShaeLynn

Scythe, Xirleb70, coriander. 

Dina ( you're right – it would be a shame if Draco dyed his hair!! Lol – thanks) 

And thank you all for reading!

 kittylove, Stonie, phoenix, Thalia22, Angeleus, Kaiko u-know-who formerly known as sak, Autumsun, FalconIce, hanako, Tash, ChillyBabe, , Lanevaly, Croc, Black-Death, Mak, Tramill De Laxson, dominicanchula, WolfHawk, Kaloas And Yami, Cherry, Goldengirl2, Godlovesme,, Haikofu, speed, Alex, Spazzy, L, the crazy ladies, Nina, Marilyn, Shinny, cassie, Stephanie, vampie, Jolene, little duckie, nat, chibi-arti. 


	8. Moments Of Happiness

**_Disclaimer – Miss JK Rowling owns the whole HP universe, I own naught._**

**********

Over the next two weeks, Draco found himself steeling away any chance he could with Harry. It was insane, it was more than insane - it was lunacy. 

One morning after a particularly knee trembling kiss, he had gone into the Great Hall for breakfast. Harry had just looked at him and grinned. It was such a sincere and beautiful smile that Draco lost his breath. He hadn't been able to resist the urge to smile back. Harry's grins were contagious. And the more and more they looked at each other the wider their smiles got, till Draco laughed softly and coughed into his bowl of fruit. He smothered his grin from his fellow Slytherin's. He should be more careful, and grinning like that? It was so unlike him. Laughing at someone else's expense yes……..but grinning for the sake of grinning? No. 

Of course with the exams coming up, he managed to sneak off with Harry under the ruse of studying. Harry did the same. Draco just couldn't get enough of Harry. It was madness. Kissing. His whole day was consumed about thoughts of kissing or kissing in the act itself. If anyone had told him a few weeks ago that this would be happening, he would have hexed them into oblivion. But here he was……….kissing.

Harry Potter.

It was as If he wanted to weld himself to those luscious lips and in those arms forever. The strange part was that it wasn't just about frantically groping for Harry every time he saw him. Often than not, Harry would just simply put his arms around Draco and hold him gently, before moving his lips to Draco's. 

It was simple acts of affection like that that left Draco reeling. He was not used to this kind of emotional intimacy and wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Harry had told him that he cared for him and that had made Draco feel strangely wonderful but he couldn't utter such words back to Harry. It would be wrong to say such things out aloud, let alone feel them. He desperately tried to maintain some kind of distance and balance. but rapidly could feel himself slipping. It was so difficult at times to remain aloof when Harry was so forthcoming with his affection. 

They had been in the library one time, tucked away hidden in a corner. Draco had got some books out and sat down for a few moments with Harry, who was reading. Harry had reached over and absentmindedly grasped Draco's hand in his. His thumb gently running over Draco's fingers as his other hand turned the pages of the textbook. Draco stared at their hands entwined, wordlessly. Harry wasn't even aware he was doing it and it was just small touches like that, which made warm shots pass through his body.

His feelings were out of kilter, and he tried to keep them in check, but as it happened, he could feel his emotions spilling out of control, and that made him uncomfortable. He had never felt jealously in all his life but he was feeling the full extent of it now. He _hated_ it when Ginny talked to Harry, when Luna-tic talked to Harry. Ron and Hermione made him wretch something awful. That stupid Colin Creevy hovering around Harry. The amount of time Harry spent with all those other Gryffindor's. 

He couldn't _stand_ anyone looking at Harry let alone _touching_ him. He wanted to snarl and growl and rip them apart. It was so primitive and scary, and Draco was supposed to be the cool one; he had never been like this about _anybody_. 

He wanted to claim Harry as his. Mine. All mine. 

He knew it was completely irrational but he didn't want Harry to care about anybody but _him,_ didn't want him spending time with anyone else but _him_. Draco. 

That was impossible obviously and Draco would never dream of telling Harry how he felt. It scared him to realise the intensity of his emotions, but as long as he kept them to himself, it was all right.

They often met in a disused staff room on the sixth floor that Draco had stumbled across accidentally. It was a warm and cosy room and it became a safe haven for the boys.  

Harry had been lying on the couch with his head on Draco's chest one night. His arms wrapped tightly around Draco's waist. Draco was slowly running his hand up and down Harry's back, and with the other, stroking Harry's hair. He could never have imagined that he would ever feel so warm. Harry lifted his head up and placed a soft kiss on Draco's lips. 

' I don't know what to say to you sometimes.'

'Is the silence so unbearable?' Draco could see his face in Harry's glasses. 

' No, just…..I wonder if we could just talk……'

Draco wondered if the silence was in fact a whole lot more comforting than the words that they could ever say to one another.

'Have you ever been to a Muggle cinema?'

'Mmmm,' Draco mumbled, kissing Harry back. 'No. Why?'

'I'd just really like to go with you is all. Even if we only went once.' 

Harry snuggled back on Draco's chest.

'Do you go to the cinema a lot?' Draco asked.

Harry slightly shook his head,' ummm er….not really'. He paused. ' But you and I'd have fun. We could get popcorn and watch a really lame movie and…it would be great, if you know we could one day…somehow……'

Draco didn't say anything. Harry slipped his warm hands under Draco's shirt, softly caressing his skin.  

' I can't wait till I start to take Apparating lessons. It would make travelling so much simpler. I'm taking them this summer.'

'Mmmm,' Harry nodded. 'I still want to learn how to drive though, if I'd be able to maybe.'

Draco raised his eyebrows, 'drive as in a Muggle car? Why on earth would you want to do that?'

Harry lifted his head again and looked at Draco smiling. Draco brushed back Harry's long fringe out of his eyes.

'I want to learn how to Apparate of course,' Harry said,' but there's just something about getting in a car and just driving. I've always wanted to be able to, even before I knew I was a wizard.'

'Seems like a waste of time to me. By Apparating you could get from A to B in a blink of an eye.' 

Draco ran his fingers along Harry's cheek and neck.

'That's not the point,' Harry grinned. 'Granted you could get from A to B in seconds, but then you leave out the whole time and space it takes to actually get there.'

Draco smiled,  'your point being?'

'When I was younger, sometimes we went on like a Sunday drive through the country. Everyone was silent and my Uncle would be driving. I would just look out of the window and watch the whole world go by. The fields and the trees all blurred into one another. It looked peaceful and really pretty. And it wasn't the point of just getting from A to B, it was about the journey in between.' 

Harry blushed as Draco watched him intently. 

He smiled embarrassed, ' you know like you're actually travelling the journey and not just _being_ there.' 

He looked at Draco shyly, 'do you get what I mean?'

Draco smiled back softly, 'I think so.'

Harry grinned and Draco felt his heart quiver. It touched him to see how refreshingly innocent Harry sometimes seemed; yet Draco knew that Harry possessed powers that were far greater than for someone his age. He had faced the Dark Lord many times in his young life and lived through it each time. He was one of the most powerful wizards at only sixteen, yet at times like this you would think he was just another ordinary young boy. 

Draco held Harry tightly and buried his nose into Harry's hair. He guessed that the end of your childhood did not mean the end of all innocence. And besides Harry hadn't experienced a lot of other things in his life. There were many things that were new to him as Draco had by now gathered - intimacy apparently being one of them.

'If I ever get to pass my drivers test one day, you can be the first person I take out.' Harry said lifting his face and kissing Draco's chin. 

Draco slid down on the couch drawing Harry flush up against his body. The warm pressure of Harry on top of him was both comforting and arousing and Draco shifted slightly onto his side. They explored each other's mouths unhurriedly and Draco slid his own hands inside Harry's top and ran his fingers up and down his smooth back. Harry moaned and pressed his thighs against Draco's hips. Draco gently lay Harry onto his back and kissed him.

'We should be getting back,' he said and Harry sighed. 

'I know.'

Draco sat up straightening his clothes and then smoothed down Harry's shirt. 

' You go first,' he said to Harry.

Harry nodded and dropped a brief kiss on Draco's lips before opening the door and slipping out.

During the times they were in public, they maintained the same cold distance that everyone expected of them. The next morning they had crossed each other in the corridor, each unwilling to move out of the way for the other. 

Draco had given Harry a chilly gaze and said smoothly,' has no one taught you manners Potter? Gryffindor's always make way for Slytherin's.'

Weasley had snorted and said something foul under his breath.

Harry had narrowed his eyes and given Draco a sardonic smile,' Slytherin's can only dream of that happening.'

Hermione prodded Harry in the back, 'come on Harry, leave it.'

Only then did Harry reluctantly move aside to the left and as they walked away from each other, they gave one another a contemptuous look. Draco smiled to himself as he heard Weasels voice drift down the corridor.

'That Malfoy! He needs a good beating!'

Harry's clear voice rang through the hallway, 'he sure _needs_ something.'

That night Harry had been waiting for Draco in their room. Draco came in and slipped his arms around Harry's waist, nuzzling his neck.

'So what is it that I need?' he whispered against Harry's neck. 

Harry let out a soft moan and tilted his head back to receive Draco's kiss.

'You need a good seeing to,' he murmured.

Draco nipped Harry's neck lightly with his teeth, 'and you're going to give it to me are you?'

' Oh yeah,' Harry turned around in his arms and pushed Draco down onto the couch, his lips catching him in a breathless kiss.

The days slipped by in a blur. They always tried to meet in the morning and then at least get an hour or so together at night. Draco was also practising a lot, for his upcoming match against Ravenclaw in the afternoons. He had asked Harry casually for whom he might be cheering for at the match. He tried to play it down but it mattered to him what Harry would say. Silly really. 

Harry had smiled and said, ' well as a Gryffindor I should be cheering for Ravenclaw rather than you no?' 

He had an amused glow in his eyes and Draco looked at him silently, smarted. So Harry would rather that appalling Cho got the Snitch? He still likes her!! Draco _really hated_ the girl. 

He chewed the inside of his cheek and then said, 'so you would rather I lose to your ex-girlfriend then?'

Harry turned to face Draco, ' ex-girlfriend? I'd hardly call her that Draco. We didn't even go out – not really. Of course I don't want you to lose to her, you can only lose against me,' he teased and then looked at Draco closely.

' Hey,' he said softly coming closer to Draco and slipping his arms around his waist. 'Of course I want you to win. I want you to show those Ravenclaw's just what an awesome player you are. I hope you get the Snitch before Cho even sees it.' 

He placed a small kiss on Draco's closed lips, 'I don't want to _watch you lose_, how can you even think that?'

Draco felt instantly better and cursed himself for being so immature. He grinned then, 'except when it comes to losing against you,' he reminded Harry.

Harry winked at him,' sure, except against me,' and he laughed and pulled Draco closer to him kissing him sweetly.

Everyday Draco woke up looking forward to spending time with Harry. Harry this and Harry that. Draco could hardly stand being in the Great Hall when they ate. He always felt like grabbing Harry in front of everyone and laying him on the table, ravaging him. Just squeezing Harry and make him groan and see his beautiful eyes fill with desire, all for him.

Draco was very aware of his sexuality and good looks. But Harry was so completely unaware of how sexy and desirable he was. Also he had no idea of the sheer magnetism he possessed that made people react to him. Nevertheless, Draco took comfort in the thought that only he got to lick those lips, touch that face, feel that body; none of them did.

The night before the match, Draco had taken some books into their room a little earlier than their meeting so he could finish off an essay. When Harry came in, Draco was just ending it. He dropped a kiss in Draco's hair, and came up behind the chair. He bent over Draco's shoulder and wrinkled his nose. 

' Euughh Potions, I hated doing that one,' his breath tickled Draco's ear, sending a shiver down his spine.

Draco felt Harry's gentle fingers knead his shoulders. 

' You should get an early night,' Harry said.

'Mmm,' Draco sighed, relaxing under Harry's touch. He closed his eyes and felt Harry loosen the knots in his shoulders. He tipped his head back and Harry smiled bending down over his face. He blew gently on Draco's face, moving a few strands of his hair aside.

'Beautiful,' Harry whispered, sliding his hands down Draco's chest. 

Draco closed his eyes again, feeling as if he was caught up in a soft dream. Harry cupped the back of Draco's neck supporting him and ran a hot tongue over Draco's open lips. He deepened his kiss and Draco snaked his tongue up into Harry's mouth, lapping the velvety sweetness. Harry could have asked Draco to do anything at that moment, and Draco would have done it gladly. His thoughts ran hazily in his head as he felt Harry massage his tongue with his own. 

He moaned and Harry came around the chair, in front of Draco, nudging his knees apart with his thighs. He leaned in closer pressing against him and bent down, holding Draco's face up to his. He kissed Draco hungrily, edging his body even nearer.

Draco's breath caught in his throat,' Harry…' he moaned.

'Yes?' Harry said breathlessly, rubbing his legs in between Draco's.

'Oh….'

Draco's breath was coming fast, and felt his body arch towards Harry. It was almost painful, the sweet torture of having Harry so close and yet……..

Suddenly they heard footsteps in the corridor and they moved in a flash across the room behind the door.

'_Finite Incantatum,_' Draco whispered and all the light spells went out, leaving the room in complete darkness. 

He felt for Harry's hand and smothered a laugh that was threatening to escape. They were standing next to each other up against the wall and Harry squeezed his fingers. He could almost see Harry's grin in the dark room.

They stood quietly for a few minutes and then Harry whispered, ' stay here for a second,' and he let go of Draco's hand.

'Harry where…?'

'Sshhhh,' Harry said. 'Wait,' and then saw Harry open the door a crack.

'What are you……..?' Draco whispered.

He blinked and Harry was gone. The door was open and Draco stood still. He waited a few moments and then saw the door open. Harry was suddenly standing there. 

'_Lumos,_' Harry said and the light from the wand lit up the room.

'It's ok, there's no one outside. They're gone. I went up to the staircase so if we go now, there doesn't seem to be anyone around.'

Draco smiled and shook his head, and Harry grinned kissing him again.

'I was just getting into that as well,' his eyes sparkled mischievously behind his glasses and Draco kissed him and moved aside. 

' Just as well then.' 

He picked up his books from the desk and then came back to Harry and kissed him again. Harry caught his hand and brushed it against his lips. 

'Good luck for tomorrow,' he leaned in and pressed another soft kiss on Draco's lips, 'not that you'll need it.'

Draco smiled, 'thanks.' 

Draco slipped out and walked down the corridor. He waited on top of the steps of the landing till he heard Harry begin to walk up the hallway. Only then did he start to go downstairs towards the Slytherin common room.


	9. The Night

This is a Harry and Draco fic so, for offended eyes, click the back arrow, and for not offended eyes..read on.

**_Disclaimer – Miss JK Rowling owns the whole HP universe, I own naught._**  
  


*************

__

The next day it was Saturday and the day of the match - Slytherin vs Ravenclaw. Harry hadn't been able to see Draco that morning and he waited anxiously for Draco to come to breakfast. He shovelled his toast down his throat and Hermione looked at him. 

'You'll get indigestion like that.'

Ron laughed, 'leave him alone Hermione, he's a growing boy.'

Dean and Seamus were making bets on who would win the match. 

'It better be Ravenclaw,' Seamus said giving Dean a bag of tricks that he had got from Fred and George's shop.

' I hope Cho leaves Malfoy for dust,' Neville said and all eyes turned to him. He very rarely, if ever in fact, said a comment like that. 

He smiled weakly and Ron grinned, 'atta boy!'

Harry bit his tongue and chewed even more furiously on his toast. He was becoming increasingly aggravated every time someone made a comment against Draco. He was starting to feel fiercely protective of _his_ Draco and was finding it harder and harder to stay calm in front of his friends. He felt as if the precious knowledge of him and Draco being together was something he should protect and cherish. Draco made him so happy and he hadn't felt happy for so long. They didn't see the wonderful side to Draco. 

He felt like shouting at the top of his lungs and saying,' _you don't know him. He is amazing and brilliant and gentle and funny…...'_

His thoughts were cut short when he automatically looked up as Draco walked in. He was so beautiful, his silver eyes glittering, his white, blond hair moving about his pale face like a halo. Draco held himself upright with an elegance of someone of nobility. That proud haughty look that used to get on Harry's nerves before, now made Harry's heart jump at regular intervals. Draco briefly turned towards the Gryffindor table and smirked. He looked so sexy and Harry bit hard on his lip to stop himself from grinning like a hyena. 

' I hope they lose so badly!' Ron said in a vengeful tone. 

Harry was rudely jolted out of his thoughts at Ron's remark.  He stifled a sigh and finished up his breakfast. It didn't look like he was going to get a moment alone with Draco before the match. Five minutes later, sounds of beating wings fluttered overhead. Harry looked up and saw Hedwig fly in with the other owls with the mornings post. She flew down and perched on his shoulder, nipping at his ear. 

He watched as Ron untied a letter from Pig and ripped it open. He perused it quickly and said it was from home – just his mum saying hi. Harry nodded and stroked Hedwig. 

Except for that brief batch of bizarre Valentines Day messages he had received, Harry hadn't got any other mail since the sixth year had started. Nor was he expecting any. The only person he had corresponded with was Sirius. At the start of the second term, Harry had asked Hermione to use Hedwig instead of using the school owls to send mail home. Hedwig had been very restless the first term with having no letters to deliver, and had seemed very annoyed with Harry. He felt bad for her, as she had probably watched numerous owls go off on trips everyday and the only excursions she ever got to make now were of hunting. Hermione had promised that she would and Harry felt glad that at least Hedwig was getting something to do. She often came in though; with the other owls to greet him and he fondly stroked her as she hooted happily eating on a bit of toast.

Harry looked at his watch and settled back in his seat whilst the others finished.

The match started in an hour and Harry tried to get there early for front seats. 

' What's the rush?' Ron said as Harry sat down.

'Huh?' Harry said. 'Oh you know, just……..'

'Yeah,' Ron said,' I guess it would be good if we get premier seats to gloat when Slytherin lose.'

'Mmmmm,' Harry nodded. He looked around the stands and spotted Luna sporting a strange looking hat. He couldn't quite make out the design of it from here but assumed it was something that was meant to show her support for the Ravenclaw team. Hermione had come down with the other sixth year Gryffindor's and were soon all seated. Harry waited nervously for the match to start. 

The commentary started as the curtains lifted and the players flew onto the pitch. Harry's eyes quickly found Draco. He looked so good in those green robes.

' And we're off!' came the booming voice across the stadium as the players scattered. 

Harry watched nervously as the match unfolded. Slytherin scored the first Quaffle and there was a loud resounding boo from the Ravenclaw stands. Harry kept his eyes on Draco, who was hovering above the other players, keeping a watchful eye out for the Snitch. Ravenclaw scored the next two goals and Harry searched the stadium to see if he could spot where that damned Snitch had got to. 

Twenty minutes into the game and Draco dipped lower in between his players. Warrington zoomed past and caught the Quaffle, throwing it through the hoop. 

'Another goal for Slytherin!'

A Ravenclaw Beater aimed a Bludger straight at Warrington who ducked as it flew past his head. Draco was right behind, in direct path of the treacherously speeding ball. Harry's breath got lodged in his throat as he watched. Draco just in the nick of time curved sideways and Harry let out a relieved breath. That was close. _Don't let him get hurt, don't let him get hurt_, Harry prayed. 

A further forty minutes went by and both houses were clocking up their points. Just then it seemed as if the two Seekers caught sight of the Snitch. They sped towards it and Harry drew in a sharp breath. _They were going to crash_! He winced hardly daring to breath but then the Seekers looked about them and the Snitch had disappeared again.

'That was close,' Ron said with a phew.

Harry nodded. Ravenclaw scored another goal and Cho and Draco drifted apart. Harry pinned his eyes on Draco once again and saw Draco's head turn sharply. He suddenly swung his broom around and simply held out his hand. He had caught the Snitch!!!

'Malfoy catches the Snitch and the games over! Slytherin win!!!'  

The Slytherin house broke into gleeful cheers and Harry heard a groan of despair elsewhere. 

' DAMN!' Ron wailed.

Harry clamped his hand across his mouth, hiding his smile. He looked at Draco being hugged by his team mates and felt his heart glow with happiness. He felt so proud of him. Harry cupped his hands over his mouth, and grinned widely.

'Yeah I know,' Ron muttered looking at Harry thinking Harry was horrified. 'Sodding Slytherin's. But still who cares about this match. No one wins against us hey Harry?'

 'Yeah.' 

Lunchtime came and the Slytherin house were celebrating loudly. Draco was smiling and talking to his fellow classmates and Harry knew that he wouldn't be able to get to Draco again.

He spent the afternoon in the common room and then paid Hagrid a visit to see how things were going. Hagrid mentioned that Grawp was doing well and Harry could only feel thankful that he and Hermione hadn't needed to pay any visits to the 16-foot giant. Harry had the feeling that Dumbledore knew of Grawp staying in the forest, but Harry hadn't ever heard it mentioned and felt it wasn't his place to ask Hagrid. Besides Hagrid hadn't received any further injuries from Grawp, which could only mean that their relations had improved.

The evening progressed and Harry wandered back to the common room. He decided that he would leave Draco at it. He was with his Slytherin companions and should be spending time with them after a win.

Nearing midnight, Harry and Ron made their way up to bed. Seamus and Dean were already there, having a game of Exploding Snap. Harry got changed and got into bed. 

It was probably about one thirty am and he hadn't been able to close his eyes for a minute. He hadn't even been able to say congratulations to Draco all day; he hadn't even hugged him or kissed him. 

He _missed him_, and he felt so restless.

It was quiet in the room and he opened up the curtains. Everyone was asleep. He quietly got out of bed and slowly opened his trunk, taking out his cloak. He padded downstairs to the empty common room and came out of the portrait hole. He donned on his cloak and made his way down to the Dungeons. It was worth a try, he figured. The Slytherin's might still be partying and hopefully someone might come out for whatever inane reason. 

He waited and waited and felt his legs cramp. _Oh come on_! He thought. And as if someone had decided to hear his plea, the concealed door slid open. He slipped in quickly and saw Pansy Parkinson stumble out giggling. He looked around and surely enough there were plenty of people laughing and talking still. Goyle and Crabbe were still downstairs and Harry knew that Draco shared a room with just the both of them. 

He searched for Draco but didn't see him. He remembered Draco saying where his room was situated and Harry carefully wove his way hidden under the cloak as he got to the stairs. He went to the boy's dormitory and faced the long corridor. He walked down and at the end of the corridor, on the right was Draco's room. 

Harry opened the door silently and walked in. The lamps were still on and only one bed had the hangings down. Harry smiled as he padded closer, his heart beating fast. He nudged the curtain aside a smidge, and saw that Draco was getting changed with his back to Harry. He dropped his cloak and slipped his arms around Draco's waist.

'WHAT THE??!' Draco jumped turning around. 

'It's ok, it's just me,' Harry smiled at the stunned expression on Draco's face.

Draco's eyes widened and he looked confused, ' how the _hell_ did you get in?'

Harry picked up the cloak off of the floor and showed it to Draco.

'It was my dads,' Harry said as Draco ran his hands over the cloak.

'Wow, it feels incredible. These are really...'

'Rare,' Harry nodded, 'I know.' 

He came closer to Draco and pulled him close. 

'I missed you,' Harry began to kiss Draco and smiled as Draco responded back passionately.  

'I got no morning kiss, no goodnight kiss,' Harry complained teasingly as he spoke against Draco's lips. He moved back slightly, 'and most of all I wanted to say congratulations. You were brilliant.' 

Draco smiled at him, 'thank you, I was lucky is all.' 

Harry held him tight and felt himself tremor with a rush of tenderness for Draco. He tangled his fingers in Draco's hair, marvelling at the softness. Draco's hair always felt as if you were crushing a fistful of the downiest, softest feathers in your hand. 

' You feel so precious,' Harry sighed looking into the liquid, silver eyes. He ran his fingers through the blond strands, and brushed his lips lightly over Draco's face, his closed eyes, his nose, 'so delicate,' Harry murmured. 

He couldn't stop himself, he couldn't _help _himself. Draco opened his eyes, looking at Harry with a slightly dazzled look. Harry blushed, fearing that he had acted like too much of a sap for his own good. Hello sap! He pulled back and looked towards the door.

' I should get going I guess,' Harry said uncertainly. Draco was still looking at him with a strange expression.

Draco reached for Harry's hand, 'no, stay.'

Harry felt his heart leap, 'uhhh well…' 

'Is anyone going to miss you tonight?' Draco asked pulling at Harry's hand slightly.

Harry smiled back happily, 'not really, they think I'm asleep.'

Draco wound his arms around Harry once again, sliding his hands up Harry's chest. He lolled Harry's face between his hands and dropped those light feathery kisses on his lips, till the dark-haired boy gasped, wanting to melt in Draco's arms.

Draco smiled at Harry with a satisfied look and held him loosely in the circle of his arms. 

' We could do a sort of Silencing charm over the bed and an Approaching charm around the curtains.'

Harry shook his head grinning,' sort of Silencing and Approaching charm? I've not quite heard of them before.'

Draco nodded returning Harry's smile easily, ' I used it a few times last year. Me and this…..'. He trailed off,' I learnt it with someone.'

' Oh right,' Harry said, feeling a stab of jealously lance through him. 

Draco looked intently into Harry's eyes,' you still want to?'

Harry nodded quickly. Of course he wanted to stay the night with Draco. 

' You need to use the bathroom?' Draco asked. 

Harry shook his head and Draco took out his wand and muttered a few words. A soft blue light, followed by a grey one, shot out from his wand and whizzed around the four-poster bed.

'There we go,' Draco said reaching for Harry. 'Just you and me.'

Harry rested his head on Draco's shoulder and suddenly realised that Draco was in his pyjamas. He was wearing a white tight fitting vest top and green bottoms. He looked wonderfully cute and sexy. Harry kissed the tip of Draco's shoulder and relished the feel of smooth skin. He closed his eyes and leaned down against Draco's firm chest. His top was thin and Harry could feel every muscle of Draco's torso. 

Harry breathed in deeply, ' you smell so good.'

He felt Draco's arms tighten across his back, ' and you always smell good enough to eat,' Draco replied back.

Harry smiled contentedly and leaned quietly in Draco's embrace. 

' You want to get into bed?'

Harry nodded, and moved aside as Draco pulled back his blankets and got in. He looked at Harry, his eyes dancing. 

' I like your pyjamas.'

'Like yours more,' Harry said, getting into bed next to Draco. 

He leaned forward and grabbed his cloak. He folded it and slipped it under his pillow. He took off his glasses and Draco put them on his bedside table, which was inside the hangings. 

They snuggled down and Draco arranged the blankets over Harry. 

Harry watched him smiling and Draco caught his eye, 'don't want you to get cold.'

' And how could I get cold with you next to me?' 

Draco smiled and drew Harry into his arms and Harry nuzzled closer and sighed. This felt so right, and perfect. He didn't even know that he could feel this happy. Wasn't even sure if he had the right to be. He closed his eyes, cherishing the feel of Draco lazily drawing circles on his back, Draco caressing his face, Draco stroking his hair. With a smile he realised that his mind was not such a horrible place to be in anymore.

It was a good thing that he had begun to excel at Occlumency though. He couldn't even begin to imagine the look of horror on Snape's face if he saw what Harry was getting up to with his favourite student. Harry snickered in the dark at the thought and cuddled his head on Draco's neck.

He moved his lips across Draco's throat. Nestling his nose into the warm crook. Draco turned his face towards Harry and manoeuvred him comfortably in his arms as they started to kiss. There was no rush tonight, no separating. The night was all theirs and Harry was thrilled with the prospect. 

Crabbe and Goyle came into room a while later, and Harry smiled against Draco's open mouth. Draco laughed silently as Crabbe and Goyle held a conversation about the Quidditch match and the party. They hushed each other, having presumably noticed Draco's curtains around his bed.

'He's gone to sleep,' Crabbe's deep voice loudly whispered.

'This is funny isn't it?' Harry also whispered back to Draco.

Draco nodded and Harry burrowed back down into his arms, resting his head on Draco's chest again. They listened, as the pair got ready for bed and finally a quarter of an hour or so later, they did. The room went dark and Harry could hear the pair shuffling, as they got comfortable in their sheets. Harry ran his index finger up and down Draco's chest and was soon surprised to hear two sets of snores from across the room.

'They sleep fast,' Harry said amazed.

'I know,' Draco snorted. 'Annoying isn't it? They're always asleep before I am.'

Harry lifted himself up slightly and looked down at Draco. His eyes had got used to the dark and he could just about make out Draco's features. His lips found Draco's again and Harry moved his body slightly over him. 

'Draco?'

'Mmmm?

'How come you've never……you know?' Harry faltered. ' Ever try to do stuff?' he was glad that it was so dark and Draco couldn't see him colour up. 

He could hear Draco smile, ' do _stuff_ huh?' Draco said with a soft amused chuckle.

Harry smiled, 'yeah.' 

He leaned his head on his elbow looking down at Draco.' I mean..…Is it because you don't want to?'

Draco stroked Harry's face with his free hand and pulled him closer with his arm that was still around him. 

' Of course I want to. I can't wait.'

'So?'

'So,' Draco said, ' I want to take it slow.'

'Is it cos I haven't done this stuff before?' Harry asked. 

'Yes partly,' Draco replied. 'I don't want to rush you Harry. I want us to enjoy what we have and the rest will follow. I could have easily tried to pull your pants down that first night but I didn't want to. I don't want that for you.' 

Harry stayed silent. ' I want you so badly that I ache for you at times but I'm not such an over crazed sex addict that I don't know or realise that this is your first…' he paused for a second, ' you know first thing. I want it to be special for you, for us.'

Harry felt his heart somersault and kissed Draco lightly. 

' So you've had sex then and done things?' There was so much he wanted to know about Draco.

' Yes, with two girls', he said, ' at _separate_ times.'

' Girls as in plural huh?'

'Now it's my turn to ask you, does it matter?'

' No,' Harry shook his head,' it would be stupid of me not to understand that you've had experiences before me. You've had lots of people in your life and that was then.'

'And this is now ok?' Draco whispered softly.' Besides, I've never been with a boy before so in effect we're both virgins to that degree.'

Draco's eyes glimmered even in the dark room and Harry lay his head back down again.

'In any case,' Draco continued, running his fingers through Harry's soft floppy hair. ' You shouldn't be doing that kind of _stuff_ anyway, you're just a baby.'

Harry laughed, ' why am I baby?'

'Because you're just sixteen,' Draco said pointing out.

'Ahh and so what life experience did you gain in the extra months you were born before me?' Harry asked chuckling.

'Plenty I'll have you know,' Draco said in a light tone. ' Harry?'

'Yeah?'

'Don't let anyone ever make you do anything you don't want to,' he said it so seriously that Harry lifted his head in surprise. 'Make sure you never let anyone take advantage of you ok?'

Harry blinked, 'err…..ok,' he breathed quietly and then added playfully, ' except you?'

Draco laughed and hugged Harry to him,' except me,' and caught Harry in a breathtaking kiss. Harry felt overwhelmed with a tumult of feelings coursing through him. How had he got so lucky? He asked himself again. This was real wasn't it? This was actually happening?

He slithered up till his face pressed against Draco's soft cheek, and reached for Draco's hand, entwining their fingers together. 

' What did you do for your sixteenth?' Draco asked.

Harry closed his eyes, ' ummmmm I spent it with my family.'

' What are you going to do for your seventeenth?' 

'Not much probably.'

Draco laughed,' not much? Are you going to go out with your friends? Like Muggle friends in your area?'

Harry cringed; there was nothing he could say in answer to this that didn't make him sound like some sad git. 

He took a deep breath and said casually, 'I don't know. I guess I'll just play it by ear. My family isn't that big on birthdays.' 

_Talk about understatement_.

He wasn't sure why he didn't just tell Draco the truth. But he guessed he was ashamed. He was afraid that Draco may feel sorry for him and he didn't want anyone's pity. He had lived with the Dursley's hating him since he was a baby, and it was ok. If you never expect anything you aren't disappointed but it was just hard explaining to people and seeing their reactions. He was glad that Ron and Hermione never brought it up and even they did not know the finer details of his life with the Dursley's. No one did. Besides things had improved last summer so he couldn't complain really.

Draco stroked his hair comfortingly and Harry savoured the tender movements. 

' For my birthday I went skiing,' Draco said. 'I guess it's similar to Muggle skiing but so much better. It's beautiful, I bet you'd really like it.'

'I bet I would too.'

Draco kissed Harry's hair and rubbed Harry's arm soothingly.

' Imagine I take you there for your birthday. I act like a know- it- all and teach you how to ski. But of course you take to it like a duck to water and soon we race down the slopes. You probably beat me and I get all huffy till you kiss me. Its snows softly and the sun sets in as we go into our cabin. There's a roaring fireplace and the room has a warm glow and looks cosy and all snug. There's a massive double bed and we take off our over robes. Your cheeks are red and you shake your head as the snowflakes fall and melt before they touch the ground. You warm your hands on the fireplace and I take our shoes and coats into that little wooden dresser on the left. I then walk over to you and you turn to me. We don't talk as I pull you towards the bed and lay you down'.

Harry smiled listening to Draco's gentle voice.

'We've waited a long time for this and you look up at me as I take off your clothes. I kiss every inch of you and then I touch you and make you moan just like I've dreamed. And it feels so right, your skin against mine and we do everything that I've imagined and everything you want and need. And then finally afterwards, you lay back in my arms like you're doing now and I kiss you and say ''Happy Birthday''.'  Draco paused a moment, 'and what would you say?'

Harry felt his throat constrict with emotion and he swallowed before gently pressing his lips against Draco's. 

' I'd say thank you. That was the best birthday ever. You were the best birthday present I've ever had and ever will have.' 

He kissed Draco then with such intensity and passion, his lips worshipping the blond boy in his arms.

******

Karina's notes= Whoops!! To Gryffindork1 - Well they are in the same bed but I waited till Chapter nine!! But they're not having sex! Lol 


	10. Realisations

The following has been previewed as a Harry and Draco fic, so if you have stumbled into the wrong screen, then kindly leave through the exit. 

If, however, you have bought the right stub…. welcome and I hope you enjoy your stay for the few minutes it takes you to read this chapter or you might hate it and be dismally disappointed! 

Disclaimer! – Now I'm going to diss the claim. I own none of these lovely fictional characters. Miss Rowling does. 

*************

Draco awoke with an uncharacteristic smile upon his face. He immediately felt a warm body entangled in his arms and gathered it even closer. Harry's face and upper torso was resting on his chest, and he could feel his heart thudding under Harry's weight. He sighed blissfully and rubbed his face against the sweet smelling, crop of hair and laid a kiss in the midst of it. He looked down at the still sleeping face of Harry. 

It was morning, and his green curtains cast a lime coloured glow around their little sanctuary. Harry's black, dusky eyelashes cast a shadow across his soft cheeks. His lips curved slightly as he slept on. He looked so serene. Draco watched him, feeling Harry's chest rise and fall against his.

There was just something about having a person asleep in your arms, which filled you with an inspired awe. Their complete lack of consciousness was entrusted to you. It saturated your whole being with a reverential all consuming sensation. 

_Keep me safe; keep me warm, protect me while I sleep, they say._ And you do – for as long as you can. You try not to move for fear of waking them. So you lay with them for as long as they need. And Draco did just that.

He hugged Harry to him ever so gently, enjoying the complete quiet and the euphoric feeling of having Harry in his arms. They had spent their first night together and Draco basked in the moment. 

Harry's eyes eventually fluttered open a while later, and the first thing he saw was Draco smiling at him quietly. Draco felt his breath catch as Harry softly smiled back, his green eyes catching the hazy light. His eyes were miraculous and his smile pierced the very essence of you. 

'Morning,' Draco whispered.

Harry raised his head and brushed his lips across Draco's mouth.

'Morning.'

 He rested his head back again on Draco's chest and they lay in silence for a few minutes.

Harry slid his hand under Draco's top and Draco shuddered as Harry's fingers glided over his chest. He bent his head slightly, catching Harry in a deep kiss. Harry moaned softly and moved on top of Draco, not parting their lips for a second. Draco felt his stomach lurch as Harry pressed down onto him, engulfing Draco in his arms, his legs - lapping Draco's tongue with his own. 

Draco felt as if he was….. 

_sinking… _

_falling_….

And all he could feel was Harry. His heart was racing and he gripped Harry as tight as he could. As if he never wanted to let go. 

'Draco,' Harry groaned and kissed every bit of Draco's skin he could reach.

Draco could feel himself edging closer to the last brink of self-control. He had this burning urgency to be as close to Harry as he could get. He grasped Harry to his chest and in one swift move moved Harry underneath him. He pinned Harry down with the weight of his body, dropping heavy kisses on Harry's neck. He felt pleasure shoot through him as Harry arched up into his body. 

' Oh god, Harry,' he moaned softly.

_Hot, burning kisses, pressing ever closer_. 

Draco feverishly kissed Harry's mouth, his face, his hands. Imprinting fiery lips across the smooth skin, which felt like silk. He could hear Harry's soft sighs and felt almost insane with desire. 

Suddenly, Draco realised that he was positioned in between Harry's open thighs, moving up and down against Harry's body. He gulped and softened his kisses and eased his frantic pace, sinking his teeth in gently on Harry's shoulder.

He had promised himself that he would take it slow. 

Harry looked up at him, his beautiful lips parted as he drew in short gasps. His eyes were like dark green glass glinting in the sun. 

Draco couldn't speak; he was voiceless. He didn't want to move; he was motionless. He suddenly felt so overcome; he couldn't even begin to express what his heart was feeling into words. 

He couldn't bear to believe it. 

He sank against Harry and Harry wrapped him up, safely in his arms, stroking his hair and dropping kisses across his forehead as light as feathers trickling down. He could feel Harry's heart racing in time with his and closed his eyes.

Moments passed and Draco let himself drift quietly. 

'Draco?'

'Yes,' Draco mumbled back.

' Have you ever seen a Muggle supermarket?'

Draco cleared his throat, ' nope. Why?'

He felt Harry playing with his hair and moved his own hand, lightly running his fingers up and down Harry's waist. 

'I'm just trying to imagine you,' Harry carried on. 'With your swishy cloak and just the way you look, and like you're standing right there in the middle of the supermarket.' 

Harry then tittered and Draco smiled slightly, ' I'm glad I amuse you so much.'

'Oh no, not like that,' Harry said earnestly, nudging Draco's head with his nose. 'Just that you know…' he kissed Draco's hair again. ' You're all beautiful and like in a supermarket.' He chuckled again, ' you'd look so sweet.'

He sighed happily, ' I'd really like to go with you, maybe someday if I could. We could buy _all_ the food we want and I could push the trolley,' he paused, ' or you could if you want to.'

'Nice one thanks,' Draco said dryly.

' Who do you go food shopping with? Your mum?'

'_I _don't go food shopping Harry, neither does my mother.'

Harry looked blank for a second and Draco lifted his head and looked at him pointedly.

'Oh,' Harry said, 'house-elves right. Course, yes.'

He stayed silent for a moment and Draco nibbled at his lobe.

' I wonder if they have a house-elves wholesalers.'

Draco snickered, lifting his head,' I'm not even going to ask,'and kissed Harry full on the lips, catching the melodic tinkle of Harry's laughter in his mouth.

They kissed gently and then Harry smiled wistfully,' there's just so much that we could to do together if we were able to…... So many things. Little things. Everything.'

Draco suddenly felt an uncomfortable quiver prickle down his spine. He looked away and in case his tongue became a sharp pin and burst Harry's bubble- he pressed his lips closed together and crushed his face into Harry's warm neck. 

Finally Harry cupped Draco's cheek with his palm, 'Draco?' his voice held a hesitant tone. 

'Mmmm?'

 'I, I think …'

Draco's eyes flew open and didn't let Harry finish what he was going to say, 'hate to spoil the moment but we have to think of getting you out of here.' 

He scarcely met Harry's eyes before untangling his arms quickly away from Harry's body.

Harry looked shocked at the abrupt shift of unexpected words, 'oh, err… yeah ummm ok.' His eyes captured Draco's for a moment and he swallowed, 'I guess we should.' 

Draco moved off of Harry and instantly felt cold. He had been in Harry's arms all night and the sudden loss of contact left him feeling strangely deserted. He immediately wanted to dive back into the warm bed, wrapped up all again in Harry. He sighed and stood up by the edge of the bed. 

Harry got out his cloak and sat up. Draco looked at him and smiled awkwardly. Harry looked so endearing. All tousled and flushed. He was also looking at Draco a little oddly and confused as he reached for his glasses and put them on.

Draco cleared his throat, 'ok, well, I'll take the charms off. It seems pretty quiet out there.' 

Harry nodded and watched Draco get out his wand. He muttered a few words and the hangings around his bed rippled softly as if expelling a long held in breath. 

' Come,' he whispered to Harry and Harry suddenly vanished into thin air. 

It was highly unnerving not being able to see Harry, let alone not knowing where he was. Draco blinked for a second and then held out his hand. He felt a light brushing sensation of silk like satin tickle his palm. He closed his fingers around it, and could feel Harry's hand under the strange material that was neither solid nor liquid. He opened his arms and felt Harry move into them. His arms were closed around the seemingly empty air, feeling the warm body of Harry against him. 

It was amazing. It looked like he was trying to wrap his arms around a large ball but not quite reaching. He felt Harry brush his lips with the softest touch and it was so bizarre seeing nothing in front of him, yet feeling everything.  

'Ok,' Harry whispered then and Draco quickly cleared his head and peeked through the curtains. Crabbe and Goyle were still safely tucked up in bed.

He walked towards the door and held it open feeling Harry move past him. 

They went down the corridor, past the stairs and Draco turned around, 'you still there?' he asked.

He felt Harry's hand on his back, 'yeah.'

Draco walked through the empty common room. It was still early and there wouldn't be many early risers on a Sunday morning. He walked up to the wall and slid the door open. 

He felt the slightest flicker of the cloak against his legs as Harry slipped past him. He came out into the corridor and turned the corner of the passage.

'Where are you?' he whispered.

'Here.' He felt Harry lightly touch his waist. ' I'm going to stay under the cloak and go upstairs ok?'

Draco nodded not quite sure where to look. He then looked straight ahead sensing Harry's gaze. 

' I just wanted to say thank you for last night. It was the one of the best nights of my life and I guess I…' Harry's voice trailed off. Draco could hear him clear his throat, ' it meant a lot being with you is all.'

Draco bit down on his lip and nodded again silently. 

'Bye.'

 He felt Harry move away from him and was aware of only the slightest breeze of movement as Harry undoubtedly walked away.

Draco stood in the corridor for a moment longer before he went back into the common room. 

He wondered if Harry had sensed anything. Last night had been incredible; it had been special and sweet. He had never _slept _with anyone before. Any beds he had shared had certainly not reached the point of slumber. 

Harry had moved him and holding him in his arms all night  - it had touched Draco in places he didn't want to recognise. He now had that horrible growing sense of unease settle into his body.

He couldn't believe how quickly he had fallen for Harry and hadn't even thought the whole situation out. He'd held Harry and kissed him and they had spoken like……..…lovers. Was that what he was? A lover? Harry's boyfriend? Well he was certainly taking the right road to it, if indeed he wasn't there already. 

Draco reached his room and padded in quietly, slipping back into the sheets. They felt cold now and he buried his face in the pillow that Harry had been laying on. It still smelt of Harry and Draco pressed in his nose taking in a deep breath.

He didn't _want _to need Harry; _want_ to see him. Only feel alive and complete and secure till he'd had Harry's arms around him. Harry's lips against his. Harry smiling at him. He didn't _want_ to _want _any of that. He shouldn't. 

Yet he did. _That's all he craved_. 

What a shitty paradox, he thought glumly.

He lay on his back looking up again at the ceiling. He was a Malfoy; Malfoys didn't get reliant on people. Malfoys kept a rein on their emotions and never lay vulnerable to anyone. They were supposed to be supremely arrogant and not be pliant. He loved his parents, they loved him. But he had also learnt throughout the years, the importance of independence and keeping a cool head. 

_He _was doing neither. His independence had decreased to zero. Everything was about Harry. He hadn't kept a cool head at all and let his heart rule over his mind the last few weeks. He couldn't delude himself any longer though.

He had spent years encasing himself in an impenetrable shield. He very rarely let people get to him emotionally. The only deep emotions he ever seemed to show at school were of hate and sarcasm - towards the Gryffindor's mainly.

But Harry got to him; had from the first day they had met. Draco had felt like throttling and pounding Harry into the ground, the boy had got under his skin that much. Now of course, he felt like pounding Harry into the ground in many different ways. 

Draco was unaccustomed to deep sentiments. Love only went as far as his parents and he was loyal to his friends but that was all that he had expected of himself. He had figured that one day he would meet a girl of the same background and probably marry, but he had never envisioned fanciful images of falling in love and everything else that went with it. 

He cared about Harry, worried about Harry, felt protective of Harry. He couldn't handle or deal with the fact that he had unintentionally let this person come into his life and then overtake it - become essential to his whole being, and yet he had.

He hated Harry for that, 

_almost_…….he sighed. 

But not quite. 

He shook his head crossly. He'd even refrained from making digs at Weasel and Granger, ever since that argument he'd had with Harry. Stopped himself from wanting to kick Longbottom on his fat, hideous butt every time he saw him. Bit his tongue whenever he felt the need to verbally abuse those nauseatingly pious Gryffindor's. And he'd done all that for _Harry_. 

It now bugged the hell out of him that Harry hadn't even noticed. And it really pissed him off, when he saw ginger nut with that _LOOK_ on his pasty face. As if he was daring Draco to challenge him and when Draco didn't, he got that smug, self-satisfied expression. As if the reason Draco wasn't insulting him was due to even a _fraction of credit to him!_

Draco wished he could punch out that infuriating look on the gits face. Draco wouldn't even spit on him, the nasty pillock, or his Mudblood girlfriend. He hated all those twerps  - except Harry. 

It all came back to Harry. 

Draco lay in bed contemplating his thoughts, till he heard Crabbe and Goyle get up.  He opened up his curtains and got up and washed. Half an hour later, the three of them went down to the Great Hall. 

Harry was finishing up his breakfast when Draco walked in. He could feel Harry's eyes on him and he purposely didn't look back. Kept his gaze on his table and sat down. Only then with as much indifference as he could muster, did he allow himself to look over at the Gryffindor table. 

He gave a cold lofty look that swept across Harry and his friends. Harry's eyes widened slightly and Draco looked back at him tight lipped, for a second longer. He then deliberately turned his head away, talking to Malcolm who was seated on his left. It was better this way, Draco reasoned. He didn't want Harry getting comfortable and thinking he had Draco all figured out. He hasn't got me……….

He wouldn't allow Harry that power over him. Couldn't.

Five minutes later there was a flurry of sound of wings and hoots, as the owls soared in with the post. His own eagle owl swept overhead and dropped him a small package. He opened it up. It was from his mother. She had gone shopping and picked him up a black cashmere polo neck. He took it out and ran his hand across the soft wool. His mother loved shopping (not _food_ shopping) and was always outfitted in the latest and exclusive designs of the wizarding world. The Ministry had not frozen the Malfoy's assets and his mother continued to live her life, nearly as she had always done. Narcissa was a beautiful woman who took a great deal of care when it came to her looks. She had passed on her trait to Draco, who always took pride in his presentation.  Both his parents were always beautifully turned out and Draco always felt proud as heads turned whenever they walked past. Draco let out a deep breath. He had no idea what state his dad looked like right now shut up in jail.

Blaise leaned over, ' you'll look great in that Draco.' 

He nodded, 'thanks,' and turned his eyes back to his breakfast. 

Last week he had told Blaise firmly but gently that they were _not _an item. She had looked surprised and said, ''but they got along so well. She thought he liked her bla bla''. He had said yes the party had been fun, but he wasn't interested in her that way. He didn't _want_ to be attached to anybody and she had looked pouty and teary eyed. It had to be done though. He couldn't stand her fawning over him all the time and it was true. 

He didn't _want_ to be _attached_ to anyone-not even Harry- _especially bloody Harry. _I don't, he thought. He was his own person and that was how it was going to remain. 

Harry was still sitting as Draco finished his breakfast. When he walked out, his heart jolted as he met Harry's eyes for the tiniest of moments. I'm sorry, he silently said. I'm just not ready to sacrifice myself for you. I can't be. I won't be. 


	11. Holding Back

Harry and Draco sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. If this offends you in any way, you're in the wrong fic.

Disclaimer = We all know that Miss Rowling wrote the books. 

*********

Draco purposely did not sought out Harry for the rest of Sunday and when he saw Harry for dinner again, he didn't make any visual contact. He walked out with a few Slytherin's as they went to the common room, thus leaving Harry no room to even approach him. 

It wasn't till Monday morning and he came up into the Entrance Hall, to see Harry sitting at the foot of the marble staircase once again. Harry seemed deep in thought and his eyes clicked on Draco as he appeared before him. 

Draco looked around quickly and Harry snapped in a low voice, 'it's ok no one is around!'

Draco shrugged, still keeping himself at a distance from Harry.

Harry got up and eyed Draco warily. Draco looked deep into those green eyes that he had got to know so well. He indicated with a nod towards the small room that led off the hall. He peeked his head around and saw that it was empty and walked in. Harry followed him with an annoyed expression as Draco turned to close the door behind them. 

'Well?' 

Harry crossed his arms and Draco could see that Harry was pissed off. He decided to play ignorant and came closer to Harry, who was still standing huffily. Draco closed the space between them.

'_Well_?' Harry asked again louder. 

Draco ran his finger across Harry's cheek. 

'Well what?' he leaned in and pressed his lips on the corner of Harry's mouth. 

He almost smiled as Harry turned his face away. ' What was up with you yesterday?'

Draco cupped Harry's face in his hands, turning it back to his lips. He had missed this. Oh god he had, he had missed this. And it had barely been a day. He kissed Harry slowly and softly and Harry didn't put up much resistance and responded with a small sigh of surrender for a few moments before pulling back angrily.

'NO! No. Don't think you can shut me up by making out with me!' Harry pulled his face away and pushed Draco back slightly.

Draco chuckled in his throat, and moved back giving Harry room. Harry looked all aggravated and so cute. 

_Always so darn cute…….._

Draco wet his lips and swallowed. 

' I was just busy yesterday,' he shrugged casually again which seemed to only infuriate Harry more. 

'_Busy_?' Harry spat out. ' That wasn't being _busy._ That was…  I mean….. you were being...' 

He searched for a word and didn't come up with anything. He dropped his hands to his side and shook his head. Draco felt his chest ache. He looked at the dark-haired boy in front of him. Really looked at him. The mass of black hair that fell around that beautiful face, the green eyes glowing uncertainly behind those framed glasses (which Draco had gotten quite fond of). The perfectly formed physique that leant against the wall - unsure of what it wanted to do next. He is here for me, Draco thought. Look at him. Harry James Potter is here for me and me only.

He moved forward again and pushed Harry's chin up with his finger. He slid his fingers under Harry's jaw, caressing those soft lips with his thumb. Harry stayed silent and gazed unblinking into Draco's eyes. It hurt to look into Harry's eyes. They looked as if they had lost something and were wavering all alone looking forlorn. Draco felt his heart constrict. 

' I couldn't get away yesterday that's all, all right? Nothing else to it.' 

Harry didn't look like he believed a word of it but remained quiet. 

Draco could see worry shadowing Harry's eyes and he hated it. 

'Hey come on, that's _all_,' he stressed, 'ok?'

Harry stayed silent and Draco took the break in words gratefully and gently shoved Harry against the wall, lying urgent kisses alongside his jaw line and down his neck. 

Harry's arm flailed at his side, as if deciding whether to push Draco away or not. In the end it seemed he had decided _not_ and pulled Draco closer. Draco pressed his body up against Harry's, roughly untucking Harry's shirt and sliding his hands up and over the smooth skin of Harry's ribcage, to the top of his chest. His lips pressed hard on Harry's with a sudden thirst and hunger that had to be satiated quickly. He thrust his tongue into Harry's mouth and drunk him in. Harry let out a low moan clutching at Draco, his arms clasping around Draco's back.

They kissed hungrily and Draco desperately joined his mouth with Harry's. He did not pause to take a breath; he just kept on and on pressing his lips on Harry's. They were both gasping for breath soon and Draco anxiously looked once more into the green pools. They were rich with heat and desire – all the worry seemed to have been wiped away much to his relief. Draco took Harry in his arms and held him tightly, Harry's head tilted gently against Draco's chest. 

Draco pressed tiny kisses along the side of Harry's nape and shivered with emotion as Harry huddled closely to him, cocooned against Draco's beating heart.

_Lust,_ Draco thought. All this is lust. That's it. That's all. _I don't c-a-r-e, _I don't. Of course I don't. I don't care about him..…

He moved back and gripped Harry along his body and kissed him voraciously again. Kissing him harder and harder, as if to make a point to _himself_ that he did not care. It's attraction that's all, he could feel himself hard and aching and he rubbed his body against Harry gasping as the pleasurable, electrical jolts ran through him. Harry groaned as Draco grated up and down, losing all mind and reason. 

He could just have sex with Harry now; get it out of his system. Prove to himself, that this was all it was. Then it would be all over. Because that's _all it is_, his mind screamed. He could say that he'd had sex with Harry Potter in years to come. That he had had the proud Gryffindor on his back for him with his legs open.

You're as depraved as that. Just do it. Sex, that's _all_ but his heart countered his mind in direct conflict. 

_It's not all,_ the tiny voice in his head said. Draco let out a frustrated heavy sigh and pressed his body still and leaned heavily into Harry's embrace as he slowed his kisses down. 

He knew that if he wanted, he could push Harry down onto his knees and get him to _suck him off_, and then tell him to _fuck off._ And it was so horribly disconcerting. He didn't want that power either. He shuddered with revulsion at himself for even thinking that. He wouldn't abuse Harry in that way. But just the simple, basic fact that he could actually do _that_ got to Draco. Got to him so badly. He stared down at Harry's tie. Since when did I become such a righteous man? Even protecting Harry from _himself._

Putting other peoples feelings first, was an aberrant trait. And he was doing it more and more with Harry. This constant battle inside was wearing him thin. 

His heart knotted in his chest again, as he looked at Harry's face. Harry didn't look at all annoyed now, he'd let it go and Draco was both touched and groundlessly irritated at the same time. He wasn't sure if he was cross that Harry could forgive him so easily or moved that Harry cared that much for him. He gave himself up so willingly to Draco, that he was finding it hard to not just take advantage of what was being offered to him. But since he had grown a conscience when it came to Harry, he couldn't bear the thought of hurting him at all and that sickened Draco. Of course he wasn't sure what sickened him the most exactly.

'You'll be late you know?' he said softly brushing the tip of Harry's nose with his. 'Mcgonagall doesn't take well to tardiness.'

Harry's eyes widened ever so slightly with surprise, ' how did you know I had Transfiguration?'

'Of course I know,' Draco chuckled softly.' After all these weeks and you don't think I know your timetable off by heart?'

Harry flushed and shrugged smiling.' I know you have free period now.'

Draco grinned, 'there you go then.' 

He kissed Harry again. He knew he could probably spend hours bathing Harry's lips with his. He would never tire from it. Each kiss felt separate and just as sweet as the last. 

'I'll see you later ok?'

Harry cocked his brow, and gave him a sarcastic look, ' Maybe _I'LL _be busy this time.' 

Draco nodded as a small smile crept from Harry's mouth. 'I'll just have to take that risk then.' 

Harry smiled then and hugged Draco hard. He kissed Draco on the cheek before leaving. 

Immediately the room grew cold and all Draco could feel was the warm kiss that Harry had just placed on his cheek. He dropped his head and took in a long breath. He waited a moment longer and then opened the door and walked out. 

A few hours later he had been passing through the Entrance Hall when someone banged into him. He knew instantly from the smell that it was Harry. He hid his grin quickly and formed his much-used sneer upon his face. Harry had spilt something down him and he felt the front of his robes grow wet.

'Watch it Potter! Didn't anyone teach you how to walk properly?'

Harry was standing with Weasel holding a now empty jar in his hand. He looked at Draco blankly.

Draco raised his brows in question and Weasel glowered at him. Draco felt his fist itch; it was just dying to be connected to ginger-nuts face.

' I think this calls for a detention Potter.'

'You can't do that!' Weasel yelled immediately.

'Someone has to teach you Gryffindor manners. I'll let you know what time Potter. Don't be late, or you'll find yourself in detention all week.'

Harry stood quietly and Weasel was red with fury,' you can't do that!' he persisted.

Draco shook out his robes slightly,' I think I can and I think I just have, 'he cocked his head pointedly towards Harry and walked away.

As he began to walk towards the door to the Dungeons, he heard Weasel let out a barrage of insults and chuckled. 

He sent Harry a quick owl telling him his detention was to be at six thirty. He left out the room; Harry would know where to come.

Later when he reached their room, Harry was already there. He was sitting on a desk looking through a textbook when Draco walked in.

'Studying are we?' Draco drawled and Harry looked up.

'Just reading, I wasn't sure if you were going to come and well I had to bring something with me so…' he shrugged.

Draco came up to him and lifted his chin. Harry gave him a small smile and Draco saw a dark shadow clouding his green eyes. He felt a stab of guilt and wondered if Harry were still upset with him. 

'You've been very conscientious with your studies of late haven't you? I've noticed that. You had never struck me as the academic type before.'

Harry stayed quiet and Draco looked at him, feeling concerned in spite of his opposition towards such sentiments.

'Did you want to study?' he asked.

Harry gazed at him and said in a low voice,' which one do you prefer?'

Draco looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and then moved closer and took the book from Harry and laid it aside. He then parted Harry's legs with a gentle hand. He positioned himself in the V of Harry's leg and put his arms tightly around Harry's back. He looked silently into the green eyes and then moved one hand and picked up Harry's arm, draping it behind his neck. He did the same with Harry's other arm with a small smile on his lips and saw Harry's mouth twitch slightly. Now that he had both of Harry's arms flopped around his neck, Draco leaned in closer into Harry's body and kissed him softly.

'Does this answer your question?'

He moved his arms back around Harry once more and felt Harry's hands entangle in his hair. 

'Feel me, touch me, kiss me. I'm right here ok?'

'Ok,' Harry mumbled and kissed him back with gentle, small kisses.

Draco gripped Harry's body, his hands splayed across the small of Harry's back. Harry's knees were pressing into the sides of his waist and their kisses grew more open and hungrier.

' I really like the taste of your mouth,' Harry said suddenly between kisses.

'Me too,' Draco responded breathlessly. 'I mean as in yours. Which is a good thing seeing as….'

'How much time we spend in each others mouths?' Harry finished off for him.

'Exactly,' Draco smiled and they crushed their lips together once more. 

They kissed for a while and Harry leaned back eventually, his mouth all pink and swollen.

' Ron gave one of your Slytherin first years detention, for running in the halls.'

Draco shook his head,' couldn't let it go could he?'

Harry smiled,' you Prefects have way too much power.'

Draco gave him a lofty look,' well you better not cheek me mister. I've been way too easy on you. I can't believe I've never given you detention before.'

Harry laughed,' yeah I guess I should be careful.'

Harry leaned forward and rested his head on Draco's chest.

' I think my detention is nearly over isn't it?'

'Mmmm it would seem so,' Draco murmured.  The time passed way too quickly when he was with Harry. It was incredible. Harry kissed him once more before jumping down from the desk and picked up his book.

'That was the best detention I've ever had though,' Harry said.

'Yeah?' Draco watched his face smiling.' What was the worst detention you've ever had?'

Harry shook his head,' I've had a few, couldn't say really.'

He gave Draco a sweet smile before he left the room and Draco followed suit shortly.

Tuesday night they met up in the disused staff room. They had actually brought books with them with the intention of studying. Looking very studious, they spread the books across the table and took a seat on either side and started to revise quietly for the upcoming summer exams. 

An hour into the session and Draco lifted his eyes once again over to Harry. Harry looked up and grinned and poked a small pink tongue at Draco before he bent his head down over his book again. Draco held back a grin and lowered his eyes too. 

Five minutes later he felt Harry's gaze on him and lifted his head. Draco looked into the bright, cat like eyes and carried on staring. 

_Those damn eyes will be the death of me_, he thought. Harry wiggled his brows, breaking Draco out of his semi-trance like state. 

'What?'

'Nothing.' 

Harry's eyes lowered to Draco's lips causing Draco to feel a tingle in his stomach and in a flash, he quickly reached over the table and caught Harry gently by his tie and pulled him closer. Draco pressed a breathtaking kiss upon Harry's lips. He swallowed in Harry's tongue and sucked it gently before withdrawing and licking Harry's mouth. He grinned playfully and smacked his lips as he let go of Harry and seated himself back down in his chair. Harry's mouth was agape and his face looked delightfully dazed. Draco cocked a teasing brow before returning back to his textbook. 

A minute later Harry spoke up, 'do you think we've done enough studying?'

Draco replied without lifting his head,' you think an hour is all we can manage? Doesn't speak very highly of your attention span Mr Potter.' 

'Maybe but nonetheless…….…' Harry shut his book and came around to Draco's side, perching himself on the table in front of Draco' s seat. 

Draco smirked,' so I take that as a yes then?' he watched Harry shift a few books aside and seat himself directly parallel to Draco's face. 

Harry smiled charmingly, 'yeah.' 

He leaned down and cupped Draco's face up in his palms and brushed his lips against his softly. Draco gazed at his face, and a small hopeful smile lit up Harry's eyes. Oh you're so bloody cute, Draco thought affectionately.

'All right then,' Draco sighed exaggeratedly and pushed his books away and placed his hands on the tops of Harry's thighs. 

Harry edged nearer to Draco, drawing his face close and kissing him with long, slow, measured strokes. Draco slid his hands around Harry's waist and around his back, pulling Harry nearly off of the table into his lap. They kissed and the silence was only broken with their breathless moans escaping now and then. 

Harry's one hand dropped down onto Draco's neck. His fingers lowered and teased the collar and tie of Draco's shirt. He stopped kissing and looked deep into Draco's eyes as his other hand loosened Draco's tie. Draco looked up at him silently, his eyes burning with unspoken desire, as he felt Harry slide his tie off of him and undo a few top buttons of his shirt.

'I just want to see something,' Harry's words were barely audible and Draco felt gripped in a hot haze. He didn't care if Harry wanted to do more than just see.

The top part of his chest was exposed as Harry brushed the shirt aside with nimble fingers. 

'I knew you had pink nipples.' 

Draco laughed softly surprised with the little statement, ' been giving it much thought have you? Occupied your mind of lately?'

Harry blushed bashfully and smiled, ' I just wondered..…' 

He hesitatingly brushed a tentative finger over one of Draco's nipples and Draco let out a soft moan as Harry fingered it lightly. Harry lowered his lashes and Draco could see a delightful tinge of pink stain Harry's cheeks. He caught Harry's hand and kissed it, holding it tightly. It was almost as if sometimes, Harry was surprised that Draco found his touch pleasurable. He was so innocent in many ways and Draco felt swept up in a tidal wave of affection.

Draco gripped Harry's hands in his and grinned back knowingly,' I know what colour yours are.' 

Harry laughed, 'how do you know that? I thought you never got as far as my nipples!'

Oh yeah, Draco thought. Oooopppssss. He tilted his face up and kissed Harry before moving back and clearing his throat. 

' I have a confession to make.'

'And the plot thickens,' Harry joked with a cheeky smile.

Draco nodded and Harry looked at him amused, his fingers trailing across Draco's collarbone.

' You know that night in your changing room? Before your match?'

Harry nodded,' you hurt your wrist,' and he lifted Draco's right wrist kissing it.

Draco smiled back tightly, 'yeah, anyway. I kind of saw you …..… showering.'

Harry's eyes widened, his head lowering as if to say………

'Yes, ' Draco confirmed, ' I saw you quite _naked_ and showering.'

'You saw me naked? Like _all_ of me naked?' Harry looked a little stunned and Draco nodded again as Harry's eyes dropped.

'I'm sorry,' Draco said quickly, his arms sliding around Harry's neck as he peered up into Harry's face. 'But you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Nothing at all. You have a lurvely body, honest. You're hot, gorgeous, yum yum,' he assured Harry.

'Really?' Harry asked, his nose wrinkling slightly.

'_Of course_!' Draco said amazed, 'for gods sake. Hello? Have you looked at you? I feel your body all the time, you think I can't tell what it's like?' he squeezed Harry's thigh gently.

Harry smiled shyly,' yeah but I'm covered, not standing around in my birthday suit.'

' Are you angry?' Draco asked concerned.

Harry shook his head, 'no. If anyone has to see me naked, I'd rather it be _you._' He laughed then, ' you know, I always shower in the actual _stalls_. I never shower in the open area. I only did that day, because I thought I was _alone, _' he grinned pointedly.

Draco stood up and gathered Harry into his arms, ' so you mean to say, no one else has seen you naked?'

' I certainly hope not………well except you.'

'That's good,' Draco murmured, happy that he was the only one who got to see this side to Harry.  

He kissed Harry's neck and slid his hands along Harry's waist. 

'I should be given extra credit,' he breathed hotly into Harry's warm skin.

'And why's that?' Harry asked huskily as he closed his eyes, looking like he was enjoying Draco's lips delight his senses. 

'Well because all this time I've known exactly what you look like under your clothes, _and_ I've managed to have the self-discipline of a monk I might add, not to rip off your clothes and take you on the floor every time I see you.' 

Harry's body shivered deliciously at Draco's words,' liking yourself to a monk now are we?'

'Mmmm,' Draco hummed, finding Harry's lips once again.

I just can't get enough of him, Draco thought as electric tingles ran from his lips to throughout his body.

'You could you know…….…' Harry said his expression honest and revealing. 

Draco gulped, his eyes flashing with the implication of Harry's words. He looked awed for a moment as Harry and him breathed hotly, fanning each other's faces.

'I know,' he said after a long moment, his eyes never straying from Harry's. 

Oh dear lord, Draco thought. He felt his heart soar to some great unknown height and drift back slowly into it's habitat. Whenever Harry offered himself, it cut Draco to the quick. All these feelings were bubbling up inside of him and it was like keeping a lid on a boiling pot. Turn the heat up to its utmost and excess fluid was going to fall. Draco just didn't know whether he was coming or going. What in the heck did he want? Harry. Of course Harry. But at what cost? This wasn't right, morally speaking. It was almost outlawed.

Harry's eyes flickered over Draco's face as if searching for a clue as to what he was thinking. Draco looked down, feeling the moment suspend heavily around him. He hugged Harry to him, not wanting to betray himself with words that were threatening ceaselessly to escape. Regardless of rhyme or reason.

He finally moved back and gave a light smile, ' I knew you were easy Potter.'

Harry pretended to be outraged, narrowing his eyes and then relaxing back into a solemn smile, 'only for you,' he said softly. 

Draco felt his heart wince painfully in his chest, ' _promise_?' the word slipped out before he could stop it.

' _Always, _' Harry whispered.

Draco swallowed hard, his heart racing.  He felt giddy and hid his face into Harry's hair, gathering him close to his chest. The subtext of their words relayed more than Draco could deal with right now. How did Harry reach inside of him and draw out feelings that had fought endlessly to remain hidden? What am I going to do with you Harry? Draco thought. I don't want to care about you at all. 

Please let this be attraction, I can't handle anymore. Draco closed his eyes tightly, his nose buried in the soft black hair. Every time he was with Harry now, his stomach swirled. Little feathered wings tickled his heart. I'm drowning in you, Draco thought. I'm submersed in you. 

Harry mumbled against his chest, after a minute, ' it's not fair you know?'

Draco swallowed hard and leaned back, 'what's that?' 

He looked ever so gratefully at Harry for not lingering on the previous moment. He just did not want to deal with it at the present time.

Harry gave him a winsome smile,' you've seen mine but I haven't seen yours!' 

'All in good time,' Draco gave a suave grin and with a joking expression he said, ' besides I have shown you something.' 

Harry looked at him questioningly.

'My pink nipples of course.'

Harry laughed out aloud and Draco smiled pulling him close.


	12. Adore You

Harry and Draco having moments – together. If that is too scandalous for your eyes then I'm sorry to lose you as an audience but cya.

Disclaimer: I own nothing in the HP world; they all belong to Miss Rowling. 

WARNING: No, not THAT kind of warning, a different one. I feel it is only fair to tell you that this is one MAMMOTH chapter. So if you are planning on reading it, then I hope you are comfortable. Actually, I think most of the chapters are very long huh?

*********

It was Wednesday afternoon and unseasonably warm. The weather had not quite made up it's mind, and so had started the day off with a few showers and then brightened up considerably, lightening up the grounds. 

Harry, Ron and Hermione, decided that they might possibly hit the books after lunch as they had the afternoon free. Hermione was starting to get end of year exam jitters. 

'Hermione calm down, the exams aren't till next term. We have ages and ages,' Ron said in vain as they walked down to the library. 

'No Ron, we have to do really well in these exams. They count towards next year! If we do badly we might have to drop a subject and then our second year will be totally ruined!' Hermione looked frazzled.' I really think we should start pacing ourselves, seriously. '

Harry gave a small smile, ' I'm sure you'll be fine Hermione,' he said his eyes twinkling. 

He was in a good mood today. A lot better than he had been yesterday morning. Yesterday, he had woken up feeling worried and fretful. Draco had been avoiding him and Harry had felt the beginnings of slight panic swirl around in his stomach. But then Draco's kisses and words had reassured him greatly. 

Objectively speaking though, he was usually in quite a good mood nowadays. Previously he had pushed all his thoughts and emotions to the back of his mind, allowing himself to feel nothing most of the time. But Draco had sparked off a flame of happiness inside of him, which he hoped would not extinguish.

He smiled happily and Hermione gave him a puzzled look. 

'It's just not right Harry for you to be smiling so much,' she said dismissively, gripping the large books in her hand.

Immediately Harry's smile froze on his face. 

He looked on as Ron tried to ease Hermione's burden by adding two books from her pile to his. Ginny caught up with them as they reached the entrance of the library.

'Thought I'd get a start on my History of Magic essay,' she said coming up close.

'Look Herm, Ginny is the one doing her OWLs this year, not us. We should be taking it easy. We deserve to,' Ron said.

Hermione didn't answer and Ginny shot Harry a smile. They watched Hermione untangle her hair from the shoulder strap of her bag.

'Lets get in shall we,' Ron sighed and they finally went into the library.

It was mostly packed with fifth and seventh year students. 

'See,' Ron exclaimed, ' hardly any sixth years in sight. They have the sense to be out enjoying the sunshine and us ……' he trailed off due to a murderous glance from Hermione.

'Us being conscientious, are smart doing all this extra homework,' Ron finished off.

Ginny eyed a table and they ran to it quickly, putting their bags down. Hermione dropped her bag on the table and was off like a shot to the bookcases as the others sat down.

'She's lost it,' Ron muttered. 'She had a dream last night that she had failed her NEWTs and was being put back into the first year. I told her that was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard in my life but she's been on edge all morning.'

Harry looked at him, 'she'll settle down,' Ron nodded.

 'Not that you're much better. You've been like Hermione number two,' he gave Harry a meaningful glance.

Harry stayed silent and took out some books. Hermione's earlier comment had dumped a bucket full of ice-cold water over him.

A few minutes later, Harry glanced around the library, his sixth sense pricking his ears like a little dog. He could always tell if Draco was nearby. And he was not wrong.  

There he was, about two tables away. Harry's heart leaped joyously and his eyes lingered for a few moments on the blond, Hermione's words forgotten. He could be happy if he wanted to be and smile as much as he wanted to. He had reason to. 

Draco was sitting on a table of six. Pansy was one of the six and was sitting right next to Draco, much to Harry's discomfort. Pansy also liked Draco, although Draco never seemed to encourage her. In fact more often than not, he was quite abrupt and short with her. Which Harry admitted, made him rather gleeful.

It was so strange seeing Draco not more than a few feet away, and not kissing him or holding him, or even talking to him. That always felt strange now. He was right there and Harry ripped his eyes away and looked down at his books. Nevertheless, it was somehow quite reassuring having Draco so near. It was pleasantly comforting.

He flicked a few pages of his textbook and pulled out his quill, holding it thoughtfully in his hand.  He then looked up again and fixed his eyes on Draco's table. He composed his features into a blank expression, hoping that it looked like he was thinking very hard, and that he just happened to be zoning out on that particular Slytherin table. He almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of his behaviour but he wanted to watch Draco. How else could he do so?

Draco was sitting back in his chair looking very relaxed, with his long legs out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. In one hand he was holding a parchment and seemed to be skim reading it and in his other hand he was twirling his wand. Harry bit his lip; how did Draco manage to look like that? So cool and so scrumptious. 

He was sitting right in the path of the sunlight that beamed through the window. His blond hair caught the glimmer of the light, sheathing it in gold. His face was bathed in a luminous radiance, and even from here, Harry could see the thick sweep of Draco's eyelashes that hid those penetrating grey eyes.

'Harry?' Ron prodded him with his quill, ' can I see your Dark Art notes?'

'Huh?' Harry quickly looked at Ron,' yeah course.'

He rummaged through the sheets and handed Ron the correct one. Hermione came back to the table laden with no less than six books. Ginny smothered a giggle as she saw the mortified look upon Ron's face.

'Gosh Herm, how long are you planning on staying in the library?'

Hermione clicked her tongue as she sat down, 'I just want to be thorough in this essay Ron. I want to make sure I haven't missed anything. I want to get full marks.'

She stopped talking then and turned her attention to the foray of books and parchments in front of her.

Ron met Harry's eyes and gave him a look, signalling that Hermione had lost the plot. Harry gave a little nod and then focused his eyes on the chapter that lay open before him. He willed himself not to look up at Draco every four seconds and got on with taking some notes and reading.

A little while later, he felt that he owed it to himself to sneak a peek at the blond. He lifted his textbook high enough in front of his face, so he could observe him without being seen.

It wasn't that he was ashamed of his relationship with Draco. Far from it. Ideally Harry would love to tell people about the two of them.  But he also knew that by telling people, their relationship would no longer just be about them as it was right now. It would be about other people's reactions and Harry wasn't naïve enough not to know, that most of the reactions would be extremely negative. 

He knew that eventually he would have to tell people, but for now he just wanted to have Draco to himself and explore their relationship further. There were so many things they had yet to discuss, that they hadn't even touched upon. Inevitably that hump in the road would have to be crossed sooner or later – but it was better they first felt more secure and safe together as a couple, before they started to discuss such hard topics. That is how Harry felt about the situation anyhow. 

He glanced at Ron and sighed. Telling Ron and Hermione was going to be so difficult. Ron would quite obviously go nuts and Hermione would be offended with all the secrecy and the mere fact that it was Draco, which would make both of their bloods boil. Ron loathed Draco with every morsel of his body and would feel betrayed and disgusted and Hermione would keep reminding him what Draco's family stood for and how difficult Harry was making it upon himself, especially since it had taken so long for the Wizarding community to believe in him again. 

For entirely selfish reasons, Harry wanted to keep his relationship with Draco concealed for the moment. There was no need to tell people yet and he didn't feel like unearthing his private life to the rest of the school and the papers. He wanted something to call his own and have on his own, without prying eyes and comments. His relationship with Draco was dear to him and he didn't want anything ruining it. He hated to think of Draco coming under the firing line and truthfully the longer he could delay that the better. He didn't mind having to deal with people's reactions himself; he could handle all the stories that would be told and the looks etc but he was worried for Draco. And predictably, things would probably get a lot worse before they got better.

So till then, hell be damned, Harry was going to enjoy every valuable second.  

He suddenly saw Pansy lean very close to Draco and rub his arm. Draco looked up from his parchment briefly and held his wand still in his fingers. Harry frowned. What was she saying to him? He couldn't hear from here. Extra sensory hearing would be really good about now.

Draco looked away without opening his mouth and turned his eyes back to his parchment. He was now drumming his wand on his knee. He was annoyed, Harry could tell. You're annoying him! Harry wanted to yell at Pansy. She then leaned over again and Draco looked irritated as he lifted his eyes to her.

Harry's brows furrowed and in the next moment, quickly nudged his books off of the table with a big CRASH! 

All eyes around his vicinity, immediately centred on him, including Draco's and Pansy's.

Harry briefly met Draco's eyes and said, 'sorry,' loudly before lowering himself to the floor and picking up his books. 

'You all right Harry?' Ginny asked.

'Yeah,' he replied as he straightened up and slid the books back on the table. He looked up at Draco again, who gave him the briefest of nods. He shifted his eyes away and everyone returned back to their books.

A few minutes passed and he saw Draco push his chair back. He got up and walked down the passage towards the back of the library and disappeared up the small staircase on the right hand side.

Harry tapped his foot impatiently and glanced up for the hundredth time. Should he go and find Draco? He looked around and then back down at his parchment. The other three on his table were engrossed in study with their heads bent down writing away.

If he wanted to go and find Draco he better do it soon, otherwise Draco may come back to his seat. Harry scratched his neck and made a small show of looking through his books.

'Oh,' he said and pushed his chair back discreetly as possible. 

'I'm just going to go and find a book,' he whispered and Ron nodded without looking up.

He walked down the opposite end of which Draco had taken, and lightly took the steps, which were also there. If he wound his way about, he would eventually end up towards the back end of the library and find Draco.

He walked soundlessly down the narrow columns, winding his way through the bookcases. He eventually reached the corner where he assumed Draco was. He peeked round and indeed there he stood. His fingers were running over the titles of the books on the shelves and Harry smiled as he neared him. 

'Hello,' he said in a hushed tone.

'Hello,' Draco replied back in a low voice, without taking his eyes off of the shelves.

Harry stood for a moment,' what you doing?'

'Finding a book,' Draco lifted out a thick volume and opened the first page. He then lifted his face and looked at Harry with a sharp gaze. 

'What are you doing?'

Harry stared back,' just thought I'd say hello.' 

Draco looked back down at the book he was holding and Harry stood awkwardly for a moment. Draco slot the book back up on the shelf and looked like he was still going to carry on searching. Harry looked down at his feet, unsure of what to do next, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

He then felt Draco lift his face up and place a warm kiss upon his forehead. He smiled quickly and Draco's lips curved upwards as he leaned in close giving Harry a soft kiss on his lips.

'Hi.'

Harry felt his heart gather speed and drum roll in his chest. He closed his eyes and pressed his face against Draco's, savouring the feel of his skin. Draco's touch always made him feel better. 

He slipped his hand into Draco's and looked deep into the silvery shimmer, before he drew back and led him around the corner to the far left section of the bookcases. He walked down to the middle of the passage and pressed Draco up gently against the rows of books and kissed him tenderly.

'We're in the library,' Draco whispered between kisses, as they slipped their arms around each other's waists.

' I know,' Harry whispered back, his lips moving lower to Draco's neck. 'But we're in the archived section of History of Magic. No one ever comes here.'

Draco smiled,' true.'

Harry cupped Draco's face, stroking his cheeks with the small pads of his thumbs, as he deepened the kiss by sliding in his tongue. He relished the feel of Draco's silky lips caressing his own.

' Oh and with the books and the crash? Very subtle,' Draco chuckled in his throat and Harry grinned, kissing his ear.

'Just wanted to make sure you knew I was there.'

'I always know when you are there,' Draco answered back before pulling Harry close to his body.

It was so surreal kissing Draco like this and knowing that all these people were hovering nearby, but Harry couldn't give a rat's arse about that. 

'You're supposed to be studying,' Draco breathed tiny kisses down Harry's neck and Harry sighed.

'I am,' he moaned quietly. 'I'm studying the art of making out.'

He gasped as Draco pulled his hips in tighter, rubbing himself deliciously against Harry.

'Is that right?' Draco purred, 'Well we'll just have to see.'

He slid in his fingers up under Harry's shirt, and ran his hands up and down Harry's back. He sucked the skin behind Harry's ear and Harry closed his eyes.

'Oh,' Harry moaned. 

' Oh indeed.' 

He could feel Draco's lips travel down along his neck and eased his finger under Draco's shirt, stroking his waist. Draco's skin was so soft to touch. 

Draco leaned back and looked deep into Harry's eyes, his own beautiful eyes glimmering with a metallic shine. Harry brushed his fingers across Draco's lips and chin, before placing a teeny weeny kiss on his lips.

' What time should we meet tonight?' Harry asked.

Draco looked at him and didn't answer straight away. 

Harry watched his face closely,' do you want to meet up tonight?' 

Draco stayed silent and Harry's stomach tilted slightly. He swallowed waiting for Draco to speak.

'Yes I do,' he said then and pressed a minute kiss on Harry's mouth.

' Do you think we can meet outside tonight? By the Quidditch stands, around ten? Is that all right?'

Draco nodded, 'ok but lets meet by the Slytherin stands.'

'Ok,' Harry whispered and kissed Draco again before moving unwillingly away. 

'See you later.'

Harry gave him a small smile and was about to walk off when Draco reached out suddenly for his hand and grabbed him back. He pulled Harry, into a crushing embrace, taking his breath away with a passionate kiss. He finally released Harry with a grin and straightened up his clothes and his hair. Harry gasped for breath, his legs trembling. Draco's kisses surrounded him and literally swept him off of his feet. He smiled, blushing and Draco gave him a small wink before he walked away.

Harry stood for a moment in a daze. He closed his eyes and a huge smile broke out from his lips. He laughed breathlessly for a second and then shook his head and tucked his shirt back in his trousers.

He walked back the route he came and quickly remembered the fake purpose of him coming to the shelves in the first place. He grabbed the first book his hands touched and took a deep breath before he walked down the staircase and back to his table.

Draco was already seated and Harry once again marvelled on how controlled and composed Draco looked. Harry could just imagine what _he_ looked like. His cheeks would be red and he would have that dim, dreamy look upon his face. He quickly tried to reset his features in a casual manner before he sat down.

He placed the book in the middle of the table and before seating himself. Hermione gave him a look.

'Muggle studies Harry? Who is that for?'

'Huh?' Harry looked at her.

' Mug- gle – stud- ies. The book,' she pointed.

'Oh right, yeah ummm,' he thought for a millisecond, 'I thought you might find it interesting. I couldn't find the book I was looking for.'

He quickly looked down and busied himself with his quill.

'Thanks that's thoughtful of you,' Hermione said with a mystified look.

'That's ok,' he shrugged,' I just thought you know……..…….…'

' He thought that he would see how long it took before your head blew up from too much reading Hermione,' Ron grinned and Hermione elbowed him before writing a hole into her parchment.

Ginny smiled at Harry with a strange look and he quickly looked away. His eyes glanced at Draco before attempting to concentrate on the task at hand – studying. He smothered yet another dippy grin that was threatening to explode across his face. Oh shit, he was at that point where he could not stop smiling. He got like that often, after he had met up with Draco. He was happy – it was as simple as that and he couldn't prevent the frequent smiles that decorated his face on a regular basis now. 

He was so surprised at himself for even acting like this. He hadn't imagined what he would be like in a relationship, not even dreamt of it. What he had had with Cho could hardly have been called a relationship. This was what a relationship felt like. 

Ron had picked up on the change in Harry's behaviour. Though Harry was proving to be much studious, he did seem happier than he had been all year. He commented on how quiet and withdrawn Harry had been since the sixth year had started and then had gone on to say that he was glad that Harry was feeling much better. Harry had said thanks, unsure of what else to say and Ron had nodded and that had been the end of that – thankfully.

Harry supposed his behaviour must seem odd to Ron and Hermione but wasn't sure what he could do or say, without giving away his secret trysts with Draco. 

Harry cautiously peeked at Draco yet again. Draco was sitting in his chair, leaning forward slightly with a book perched in his hands. His legs were slightly open and Harry felt himself go red. Cool it Potter he thought, as his eyes took in Draco's form. He wandered what everyone's reaction would be if he went up to Draco right now, this very second, and straddled his lap giving him a huge kiss. 

Everyone would probably fall off his or her chairs but it would be worth it, he mused.  He battled to keep yet another grin from appearing and took a deep breath before carrying on with the doleful chore of writing an essay. 

He left the library an hour later, along with the others. Draco had left a few minutes earlier, giving the table a '' look'' before he strolled past. It was all Harry could do, not to reach out and grab his hand as he had walked past. Ron had harrumphed and Harry looked down. Nope, it was not going to be easy telling people. 

Hermione had a class and Ron went off to earn his Prefect status. He had asked Harry to come along but Harry had politely declined the offer and said he just felt like hanging out in the common room.

He sat around for ten minutes twiddling his thumbs. Ginny had gone to a lesson too. He could have joined a few of the other Gryffindor's who had gone outside to enjoy the sunshine, but he didn't feel like it.

He wandered what Draco was doing.  He closed his eyes and suddenly an image of yesterday flickered before his eyes. He smiled to himself. Draco had admitted that he had seen Harry naked and Harry blushed at the thought. Still, he didn't mind. It was Draco and that made it all all right. He was so attracted to Draco that the heat sparked off of him. He could feel the gravitational pull as soon as Draco was near him. Though a little apprehensive, he was also eagerly excited to take the 'other' next step in their relationship. He was like any other sixteen-year-old boy who felt excited about their first relationship. There was nothing wrong with that was there?

He opened his eyes and looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling. Draco had mentioned last night, something about doing a Potions lab this afternoon. The lab was free for the sixth and seventh years to use during Wednesdays last period. Harry sat up with a sudden thought. He quickly sprinted up the steps to his bedroom and opened up his trunk, taking out his invisibility cloak.

He carefully made his way down the long flight of stairs, down to the Dungeons. The door to the lab was open and there were many voices coming from the room. Harry walked in and quickly scanned the area for Draco. He was standing in the back row, to the right of the door, in the corner against the wall. He had a cauldron and various ingredients placed neatly on the table in front of him. Crabbe and Goyle were goofing around in the row in front of him.   

Harry didn't want to startle him and padded softly towards him. 

'Draco?' he whispered softly in his ear and Draco blinked looking around him. 

'Hey, it's me,' he lightly tapped Draco on his shoulder and Draco's eyes widened, as he pointlessly searched the empty space from which Harry's voice came from.

Harry could see Draco's expression as he quickly realised what Harry had done.

' I just wanted to say hi again,' Harry said quietly. He knew he couldn't be heard above the din in the room.

Draco nodded ever so slightly and cleared his throat. Harry brushed his hand across Draco's cheek and Draco's eyes looked down and he smiled, when of course he couldn't see anything. Harry moved past him and stood against the wall, his right leg brushing the table.

Draco cocked his head towards Harry and Harry leant forward and flickered his lips on the blond strands. 

' I can't touch you too heavily,' Harry chuckled silently, 'or your clothes will crease and people will think there is a really bad case of static electricity about you,' he tickled his words into Draco's ears and Draco smiled.

He watched as Draco reached out for some dried roots and placed them into the pot. He next picked up a cylinder containing some liquid and poured it into the cauldron. He was about to reach for the ladle when Harry nudged it towards him. Draco bit his lip, suppressing a tiny grin as he picked up the ladle and placed it into the cauldron. He began stirring it and Harry closed his hand over Draco's, stirring the potion with him. Draco's fingers splayed open slightly, allowing Harry to hold his hand loosely as they swished the mixture together.

Harry pressed his face against Draco's cheek. It was strange touching Draco through the cloak. It was as if his skin was encased in a velvety material and everything he touched was through a fine, silky barrier. 

He glided his fingers up and down Draco's hand and arm, as Draco tried to keep the rhythm of the stirring going. His hands froze momentarily as Harry touched his neck. Harry could see his throat gulp as he ran his index finger up Draco's lovely, pale neck. He stroked Draco's skin with the back of his fingers, letting them slide behind Draco's neck, along his nape. The fine blond hairs rising, as Harry ran a delicate touch across them.

He came up behind Draco and pressed his body close. Harry could see him smother a moan and smiled as he leaned in and kissed the exposed skin of Draco's neck. Draco seemed temporarily immobilised and Harry reached out for his hand and gently got it stirring again.

He crept his arm around Draco's waist, carefully skimming the material of Draco's clothes. It was the barest of touches but it was enough to ignite Harry's senses. The slow, teasing touches were driving him crazy. They were against the wall so no one could see Draco's cloak gather up and crease inwards as Harry's arm pressed on it. 

Draco breathed steadily and tried to carry on with his potion but gave up stirring and instead brought his notes closer on the tabletop. He pretended to be reading them, as Harry rubbed his fingers up and down Draco's neck.

Harry smiled wickedly; feeling inspired and eased himself in front of Draco, perching himself on the table. Draco leaned back slightly, to accommodate Harry's presence in front of him. Draco's hands were resting out on the tabletop and Harry had settled himself in between his arms. His hands lightly held Draco around his waist and he leaned in closer and pressed his lips against Draco's. 

Draco moaned softly, trying to be ever so quiet, his eyes closing briefly in that dazzling, rapturous way that delighted Harry to no end. Thank you so much for letting me touch you like this, Harry thought, as he kissed Draco with the merest of touches. Little, tiny, miniscule, puckered kisses, that sent ripples of blissful heat through Harry's body. 

He could feel Draco's lips tremble lightly against his as he tried so hard not to kiss Harry back. His breath was coming fast and his eyes darkened with swirls of grey mist. 

'You're so, so beautiful,' Harry murmured as he lightly held Draco's face and carried on stroking his lips with his own. Draco's hands closed in tighter on the tabletop, so he could just about feel the solidness of Harry's body skimming the insides of his arms.

He reached around Harry and picked up a vial, lifting it with both hands. Harry leaned his head against Draco's chest, as he felt Draco's arms hug him in the most unusual manner. Harry took advantage and raised his head, placing small kisses on Draco's neck. Draco's chest rose and fell rapidly and his lips were parted as he made a great effort to keep his face looking unruffled. 

Harry leaned back carefully and got up, brushing around Draco's body. Draco looked down as Harry slinked past him and stood behind him. Draco leaned into the table now, and reached out for a cylinder with some blue liquid. 

He poured it in without measuring and Harry heard him mutter, 'shit,' and shook his head. 

'Sorry,' Harry mumbled and Draco mumbled back, 'it's ok.'

Harry leaned against Draco's back, his hands resting against Draco's shoulder blades. He closed his eyes and felt Draco's heart pounding in his body. He dropped his hands and feeling emboldened, ran them across Draco's bottom. 

He laughed softly as he heard Draco exclaim quietly. He rubbed Draco's posterior and pressed himself against the firm body. Draco moaned with a faint whimper, as Harry reached his hands around him and ever so slightly brushed the front of Draco's trousers. He heard Draco's breath hitch as he skated his fingers around and up and down Draco's body.

'Oh my god,' Draco breathed quietly.

Harry pressed his nose into the back of Draco's neck, still running his fingertips with a ghostly touch, across Draco's chest.

'Draco?'

Harry quickly looked over Draco's shoulder. It was Blaise Zabini and she was looking at Draco rather oddly.

'Draco?' she said louder and Harry prodded him.

'What?!' Draco snapped and Zabini sniffed, looking highly offended. 

' I wondered if you were using your ginger root? If not can _I have it_?' her eyes flashed and Draco grabbed it and held it out to her.

She walked over and took it off of him, looking slightly confused and angry.

'Ooopps,' Harry whispered and squeezed Draco's waist from behind.

Draco shook his head and Harry kissed him under his ear.

' I'll be good,' Harry said. 'Finish off your potion and ill just stand here and lean ok?'

Draco nodded and Harry kissed the side of his neck again, before settling against Draco's back. He ran his fingers idly up and down all the while as Draco finished off his potion. It was so peaceful holding Draco like this. So sweet and calming.

Harry opened his eyes eventually and looked over Draco's shoulder again. Draco was done and he would probably start to clean up now. Harry kissed his cheek lightly.

'I'll see you later – again.' 

He saw Draco look in his direction as he walked away.

By the time he got back to the common room and put his cloak away, the others had returned. Ron flopped down in the armchair and insisted Hermione relax for the rest of the night. They stayed in the common room chatting casually till it was dinnertime.

Harry kept an eye out as usual for Draco. Always at least once, during every mealtime, their eyes met for a few seconds. And they did once again as Harry took his seat and Draco ran a cool gaze over him. Harry smiled as he tucked in his chair. Draco would probably have a few things to say to him about the Potions lab. Harry grinned as he started to put food on his plate. 

It was strange, but at times he just didn't know what came over him. The thoughts of Draco ran like the blood in his veins. Constant, warm and flowing. 

Dinner finished and the Gryffindor's made their way back to the tower.

Harry played a quick game of chess with Ron and then sat around and talked some more. He waited just after nine and then yawned apologetically and told Ron he was going to go to bed. He knew it was rather early to be turning in but he had found that when he made some other excuse and slipped away, Ron was sometimes still awake and wondered what had taken him so long. This way, he could spend time with Draco without worrying about when to get back. It wasn't a brilliant excuse and all the lying was getting a bit tiresome but it was worth it. 

He walked upstairs and pulled his hangings down, waiting patiently with his cloak sitting on the bed next to him. He stuffed his pillow under his blankets – lame, but cover-up precautions were required. He waited till twenty to ten and slipped under his cloak, moving silently downstairs and through the semi-crowded common room. He quickly ducked out of the portrait hole and then breathed easy as he descended down the stairs for the umpteenth time. 

It was a nice and balmy night and he walked to the Quidditch field and waited for Draco by the Slytherin stands. He saw Draco approach, and took off his invisibility cloak.

'Hey you.'

Draco's eyes sparkled, ' hey you back.'

Draco reached him and placed a soft kiss behind Harry's ear and Harry gave a small contented sigh, tilting his head back. Draco trailed his kisses down Harry's cheek, finally uniting his lips with Harry's. 

The night air rustled through their hair and cloaks and Draco tightened his arms around Harry. They kissed slowly, letting their tongues glide over one another's. Harry nudged himself around and drew Draco's breath deep inside his mouth. Harry wasn't aware of anything around him except the feel of Draco, their small soft moans punctuating the silent night. Harry felt his body quiver and his heart skipped a beat. 

Draco pulled his arms around Harry's shoulders and rested his forehead in the curve of Harry's soft neck.

'Quite a stunt you pulled earlier,' he said and Harry smiled.

'Sorry, it seemed to good a opportunity to miss.'

Draco shook his head, a small smile appearing on his face.

'I can only imagine what I looked like. I think they all thought I was getting off on the potion fumes. Hey guys, there's Draco Malfoy. He gets turned on by mixing potion brews,' he chuckled and Harry hugged him tightly.

'You looked exquisite and delectable and sexy. That's what you looked like.' Harry's eyes drank in Draco's face and he felt dizzily happy and light headed. 'They all probably fell in love with you.'

'Ha ha,' Draco said,' I wouldn't go that far.'

Harry looked at him with adulation written all over his face, I would he thought.  

Draco pulled Harry close again and Harry quietly nestled his head against Draco's body. They stood still like that for a few moments and then Harry leaned back with a need to feel Draco's lips on his again.

They kissed and Harry lowered himself down onto the soft bed of crisp, short grass. Draco sank with him and Harry lay down on his back as Draco covered him and they intertwined their tongues together. 

Many minutes passed and Harry held Draco gently above him as they both rocked their bodies together and fused their lips against one another. Draco undid Harry's cloak and opened up his shirt a quarter of a way down. He slid his tongue down Harry's neck and kissed his way across the curve of his neck and shoulder. Harry felt weak, as his skin tingled pleasurably. He could feel Draco suck and he felt drunk with desire. He could feel the grass sink underneath him; he could smell the night air, see the glittering sky overhead, feel Draco all over him - everything was perfect for just one moment So perfect and Harry quickly captured it and locked it away in his memory.

He gently stroked Draco's hair and urged his head to lift up as he brought his hands behind Draco's neck, bringing him closer to Harry's lips. Draco's eyes closed as he gave into Harry's touch. Harry let his one hand slide down Draco's back, down his bottom, the back of his thighs and then up again. He opened his legs and cushioned Draco's body between his knees. 

He gripped Draco tightly and rubbed his body up and against him. Draco let out a strangled cry a few moments later. 

'Harry,' he gasped,' do you want me to ruin my clothes?'

' Why? Are you going that way?' Harry moaned.

'I will if you keep this up,' Draco breathed shallowly.

Harry stopped and dropped his hands on the grass as Draco lay gently on him.

Harry laughed breathlessly,' it's your fault, you're kind of sexy.'

'Is that right?' Draco mumbled against Harry's throat.

'Mmm mmm,' Harry sighed.

Draco raised his head and stared down at Harry with an unreadable expression. His satin like hair tickled Harry's nose and Harry felt himself spellbound in the perfection of Draco's face. He was beautiful in a very obvious way, with perfectly carved features. Unlike Harry's messy, awkward self. He felt his heart thumping as they carried on staring into each other's eyes. 

Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He wanted to tell Draco so much, about the way he felt towards him. It was silly really to put so much emphasis on a tiny four-letter word but it epitomised and embodied something so wonderful, so wholly sacred. It bound you, cosseted you, encased you in this protective, fortified bubble. The selflessness and the trust it took to just say it and to feel it – and Harry wanted to so badly. He took in a shaky breath and wandered if his eyes said it all.

Draco's eyes then flickered and he cleared his throat,' why are you looking at me like that?' his voice was low and hoarse.  

He knew Draco was not ready to hear _why_ he was looking at him like that. He had almost said it on Sunday and he knew that it had made Draco feel uncomfortable. In hindsight it was probably a good thing that he hadn't. He wasn't sure how Draco felt about him and Harry now thought it best to keep his mouth shut about such emotions for now. If life would let him, there would be time in the future to utter such things, when it would feel right for the both of them to hear it and say it.

'I'm just looking,' Harry finally said, his voice barely penetrating the air around them.

Draco's lashes lowered and he pressed his lips against Harry's, not kissing, just feeling. He felt Draco take in a deep breath and then he rolled off of Harry and lay on his back looking up at the sky.

It was a clear night and many stars were visible. 

'Doesn't it seem that the moon is so large sometimes, that you could almost reach out and touch it?'

Draco arched his neck and gazed at the inky, navy black sky. ' Yeah it does.'

Harry craned his head and looked up thoughtfully, ' if I could see your constellation I'd show it to you but I can't quite make it out……………' his voice trailed off as he counted the golden lights that were glinting brightly.

' Oh hold on………….……….if that's The Plough then……..……. Draco should be round about there.'  

He pointed upwards and Draco squinted slightly following the trail of Harry's finger.

' What do you mean _my_ constellation?'

Harry tutted jokingly, ' not very well read are you Mr Malfoy. There's a constellation called Draco – you know after the dragon.'

Draco carried on looking up,' well I know my name means dragon, everyone in the planet knows that.'

Harry laughed,' everyone in the planet?'

'Yes, pretty much,' Draco grinned.

Harry shuffled closer to him and rested his head on Draco's shoulder.

' Well,' he began, 'Hercules, this Greek son of god,' he smiled mischievously as Draco gave him a ha-ha look,' was basically told as one of his labours to go and fetch the Golden Apples from the Garden of Hesperides. Draco or sometimes known as Ladon, was a serpent type dragon - beast with a hundred heads and he guarded the apples.' 

'Nice one,' Draco said.

Harry smiled,' well yeah till Hercules slayed him.'

'Ahhh, of course the dragon gets slain,' Draco said wryly.

'But Hera, the Queen, obviously liked Draco enough to immortalise him into the heavens as a constellation  - and there you have it.'

Draco looked at him impressed with a chuckle, 'well I did not know that.'

Harry smiled at him tenderly and reached for Draco's hand, squeezing it gently.

' How did _you_ know that?' Draco asked.

Harry chortled,' I did Astrology for OWLs, I was really crap at it but I remembered that.'

'Oh,' Draco leaned over and kissed him. ' So is there a Harry constellation?'

Harry let out a small burst of laugh, 'hardly.'

'Awwww,' Draco teased and tweaked his nose gently.'  But that's rather nice, kind of cool having a constellation in my name. I wonder if my parents knew that when they named me.'

'Well you can tell them if they don't.' Harry paused and felt a twinge which he shook off quickly, 'you should get one of those t shirts that say something tacky like '' my names written in the stars, bet yours isn't''.'

Draco looked at him vacantly and Harry smiled,' okay well that was bad, but you know, you can get those funny t-shirts that have those quips on them?'

Draco looked again blank and Harry continued.

'My aunt took my cousin shopping and I went with them and we were like in the guys department and there was this t-shirt with a male hen on it. The caption read ''I own a magnificent cock'',' Harry laughed,' I thought it was quite funny. I liked it.'

He nodded and Draco smiled,' my aunt saw what I was looking at and she was NOT amused but still it was you know cool…….…………..they have lots of funny t-shirts like that.'

He smiled looking away, and Draco grinned. He cupped Harry's face and feathered his lips with little kisses. They sat up in each other's arms and as their lips met again, Harry felt a flame fire up in his body. If he was already like this with Draco's kisses, he would love to see what he would be like when he had the chance to peel back Draco's clothing and kiss all that warm expanse of skin and touch him. To have Draco moan and groan for him in throes of ecstasy. He might be inexperienced in the sex department but he knew exactly what kinds of things he wanted to do to Draco. 

He took Draco's lips in a gentle kiss and then rested his head on his shoulder.

' Are you going to Hogsmeade on Saturday?' Harry stroked the back of Draco's neck. 

'Yeah,' Draco said planting a small kiss on his nape.

' I guess it would be hard to get away for a bit and be alone huh?' Harry asked hopefully.

'I think it would be hard yes.' 

They went silent and Harry finally nodded. It would be hard. But he wished he could go about the town with Draco. It would be fun looking in the shops and have a laugh. So many things I would like to do with you, Harry thought and his heart ached a little. He wondered if they would ever get the chance to do those things at all. He then smiled brightly leaning back.

Draco's face suddenly screwed up and he let out a tiny sneeze, quickly covering his mouth with his hands. Harry's heart turned to mush and he started to laugh quietly under his breath.

'What?' Draco asked confused as he sniffed.

'Oh my god……….…' Harry's silent laughter vibrated throughout his body. He held his stomach as he hunched over and laughed some more. 

Draco shook his head looking perplexed.

'What?' he asked again.

Harry finally turned to him and smiled, wiping the corner of his right eye. 

' You sneezed,' he said.

'Yes I did. I have been known to sneeze on the rare occasion.'

Harry shook his head and came closer kissing Draco's nose gently, 'it was the most amazing, cutest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. You sneezed.'

He laughed again and took Draco's stunned face in his hands and showered him with little kisses. Oh god I adore you, he thought. I adore you. 

Harry sat back on his knees and took a deep breath, 'come on lets get in. Don't want you catching a cold.' 

He got up and held out his hand to Draco, pulling him up too. 

Harry threw the cloak over the both of them and they walked back to the main building.

' You have way too much fun with this cloak,' Draco said.

Harry turned around,' I only use it for extenuating circumstances.'

'Like this afternoon?' Draco asked wryly.

'Did you mind?' Harry asked.

'No,' Draco said simply. 'But it was an experience getting my arse felt up by an invisible entity. You know I'm going to have to get you back for that though?'

Harry grinned, 'can't wait,' and Draco hugged him to his chest briefly before they carried on walking.

They opened the front doors carefully, treading lightly. Then they came down the steps leading to the Dungeons and Harry took off the cloak.

'Night then,' he whispered. 

Draco looked at him for an instant and then nodded. Harry was about to put the cloak back on when Draco caught his hand.

'You could wear it you know, cos you do.'

Harry looked at him confused, 'I do what?'

Draco grinned back mischievously,' own a magnificent cock,' his eyebrows rose and Harry's face broke out in a bashful smile as Draco came near and gave him a quick kiss.

'Night,' Harry said again and smiled, vanishing out of sight.


	13. Decisions

Harry and Draco kissing. You have been warned. (Yawn)

Disclaimer: All rights to HP belong to Miss Rowling. 

******* 

Thursday morning started off the same as any other day did now. Draco had got dressed and disappeared off to the sixth floor going to 'their' room. He and Harry had decided that depending on who arrived first - they would wait for five minutes. If the other did not show within that time, then assume they had been held back and leave. But that rarely ever happened. After spending the whole night alone, they were anxious to see each other in the mornings. 

As much as he tried to deny his feelings, Draco knew that he was sinking deeper and deeper into Harry. This past week had been a roller coaster of emotions for him. In the moments away from Harry, he mulled over the situation and tried to come up with an answer to his turmoil. It would seem that he had made up his mind once and for all, but then he would see Harry and his resolve would crumble to dust and get swept away with the wind. He thought he had made his decision but then change it again within seconds of seeing Harry. That's what had happened yesterday. He had been planning on talking to him when they had met by the stands last night, but then Harry had smiled and all Draco's mindful thinking flew out of the window. Last night had been so nice…. Harry had been funny and so bloody cute.

But anyhow, he didn't want to _talk about his concerns_ to Harry. That would indicate that he had been thinking about 'them' and he didn't want to be admitting that at all. He did not want to appear indecisive and unsure.  He was – but didn't want Harry knowing that. Harry seemed so self-assured so much of the time. Like he knew what he wanted to do and just went ahead and did it. Just like that. He was intrepid and as much as Draco admired that in him, it annoyed him also.

He wished it wasn't so hard. He wished that this whole situation wasn't wreaking havoc in his head and that he felt ripped into two. Having two such contradictory halves was draining to say the least. He could make like an ostrich and shove his head in the sand, but how long could that last? Something was going to give somewhere wasn't it? It had to. It scared him to think of Harry and himself in the future, because he couldn't see _any_ future for them at all – together.  

No one would accept this, and Draco wasn't sure that he even _wanted_ people to. How sick and screwed up is that? Very was the answer. He just couldn't make up his mind. He knew what he felt for Harry was not purely sexual much to his horror. He'd had ample opportunity to have his way with him last night and he hadn't taken it. As much as he had wanted to, he hadn't, couldn't. It wasn't right to do such a thing when he was having doubts. It wasn't fair to Harry.  Especially when he gave himself up to Draco with such abandon and trust – to take advantage of that was low. Draco wouldn't. 

He went inside in the room and Harry was already waiting for him. He smiled brightly as Draco neared him, his arms ready to embrace. Draco felt Harry wrap around him safely, and his previous thoughts trickled out of his head as expected. He looked at Harry's face and Harry smiled broadly. It was so genuine and pure. Harry smiled a lot when they were together. Draco grinned back. 

'Good morning,' Harry whispered and softly kissed Draco's lips.

'It is now,' Draco replied, kissing him back. 

He was rewarded with yet another smile and held Harry even tighter.

Harry kissed his forehead and slipped his fingers through Draco's hair. He dropped his head onto Harry's chest and closed his eyes. It was easy to forget the outside world when he was like this. Nothing mattered except Harry. When he shut out the whirring thoughts in his head, he had peace. 

It was safe and warm in Harry's arms. Everything melted away. His body felt cold, and strangely alone by itself and he only found solace in the perfect companion of Harry's body blanketed against his. Dependency of that extent was bad surely? He pressed his nose into Harry's jumper, as Harry stroked his hair and back soothingly. What were his options he mused? Alone he deliberated, considered, pondered, till he nearly drove himself stir crazy. So his other option would be? Attaching himself in a permanent state to Harry, thus leaving him no room at all to do _any thinking of any kind_- just thoughts about how good it felt to be with Harry. Yes and life is that simple.

He drew his head slightly higher and started to suck at the sweet smelling skin of Harry's neck, below the collar. Harry's fingers dug in gently into his back as he sucked harder, licking him every now and again.

Harry let out a faint groan as Draco kissed a fiery path up along the length of his neck. He ended his journey on Harry's lips. He enjoyed it immensely when he passed his tongue over Harry's. Harry made the sweetest sounds that made Draco's body tingle. He feathered kisses on those soft lips and gently nibbled at Harry's bottom lip, which made Harry whimper.

Harry puckered his mouth and cupped Draco's face as he retaliated with a tender assault of his own. Draco relaxed completely, letting Harry do whatever he wished. This is what I'm reduced to, he thought hazily as Harry gripped his lower back and smothered him in delicious caresses.

'My skin misses you, when you're not with me,' Harry murmured.

Draco could appreciate that phrase entirely. He felt exactly the same way. See? Permanent attachment was the only solution to that particular problem. 

'Ooohhh,' Harry looked dismayed, ' we'll be late for breakfast.'

Draco nodded, ' but then I'll see you in Potions.' 

He snickered as Harry made a face.

' You can have head start today,' Harry smiled and Draco squeezed him and laid a kiss in his hair before moving away. 

Immediately as he walked out into the corridor, the warm blanket fell off of him and he was shrouded in cold once again. He pushed back his hair fractiously; he needed to _sort this out_. Just make a decision and go with it.  But which route to take? Or more to the point, what to follow- his heart or his mind?

He went into the Great Hall and breakfasted quickly, making small talk with Vincent. He was lucky in that sense, that he didn't have friends who were super alert. They did notice his frequent absences, but he was a quick thinker and made up plausible excuses, which they could not find much fault in. He told them that he studying. Who could find a flaw in studying anyway?

He along with a few other sixth year Slytherin's, went off down into the Potions class. He usually got there before Harry and seated himself in the back row. He was soon joined by Millicent, and some other fat girl from Hufflepuff, much to his distaste. He couldn't remember her name but she was so annoying. Why were so many girls annoying? He couldn't figure it out. He smirked then to himself. Maybe because you're gay, Malfoy? But no that couldn't be it. He found many boys annoying too. Most people were just bloody irritating he concluded. He suppressed a deep sigh as he sat wedged between the two heavyweights on either side of him. He contemplated on moving but the seats had quickly filled up and he wanted to stay in the back row.

Five minutes later, in came Harry with his ghastly entourage of Gryffindor's. They were all so sick, he thought again for the millionth time. He clenched his teeth firmly in place and waited for the lesson to start.

Harry was sitting in the second row and Draco could just make out the top of Harry's head and left shoulder, as Lavender Brown was obstructing his line of vision by sitting directly in front of him. Of course she was sitting next to Parvati Patil, and they both constantly tried to whisper throughout the lesson. How on earth they had managed to get into Snape's class was beyond Draco. Snape caught them chatting each time and deducted points from Gryffindor, which came to mind why they even bothered. Couldn't they wait till after the lesson to talk? Draco seriously doubted that the two of them had such a hot topic of conversation, which simply _had to be_ discussed during lesson time. 

Yesterdays Potion lab had been much more fun he recalled.  He rested his head in his hand, his elbow leaning on the table and remembered the previous days events in this very room, in this very spot. He smiled softly as he recollected Harry touching him and kissing him. It had been _amazing_; absolutely knee- trembling, arousing in a way you wouldn't believe. Harry had nestled against his back like a little dormouse. No one had even known that Draco had this beautiful boy tucked all around him. The all-encompassing warmth that had radiated from Harry's body into his own had made Draco woozy. The sensation of feeling Harry like that, as if the very air around you had suddenly become solid and was holding you and touching you. 

Harry certainly had imagination, Draco gave him that. The boy had balls, Draco laughed and turned it into a cough quickly. He saw Harry's side profile as he turned his head a fraction to his right. Draco cleared his throat. He knew Harry was saying hello silently. Draco made a small kissing sound and knew that Harry understood it was meant for him. He could feel Millicent staring at him and he ran his tongue over his teeth and looked at her. She smiled toothily and he grimaced. It wasn't meant for you luv. He gave her a dry smile.  

Professor Snape came in with a few curt reproaches, before starting off the lesson. He was going to do a quiz, which he often did now   - just to catch them off-guard. A quick lightning round to be precise, much to the horror of many of the students. 

Draco smirked as Snape turned his coal-black eyes on Weasel. 

'Tell me Mr Weasley,' he asked almost threateningly in his cool, cold voice. 'Which group of potions has one particular potion that takes three parts of gingko powder?' 

The class fell quiet and Draco could almost imagine the cobs slowly rotating in Weasley's inept brain. 

'Uhhhh…' came a faint mumble followed by a healthy pause.

'Oh for goodness sake! This is NEWT level potions, ' Snape snapped. ' We'll be here till next year by the time you answer! How on earth you managed to get the grade you did in your OWLs Mr Weasley is beyond my comprehension,' Snape snarled, his lips curved in disgust.

Draco smirked and could imagine carrot-top's face turning as red as his hair.

The Potions master shook his head disgusted, 'someone else.'

Draco loved Potions. He was naturally good at it and it was always fun to see Snape still severely chastise the Gryffindor's. It made the lesson so much more enjoyable.

Snape's eyes wandered over the rows and seemed to land on Harry. Draco wondered if Harry even knew the answer.

'Are you able to stun us today with your infinite wisdom Mr Potter?' 

Professor Snape's tone was dry and decidedly sarcastic. He had said that to Harry before. Draco, although previously glad of Snape's obvious dislike for Harry, now wondered what the actual reason behind it was.  Maybe those 'remedial classes' Harry had taken last year had made Snape hate him all the more. 

Draco shifted in his chair; he had been surprised that Harry had needed to take those classes and even now, took extra lessons with Professor Snape. Crabbe and Goyle had always been much worse than him, and they hadn't taken remedial potions. Draco hadn't told anyone either that he had seen Harry with Snape. Perhaps deep down he didn't believe that Harry was indeed taking thicko potions, because frankly at NEWT level, he couldn't be. And besides it wasn't much fun spreading lies – the truth was always much more sweeter. He'd never asked Harry about that. There were many things that he hadn't asked Harry.

The class waited again and Harry's clear voice then broke the silence.

' A memory potion Professor Snape.'

Snape's thin lips became even thinner as he gave a swift nod.

He looked horribly dissatisfied that Harry knew the answer. Draco watched with amusement. However, he was glad that Harry knew the answer. 

The lesson carried on pretty much the same as it usually did and as the class ended, many students still ran for the door – literally. Someone suddenly bumped into him from behind and he stumbled slightly, steadying himself on the table.

'Sorry, excuse me,' came a smooth, polite voice.

He felt a hand slip into his cloak pocket and kept his face still. He turned then and saw Harry's retreating back and briefly touched his pocket to feel a slip of paper. He hid his smile and made a hateful face at Harry's back. Unfortunately he caught Weasels gaze. 

Give me strength, Draco thought as ginger- nut forwarded him a poisonous glare. Draco couldn't help but show his third finger with a scathing look, which only caused the little vermin to narrow his eyes further. Draco shook his head and slung his bag over his shoulder walking out.

Once he had reached the common room, he went into his bedroom and then took out the small piece of paper.

_If you can make it, I'll wait for you in ten minutes in our room._

Harry 

Draco scrunched up the note and went downstairs and threw it into the fire. He watched it burn and checked the time. He could make it. 

_And here we go with the reservations._

But……….

He didn't want to be Harry's lapdog. He didn't want to be running around Harry every minute he had. He didn't want to be soft. And then he felt guilty because he knew that Harry wasn't even thinking in that way. He just wanted to spend time with Draco. God, he was so sweet. Why the hell was he so bloody sweet? He shouldn't be – not after everything- but he was. As much as he wanted to still hate Harry, he found himself being unable to, though things had been a lot simpler then. At least he had no idea then what he was missing out on. Draco expelled a deep breath, his thoughts once again getting the better of him. 

_A Malfoy and a Potter just didn't mix. _

_Gryffindor and Slytherin._

Pureblood and Half-blood.

They were the antithesis of one another and cliché as it maybe, they were all true. They are all true, his mind reiterated once more. He didn't want to be _Harry Potter's boyfriend_ – he could not. Alone he was someone – _Draco Malfoy_. It still held status – it had to. Being a Malfoy still held prestige. But if he were to be with Harry, he would be  - nobody. Why couldn't Harry have been a 'nobody' in this equation? It would have been much more easier to solve then. He sighed. I'm being an arse.

He sat down in the armchair opposite the huge fireplace and looked blankly into the flickering flames. 

'Draco?' 

It was Pansy. She was getting on his nerves. His mother had bumped into Pansy's mother a few days ago, and Pansy had received a letter saying that Narcissa and Draco were going to join the Parkinson's for dinner one evening in the Easter holidays. Pansy had ecstatically informed him of this yesterday in the library and he had cursed foully in his head, showing as little interest as he could. He wished his mother had asked him whether he even _wanted_ to go. He liked Pansy; they had been friends from the first year. But this year she was just being plain weird. He knew his father was in jail; he didn't need sympathy because of it. She had started off the first term mollycoddling him, doting on him on every turn and he had got sick of her. He had stopped hanging around her, which proved difficult at times as they were both Prefects, but he had been much more distant with her since the start of the second term. He knew that she fancied him and that was becoming boring too. He had liked her for a while during the fourth and fifth year but Blaise was much more attractive and he had started to pay her more attention. And now he didn't want to be near either of them.

He looked up at her and she smiled.

'I wondered if we can all go together to Hogsmeade on Saturday?'

There were so many other boys that she could be paying attention to. Why him?

'I don't know if I'm going yet Pansy or even what time. I don't want to make plans with anyone in case I don't follow them through. So make your own arrangements and I'll see you there if I go ok?'

There, that was nice enough wasn't it?

She nodded and stood there. He got up suddenly.

' I have to go and do something,' he said,' bye,' and with that he quickly excited the room.

It took him a few minutes to reach the sixth floor. There wasn't anyone around and he walked down to the corridor.

He opened the door and Harry was already there, standing by the window. He turned around with a soft smile as Draco clicked the door shut behind him.

'Hey, I'm glad you came.'

Draco was also glad he came. Harry walked over to him and hugged him tightly. Harry was very tactile; Draco had noticed that about him as soon as they had started seeing each other. He liked being held and hugging and cuddling, he was very touchy feely. Not that Draco was complaining. It was very pleasant.

'So what was the sudden need to meet up?' Draco asked as Harry dropped a small kiss on his lips. 

Harry shrugged.

' I don't know…… I just felt like it.' 

He pressed his lips more forcefully on Draco's and Draco readily soaked up the kiss.

' You can't get enough of me, admit it?' Draco murmured against Harry's lips.

'I do,' Harry replied back simply.

Draco was again, taken aback by Harry's frank declarations. Words of that nature seemed to flow easily from Harry's lips. 

Draco closed his eyes and prodded Harry's mouth wider. He leaned back slightly.

'Have you been eating chocolate?'

Harry smiled, ' yes. Do you want some?'

Draco raised his left brow, 'is that even a question?'

Harry grinned and reached into his pocket, pulling out a chocolate bar. He broke off a small brick and was about to pop it into Draco's mouth, when Draco stopped him and took it out of his hand.

'What?' 

Harry's eyes sparkled. Being this close to him, Draco could see every detail in the refreshingly, striking face. He looked past his reflection that he could see on Harry's glasses and into the mystifying deep, bright green emeralds. They were looking questioningly at Draco with a small smile playing on those delectable lips.

'Lets put it in your mouth,' Draco said.' Stick out your little tongue.'

Harry obliged and Draco placed the small piece of chocolate in the centre of it. He then drew Harry's tongue completely, into his own mouth, sucking it purposefully. He gripped Harry tightly, with Harry's head embedded firmly inside the crook of his right elbow. He felt Harry's hands clutch around him and Draco slowly sucked the chocolate; melting it over their tongues and letting it slide in their mouths, absorbing the taste and the feel of it.

Harry shivered in his arms and moaned as the last sliver remained and Draco swirled his tongue around Harry's. Draco intensified the kiss still more, sucking off the remaining veil of chocolate, which thinly coated Harry's tongue.  

They both gasped for oxygen as soon as Draco let their lips part.

Harry smiled shakily,' that was the sweetest chocolate I've ever tasted. Certainly haven't ever ate it like that before,' he breathed in and kissed Draco gently.

'Me either,' Draco held him closely, his fingers running through the short, thick, mass of black glossy hair. 

He kissed Harry's cheek and they stood quietly, wrapped in each other's arms.

Many minutes had passed like this. Draco couldn't ever account for the time that had slipped by in a blur. It was a pity, Draco mused, that they hadn't yet learnt a spell that stopped time. He wondered if there even was one. Oh well.

They both sank into the couch, Harry dropping his head in Draco's lap. Draco traced the curve of Harry's lips with his index finger, running it across the smooth cheek, the small straight nose. Harry gazed up at Draco with an unfathomable expression. Draco preferred not to scrutinize it any further. He could already read it.

'Can we meet here about ten?' 

Draco traced the scar on Harry's forehead delicately under his finger. The first few times he had touched Harry's scar, Harry had looked at him with a slightly wary expression. Now he didn't seem to mind at all. 

'Sure,' Draco answered back and Harry reached up his right arm, and drew Draco's head lower till their lips met. 

As they kissed, Draco wondered if Harry noticed, that most of the time it was _him_ who did the asking of _when_ and _where_ to meet. Draco rarely ever did, but then again Draco never refused him either. His heart somersaulted and he pressed gentle kisses on Harry's forehead that caused Harry's eyes to close.

They left the room with some time to spare before lunch. Draco, not in the mood for company, went into the library, finding himself a secluded corner. 

Lunchtime arrived and his eyes homed in on a certain floppy-haired boy, before shifting away to his meal. 

The afternoon lessons then proceeded slowly and haltingly and Draco gladly breathed a sigh of relief as he walked out of the last lesson.   

He stayed in the common room afterwards and chatted with a few Quidditch team members. There were going to be a few matches at the end of April and the beginning of May. Slytherin were going to be playing Hufflepuff. Ravenclaw had already played against Hufflepuff and won, but the final match looked most likely to be against Gryffindor and Slytherin at the end of June for the cup. That would be interesting, Draco thought. He would try his best of course, but knew that out of the both of them, Harry was still the better player. Admission noted.

Time for dinner came soon enough and he reflected on the monotony of having to fill your stomach up three times a day. It was so bizarre when you really thought about it. It was always time to eat.

As he neared the end of his meal, his owl flew down to him and dropped a letter. He caught it squarely and looked at it. 

It was from home. 

He suddenly felt his blood run cold. Had his mother found out somehow? About him and Harry? He shook his head. It did NOT necessarily mean that. His mother sometimes sent him letters and parcels often. She had only done so only last week in fact. He put it on the table next to his plate and drank down his pumpkin juice. He eyed the white envelope cautiously and quickly wiping his lips with his napkin, picked it up and walked out of the Great Hall. 

His heart was beating funnily as he went down past the Dungeons. He felt queasy all of a sudden. Stop being an idiot and open the letter. No one had found out. He'd been careful hadn't he? Nobody suspected anything at all. It was ok. He ripped it open, once he reached his dorms and began to read it in the privacy of his bed.

_Dear Draco,_

_I apologise for not writing you a letter last week along with the package. I have been otherwise occupied, but I had wanted to say congratulations on your victory in last weeks Quidditch match. Mrs Parkinson informed me and I was surprised that you had not written and told me. However, well done. Your father would be proud as I am. I hope this will be one of many victories for you my dear son. _

_I know you will do well and make the Malfoy name live up to its acclaim, but you have never disappointed me Draco. Reach your full potential and make yourself and us proud. You show those other houses exactly what you are made of – a Malfoy and a Slytherin are an unbeatable combination. They always have and always will be._

_You will prevail I know. _

_Take care my darling, and I will see you in the holidays._

Yours Lovingly, Mother 

He reread the letter a few more times before slipping it into his trunk. His felt his cheeks burn and felt short of breath. His father. His mother.  

Oh my god, hold on.

What on _earth_ did he think he was doing? Hello? He felt a small hysterical bubble starting to pop in the pit of his stomach. It was threatening to travel and erupt in his chest as he felt the start of manic laughter gurgle in his throat.

His parents, his mother, his _father_- would _never _condone such an aberration in his behaviour. He couldn't do this to his _parents_. The people who had clothed him and fed him and loved him- and he was going to slap them in the face with THIS? How could he have even begun to disregard his father in such an appalling fashion? His father was stuck in jail – Harry had been there the night he had been caught, and it didn't take a genius that the reason they had all even been congregated there in the first place was _because of Harry_.

He could just imagine his mother getting into a conversation with another parent from school.

' I say Narcissa; I heard a rather amusing anecdote the other day. That your son is gay and his boyfriend is none other than Harry Potter!' 

His mother would raise her head and purse her lips tight. Her normally pale face, growing even paler from such a shaming accusation. She would coldly cut down the informant with a blunt denial and her eyes would shoot blue fire.  He could never do that to his mother and he shuddered to even begin to think of what his father's reaction would be like. 

He was a Malfoy for crying out loud. He couldn't let his father down like this! He had to uphold the family name, not fucking canoodling with Harry. 

_Harry_. 

His parents came first. They loved him and he was grateful that his parents cared so much about him. There were people out there who treated their kids like shit. He was lucky. Friends and lovers would come and go but his parents were the one sure thing in his life that he could be certain of.

If news got out about him and Harry, it would have serious repercussions on his family. The infamy - it wasn't so much that he was gay, or bisexual or whatever he was, it was the simple fact that he was with Harry. And that couldn't happen, otherwise what kind of son was he? He felt so ashamed of himself. What if the other Slytherin's found out? Some of their parents were involved in the Dark Lord's activities. Vincent and Theodore's fathers had also been caught that night. His aunt's husband had once again been sent back to Azkaban. This was real life- not some Wizarding romance novel. Draco would be lynched if word got out that he was seeing Harry. 

His thoughts raced and he felt like the rug had been pulled out from under him. The hard realisation crashed down onto him with full damning force. This couldn't continue. He'd been having doubts all week but now…………………now it stopped because he had received his wake-up call finally. He had been looking for an answer, a solution. Well here it was in black and white. An absolution. 

Being a Malfoy was first and foremost. His family loyalty came above all else. And at a time like this, he must have been _insane_ to have any kind of dalliance with Harry. His father was awaiting his trial date and he chose NOW, to get together with Harry? Talk about brilliant timing. 

He was not that starved for a tender touch and a kiss. He could get plenty from many other willing participants. It did not HAVE to be Harry. 

_Potter_.

Over summer after his fourth year had ended, his father had '_gone away'_ to business countless of times. His father was a little evasive in his conversations with Draco, but Draco was not naïve and remembered feeling a thrill of fear.

Fear of what was about to happen and what part his family was about to take in it.

It was strange, because he had always known that his father had been a former Death Eater. His father had repeated tales of when the Purebloods had reigned the Wizarding world and though he hadn't come outright with it, he had talked of when the Dark Lord was in the height of his power and how the Malfoys had benefited from it. 

The apparent demise of the Dark Lord, brought out stories of times changing. How Lucius had then managed to keep himself and his family out of harms way, but not without much care and skilful working. Those accounts had made his father's face hard with a steely, dark expression. 

Draco knew that his father loved him, but he was often disappointed in him, Draco could tell. His mother was not, but his father was. It seemed that Lucius Malfoy was great at everything and had been great at everything when he was Draco's age. His father was a little patronising in his behaviour towards him and a fraction overbearing at times, but no parent was perfect. He got the feeling that his father was frustrated because Draco didn't live up to his expectations. And he was right to think such a thing. Just take a look at what his son was getting up to at school! His father would be absolutely sickened and so angry. Oh god he would be so angry. This was how he paid back Potter? _This_ is how he avenged his father's capture? By kissing the boy who had put his father in jail? Draco grimaced, as he faintly tasted bile at the back of his throat. 

 As a child, Draco had been in awe of his father being a Death Eater. And as all things dark and sinister, it held a fascinating hushed admiration from the young boy. He knew his father had a lot of dark items in the house but they were hid from view and he was not allowed to disturb his father if he was in the room where he kept his safe and important documents. His father never allowed him to touch the dark items either, though Draco had accompanied him many times to Knockturn Alley when he was younger. Maybe his father did not trust him with Dark Magic, but Draco had not questioned his reasoning's. His father bought him everything he had ever wanted and Draco had had a plush and luxurious childhood.  

People felt threatened of the Malfoys even after the downfall of the Dark Lord. The uncertainty of whether Lucius was a Dark Wizard or not, had always made people treat the family with caution and diffident respect. Not only that, but the Malfoys were a Pureblood family, wealthy and attractive. They seemed to have it all and Draco had always felt proud of that. He _still was_. And once his father had been reinstated into the fold, Draco had felt a buzz of excitement. 

But his father wasn't here anymore and till he came out, it was up to Draco to step into his shoes. He had to be the man of the house now. He had to take responsibility. His mother did not want him to get the Dark Mark but there was no need for him to completely discount all that his father had stood for. 

Draco stared up at the ceiling. It was good that he had realised now and could end it quickly with Harry. There was no point letting this carry on further to its obvious doom. He loathed himself for letting the situation get even this far. It didn't matter what he felt for Harry. 

In fact he didn't feel anything for Harry.

 It was just infatuation nothing more. 

No, nothing more _at all_.

Such thoughts racked his mind till he looked at the time. He would be meeting Harry in a while.  It would all end here. 

He went up early to the room and sat down waiting for Harry to arrive. The minutes passed and Harry was late. Draco felt the nerves building with every second and he felt agitated. Suddenly the door burst open and a very red and tousled Harry came in.

'Sorry,' he gasped rather breathlessly as he closed the door behind him.

Draco eyed him evenly, taking in his dishevelled appearance even though his heart was galloping uncomfortably.

'Did you run here?' he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

Harry ran a lot. Not _away_ from things, but _to _things it seemed. Always _to _things.

Harry gave a little shrug, ' I didn't want to miss you,' he answered back simply. 

' I'm right here,' Draco said quietly.

Harry was still standing by the door and he rubbed his eye quickly under his glasses. Draco took in a tremulous breath and looked at Harry for a moment. Oh shit, he felt suddenly very sick as he stared at Harry.

_Why are you so bloody adorable? Why? Why? I don't care about you at all. I don't. I can't. I won't. _

He swallowed hard.

'Are you okay?' he asked as Harry stifled a small yawn.

'Yeah I'm fine, I just woke up too early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep.' 

He came closer to Draco and Draco got up drawing Harry into his arms. It was such an automatic reaction, that he did it without thinking. 

'Are you ok?' Harry asked and Draco nodded.

' I'm fine.' 

I'm also a liar, he thought. I lie really well.  

Harry smiled up at him.  

'How's the rest of your day been?' Harry inquired pressing his nose against Draco's cheek.

'Ok,' Draco said closing his eyes. 

I'll do it in a minute, he thought. Just need to say it properly so he gets the message very clearly - not being able to misinterpret what I have to say. Quick, short, concise and to the point. He pursed his lips getting ready to begin……

'Just ok?' Harry teased and puckered his lips and pressed a gentle kiss on Draco's closed mouth.

'Is that better?' he carried on kissing Draco with soft touches on his bottom lip.

Draco held him tighter, 'yes that's better,' he said softly and sighed.

It _was_ _better_, holding Harry close was _better_, kissing him was _better_. Being with Harry was _better_ but there was no point fighting the unavoidable. For gods sake- this _had_ to be done.

Harry slipped his arms around Draco's neck and kissed him warmly. Draco clutched him firmly and kissed him fervently before moving back a fraction.

'Harry? I uhhh I…' Draco suddenly stammered, his words getting stuck on the roof of his mouth,' I um……….uh…..' shit,' I can't stay for long tonight, ok?' 

Harry nodded, 'ok,' and Draco leaned in, looking over Harry's shoulder. 

Fuck this was hard, and it shouldn't be. Just tell him.

But he hadn't had time to think it out properly. If he wanted to make a clean break, then he needed _time _to think about what to say. Yes, form some kind of coherent mix of words that would take some _time _to compose if it were to be done correctly. And he hadn't had time, _right?_ He couldn't just blurt it out? 

Yeah….. right, no……. he couldn't.

He looked at the couch and moved back taking Harry's hand and pulling him down onto it. Draco ducked his head in Harry's neck hiding from his cowardice and guilt. Harry shifted slightly, laying down and pulled Draco into his arms.

'Hey,' he said tenderly and Draco raised his head. 

He closed his eyes so Harry could not see what the hell was going on in his head and kissed him fully on the mouth. He was practically lying on top of Harry and was struck by a sudden thought. He hadn't touched Harry intimately in that way at all, so, if he finished it with Harry – then Harry would be doing those 'things' with someone else. The thought of it made Draco's stomach turn. He did not trust _anyone_ to touch Harry, as he would have done. Anyone else laying a finger on Harry made him nauseous. Seriously - it made him want to heave. 

But, it was good right? That he _hadn't_ because if this was all they were going to be, then it was only right that Harry experience such things with someone that he would be in a long term commitment with…and I shouldn't really let myself get so emotionally attached to him.

Yes that's right. 

Draco felt Harry stroke his chest as they kissed. 

_I can't do it now, I can't. I'll do it tomorrow. Not now. _

He slid off of Harry slightly and lay on his side, his back pressing against the cushions. He held Harry tightly as Harry too lay on his side, their noses literally pressed together. They kissed again, slowly letting their mouths collide and meet and greet and touch. Technically, you could kiss away most of the day.

Draco put out his arm and let it fall behind Harry. He ran his fingers up and down the length of Harry's back and Harry sighed.

' That feels nice,' he whispered and buried his face closer against Draco's. 

He closed his eyes and Draco continued to stroke him gently. Sometimes ruffling his hair softly, sometimes letting his fingers linger across his cheeks, glide down his waist and then across his back again. Draco stared at him all the while. Harry had no idea how he was feeling. He looked so untroubled and sweet just lying there and Draco felt like the biggest shit to walk the earth or near enough. 

Why are you making this so difficult huh? He asked Harry silently. Any other person and Draco would have been rid of them by now. At the first sign of discomfort he would have ended it, but Harry was different. He was unlike anyone Draco had ever been with. Draco rubbed his back, up and down and soon could hear Harry's breathing become deeper and regular.

He was fast asleep. 

Draco kissed his head and gently pulled off his glasses and placed them on the armrest. It was poetic really – Harry asleep like this, so trusting in his nature and Draco meanwhile harbouring such culpable thoughts. He felt so guilty, again. He hated that Harry trusted Draco with _himself_. Laying himself open to Draco, so that Draco could ruin him. You didn't need to exchange life stories to have and hold someone in your hands. Having them physically, gave you so much more power and responsibility and Draco wasn't sure if he could handle such a task. He didn't want to. He trailed his fingers down Harry's neck. 

Well I don't have to worry about that now do I? He thought. Once it was finished with Harry he would have nothing. 

_As in no Harry -nothing. _

His throat ached and he took in a deep breath and tried to force down his swallows as hard as they could go, in order to stop the ache growing larger. He shouldn't prolong it really. It was better for him and for Harry in the long run.

He smiled sadly then, he couldn't help it, and looked at the face before him. He took in every detail of every eyelash, the colour of his skin, the curve of his lips. The jet-black hair that fell in long layers over his face. Draco brushed a soft strand back and Harry stirred slightly, snaking his arm further around Draco and pressing his face against Draco's collarbone. Harry felt like a soft, warm little cat all huddled up next to him.

Draco felt his heart swell and he quickly tried to squash the tidal wave about to take him over. He rested his cheek against Harry's hair and slowly slid his arm underneath Harry's head, tucking him close against his chest. Harry nuzzled against his body and Draco gathered him up in his arms, softly stroking his hair.

What is it with you Harry? Draco thought. Why do you have so little regard and consideration for your life? You shouldn't have trusted me, I shouldn't have let you and I shouldn't have fallen for you. Why did I do this to myself? Draco could carry on pretending that everything was hunky-dory, but it wasn't. Their little secret would have blown up in their faces before long and then what would have happened? Maybe Harry had a habit of throwing himself into the fire at regular intervals but Draco was not ready for that. Am I?

He kissed Harry's hair and lay still, holding him close. He let Harry sleep for over half an hour and then finally urged him to wake up.

'Harry?' he said softly, squeezing Harry's shoulder.

' Come on, wake up.'

'Mmmmm,' came a soft moan and Draco smiled.

'Oy,' he rubbed his back, ' wakey wakey.'

'Whaaaa?' came a faint reply.

'You fell asleep. '

Harry's eyes opened slightly and he looked disorientated for a moment.

'I fell asleep? Why did you let me go to sleep?'

Draco tutted, ' I didn't let you, you just did.'

Harry cuddled him tighter and buried his nose in Draco's chest again.

'It's your fault,' came his muffled response,' you're all comfy.'

Draco smiled,' my fault again huh?'

Harry chuckled, ' yeah,' he sniffed a deep breath. 

' Wish I could sleep with you every night,' he mumbled fuzzily and promptly closed his eyes again.

Draco winced at Harry's choice of words. It was such a small and simple sentence, but it cut right through him.

 ' You said you couldn't stay long?' 

' Well a guy can change his mind,' Draco answered back with slight difficulty.

Harry moaned in resignation as he opened his eyes again. 

'Guess I should get up.'

Draco smiled and slipped his arm out from under Harry. He sat up on the couch and Harry lifted himself up, leaning against Draco's back in his sleepy state. 

'What time is it?'

'After eleven.'

Draco yawned suddenly and Harry yawned a second later, grinning. Draco got up and drew Harry up with him. Harry immediately fell into his arms, flopping against his body. Draco chewed the inside of his cheek as he felt a surge of tenderness grip him. He rocked Harry gently and could feel Harry's breath tickle his neck. 

'Hey,' Draco said softly,' when you go back to your room, go straight to sleep ok? No hanging about.' 

'Yup,' Harry replied back drowsily and Draco kissed his head.

Harry tilted his head up, his eyes closed, 'kiss?' he said and puckered his lips into a small pout. 

Draco's heart scrambled for safety as he felt himself turn to jelly.

' How could I refuse a request like that?' he somehow managed to say.

He kissed Harry gently and hugged him tight before moving back. Harry opened his eyes and smiled. He looked away and picked up Harry's glasses, handing them over.

'Oh,' Harry put them on and Draco took out his wand and put out the lights. He took Harry's hand and opened the door.

'Go on,' he whispered to him, kissing his hand.

Harry brushed his lips again and walked down the corridor. Draco watched his retreating back and felt like his heart had been thrown in wet cement, dried and then put back in his chest again. It felt so heavy. It was crushing his lungs.

This was the right thing to do, for the both of them. His parents came first. He hung his head and stared unseeingly at the floor. 

Tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow…….

I will…………

I will.


	14. For The Best

**Disclaimer: All the amazing rights of the HP universe belong to JK Rowling.** Karina**4**'s notes: I feel so bad, I should have said that while I was leaving you to mull it over I was going on holiday! And when I came back I read all the nice things everyone said and felt all tickled. I'm so chuffed that you think it is good enough to continue. I really like it and it has been so much fun writing it. I would love to see it through right to the very end…. I'm sorry that I have taken so long to bring out new chapters but it took a while to clean off the dust that had gathered on them and re-polish them. 

I hope you enjoy reading or _not_ as in most cases I'm sure it will be ***sigh*. **But at least at long last you have new material to read. That has to be a bonus right?

I'm almost 100% sure that all the reviews for that notey thing I have replaced will get erased, but I have all your comments tucked away safely in my email box so that's good. Feel free to say whatever you feel like about this next instalment. I'm just grateful that you have taken the time to read it at all – it must have taken a while huh? 

_First before I continue I want to thank lots of nice people:_
    
    Godlovesme, Lanevaly, Winter De Salis, Elani Chaice, krissy, shaya, First Time Slash Reader, Hermione C, Katie, Jolene, BoyWonderKevinK, coriander, chocs, Shadowcat, Dragenphly, michael16119.  

Malfoy Snogger- I always love reading all your comments :o)

eclecticity/Vampie(?) – ( ref to chap one) u r right, where did that line go??? Well it seems to have appeared right back where it started – just for **_you_ *****grin***.

Thank you to all my previous readers, it means a lot to me that you waded through all those chapters again. You have as always been very kind.

And I sincerely want to say how much I appreciate all those readers who put me on their favourites list. My little story and I thank you very much 

***blush-** **little wave***

okie dokie **Chappie 14** – _finally – it's a lot of words – trust me, I typed it *smile *_

*******

__

As soon as Draco had woken up on Friday morning, his stomach felt as if it were tied in a large group of knots. He had promised himself last night, that he would do it _today_. No escaping. Today was finally here. 

But he couldn't face doing it in the morning before breakfast. He would do it later – after classes finished. That would be easier. Better. 

He didn't turn up to meet Harry as he normally did in the mornings. How could he face him when he knew that only in a few hours he was going to end whatever had been going on in between them.  So he got dressed and instead went straight to breakfast. He knew he couldn't avoid Harry all day again and he wasn't going to – exactly.

He smiled furtively at the black-haired boy, as he came into the Great Hall and Harry had nodded discreetly. He didn't want Harry getting suspicious and waiting for him at the stairs again – Draco was going to do this when _he_ was ready. He wanted to feel that he had some control over that at least – as he didn't seem to have control over much else.

The lessons during the first half of the day were pure torment and he hadn't made a single note during the last class before lunch. He wasn't able to think about anything else other than what he was intending to do. He also had to get a message to Harry somehow, so that they could meet up later on. He went to the Owlery and scribbled a quick note and got his owl to deliver it.

Lunch again, and Draco smiled inconspicuously. Sure enough his owl delivered his short letter and Harry had let his eyes linger momentarily on Draco's face before moving them away casually. 

As the afternoon lessons drew to a close, he felt nauseous. It felt like he were about to take a really important, extremely _hard_ exam, and knowing that it would end badly no matter what. It was going to be a failing grade despite everything and anything – yet still having the anguish of actually having to sit for the paper _and_ complete it.

He walked steadily back to his dorm, ignoring the noise and the bustle around him. He put his bag and his books away methodically and sat on his bed for a minute. Just get it over and done with! What was the big deal? 

He got up and looked at his reflection in the mirror that hung above his cabinet. He looked all edgy and strange. He tried to take a few calming breaths. He was feeling nervous and jittery. _Why?_ His body was obviously not agreeing with what his mind was setting out to do. 

_Mind over matter._

He took another deep breath and went into the common room. 

'Draco! The Weird Sisters are having a concert in Edinburgh. It's after the exams, we should all go!' 

Blaise came up to him excitedly and he nodded, ' maybe.'

'Where are you going?' she asked as he walked towards the entrance. 

' Get some study notes,' he said. _Ick_…now he was explaining himself to Blaise? He was _definitely_ losing his touch.

He walked out into the corridor and made his way through the passages and up into the Entrance Hall. His stomach contracted painfully and he couldn't tell whether he was feeling sick or hungry – both probably, or neither. 

He slowly climbed to the sixth floor. His feet dragged heavily and a part of him was hoping that the climb would never finish.  But of course it did, quicker than expected. 

He gulped a few times as he walked down the passage and then stood for a moment eyeing the door. He put his hand on the doorknob and took another deep breath. What was with the air today? He could hardly breathe, it was stifling. 

He pushed the door open and saw that Harry was already there. He was looking out of the window as he so often did. Draco froze. He was seriously considering just turning around and walking back out. He felt like he was wheezing and his heart was pounding painfully.

'Hello stranger,' Harry said turning around.

Draco gave him a tight smile and quickly walked into the room, shutting the door behind him.

' Sending notes now are we?' Harry smiled.

Draco suddenly froze and stared intently at Harry's face.

'What?' Harry asked smiling again.

' I never noticed you had a dimple,' he whispered. 

'Do I?' Harry shrugged like it was no big deal. 

But it was a big deal, it was a huge deal.

Draco felt stricken. How could he have not noticed all this time that Harry had a dimple in his left cheek? It was so adorable, and right there. There it was. What other details about Harry's face had Draco not noticed? There was so much that he hadn't yet discovered….

 _I'll never get the chance to now_ he thought. He swallowed hard and promptly gathered Harry in his arms, burying his face into Harry's neck. He felt Harry enfold him – holding him close. 

_Fuck it Draco, you have to do this now! Oh god._

He felt dizzy_. Wait, one moment…………._

_I need to hold on, just need time. I want to remember that's all_. 

He lifted his head and slowly pressed his lips on Harry's. He didn't kiss him – just breathed him in for a long moment quietly. Just feeling and not moving. Just having one transient moment of pure suspension. Numbing all his thoughts and feelings to nothing except the feel and touch of having Harry's mouth against his. Just hearing and tasting the quiet breath of Harry, which slowly sifted through the invisible molecules around them and then pressed silently onto Draco's lips.

Gradually he started to trace the beautiful mouth with his own. Slowly at first, with short, fine brushes. Harry sighed pleasurably as Draco cradled his head in his hands, deepening their kiss. Their lips opened together, breathing inside one another mouths. Draco flicked his tongue out, licking Harry's lips before diving in and skating across his tongue. He felt a moan escape from him as Harry seized him closer and pushed his own tongue into Draco's mouth. 

_Just want to remember the last time_. 

Their kisses grew more and more passionate, gathering in force. Draco could feel the ache in his chest beginning to hurt terribly, as he desperately clutched at Harry. 

'How do you do this?' Harry gasped, pulling back slightly. 'My legs feel all wobbly,' he said looking flushed, his eyes sparkling. 

Draco gently pushed him against the wall covering his body with his own. 

' I feel the same – every time,' Draco murmured softly.

He locked his lips with Harry's once again, running his hands feverishly over Harry's chest. 

'Draco…….' Harry moaned and Draco closed his eyes tightly. He pressed into Harry, giving him the most ravenous kiss of his life. 

Our last kisses. 

He kissed Harry with everything that he felt, all the words he had never dared to speak, and every emotion he had ever felt for him. 

_Everything_. 

Harry gasped at the force and pressure of Draco's lips. Draco pressed a flurry of short kisses on Harry's mouth and Harry groaned softly. Draco trailed his lips across Harry's face, down his neck and then back up, all the while running his hands up and down Harry's torso. He felt as if he was on fire, his skin was burning and he coupled his lips with Harry's again and again. He grasped Harry's body against his, aligning it perfectly with his own. He wanted to feel the entire length of Harry pressed into him.  Every contour and every line. Burn his outline into his body as well as in his mind.

He wanted to swallow in and consume as many kisses as he could - so that he had something to cling onto. Let Harry breathe into him, so that his breath filled up his entire body leaving no room for anything else. Have Harry's breath seep into his veins and soak into and permeate all that was hidden by his outer casing. Have a segment of Harry's essence inside of him finally.

 _I have Harry's breath inside of me_, he thought mistily. _And he can't take that back-plus breath is invisible, no one will know I have it._

_Breath_ was essential to you being alive also…. Draco was feeling a little hysterical and crazy and it was scaring him.

He ran his fingers through Harry's hair, pulling gently at the soft strands. He kissed him like a man possessed. As if his lips were trying to cover Harry's whole face at once. His cheeks; nose, forehead, lips. His ears, his jaw line, his neck. Draco held his hands firmly in his and kissed each of his fingers, his palms. Harry was almost struggling to breathe, whereas it seemed that Draco didn't need to breathe at all. He was of course sucking the hot air right out of Harry's mouth. 

He submersed Harry with kisses and faintly heard him say,' Draco…….' again.

_I want to remember, I have to._

Nothing had ever felt as good as holding and kissing Harry. Nothing on this earth was as sweet as having Harry in his arms. The way Harry looked at him, the way he smiled. He wanted to engrave everything he had learnt thus far and felt about this beautiful boy into his head, so that it could be etched there forever in his memory.  

Harry's skin was so soft; it smelt so nice. His neck was so warm; always so warm - it felt so divine to press his cheek against it, feel the heat against his face. 

_Like I'm doing now, and I'll remember.._

Harry breathlessly clasped Draco, as their lips burned and smouldered together. Draco placed a small kiss on Harry's lips and leaned in, catching his breath back. _Breathe_. I need to keep breathing and I'll get through this he thought.

He nuzzled his face deep into Harry's hair, and listened to Harry's soft gasps even back into a normal rhythm. He cradled him in his embrace, as if he were holding and protecting a small child against his chest, and pressed one last soft kiss on the top of his head.

'It's over Harry.'

Harry's head was resting comfortably on Draco and he lifted it lazily, looking up into Draco's eyes. 

'What's over?' He said, obviously not registering Draco's words at first. 

'Us, we are over,' Draco repeated brutally in one quick breath. 'Finished. I don't want to carry on any more.' 

Harry leaned back, his eyes suddenly going dark and his smile replaced by a stunned and horrified expression.

'What? What are you talking about?' He looked completely baffled. 

'You and me. Over.' Draco looked into Harry's eyes, willing himself not to fall to bits.

'Are you serious?' Harry looked down at their arms that were still entangled together.  

'I don't understand…I don't get it. You're still holding me,' he shook his head. 

Draco let go of him immediately, as if he were scalded and dropped his arms moving back.

'I just think it's for the best that we end it here. That's all.' 

He was saying it calmly and in such a matter of fact tone that it seemed to startle Harry all the more.

Harry shook his head again as if trying to make sense of what was being said to him.

' I don't understand. Has someone found out? Has someone said something to you?' 

He looked knocked for six and watched as Draco moved _even further_ away from him.  

'No,' Draco swallowed, his throat feeling agonizingly dry.  'No one has found out and nor are they going to.' 

Quickly, quickly…..end… 

'I don't get it,' Harry could barely stammer out the words. 'You were just…….you were just kissing me like there was no tomorrow.' 

A long pause. 'Oh my god..…'

The realisation bled into Harry's eyes and over his face and Draco had to look away. 

'How could you?' Harry said in a hoarse whisper.

Draco exhaled loudly, ' this HAS to end here. Realistically this can't carry on.'

He glimpsed at Harry's face and flinched involuntarily. Harry's eyes were looking fierce and unmoving in the their stare.

'Who says?' he asked brusquely.

Draco could feel the prickles of exasperation starting to grow. 'What are you on?! Of course it can't!'

Harry's brows gathered together and his face softened, his expression beckoning Draco, 'but we've only just begun. There's so much more, I mean we could…'

Draco shook his head cutting him off. He knew there was so much more but it couldn't happen.

'That's your problem right there!' he yelled instead. 'You just assume all the time! _I wonder if we could, maybe, this, that_,' he cruelly mimicked Harry's voice. ' You've never asked me once if I even want to be doing anything with you at all! You just go off into your little daydream.'

Harry's mouth was open and he looked so hurt. Draco felt a wave of shame pour into him but made sure his face did not show any signs of it. Harry's assuming _had_ made him uncomfortable.

'Ask you? Ask you what?' Harry said looking alarmed. ' If I'm allowed to speculate about what we _could_ do in the future? I should have discussed with you at the beginning about what I can or cannot say? What on earth are you talking about?'

Draco stayed silent and Harry continued.

'I can't believe that you really can be that petty.' His voice was bitter.

'Petty?' Draco said,' you think I'm petty?'

Harry looked on at him amazed. ' Of course you are. Listen to yourself. That is one of the most ridiculous comments I have ever heard in my entire life.'

'Well screw you,' Draco snarled,' I don't care what you think. You think that you're so above everyone else, looking down at everybody.' The anger and resentment was definitely building up inside of him.

' I have never thought that!' Harry was staring at him as if he couldn't believe that Draco was still the same person. 'What the hell is wrong with you?'

' I just want all this over ok?' He ground out heatedly.

' Wow, your break up strategy leaves a lot to be desired.' Harry watched him carefully and Draco held his head up higher. ' For crying out loud Draco, I care about you. You care about me,' he ended softly.

Draco averted his eyes as he spoke the next words,' you care more about me Harry than I do for you.'

Harry's face fell and he looked devastated, 'you're lying.' 

'I know what I feel!' Draco shot out, trying not to feel anything right now. He couldn't afford to.

From Harry's expression it seemed as if he wanted to cry, or scream, or throw Draco out of the window. But instead he stood very still with an ashen face. 

'Right, so you thought you'd come for one final make out session and then end it?' Harry said in an incredulous voice.

' I don't want any drama ok?' Draco took in a long breath,  'it's finished. It's over. Deal with it.'

Harry let out an appalled gasp, 'Oh my god! I'm sorry', he said coming closer to Draco, his eyes crackling now and spitting out green venom. 'Am I getting too emotional for you?'

His eyes hardened and he looked at Draco angrily, the strength of his emotion showing clearly on his face now. Draco couldn't bear to see the acrimony emitting from Harry's glare and steadfastly forced himself to return Harry's gaze with cold detached eyes.

'Did you actually think that you would just come along, kiss me and then say ''oh by the way- it's over'' and expect me to what?' he stopped and Draco said nothing.  

' Say _all right _Draco? That's fine.' He shook his head in disgust,' sorry, should I be saving you from any discomfort of breaking up with ME?'

Draco let out an irritated sigh,' Harry, ……... it's over. Let it be.'

Harry stared at him perplexedly and his eyes fell to the floor for a moment. 

'If something has happened or you've been having thoughts, just tell me, we can talk about it…'

'I don't want to talk!!!' Draco yelled,' I don't want a discussion about this!' 

He wanted this over with and get out, it had gone on for long enough.

Harry bristled again, 'so you're just going to break up with me and offer no explanation?' he said furiously.

' We're not breaking up…we were never…' 

Harry looked at him so sharply that his gaze could have cut through glass. Draco stopped in mid sentence,' don't you dare,' he said in a dangerously low voice. _'Don't. You. Dare, say what I think you're going to say. I swear…. '_

Draco licked his lips, 'just move on ok?' His heart was thrashing wildly in his chest and he felt so surreal yet continued to speak. 'I mean seriously Harry. Did you think we had a future? You think you could have told people about us?' he looked enquiringly into the fiery face in front of him. 

Harry raked his eyes over Draco,' wait - is this what it's about?' He said confused. 'My not telling people? Because I will right now. I can do that. I'm not ashamed of you…..' he began in a hurry.

'NO,' Draco shouted, interrupting, ' I don't want you to tell people about us!!! I don't want anyone to know. Are you mad?' he said. There was no way in hell he wanted people to find out.

Harry glared at him grimly, and Draco turned around pacing up and down the room agitated. 

He stopped then in front of Harry and said in a tetchy voice, ' I didn't come for an interrogation.'

' Screw you,' Harry blazed, 'you don't think you owe me this much? You decide it's over and that's it? End of? I know that this whole situation isn't exactly simple but if we want, we can try and work through it somehow. You're frightened, that's ok just tell me.'

Draco felt the mounting hysteria intensify in his body and he ignited,' I'm not _frightened_ for fucks sake!! I just want it OVER, ' he stressed. 'Why aren't you taking the bloody hint?!'

'Because dammit!!!! _I care about you_,' Harry cried out, 'and I thought you cared about me!!! Don't deny it Draco. I know you do. The way you hold me, the way you kiss me. All the time we've spent together. Don't lie to my face and tell me you don't! Admit it?' his eyes gripped Draco's furiously as he waited for an answer. 'You can't can you? You're scared of saying you care about me!'

' I'm not scared!!! I don't care all right?' Draco was practically screaming in Harry's face now, and this was so not good. He hadn't wanted it to be like this at all. He was losing control badly, and he had wanted to remain calm and collected. 

'Bullshit!' Harry shot back.

'Shut up!' Draco said hoarsely, 'everything is so bloody easy for you. But you just don't understand. You just don't get it.' Six years of bitter thoughts were now starting to overspill.

Harry looked on shocked,' easy for me?' he asked in disbelief.  'In what sense is this easier for me than it is for you? Yeah this is all so bloody peachy keen for me.'

'You're so fucking frustrating!!! It's always about you all the time!!! And it makes me sick!!! You, you, you. The centre of the fucking universe always has to be YOU,' Draco flared up.

'What the hell does that mean?' Harry spat out.

' It means', Draco yelled,' for instance that you came and had a row with me because of YOUR shitty, hideous friends. And then, you took it for granted that I be all nice because of us. And it pisses me off so much. I hate Weasley, him and Granger. If I could obliterate the both of them it wouldn't be a loss to mankind!! _But Nooooo._ _You_ had a problem and got all sanctimonious because you didn't like ME saying what I think about YOUR fucking friends. I hate them all and what I hate more is that you somehow think that you have _changed _me, you've tamed me. I haven't changed Harry. I'm still me. The only thing I did for you is to show some self-restraint. 

   Weasley still makes me want to vomit till I pass out, but I tried to hold my tongue for YOU.  And you didn't even notice and if you had, then it's like you expected it because of course I'M in the wrong so I SHOULD be the one to tone it down. And that fucks me off SO MUCH! What have you had to alter about yourself for me? Nothing that's what! Everything you do is so bloody brilliant isn't it? The poster boy for Gryffindor! The Wizarding world for two seconds thinks you're a lunatic and then you save the day again and get all the pats on the back like the good boy you are. Every year you're the talk of the school and you always come off like some smug little fucker. ''Oh look at the silent hero who holds the weight of the world on his shoulders''. And you love it, you bask in _your arrogance_.' 

He was shouting, and the blood pounded through his body. His heart was beating at high-speed and he felt himself unthread into strings of frazzled tension. 

'You're wrong,' Harry said in a splintered voice. He looked so shocked at the barrage of words that had come out of Draco's mouth.

Draco grimaced, 'you don't get the half of it. And I just can't stand how you think this is all so easy when it isn't at all.' 

'_I don't for Gods sake_!' Harry said loudly.  'I don't think it's EASY. Seriously – what are you talking about? What am I thinking is possibly EASY in all this? What? You think that I can go up to people and tell them about you just like that? You think I'm that retarded to think that people will accept us with open arms? No I don't! BUT you know what? I'm not frightened to tell them either Draco because I will. But ok I am delaying it. Why? Because I want to enjoy what we have _right now_. I don't want to lose you for other people and their opinions. What we have - it's been so amazing. I don't want to be upset over this, or anyone upsetting you. I really would like this to work, you're important to me…' 

His end words held a pleading note and Draco felt distressed and overwrought. He couldn't deal with being important to Harry. 

'I don't need you doing me a favour and tell people because you think you're being a martyr.'

Harry looked sickened and shook his head,' what is it with you? What am I being a martyr about?'

They stopped then in the middle of the room. Their anger fuelled gazes pausing their words for a moment. 

Harry ran his hand over his mouth,  'tell me one of the things that are bothering you. Is it because I'm a guy? You're scared to tell people that you're gay? Bisexual?' he paused again but Draco did not fill in the gap. 

'I can understand how you feel, but we'd be going through the same thing. You're not alone.'

'SHUT UP!' Draco raged. 'It's not about being gay, or bisexual!!! I'm not having gay issues! I'm not worried about my coming-out speech. This isn't about my sexuality. Yes my parents won't have a field day about it, but it's not that - it's you. This is all about YOU.'

Harry gave him a scornful glance, 'and here I thought when someone broke up with you, they say '' this is not about you, it's about me''. Christ Draco, I can't help who I am. I know the baggage that is coming with the both of us but we can talk about it. If I'm willing to accept you, why can't you do the same for me?'

' Because I don't want to accept you. I don't want to be Harry Potter's boyfriend!'

Harry drew in shakily, ' I could say the same thing about you! If you were Joe Average Draco, then it wouldn't be as complicated either, but you're not. You're Draco Malfoy, but I wouldn't mind being your boyfriend! What makes you better than me? If I can be Draco Malfoy's boyfriend why can't you be mine? I'd be proud to be with you, because it's you. I'd be with _you, because I care more for you than what your name stands for._'

'That's different!'

'Why? Why is it different?'

' Because you're fucking Harry Potter that's why!' 

'Then that's your problem isn't it?!' Harry's cheeks now looked red with fury, 'you're the one putting me on a higher rating than yourself not me! This is about YOUR INSECURITIES _not mine_! You feeling inferior and substandard is no doing of mine, that's your fault NOT mine.'

' Fuck you!'

'Oh my god, ' Harry seemed to stop for air and turned his eyes away from Draco. 

A lock of his hair fell across his face and Draco itched to brush it back. He closed his eyes for a second and ran his hand across the back of his neck.

' Why are you being such a schizophrenic? What was your trigger? What made you change your mind? One minute you're all kissy and cuddly and now you revert back to being Malfoy again?'

'I am always and always will be a Malfoy Harry.'

Harry's throat was working furiously as he stared at Draco dully. 

'You're right Draco. You are a Malfoy. How could I have forgotten? It doesn't _matter_ that you and I have _hated _each other for years and now I can't stop thinking about you. It doesn't matter that you have _insulted_ my friends and I for years, and what they will say when they find out. And yes it doesn't matter to me that your father is Lucius Malfoy.'

'You leave my father out of this,' Draco seethed. ' It's because of you that he is in jail!' he exploded.

Harry gave a hollow laugh,' believe me Draco, he did that all by himself.'

Draco suddenly rushed forward with his hand raised and Harry looked at him,' you want to hit me Draco? Go ahead.'

Draco gulped and lowered his hand and stepped back quickly. Oh dear lord, this was so bad. 

He knew his father would come into play. How could it not?

'I don't know how much you know about your fathers arrest Draco, and I'm certainly not going to be the one to tell you either. But if I can be with you knowing all I do of your father, I think that speaks a lot of about how much I don't care about your surname. I guess it's just you who can't get over my name,' Harry said. ' Say it Draco, bleat it. I'm a Malfoy, and being with me is so heinous a crime that you want none of it anymore,' Harry eyes glittered and he gave a sardonic smile as he continued, ' cos what will dear daddy say.'

'You little fucker!' Draco seethed. 

Harry cringed. 

'You're right. I am a Malfoy and I am proud of being a Malfoy. And yes of course what will my parents say, cos you know what Harry? You'll never know what it's like to have parents and have parents expectations.'

'Because I don't have parents?' Harry said fiercely, ' I can't understand the enormous value that is placed on being a Malfoy, because I DON'T HAVE PARENTS?What is it about being a Malfoy that's so great Draco? Tell me!' he fumed. 'Cos I want to know what you think is so worth it, that you are willing to just throw away what we have! What is it ?! Come on lets do a scoring system – I'll tally it up afterwards and tell you if it's worth it, go on,' he taunted.

'Shut up,' Draco said coldly.

Harry leaned against the wall, with his arms crossed, ' I'll tell you shall I?' he said softly. ' You're an old Pureblood Wizarding family who have lots of money and a large estate. But where did that get your father Draco? Where does it ever get people like that?'

'I'm warning you Harry, shut your fucking mouth. You know nothing about my life or my parents. My Father is a great man,' Harry snorted disrespectfully and the expression on his face was infuriating as Draco continued,' and I won't listen to you criticise him! And I'd be bloody ashamed to tell my father about you. My being with you is nothing to be proud of at all.'

Harry pressed his lips thinly at first before he opened his mouth again,' you're so deluded Draco, I almost pity you. What fantasy world are you living in?' He made a derisive sound before continuing. 'So no I guess, being with me is nothing to be proud of but supporting people like Umbridge last year is? You enjoy supporting twisted people?'

Draco blinked at Harry's goading expression. It seemed as if Draco was not the only one to remember all their skirmishes throughout their school years. No he wasn't proud of supporting bloody Umbridge. She had turned out to be a nutter and again Draco felt the heat of shame rush over him. And he hated that. He hated to feel small and foolish and know that his choice in that particular fragment of his life had been a wrong one.  And he despised the fact that Harry had come out of that event smelling of roses while Umbridge had run away from school with her tail between her legs and his father had ended up behind bars. It was all so unfair and he couldn't let that go. 

And Draco felt furious. All the images and scenes of where Harry had humiliated him in the past flickered through his mind. 

'It's funny,' he spat out,' that you think that you are always the victim in everything. That it's you who is always doing the suffering. And people think that you are some kind of wonderful gracious saviour when really how many times have you been the submissive one when we have confronted each other? You're not some fucking helpless twat, but you have all these idiots rallying around you all the time. You don't have a clue what it's like to be anyone else but yourself and you feel so superior cos you keep getting lucky. That's all. And you're so self-centred it's unbelievable. You have no idea what it is like to be me.' 

'Why don't you tell me then? Why don't you tell me what life is like for you. ' Harry said irritatingly calmly.

'Cos Potter, your little hero complex doesn't allow for it.'

Harry winced at his last sentence and Draco felt a kick out of seeing Harry being affected by his words.  

'And a lot you'd know about that Draco, I _don't_ think. It's odd that you say my name like it's something dirty, something to be trod on but I'm proud of being a Potter. Maybe there are a lot of things in my life that I have to be ashamed about but my name is not one of them.' Harry's eyes reflected his defiance and his voice was level and hard.

Draco swallowed bitterly,' yeah cos being a Potter is so friggin wonderful.'

'Yeah it is, perhaps nearly as _friggin_ wonderful as being a Malfoy,' Harry flung back in his face.

Draco let out a long breath and pushed back his hair exasperatedly. 'Lets just get this over with all right? And go off our separate ways.'

Harry's eyes that had for so long glared at him, now dropped to the floor once more. He looked up after a few moments and Draco felt his head ache as he watched Harry holding himself up stiffly. He was desperately trying to keep his emotions in check; Draco could tell. 

' I guess its stupid isn't it? To think that life would be that kind? It's naïve to think that joy can last, even for a moment. It never does. Never.' 

Harry's voice started to shake and Draco felt his heart clench in an excruciating grip.

' I know that I don't know what it is like to be you Draco, but you have no idea, no clue as to what it is like to be me either. I'm sorry if my being me has been the end of us, but I don't have a choice about who I am just like you.'

He paused and Draco pressed his fist against his own mouth to prevent himself from speaking. 

'If this is going to be over then please don't act like you don't _care_ Draco.' Harry sounded tired and sad. Draco bit his lip.  'Admit that you care at least, but your situation is too much more of a big deal than us. At least then I'd know that you're being honest.'

'I've never been honest to you Harry,' it slipped out unthinkingly, he hadn't really meant to say that, but Harry looked taken aback like the words had hit him in the face and were starting to sink in.

'What does that mean?'

Draco thought hastily,' I mean that…' _what should he mean?_ He couldn't even think straight.

'I mean that all this…'he motioned his hands to Harry and himself and then sighed,' it wasn't what you thought it was.' 

_Over, end now…._

Harry looked confused,' what?'

'You and me, right from the start it was never meant to carry on this far. I guess I let it carry on for too long.'

Nothing was making sense to him, what he was saying wasn't making sense but for some reason Harry again looked like he was having another realisation dawn on him. 

_'_Has all this been a joke?' Harry could hardly get the words out and Draco started.

'Not exactly a joke, more of,' the words were now making themselves up as they tumbled out of his mouth, 'seeing how far I could get with you. ' 

He scrambled for his next words and watched Harry stare at him with a shocked expression on his face. 

'Draco my god, is this about your father? ' Harry's face drained of colour,' is this how you thought you'd get your own back at me? Make me want you and fall for you and then dump me?  This was all an act so you could have a laugh with all your friends afterwards?'

Draco went along with the words that Harry had put in his mouth.

'Yes.' He tried to act lofty and kept his face neutral in spite of the collapsing feeling of his heart puncturing inside of him. Harry had fallen for him? _He's fallen for me_, but this was certainly not the time to revel in that piece of information. He had known how Harry had felt about him but Harry had never said those words aloud to him before. He was important to Harry, Harry cared for him and now Draco had spun a wonderful yarn to end it all.

Harry shook his head,' it can't be, you….'

He desperately looked towards Draco for some kind of reassurance and Draco kept a pitiless expression firmly in place. This was good in fact. Let Harry think that all this had been some twisted revenge on his part. It made much more sense that way. Their whole relationship was now being seen in a new light that favoured Draco's position greatly. It was highly fitting right? Went along perfectly with his Malfoy and Slytherin persona. It added credibility to his name didn't it, to his beliefs? An extremely plausible reason for getting involved with Harry in the first place because _why else would he_? 

There was no shame in fooling around with Potter to get the better of him. And Draco was big enough to realise that this new revelation would actually be easier on Harry. At least Draco wouldn't have to worry about Harry waiting around for him to change his mind or anything. He could go back to being that snapping, angry Potter that had evolved rapidly last year.

Harry seemed lost for words and Draco prayed to remain cool and aloof. 

'You're lying aren't you?' Harry spoke so quietly that Draco could hardly hear him. ' But I mean, I kissed you first and then you found me and it….' he stopped and his eyes were so bright as they glimmered painfully at Draco. 

'Yeah you kissed me and it pissed me off that you dared to,' at least that part was true. ' So I found you and well the rest followed. But I really think it's time that it ended. It just doesn't amuse me so much anymore and I got what I wanted.' 

' You _unimaginable bastard_,' Harry whispered looking staggered.

Draco cringed and took in a sharp breath. Harry hardly ever swore. It sounded so foreign coming out of Harry's mouth. He felt his stomach plunge sickly. He rubbed his eyes and saw Harry move away from the wall. The hurt and strain in the air around them was so palpable that it felt like something solid was pressing down upon Draco. He felt like he was buckling under the weight of it.  

'You're a coward; it's as simple as that. A rotten coward,' Harry spoke in broken clips and he looked drained and depressed and so defeated. It was horribly unnerving to see Harry like that. 

Draco felt shattered by all that had gone on in the room since he had walked in.

'Well at least you have been honest _now_,' Harry sounded like he was choking on his words and Draco swallowed frantically, his eyes blurring.

' It's probably a good thing that I didn't beg you to stay with me. I would never have forced you to be with me, if you didn't want to,' the expression on Harry's face was heart breaking. His words lingered in the air, encircling Draco.

Draco remained silent; he couldn't form any words right now. His feet felt glued to the floor and his throat was hurting something awful. 

'I guess it doesn't matter now. Now that I know the truth as to why you even stayed with me for as long as you did. Now that I know that you didn't care at all….' his voice trailed off till it barely left a shadow. 

Draco met his eyes and he stifled a gasp. Harry's eyes were looking at him beseechingly, as if they were silently imploring Draco to disagree with the words that were just spoken. As if they wanted Draco to say that he _had_ cared, that all _this_ was the lie and not their time spent together. 

And for one insane, wonderful moment Draco felt like saying exactly that…..

But then he clenched his jaw and willed his eyes and voice not to trickle out any emotion. 

'You're right Harry, I never cared at all. And it would be foolish for you to think otherwise.'

'So…' Harry began and Draco snapped off of the end of his rope. All the hurt, upset and anger sprang forth and Draco let it all out in a blitz of fury. 

'JUST STOP ALL RIGHT? JUST FUCKING STOP. YOU CAN'T BE THAT BLOODY DENSE! YOU THINK THAT YOUR'E SO FUCKING GREAT THAT YOU CAN'T COMPREHEND HOW I _CANNOT _WANT TO BE WITH YOU?! I DON'T CARE OK? DO YOU HEAR ME?'

Harry's eyes that had glowed so brightly before, now seemed to have taken on that haunting, dark look once again. Draco dropped his head in despair. Oh god that look on Harry's face……….

Harry nodded curtly and moved to the door. ' Ok, I hear you,' and with those small four words he walked out, the door snapping shut behind him.

It had taken him merely seconds to walk out of the room and he was gone – _just like that_. In a blink of an eye Harry had disappeared. One minute he was here and they were fighting and the next moment he wasn't and they weren't. 

Draco was trembling with emotion. His hands and legs were shaking so badly and the lump in his throat was begging for a release as he angrily scratched at his eyes again. He was alone, so quickly – just like that. Harry was gone. 

The room that had been filled moments earlier with so much anger and passion was now suddenly cold and empty, and Draco Malfoy was left standing in the middle of it – all alone.

But it was over, it was done. 

For the best.


	15. Wasn't It?

**Disclaimer: All the amazing rights of the HP universe belong to JK Rowling.**

**Karina nattering again**; The formatting in 14 did a strange thing with the thank you's in my notes at the beginning. There's that little scrolly bar thing to go to the right and see what names were pushed out of the screen………

-----

Thanks to:

EmptyInBetween, beermats80, Spazzy, no name, Autumsun, eclecticity, Mak6, Shinny.

Malfoy Snogger – I know - they didn't have sex…. How could you Draco? And you didn't even get into Harry's pants! * smile *

----

Anyhoo….. I knew that the previous chapter wouldn't go down all that well but I had said in chapters gone past and re-touched! – that I had planned this story very intricately from beginning to end even before I had begun to write it so…….. and I know you knew that he was going to do the dastardly deed soon…. so it didn't come as a surprise. 

If u still like my lil story -then that is great, but if u r annoyed and think it sucks then obviously u stop reading and never click on it ever again….

I wasn't actually going to put this chappie out alone, but seeing as it is done, done, done- I thought I'd let you have it. 

It is short, not my usual dissertation but it isn't meant to be either – it's kind of a filler in between 14 and 16.

But u can read it if u want to….

***** 

Draco had stayed in the room long after Harry had gone. Harry hadn't even banged the door shut. He had let it close behind him. 

_He hadn't even banged the door. _

Draco sunk down onto the couch. A deadened feeling filtered throughout his body and he was still trembling. His fingers were icy and he could see them quivering. He folded them into his palms and sat with his fists clenched for a while - waiting for his heart to slow down and begin to beat again, waiting for his lungs to start working properly again. That had been the most upsetting fight he had ever had. It had been awful.

But it was for the best. Wasn't it?

Draco had to believe that. He had done this for his parents, his dad. His parents were the most important people to him and he couldn't disappoint them – could he? There was too much at stake wasn't there?

He felt his eyes burn and he took in a long gulp. This had to be done and he had done it. Granted it had gone appallingly, but messy as it was – it was over. _That's what you wanted isn't it?_ He looked around the room, at the couch he was sat on, at the desk. He suddenly envisioned himself and Harry sitting and talking and laughing, and kissing………..

He made hurriedly out of the room and into the corridor. He stood there for a moment, resting his head back against the door. He felt weak; his legs just did not want to stand anymore- they were shaking that badly. He placed his hands flat against the wooden surface and stood frozen in his place. A few minutes passed and he realised that someone might see him and wander what on earth he was doing there in that position. Anyhow he shouldn't be here, it didn't feel right. It was just an empty room and he had no place for it anymore. He wandered if anyone had heard them shouting, but it seemed quite quiet. He didn't really care though, not now that it was over.

He walked to the landing slowly and reached the staircase. There was nobody around and he was a lone figure making his way downstairs. You were never _really alone_ though- the people in the paintings were always moving and shifting around. They must have seen a lot over the years he thought. How many secrets were they keeping? Draco had no doubt that they had watched everything that had passed before them. One of them must have seen him and Harry together. Wander if you could use a painting's evidence in court? 

Draco drifted down the stairs sluggishly, as if he didn't want to reach the bottom at all. He hadn't wanted to reach the sixth floor earlier either. He had the weirdest feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

As he neared the third floor, there were students now walking to and fro, up and down the stairs and corridors. No one paid Draco any attention and he was thankful. He kept his head down and reached the Entrance Hall, opting to go out rather than go down to the common room. It wasn't a particularly cold evening and he walked over near to the greenhouses. There was a bench just behind one and it was empty. He sat down gratefully and waited for his knees to stop knocking together.

He took in a deep breath of cold, fresh air. He felt edgy and unsettled. As if he wanted to rip and claw his skin off and adopt a new one. Something didn't feel right inside. In fact everything felt _wrong _even after he had done the deed that he had set out to do. He felt like his insides had been torn out and placed back in all the wrong places. He felt dizzy and wholly uncomfortable. He could hear the argument still ringing loudly in his ears and he desperately tried to block out the words. He hadn't broken up with Harry, they hadn't been going out had they? And it was all just a bit of fun wasn't it? It didn't mean anything really  - had it? Perhaps it _had_ all been a joke, an act…… 

Harry would be all right. He could go back to hating him again and they would get over this glitch. And anyway, I should be concentrating on my studies, Draco thought.  They were important.

He looked at his watch. It was dinnertime. His eyes wandered over to the Quidditch pitch. Images were starting to replay in his head and he got up hastily smoothing down his cloak. 

Food - that would keep him occupied.

There were already people seated in the Great Hall, and he sat down in his usual place. His eyes searched for Harry, he couldn't help himself. There was Weasley, Granger, and Longbottom (who had caused the previous argument he'd had with Harry). Draco glowered at him revolted. _Stupid, lumbering, pathetic little shite. I hate every single one of you_, Draco thought, looking at the Gryffindor sixth years.

Where was Harry?

He wasn't there.

He hadn't come to dinner yet.

Someone sat down next to him.

'Where were you Draco?'

_Oh god, don't make me talk. I don't want to talk. Not now_. 

His tongue felt dry and thick as it lay in his mouth. 

_I've already said enough._

He turned and it was Gregory reaching for the roast chicken.

'Studying,' Draco said shortly, forcing the word out. 

As if Gregory had even heard the concept of studying. How he had passed anything in his life was a minor miracle in Draco's eyes. 

Draco clenched his jaw and reached for the bowls – he wasn't hungry at all. He was eating for the sake of eating. He stared for a long moment at his fork before he stabbed it into the beefsteak. He chewed and chewed and soon he was starting to gag. It felt like rubber. He ate mechanically, just chewing and swallowing and not tasting. He drunk some water and looked again to see if Harry had come in yet.

He hadn't.

All his stupid friends were here and he wasn't.

' Are you ok Draco?'

He hadn't even noticed Blaise was sitting next to him on the other side.

' I'm fine, why?'

She shrugged,' you're frowning that's why, scowling in fact. Your face looks like thunder, you look….weird. You had an argument with someone?'

Draco stared at his plate. For someone as shallow as Blaise, she had certainly hit the nail on the head. He was screwing up everything today. He couldn't even mask his own emotions; someone as dense as bloody Blaise had been able to read him.

' No I haven't,' he said,' I just did a lot of revision and you know, just feel tired.'

That mollified her and she went back to being shallow again.

She was starting to talk and he switched her off. _Everyone just shut the fuck up._ He had told Harry to shut up how many times? 

_Shut up._

_Shut up._

_Shut up._

Draco felt a horrifying lump in his throat rise again and he furiously tried to gulp it down with more water. _Drink it down. Go away. _

He didn't pause for a breath as he pushed more water harshly down his throat, draining his goblet.

_I swore at him so much. So much. _

_He was so angry –he even swore back. He never swears. _

Draco felt something give way, as if he was falling. As if the ground was crumbling beneath his chair and his feet were losing grip with the stone floor. God, It was so noisy in the room, so many bright colours and too much light and it was all wrong. _Just wrong._ He felt claustrophobic and hot. All these people like garish blurs in front of his face. Why was everyone talking so loud? The cutlery was too dazzling; it was glinting evilly and he felt his stomach lurch. 

He had to get out of here. 

He wiped his mouth with his napkin and scraped his chair back. 

' You're finished already?' Blaise looked up at him questioningly and he nodded. 

'I think I'll just have an early night.'

He didn't stick around to see her response. He bumped into several people as he walked unseeingly out of the room.

_Please get out of my way_, he thought. 

He took in a tremulous breath as he stood in the outside hall for a second. He then got his feet to lift and started to walk. There was no one around as he went down towards the Slytherin house. Everyone was busy stuffing his or her face. _Except Harry._

His heart was thudding ponderously in his ribcage and his chest felt tight. He could feel a twinge as he breathed in and out. Maybe he had a stitch? Maybe he was ill. He could be coming down with something; that's why he felt so terrible. 

He got to his room and sat on his bed loosening his tie. It was choking him, suffocating him. He pulled it away roughly from his neck and looked at it thoughtfully. Harry's tie was red and gold. Harry's eyes were green. Harry had a dimple.

Draco lay back on his bed and shut his eyes.

More green. Everything was green. That's all he could see swirling in front of his closed lids. 

Harry's eyes had been so full of pain that Draco had hardly dared to meet them. 

He had the oddest desire to scream suddenly, really loudly for no reason at all. Scream until his throat was so raw that he could barely speak again. _Why? _

He shook his headand sat back up again quickly shedding his clothes and throwing them on the floor. He pulled on his pyjama bottoms and shut his curtains. The sheets were cold as he slipped into them and drew the blanket over the top near his face. He shivered slightly as he lay still and quiet.  

Lights out and the room went dark.

He closed his eyes tightly; there was no point keeping them open. It would still be just darkness that he saw.

_Harry hadn't even been at dinner. He hadn't eaten anything. He'd be hungry tonight._

Draco smothered his face into his pillow. If he breathed in very deeply, he imagined he could still smell the faintest trace of Harry. He suddenly reached out his hand over the side of the bed and felt for his jumper on the floor. His hands searched for a moment and then he found it. He brought it up and held it to his nose and breathed in the scent, inhaling deeply. Harry had leaned against his chest earlier, the jumper still slightly smelt of him. Draco curled it around the pillow and buried his face in it.

His eyes were burning again in their closed sockets and he sniffed hard and swallowed down fiercely. 

_Harry. _

Draco hurt. He was hurting. _I did it for the best_, he thought again, over and over. Then why was he feeling like this? If you are the one who ends it, then you don't get to be the one who is upset. You didn't have the _right_ to.

His breath was hardly squeezing out of his seemingly vacant lungs, and he felt empty, hollow. Like he had poured himself dry somewhere. 

Where had all of Harry's breath gone? It had vanished……….

_I don't have anything of him_……

Where did it go? How could breath be so fickle? He couldn't feel it anywhere. He had meant to keep a bit of Harry at least. But you couldn't hold such breath in your hands; you couldn't encase it in a box. It floated and wafted and touched, but you couldn't hold onto it.

_I wasted all his breath by words, by shouting. I didn't keep anything of his inside of me_, Draco thought woodenly. 

_It all escaped out of my mouth, I let it go, I let it all go…._

He tried to blank his mind of everything, all the words and feelings, numb it all and concentrate on going to sleep.

Sleep, 

Just 

Go 

To 

Sleep…………….


	16. No

I am guessing that if you have reached all the way to chapter 16, then you know that this is a Harry and Draco fic and there is no point in my elaborating any further. 

**_Disclaimer: Miss Rowling owns all the pretty rights to Harry Potter._**

---------------------

Hi! I know I shouldn't delay you here but I always feel so grateful whenever anyone reads my story that you know I have to thank you all.

_First and foremost – Rarity88._ I loved all your comments on the chapters as you were reading them through. You made me smile, thank you – it was nice. I am glad that you seemed to like them and I hope you were not too disgruntled having spent so long reading it all! I apologise for any neck strain.

_Malfoy Snogger_ – Hey I thought you could handle anything I throw at you? : Suicide attempts, cutting, evil revenge… *grin *

_Hermione Cosplayer_ – Thank you for your review – you were very kind.

Thanks to:

KideachytaLL, ice pink candy, care, NayNymic, rsweetie4evr, Rayne-Jelly, Flying Monkey Queen, coriander, Purple Neko02, Sae Matsumoto, Jenn, Kassy, Hidaka Akiko, Maki, eclecticity, scarletangel1, hypergurl20022.

Laura/Shaya – Thank you and now you have two more chapters!

_the crazy ladies_ – oopps will I end up looking like Mad-Eye?

_write-me _– yes I do live in England and we also had book 5 come out in June. You are witnessing a slight revamp unravel right before your very eyes! This used to be a fifth year fic…. ***mmm nods** * Thanks for your review.

_Shinny_ – what kind words - Thank you for reading _all _that I type!

**_To Shinny and everyone really_** – I'm well aware that there are many other stories on this site that have a lot more reviews than mine at this point. Quite probably my story does not appeal to a lot of people. Perhaps it does get lost in the index with an unassuming summary – but honestly that's all I wanted to write for it. I know that a lot of the readers who started out reading my fic – no longer wish to read it. I assume because it no longer interests them. For those of you who started out reading it from the beginning and stuck with it while it went through its transition – it makes your reviews all the more special. I am touched that you continue to keep with it, while obviously reading so many other stories at the same time.

Again, many upon many fics on this site are a lot better written than mine is. 

It is very likely that sometimes people begin to read my story and think ''Oh my, how boring – another H/D fic, what a pile of drivel''. Maybe they even read it all the way and feel cheated because they hated it so much and are disgusted that they spent time over it.  * smile * Possibly many are put off by my character portrayals and did not, or do not agree with how I am developing the story and yes I'm female trying to write guys!  ***grin ***

If people want to take a chance and click on my fic and read it – then I'm very grateful. I appreciate that this is everyone's personal time and they will read whatever takes their fancy. They will comment if they wish to and not if they don't. And that is fine. They may even tell me that it sucks and that would be their prerogative. 

There are a lot of reasons why people don't review. Though I do appreciate your sentiment, I don't feel that I should have more or less reviews. 

**_For all the reviews I get- my story and I are very grateful to you all._**** I am very content and feel quite touched that you bother to do so. **

My greatest reward has to have been how much fun I've had in writing this story and sharing it with those of you who read it. Some of you will like it and some of you will loathe it but _I_ like my little fic and do feel proud of it. I really wouldn't dare to presume for a warmer reception than I've had. I was scared and continue to be scared when posting! But I love it – and it's been great – _so thank you to you all once again._

---------------------

**Karina blabbing yet more– **please_ read for two more seconds for your own sake._

These next two chapters were actually one mother long chapter – but I thought that if I presented one block to you all of such length, I might be incurring your boredom – so I split them into two – it looks less that way! I am sorry if you find any of it **boring**, truly I am but it was the next logical instalment for me so…

I'm not very objective when it comes to my own writing! No editing ability at all I am afraid to say- though I do try _honestly_. The words spill from my head and out of my fingers – and I type till they _all_ come out. Ho hum – make what you will of them…. (:o/

Chapter Sixteen 

****** 

But if Draco had slept at all, it didn't feel like it. He had been tossing and turning all night. His eyes were sometimes wide open and then sometimes horribly aware that they were closed. He could _not_ get into a comfortable position. He always seemed so conscious that he was either lying on his left side, so then he would shift and lie on his right. The pillow felt too lumpy, the pillow was too flat. The pillow was too high. He was too hot; he was too cold, the mattress too hard.

And the hours had passed somehow - fitfully.

It was soon to be morning he supposed, though the room was still dark and he couldn't be quite sure. He lifted the curtains back a bit and glanced at the window. It was coming up to daybreak it seemed.

His eyes felt grainy and stung, and his head was pounding painfully. He felt lethargic and his body was protesting as it does when it feels it hasn't been rested properly. He tried to close his eyes again and go back to sleep but they now refused to.

Why was he feeling so dreadful? What had happened?

And suddenly as if drenched with a generous dose of icy cold realisation he _remembered_.

Harry.

_Harry._

The fight yesterday afternoon…..

Draco felt a sharp feeling of alarm take hold of his body.

Oh no….

He broke out in a cold sweat and it became all too clear. Horrifyingly clear with acute awareness. He had made a horrible, horrible, terrible mistake. His heart split open with panic. 

What had he done? He'd lost Harry. 

All that shouting and Harry's face……….. 

He had really gone and done it hadn't he? Oh my god….His breath lodged in his throat and he lay still as his heart clenched painfully.

He recalled standing in the room in the aftermath of the argument. How frightful he had felt and now felt again with renewed force. It was extremely obvious to him now in his waking moments that he couldn't have made a worse decision. It had felt wrong doing it, he had felt wrong for the rest of the day yesterday and now he had woken up and _everything still felt wrong_. And now he knew _why_.

How could he have yelled and shouted at Harry like that? How could he have done that to him? It was amazing to think that all week he had been having thoughts about finishing it with Harry and Thursday night he had lay awake for hours going over his decision. He had been convinced at that point, that he was doing it for the multitude of reasons that had plagued his mind constantly beforehand. And now after having done it – _he had been wrong_. How was that possible? What a sickening feeling.

He had told Harry that he didn't care- _but I do care, I care so much… _and yet yesterday he had let Harry think he didn't. _Why would you do that? How can you be so stupid? So fucking insensitive?_

_I can't lose him_, Draco thought utterly dismayed. 

His perfect justifications had now left an empty pot, all but with _one_ exception of a tiny kernel. He had deliberately yet still unknowingly kept it back. He had probably chosen to ignore its existence all together. Having preferred to smother it in all the rubble at first and then pushing it away so deep that it couldn't have even yelped out if it had tried.

But now in all the emptiness he could clearly hear it and feel it.  

_You were scared of it, you repugnant git_. And he was quite right. 

His withdrawal from the relationship had partly been because he was _scared_. Pathetic admission from a seventeen-year-old boy, he thought ruefully but true nonetheless.

Scared of these new, intense feelings that had arisen in him since he had been with Harry. Scared that they had come about for someone that he had hated for as long as he could remember. Scared of letting himself go for fear of getting ridiculed. Scared of having to think of someone else other than himself. Scared that his actions would have an affect on not only himself but also on this person that he had chosen to hold and start to care about. Scared of losing himself. Scared of uncharted territory. Scared of the new sides that Harry had drawn out of him. He hadn't even known that he could feel that way, act that way. How many layers to himself did he have that he hadn't even come across yet?

Lots of people were afraid and scared of change weren't they? Who isn't afraid of the unfamiliar? How do you go about _not _being afraid? That _being_ afraid was in fact holding you back from grasping happiness in your hands - if only you just stopped being so _fucking scared_.  

He rolled over onto his side, his eyes wide open and staring at the curtains. He was obviously deathly ignorant when it came to his own feelings let alone anyone else's. He hadn't even stopped to ask himself why he had been feeling so bloody awful yesterday. He had thought that it was out of nervousness, which had been spurred on by the impending confrontation with Harry. He had come up with a host of ailments that could be the possible cause for his poor state before and after. Denial was not a good look on him.

Maybe I'm ill; maybe I'm hungry – maybe, maybe, maybe….

Maybe you are quite simply a dickwart? Maybe you are feeling shit because you acted like a shit? 

He ran his tongue over his top lip as the single voiced conversation continued in his head. He had hurt the person who had shown him nothing but affection and tenderness over the last few weeks. And in doing so, he had hurt a part of himself that had been squirming to get out but had been overwhelmed by heavier components such as his _brain_. 

He loathed himself. What a prat. _Congratulations, you're an idiot_. He had heard that enough times when applied to other people. Now it was strongly pointing towards him. 

He had accused Harry of being a martyr when in fact it was _he_ who was well on his way to martyrdom. 'I'm doing this for my parents. I'm doing this for a greater cause. My feelings don't count. Harry's feelings don't count. Look at what I am sacrificing? It's all for the best….'

Eugh. 

Yes he had been doing it with the thought that it was for his parents. Because it was easier to finish it with Harry for that reason, rather than delve deeper and draw out what he _did not_ want to deal with nor admit to anyone - _especially to himself_. It was better to ignore such sentiment rather than bring it out onto the surface and get deeper embroiled in the situation. It was easier to stifle such feelings, than to stand up to others and bear the consequences. It was easier to shield the warm eruptions rather than transmit them to the forefront and fight for them. It was easier to hide from yourself when it was all so confusing and wonderful and too terrible to bear. 

It was easier to run. Easier to break the bridge before you even had the chance of crossing it. Easier to turn back as if you had never even been given the opportunity to cross it. Because while it looked deliciously thrilling over on the other side- what happened if the bridge crumbled underneath you as you walked over it? What if you fell midway to your doom? Yes it was all definitely easier if in fact you also ignored this bridges existence all together. 

And why? In answer, because Draco Malfoy was a coward. A rotten coward. Harry had said it and it was true. 

Draco sighed and pushed his hands under his pillow as he scrunched up under the sheets.

He had not wanted to bear any consequences that would have a negative affect on himself. He had been entirely selfish and would sooner squash what his heart was screaming out for, than to brave it and tell people. To let his parents carry on thinking that he was exactly the way they wanted him. To carry on letting his fellow Slytherin's think that he was exactly what they had come to expect of him. He had shunned away the part of him that had leapt up joyously at the touch of Harry. Shunned away the unfamiliar yet wonderful feelings that had burgeoned in his heart. 

All because he was _scared_. Pitiful.

And when Harry had hit his nerve centre, Draco had pieced out clumsy, erroneous words that had not even begun to formulate in his mind – yet had spilled forth from his lips. In his confusion and upset he had flung out sentences that had majestically swept away and negated everything that had happened in between them. Furthermore, he had gone on to have the _audacity_ to think that it would somehow be easier on Harry by saying that it had all been a façade, a cruel farce.  How in the hell did that make it easier? He was quite sure that Harry would have preferred a more sincere and heartfelt reason to end it. He mightn't have agreed with Draco, but at least could have seen that Draco was doing it for something he felt strongly about- a more worthier reason. At least then the singe of being ''dumped'' would not have hurt as much- not as much as '' _seeing how far I get with you_''. What an atrocious statement. 

Why? Why had he done it? It was so sick, and having done it, to then proceed to kick yourself for it the next day. 

He had blown up the face of their relationship by a stupid, nonsensical fib. Such as that it depicted a very different show on what Harry had thought they had been. A twisted, fake revelation that devalued and mocked everything they had created together.

Oh yes, that would have made Harry feel great about himself, a real winner- what an ego boost? NOT.

Dear lord, what had he been thinking? Or in fact not been thinking at all. Could the Confundus Charm have hit him at some point? But no, because that would excuse his behaviour where there were no excuses to be made for him. His brainlessness should be commended all back to his little self. A truly spectacular dive into shittiness. 

He hadn't even meant to say those words near the end of the _fight_, yet they had glaringly overtook all else that had been spoken previously. Draco was quite sure that the focal point of the argument for Harry would be those very words. He would spend time going over everything and then applying those stupid words to it all. 

It was all terribly tragic and idiotic on Draco's part. Of all the reasonable notes he could have ended their relationship, it had ended on such an untruth one. One that painted him as a ruthless, vindictive, scheming little bastard. And apparently he had walked away yesterday not paying that thought much heed. In fact he had thought that it had given him more credit than dishonour. Strange. Afterwards his overwhelming need to collapse and breathe and be alone had taken priority over such reflections.

But now as he lay, he realised that he could not have been more misinformed. 

What on earth did he think he would do after ending it with Harry? How did he think he would cope by seeing Harry practically everyday? Have Harry hate him with even more vengeance than he used to and deal with it how? _Hadn't spared a thought to that had you sunshine?_ And unless he was planning on doing a Memory Charm on himself, there was no way he would be able to get over Harry and carry on as before. There was _no way_. And he didn't even want to try.

He guessed that every single person in the world had said hurtful things at some point in their lives and done things they had regretted later. Even saints made mistakes. It was what made you human. No one was exempt from stupidity. No one. Not that it justified what he had done. He had made a colossal mistake and now wished he could take it all back. He knew that they had problems that would need to be addressed and seen to, but cutting off the relationship with flimsy excuses was not the way. He should have sat Harry down and talked it out with him. Perhaps they could have come up with a solution together but Draco hadn't even considered that an option. Stupid. 

He admitted that now. He could admit it. And that was the first part in dealing with this fiasco. Admitting his mistake and then doing something about it. You could be deadly certain about something one day, only to change your mind the next. It did happen. Draco wouldn't be the first and he surely wouldn't be the last. 

He winced suddenly; he had even raised his hand at Harry. How could I have done _that?_ If Harry hadn't said anything would he have actually struck him? He closed his eyes in shame. He would like to have thought that he would have realised soon enough what position his hand was in – but in that split second he had been so angry that he hadn't seen beyond the red haze. _I'll cut my hand off if I ever do that again_, he thought furiously. _Never again, I won't ever do that ever again. I'll never raise my hand at him_. He squeezed his eyes further as his body recoiled in horror at the recollection.

You _are_ an unimaginable bastard, he thought, sickened with himself. What had he said to Harry that night when Harry had told him that he cared about him and that he was confused? 

_'You're not the only one who is feeling confused_,' he had said. _'__ Maybe we can just try and muddle through and see what happens all right? That's my best offer.'_

Goodness, he had been a patronising swine even then. Draco hadn't even let it reach to the point of muddling through – he had sliced off any further endeavours at the first sign of difficulty. His best offer clearly hadn't been enough. But Harry had taken it….

The guilt was tearing Draco up inside into little chewed up meaty bits. His stomach churned and he sat up quickly. He had to go and see Harry. He had to apologise. Harry had said yesterday that he wouldn't have begged Draco to stay with him and Draco wouldn't either – but he certainly could beg the apology. He had no qualms about it; he would do it. He was certain that he had made Harry feel terrible about himself and he was so revolted that he could hardly stand it. Harry was the most dazzling human being he had ever had the chance to get to know. And _now_ he could admit that. He almost had the sense that something inside of him had been freed. As if a small part of him had shed its skin. A tightly wound up ball that had unravelled at last. He hadn't realised that instead of blocking things from your mind – it was far better to embrace them and let them loose. At least then you knew what you were dealing with, and he felt the better for it.

His rather tired slogan of  ''it's all for the best'' was highly lacking in most departments. It certainly didn't feel all for the best now. It hadn't been the _best for him. _

Draco breathed deeply. But what if it was _for the best_ for Harry? What if Harry was far better off without Draco? Look at what he had done? Harry did not deserve that. 

Yet it felt important that Harry knew what Draco was feeling. 

_Harry, quite honestly had been the best thing that had happened to him this year. And something so good did not deserve to finish feeling so bad. _

He was going to try and rectify the damage he had done and Harry could decide if Draco was worth it or not. Because Draco could not bear to let this frighteningly beautiful thing slip away without a fight.

He had to think of a _good_ apology.  

Draco could go up to him and ask if he may speak with him. How he would manage that he wasn't sure but anyway…………

Draco thought hard picturing what would happen next and lay back down.

…………

So Harry would be standing somewhere when Draco spoke. He would then look at Draco with an amazed, hurt expression, and say, 'why?' 

He would be still furious of course and Draco would ask again, if he may please speak with him in private. He was sure Harry would make some comment about his hearing being quite intact, thank you very much. 

Draco would feel ashamed but would steadfastly carrying on looking at Harry, and Harry would say, ' give me one good reason why I should bother listening to you _at all_?'

Then Draco would say that he hadn't meant it, and now Draco could quite clearly envision Harry saying, ' what is left for you not to mean? The part where your legs felt wobbly?'  

Draco would accept that angry, sarcastic comment; after all he did deserve it. But then he could shake his head and say, ' no I didn't mean it when I said that it had been an act and that I _didn't care_.' 

And what could he say now?

Draco bit his lip; I would need to say something here definitely….

'I'm sorry Harry, please can we just talk?'

Draco was sure that he might look as pathetic as he would be feeling now and Harry would sigh and cross his arms protectively across his chest.

'No Draco, I'm not listening to anything you have to say. You're a complete bastard and I can't believe you did what you did. How the hell do I know that _this_ isn't some kind of joke as well?'

And then Draco would be desperate and ask again, ' please even for a minute. Just hear what I have to say, please?'

And Harry would finally relent and say,' fine.'

At least Draco hoped that is what would happen next. Harry was probably going to be a lot more difficult to coax, but this was the _preferable scene_.

So anyway, somehow miraculously they are now in their _room_. Don't know how but he would worry about the details afterwards.

Harry would perhaps be standing by the sofa or against the wall? And Draco would need to say sorry again and he was sure that Harry would look stunned by his humble and wretched behaviour. _But I need to be, I should be, I am. _

And _then_ Draco would look at Harry's eyes and they would be so beautiful and intense, Harry's facial expression would still be undoubtedly confused and wary.

He might sigh again right about now and say,' Draco, I thought that you had said everything you had wanted to say yesterday. What is going on with you? How can I be sure that _you_ mean it? How can I even trust you?'

_And now what?_

Maybe I can slowly reach for his arm and squeeze it a little bit? 'What can I do to make you believe me? I'll do anything, anything,' he should say.

He could suggest nicking some Veritaserum from Professor Snape's office. He wouldn't be able to lie then, and Harry could ask him anything.

Harry would probably think he is bluffing though.' Yeah right you would, you're just messing about with me Draco. Forget it.'

'Please Harry,' _I'm going to have to grovel_ – there was no other way around it. But what did it matter? He needed and wanted Harry back. 

I'll tell him exactly how I feel about him, and he thought he knew Harry well enough to know how those words would affect him. He would look completely shocked and Draco would rush on quickly. He would tell him _honestly _how he felt about him. That he had known for some time but had hid from it and got scared. And he had been so confused about so many things. 

'Please Harry, I need you back.'

And he knew it, just knew it – he could see Harry looking so unsure as if he wanted to believe Draco but was frightened to. Draco's bewilderingly uncharacteristic behaviour was sure to catch Harry off-guard.

'Give me another chance please, if I fuck up then you can tell everyone what I did, you can tell people what a shit I was, I am.' 

Harry had to be mildly surprised at that because he knew how much Draco's _reputation_ meant to him. 

He had never said please so many times in his life, _but that's ok – this is my ideal apology. I can do that_.

Harry would be quiet for the longest time and when he spoke, his voice would be shaking and he would say, ' we have a lot to talk about and don't think that you're _forgiven or anything_,' and he would glare at Draco who would smile back looking grateful and relieved, because at least now he had the chance to speak.

He would step closer to Harry, his hand tentatively grazing Harry's cheek, his thumb stroking Harry's soft skin. 

'Can I kiss you first?' he would ask hesitantly, ' I really want to touch you, please.'_ He was aching to hold Harry again_. 

Harry wouldn't say anything but Draco would lean in closer and place a soft kiss on Harry's warm lips. 

Draco closed his eyes and imagined himself kissing Harry again. _And oh_ _it would feel so good._

And then I can gently take him in my arms and maybe he might start to kiss me too? A little?

_I can hug him close and kiss his little ear._

'I thought I lost you, I thought I fucked up everything,' _and I'll hold him so near to me and I'll be thinking- thank god I have him back in my arms._

'I'm sorry, so sorry,' and he would carry on kissing Harry, hoping to alleviate the pain caused by the stupid and thoughtless words that had come out of his mouth. He would make his way down to the area where Harry's heart lay beating under his clothes and kiss it and work his way back up again to Harry's soft mouth.

And we'd kiss some more and he would hold me and this time I will kiss him with everything I have, Draco thought with a warm tingle. _No holding back, no holding back this time._

Maybe he could press those tiny kisses on Harry's mouth that he liked so much.

Then perhaps Harry might give him a crooked smile? And he would again say, ' we should talk Draco, we really need to. Don't think that by making out with me I'm gonna forget everything.'

And I'll say 'yes I know, I just wanted to hold you is all.' and then I'll take his hand and we'll sit on the couch and then we progress to, ' okay lets talk.'

I could put my arms around him as I start to speak. And then we talk about _everything_. All the things that we haven't asked each other, all the things we haven't said to one another, all the things we need to discuss.

Like we should have. 

_Like I should have._

…………..

Draco's eyes snapped open. He seemed to have planned that apology rather intricately; got a little carried away there. He was also a lot more humble than he had ever been in his entire life – he wondered if it would carry through into his ''real apology''. He just hoped he didn't turn into a prick when the time came. 

_I have to do this right, a lot depended on it_. 

For the first time in his life, Draco was faced with the prospect of humility and he wasn't going to shirk away from it.  

Of course his little scenario could easily involve in Harry slapping him across the face and telling him to fuck off, but he had to remain positive didn't he?  Even the best of people make mistakes and say stupid things and act like arses; he reassured himself once again. Stupidity has taken a seat on many a fine a person; Draco contemplated for a second time nervously.

He ran his fingers through his hair feeling restless. He couldn't lay about anymore- not now that he had a plan. He quickly bounded out of bed literally. He would go and see Harry as soon as he could. 

*******

Cont….


	17. It Wasn't

I am guessing that if you have reached all the way to chapter 17, then you know that this is a Harry and Draco fic and there is no point in my elaborating any further. 

**_Disclaimer: Miss Rowling owns all the pretty rights to Harry Potter._**

****** 

Yes definitely – as soon as possible he would go to Harry.

Now in fact. How? 

Slight dilemma. 

He didn't have an invisibility cloak or anything like it. What time was it?

He looked over to his clock. _Shit_, it was barely seven am! It was Saturday. 

_Yeah, Harry is really going to be conveniently wandering around for me at this time of morning isn't he?_

He walked over to the window and peered out of it. The sky was dark and ominous, and there was a huge foreboding, thunderous cloud suspended over the grounds and building. It was threatening a torrential downpour and Draco puffed out his breath.

Well he could shower and get dressed and wait to see if he could manage to waylay Harry before breakfast, or just after perhaps. 

He showered and did indeed dress, and realised that it hadn't taken all that long. Draco nervously watched the minutes. He had folded his clothes meticulously and put them away. What else could he do? 

Vincent snorted and murmured something inaudibly as he turned over in his sleep. Draco made his bed and put his jumper he had slept with last night under his pillow, taking a quick sniff before he did so. He sat back on his bed and drummed his fingers on the mattress. He could tidy his trunk. That had to kill some time didn't it?

He moved to his trunk and noiselessly lifted the heavy lid. He began to pile up his books tidily against the corner of the chest. He placed the odd trinkets and items in a keep safe box when his fingers brushed across a parchment. He lifted it out carefully and opened it up and smiled softly. It was the picture that Harry had given to him before they had got together. 

He was never going to throw it away. 

It was important to keep it, it meant a lot to him. He looked at it fondly and his heart squeezed as he pictured Harry's face the first day they had kissed. That smile of his – it was lovely. He remembered how Harry had felt in his arms the first night they had slept together. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid as to nearly throw away such joyful completeness, one that had first made him realise _exactly_ how far he had begun to fall for Harry. 

His heart had known all along what it had felt and craved and wanted – it had just taken his brain a lot longer to catch up with it. He shook his head and gently folded the parchment back into its folds and put it back into the trunk. He shuffled a few more things around and then closed the lid.

That was ten minutes done. 

He got up and mooched around the window area for a bit, listening to the snores of Gregory and Vincent. He then went to the common room and sat in an armchair, eyeing the hung lanterns overhead. He was the only one there. Lazy gits or what? He thought, but actually he was thankful for the solitude. 

The sky suddenly rumbled and cracked open as a huge thunderbolt tore through the clouds. The echo fell around the building with a slight tremor and a few minutes later there was more thunder.

Then came the rain. 

A deluge of water beating against the windows, like the sound of a thousand pebbles being hurtled from a great height. The common room was usually dark enough and the small windows high up did not offer much light. On a day like this, you could easily mistake it for being night time still. 

Draco listened to the downpour and looked thoughtfully at the orange and red flames in the fireplace, licking into one another. He hadn't even wanted to break up with Harry. '' Break up'', that is exactly what he had done. And he had been dreading it and kept putting it off. _You didn't want to break up with him at all. _Hindsight is an evil in itself. Typically you realise your mistakes always too late. 

He thought back to the little argument they had had earlier – and Draco had felt all shit and crap and then Harry had come and apologised. Granted this was quite different but it could be at least one percent similar couldn't it? Draco had been hurt and stubborn for a tiny bit but then had forgiven Harry. _All right_ so his mistake was considerably on a more larger and grander scale than Harry's had been, but he hoped that Harry would find it in himself (somewhere deep down) to forgive Draco as well. He could see that Draco had made a mistake. 

_We all do Harry – mine just cost us a lot more – I know. I hurt you and I am sorry. _

He wasn't as cold blooded as people made him out to be. He did have it in him to care about people and show affection. He was not impermeable to kindness and warmth. It was just that for the first time in his life- affection had come presented in a new package that he was unaccustomed to. And though he had tried to handle with care – it had broken into pieces. 

Draco breathed in and out a long sigh. He tapped his fingers on the armrest impatiently. How could he kill time again? Revise? No thank you. He closed his eyes and rested his head back. Of course the rather intricately carved armchair wasn't exactly ideal for lounging. Ideal for posture reforming perhaps, but not lounging. He listened to the relentless torrent of rain for some minutes.

He got up again, all fidgety. He hated waiting for time to pass, it took so darn long. Time plays a cruel joke as always. It goes so fucking fast when you're having a good time and when you want it to pass quickly, it bloody drags. It slows the seconds down double time, virtually liking to a dying heartbeat. 

Boom…….boom……….

He couldn't sit around anymore. He would rather wander the corridors aimlessly. You never know. He may just bump into Harry somehow, he thought wishfully.

Out he went through the wall, past the long passages, up the stairs. Trudge trudge. The infamous Entrance Hall. Mmmmm, he surveyed his surroundings. The school looked bleeding empty- not everybody could still be asleep? 

Whatever, he sighed. What to do?

What was the time? _Four minutes to eight!!_ He clicked his tongue disgustedly. He could climb up to the Gryffindor Tower. That would take time. He could count the steps. Hang around there for a bit- just in case. And then he could come back down. Again time would pass. Then he could breakfast. 

So he did just that. Up and up he went. He wouldn't look at his watch because time would pass quicker if he didn't look – everyone knows that. By the time he got to the seventh floor, his legs were putting up a bit of a fight. Imagine doing that countless times a day? Thank god I'm not in Gryffindor, he thought. At least Slytherin house didn't have all that many steps. 

He hovered at the entrance of the portrait hall. The Fat Lady was eyeing him suspiciously out of the corner of her eye. She'd probably say something wouldn't she? And what would he say if any of the Gryffindor's walked past him? So he went back downstairs to the library floor.

He looked up at the endless maze of stairs and walls of paintings. The school was huge and at times like this, when it was rather empty – you felt quite small and insignificant. On the grand scales of things – he was rather small. 

_Finally_ a few people came chattering down the stairs. Gryffindor's – but not Harry. Draco turned quickly as they walked past, and busied himself staring at a gargoyle. Ugly little bugger aren't you? Draco thought looking at the goblin like face with pointy ears. 

He rubbed his face tiredly. _Harry, please just come down_. But no- a further fifteen minutes clarified that Harry was _not_ about to show up any time soon. Don't expect him, Draco thought and that's when he'll come. He made his way back down again, caught in the hubbub of other risers.

What a tiresome start to the day he mused, looking at his watch for the umpteenth time. He had spent nearly forty-five minutes wandering about the staircases. How very unlike him.

He finally surrendered and went into the Great Hall. Might as well waste time here, he thought and sat down. He helped himself to a light breakfast. More and more people were rifling through. Fellow Slytherin's were seated and Draco slowly ate.

He kept a watchful eye on the entrance as he proceeded to drink his third cup of tea. At long last, he saw a few of the Gryffindor's Harry hung around with. Finnigan, Thomas, fat butt bottom. _Oh for petes sake_, he thought impatiently. He didn't give a fuck about all these extras milling around – where was his lead?

_Harry you better come to breakfast_, he thought as he looked on anxiously. Weasley again, he never misses a meal. Frizz -ball Granger. No Harry.  Draco waited with bated breath. Come on. Other people came in and sat down. No Harry. 

And then he appeared. Draco felt his body respond instantly. _Hi beautiful. There you are_. Draco finally released the long breath he'd been holding in, as he watched Harry make his way to his table. His heart was resounding loudly through his body and he felt it jumping around in his chest gleefully. It was almost certainly trying to break out and run towards the exquisite green-eyed boy. A small smile touched his lips. He was one step closer to his apology. At least he could see Harry now. 

_Oh god_ y_ou're so beautiful and you don't even know it_, Draco's eyes locked onto Harry's form. _I've never even told him that._

It was strange seeing someone you care about so much across the room from you. See them interacting with other people and you just know that they are yours and you are theirs. And all these _other people_ can never know just how amazing it is to be able to hold you and kiss you. See you laugh. They have no idea. Draco's eyes blocked out everything from his vision except Harry. This one tiny little person in this great wide world. This little person who went around breathing and talking and being. _My little person_. Draco felt his eyes mist over and he blinked rapidly. 

_He trusted me and I hurt him. I said shitty words. I said I didn't care. _ Draco felt overcome with remorse. _Look at him._  

Why was it that so much of the time, it took you to nearly lose that person to realise how precious they were to you? To realise your true feelings when it was too late? Why can't you admit it while you still had them in your arms? 

_I haven't lost you yet_, Draco thought determinedly. _I'm not going to let you go. _

It didn't matter that you were not expecting this person to enter your life the way that they had. Sometimes life is just funny like that. _When you least expect it_- rings quite true. Draco hadn't in his wildest dreams imagined that Harry would be the one to capture and claim his heart. But he had. 

_And I'm going to tell him._

Draco put his hand out to cover his face, so that it shielded his expression. He saw Harry sitting down next to the youngest weasel. It's ok now, Draco thought. He is here. We are in the same room. Harry seemed to be reaching for toast, but it was a bit hard to see exactly. Draco squinted - he didn't like these seating arrangements. His table was too far from Harry's.

At least he is eating, Draco observed. _He must be so hungry_, Draco's heart felt like it had been squished. When they made up, Draco resolved, he would tell Harry that if they ever had another fight, Harry was still to eat. He could not miss meals. It was so weird watching Harry from afar. I hate this distance Draco fumed silently. 

Harry looked like he wasn't speaking to anyone. He looked downright miserable from what Draco could see; he frowned feeling concerned.  

_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you I promise. Just give me time. _

If he could, he would break and shatter around Harry's feet - and his footsteps would crunch on Draco with every step he took. He would get so pissed off by the constant sound of it, that he would be forced to sweep Draco up and have to reckon with him. 

Do you think a Reparo spell will fix us? Or did I break us so badly that we are beyond repair? Perhaps I can crawl into your arms like a little slug and you would take pity on me and forgive me.

Was he being too melodramatic? He didn't know and he didn't care – he just wanted Harry to want him back, to take him back. 

To want us back together again.  

He missed him and he had hurt him and he hated that he had caused so much upset and that Harry was carrying that all around with him. He was quite sure that no one knew the reason of Harry's misery either. 

His own foul words festered inside of him. He felt so desperate to make this wrong into a right. 

_I shouldn't have ever let you go._

Millicent sat down opposite Draco and Draco gave her the look of _death_. She was huge- she was blocking Harry from his view_. Oh fuck off everyone; _Draco frowned at her as he moved his chair a bit, highly perturbed. She didn't even notice as she heaped her plate full. _Carry on eating like that, I hope you blow up_. He shook his head annoyed and made sure he could still see Harry.

The she weasel was talking to him now and his head lifted a fraction. Draco felt his jealously rage like a ball of flame. _Stop talking to him_, Draco eyed her with loathing. What is she doing? He grit his teeth as she put her hand on Harry's shoulder. _Don't touch him you bitch!!!_  Draco nearly sprang out of his chair and balled his fists tightly under the table. _Get your hands off him!_ Draco felt sick. _I can't stand this_. It was making him sick. He couldn't believe that he had thought that Harry was better off by being touched by somebody else. It was killing him watching her lay her nasty common hands on Harry, dirtying him – touching him. _Get off, get off, get off._

She needed to be skewered and stuffed and plucked like a turkey. _Roast in HELL cow bag!_ _Please Harry get her off_, Draco begged silently. And Harry did. He placed his own hand on Ginny's and seemed to squeeze it and then REMOVED it from his shoulder. All done very imperceptibly so Ginny wouldn't take offence. Draco let out a relieved breath. 

He couldn't bear anyone pawing Harry. _He's mine._

All throughout breakfast, Harry had kept his head low and hadn't looked over once at Draco's table. In fact he had hardly looked up at all. He seemed to be finishing now and Draco was ready to leap from his chair. 

_Go on do it_! _Do it now!_  His mind screamed at him. 

_Ok_, he took a deep breath – _here goes_… his spine straightened and his bottom lifted a fraction off of his chair….but then his shoulders slumped and he hunched back down again. 

_Shit_, he couldn't do it yet. In front of all these people? He couldn't go up to Harry in front of everyone. 

_He hates me_, Draco winced, _he is disgusted with me, he hates me._ What if I go up to him and he does something…

The more sensible voice in his head reasoned, _he is hurting right now – look at him. What is he going to do to you? Stop feeling sorry for yourself you scaredy little twat and go and fix the mess you have made._

But not in front of all these people, he gulped again. He wasn't good at apologies let alone in front of an audience. _And nobody knows about us and all sorts of other stuff. I need to get him alone._

Draco did not want to embarrass Harry either in front of others by asking to speak to him in private. It might make the situation even worse than it was. Maybe I'll follow him discreetly and see if I can get him alone for a second, he thought. But what made him think Harry would even stop and listen? Things had been a lot simpler in his ''apology''. He felt dispirited as he slumped further down his chair. 

He had been stupid this morning in bed as well. Harry was not going to react the way he had played out in his head. It would be so much harder. It would be real. It was going to take a lot more than saying sorry to Harry to get him to trust Draco again. 

Urgghh, all these new emotions were draining.

He let out a long breath, _fuck it_. Whatever it took - he was willing to persevere. His indecisive mind had made up its _mind_ and albeit it would be a humbling experience but it would be worth it.   

He saw Harry rise along with the others and he waited till they reached the entrance, before he too got up. He made sure he trailed behind at a distance so that he wouldn't get noticed. 

'Shame about the rain,' came Finnigan's Irish lilt.

'Yeah worst luck,' Weasley. 'Lets see if the rain stops before lunch. If it doesn't then we'll have lunch here and play it by ear yeah?'

The others agreed. Thomas mentioned going up to the common room and Draco knew that if the rain did not stop, then the sixth year Gryffindor's would be a no show till lunch. Draco would not be able to get to Harry in the common room. He would just have to wait around for a window and seize it.

Crap, now he had to fill in more hours. How wearisome. He went back to his bedroom and grabbed an armful of books. He was going to revise. He could find a place next to a window in the library and keep an eye on the rain. 

The library was half full, and he managed to get a table alone and spread his books out. He began to sift through his textbooks and make notes. 

An _hour _later, and the rain did not seem to be letting up. He saw some sixth years come into the library and was reassured that obviously not many people had endeavoured on going to Hogsmeade just yet. 

He gazed out of the window at the darkened sky. His stomach was feeling unsettled again, and he seriously considered whether he had actually caught a ''bug''. He'd had a constant feeling of sickness since he had woken up. But then he'd been feeling sick yesterday as well so…... It was probably just the argument and Harry. He would feel much better after all this was sorted out. 

He honestly did not know what he was going to do about his parents. How on earth was he going to tell his mother? He hadn't any idea when his father was going to be released, let alone the date of the trial, but if and when he was, what then? 

The prospect of losing his parents support was terrifying and ideally he shouldn't have to make a choice between his parents or Harry. He wanted both to remain in his life but what if that was impossible? What would he do then? There was no way around it; it was going to be hell.  He was certainly in less than a perfect situation but you make do with what you have, he guessed. 

But having Harry back in his arms was the main priority at this time. Without Harry there was nothing to consider. He didn't even want to think about the possibility that Harry might not want him back, thus forcing Draco to be getting on with his life without him. He shuddered; he didn't want to be thinking of such things at all. 

He rested his head on his hand and looked blankly at his notes. He had told Harry he would be ashamed to tell his father about them. That he didn't want to tell anyone about their relationship. How awful, and Harry had admitted to him that he would be proud to have been Draco's boyfriend. _He had said boyfriend. And I threw that back in his face_, Draco rubbed his forehead roughly.

Harry had reminded him about Umbridge and Draco once again cringed at the memory. Umbridge had been a lunatic – she had. Draco couldn't even imagine what he would have done had she cast an Unforgivable on Harry last year. It pained Draco to think that at the time he may have even enjoyed it or at least been excited by it. He had revelled in the power that Umbridge had bestowed upon him – he had been given the honour of being a Prefect and Umbridge's ally – all in a year. Power did strange things to your head and clouded so much of your judgement. Power hadn't got Umbridge all that far though. She had been dismissed from her post at the Ministry by a rather shame faced Fudge. 

However, when it came to his father Draco couldn't be as objective. Harry had said that Draco was deluded. It wasn't as if he didn't know what being a Death Eater entailed. He had heard stories throughout his childhood about their goings-on. Nevertheless, his father had not particularly divulged much information in that area. 

It would be hard; there was no doubt about it. He was seventeen-years-old and this was the hardest decision he had ever had to make. He hadn't trusted himself to take responsibility with Harry and go with the unfamiliar. It was safer to stick to the road well known, than the road less travelled. Wasn't that always the way? Brave of those who took risks and such. Draco hadn't needed to so far. Everything had always been laid out for him. He hadn't needed to think about much else other than just getting on with things. But life was steadily getting more difficult and harder as he got older and he was no longer a child, he appreciated that now.

It was funny too - he had looked at other people in relationships and had often wondered how they did it. To have someone else in your life in such close encounters. Your life was not just all about you anymore- how do you manage? He had always been rather reticent to such commitment and perhaps it was strange that at his age he had never had a relationship – but he hadn't really cared for it much either. People thought he liked playing the field, which he hadn't actually, but people assume what they want to.  Besides, relationships sounded like a lot of hard work and honestly he had never liked anyone enough to allow them into his life. With Harry, the opportunity had presented it self amongst a myriad of other conflicting emotions and it had been hard to leap head first into such risky waters. 

But he wanted to now. 

After hurting Harry….

The guilt was like a toxin running through his veins.  

He puffed out a long breath and tried to stop thinking about it all for a second. He had done _so much_ thinking, he was fearful of a brain lapse. What is it that they say? '_'Clear your mind and try not to think of anything''_. 

So he tried…..

………………

And it did not work- what a load of bollocks. 

All he had thought about _was_ _not thinking _about anything. He snorted feeling irritated. Well quite obviously that little exercise did not work on him. He was probably doing it _wrong_. 

He was surprised that his brain wasn't suffering from motion sickness what with all the to and fro it had been doing recently. He rubbed his temples, easing the slight headache that was starting to creep over him. He'd just have to see how it all panned out. 

He closed his eyes and rested his head on the window ledge; he felt so tired……….

………………

And he must have dozed off. He woke up with a start and looked at the time quickly. He couldn't have fallen asleep for more than fifteen minutes. It was ok, it was still raining.

He carried on studying till lunchtime. Time was passing so slowly. It was dragging. One minute felt like five. He sat down for lunch and saw Harry come in. 

_When am I going to able to get you alone hey? _

'Draco, where did you go?' Gregory and Vincent sat on either side of him.

'I was in the library,' he said, starting to eat.

'Mmphh,' Gregory grunted.

They fell silent as they ate their lunch.

' We're going to go down to town,' Vincent informed Draco, laying his knife and fork on his plate. 'Want to come?'

'It's pouring,' Draco stated the obvious. 

'Yeah, but we'll be all right.'

Draco shook his head, 'I want to hit the books a bit more, maybe I'll see you there later ok?'

'Ok, are you sure?'

Draco smiled at Vincent genuinely for the first time in a long time. ' I'll be fine. You two go together.'

They nodded and pushed back their chairs. They wanted to go to Honeydukes undoubtedly. Draco waved them off and stay put in his seat as Harry was still sitting. Draco had finished his lunch, but continued to scrape off the remnants of food on his plate. He couldn't bear to have a second helping but he had to look like he was doing something and not just sitting there like a moron. Soon he had wiped his plate clean. The only thing left for him to do was to actually pick it up and lick it spotless. 

_Come on Harry! How much longer are you going to take?_

Draco sipped his drink, but even the liquid was reaching the bottom of the goblet. You can only eat and drink so slowly without looking like a complete numnut. 

'Wow Draco, you must have been really hungry.' Pansy was standing over him and peering at his sparkling plate.

He smiled wryly. ' Vincent and Greg left about ten minutes ago, you know to go to town?'

Pansy nodded, 'mmmmm, I'm going to go down with Millicent.' She looked at him expectantly, 'what time are you going?'

He had no idea. He shrugged, ' not right now, later maybe. I'll see you there perhaps.' 

_Please go now_. She looked a little disappointed and Draco looked away. 

'Ok, see ya.'

He watched her leave and looked about on his table. There were only empty chairs around him. The other Slytherin's were a few feet further down the table. I can't sit here alone like a twit, he thought. He touched his lips with his napkin and walked out into the hall. He leaned against the wall by the broom closet and waited for the Gryffindor's to come out.  

Five minutes later they came out. 

' Lets do a quiz, it'll be fun,' Granger was saying.

Thomas snorted, ' you have some weird tastes when it comes to fun Hermione.'

'Well we have to wait till four anyway to go down, so we might as well be productive with the hours we have before then,' she persisted.

Four? Why four? Draco looked on as the pack of Gryffindor's made their way to the marble staircase. Draco remained unnoticed by all of them as he stood in the far left hand corner. Harry hadn't even looked around as he made his way to the stairs. So much for catching his eye, Draco thought miserably. 

They weren't going to go to Hogsmeade until four o' clock? 

Draco pulled his fingers through his hair frustrated. This was funny actually, he thought, this is the beginning of my punishment. Waiting and waiting. I might just collapse from the tedium and go into a comatose state. 

He could go back up to the sodding library and study till three twenty. Then he'd come back down and wait here like an idiot, so that he could tail behind Harry at a distance when he left for town. That would ensure that he wouldn't miss Harry in any way.

So five minutes later, Draco found himself back in the library at the same table he had sat on earlier. He tried to read, he tried to make notes. He gave up and tried to read a book. He was fidgeting constantly and looking out of the window. He then proceeded to doodle on his parchment, with his face cupped in his hand with a long-suffering, unmistakably bored- to- tears expression. 

…….

It was still raining, though not as heavily as before. It was muggy as well and he took off his jumper and cloak, and rolled up his sleeves. 

Why were they waiting till four anyway? He squiggled on his scroll; well if Granger spoke, then obviously she was speaking for Weasley and Harry. They always went to Hogsmeade together.  

He leaned back and forced out a long and noisy breath. That got him a few looks – _shove it_! He felt like chewing his fingers off – literally. Would people be alarmed at his strange show of behaviour? If anyone said _anything_, he would just tell them all to fuck off.

Time had _never passed so slowly_. It just wasn't possible. Every minute _now _dragged like ten.  He felt like his head would implode, and he wanted to rip his hair out strand by strand in a fit of manic hysteria.

The minutes trickled and when three twenty arrived, he practically yelped out in delight. It was like being released from a long-term incarceration. He grabbed his books and tore out of the library and down the stairs to his room. He dumped his books and jumper on his bed and fastened his cloak quickly around him. He grabbed some money and shoved it in his pocket before racing out of the room again. He saw people walking towards him and halted to a steady pace as they came nearer and walked past him. As their footsteps grew fainter he ran down the dark passages. 

Slightly out of breath, he appeared in the Entrance Hall and then waited.

And waited…………

And waited…………

He felt like crying in frustration. Where the _fuck_ were they? His stomach plummeted horribly and he came over nauseous. He _felt_ so sick and his chest felt tight and heavy. It was nearing four and it was his own fault he supposed, for coming up too early. The fact that he had been waiting _all day_ to apologise and still not having done it, was bordering on the ridiculous as he stood there and remained waiting. Should he have come up with a better plan? Had he just wasted the whole day being a complete prat? He paced around the hall, his nerves drawn out tightly. He was going to start twanging off of the walls soon. He felt so very uncomfortable.

As four o'clock approached and passed too, he began to get concerned.

_Harry? Where are you? Oh god…._

The halls were empty, except for some younger students wandering about. 

_Please, _he prayed_, don't tell me I've missed him._

He rushed outside, looking about the grounds. It was drizzling and there was still a black cloud hanging above. 

Suddenly two specks began to get larger in the distance. He squinted to get a better view. It was Granger and Weasley!!! They were coming up from the path around the lake. Oh shit…Draco thought with a sinking heart.

As they approached the building, Draco overhead them talking. They were laughing with their hands around each other's waists. 

' The others won't be back for a while.' 

Weasley kissed Granger and they both smiled to one another sickly. 

Fuck, fuck. Fuck again. Dammit! That's so fucking typical!! Sods law or what?! He had waited ALL day to see Harry and get him alone- what had happened to four o 'clock? They'd gone early!!! He felt like letting out an ear splitting scream that would certainly rival the cry of a Mandrake. He felt beside himself and wanted to smash Weasley's face in; really lay into him till his face was flattened like a pancake.

_I hate you so much!! I hope you get married to that hideous girlfriend of yours and have lots of ugly children together! I hope they have red frizzy hair and her old buckteeth_.

Draco felt sick to the stomach as he stormed past them and down to the path. _He shouldn't have waited all day._

He could see the gates up ahead and quickened his steps. He would tell Harry about how rotten this day had been at some point and they would laugh together about it. He would tell Harry he was turning into a mad dog in heat. He was about ready to start frothing at the mouth and go for the first jugular that got in his way. He was going _potty_. He couldn't bear to wait around any longer and pussy foot till he could get Harry alone. He was just going find Harry, grab him by the arm, drag him into a corner and kiss him mercilessly before Harry even had the chance to open his mouth. Harry would harp about this and that afterwards but Draco would say, ''you're not going anywhere till you listen to me.'' 

Hate me, maim me, kiss me, disgrace me, attack me, have me at your feet – whatever the hell turns you on. Punish me as you see fit as I am a shit but I am sorry and I beg your apology from the bottom of my heart. I am so fucking sorry. Do what you will but just let me be with you. I'll take whatever you dish out gladly as long as I am in your company and in your shadow. Take me for I am yours.

That was going to be his introduction. It was brief, to the point and in your face.  He had had _enough_ of pottering around all day. Pottering around? Ha ha. 

He looked at his watch anxiously for the squillionth time. 

With Harry in mind, Draco began to walk faster.                                                                          

It was turning out to be the longest day he had ever had.….


	18. And

Disclaimer: Miss Rowling owns all the pretty rights to the Harry Potter characters.

************

**I did not mean to be evil and keep you hanging/waiting! You were probably thinking, 'silly (your choice of expletive!) hasn't updated yet!' Lol**

**But here I am – better late than never me hopes. I don't know where the time goes though honestly! Also I am sorry for any possible water shed whilst reading through the previous chapters! You know it was not intentional. * grin * **

I'm sorry if the formatting seems off sometimes… I tried but (sigh)

I hope you don't find these two chapters too boring to read. I just can't help myself. I type way too much, I sort of talk my through it all... :o/****

Thank you so, so much for reviewing! :

blah!, blackmoon, azreial9621, kendra1117, Peeves3, Sapphrine, hyakuhei, high?D, Maki, HarryPotterfreak, Artemis Astralstar, Brenna8, The_Chelz, jesote/jesonte?, KitLamb, Malfoy_Girl, WhisperElmwood, mutsumi chan very angry, lexi , Sardius-Sky, Stella By Starlight, ShrineMaiden, Neena, Shui_Wing0, Laura, jayne, Val-86, RainSW6, Silvestra.

_Malfoy Snogger_ – No doubt you will remain frustrated. * smile** ***

_midnightblues_  - I don't mind at all! Thanks for reviewing. ****

_Riane_ – Thank you so much for your review. You were ever so kind and I truly appreciated it. 

_Rarity88_ – I don't mean to be evil at all! Lets hope this chapter makes you a wee happier, though I'll probably still be evil huh? Lol Thank you, you are always so sweet. 

_eclecticity_ – I saw the beaver dam in the grand canyon- *smile *. I didn't know 'NO or 'It Wasn't ' was a song title by Linkin Park :o) Thank you for your very kind words. I'm sure I don't deserve them but I sure felt happy reading them!

_Shinny_ – Thank you sweetie for your reviews and email.

_Dark Devotion – _Wow, that so made my day! hehee. Thank you ever so much for your kind words. And lo behold I actually updated today too, so you didn't have at all long to wait…__

**Thank you to all that have put me on their fav anything list. I am truly thrilled and glowy.**

***********

Without further ado - Chapter Eighteen 

Harry heard the door snap shut behind him and stood frozen to the spot for a minute. He felt numb and completely and utterly stunned. 

'YOU CAN'T BE THAT BLOODY DENSE! YOU THINK THAT YOUR'E SO FUCKING GREAT, THAT YOU CAN'T COMPREHEND HOW I CANNOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU?! I DON'T CARE OK? DO YOU HEAR ME?'

His thoughts were swirling dizzily in his head and he could not _believe it_. His heart would not let him. Draco did _not care_ for him? It had all been an _act_? Draco hadn't been _honest_? 

They had not really said much to each other to dwell on honesty and whatnot but Harry's simple, yet provocative words, had prompted the undoing to the whole charade.

'At least then I'd know that you're being honest,' _he had said._

But he had not expected that kind of _honesty. _Thoughhow terribly naïve of him to expect anything _else._

'It wasn't what you thought it was,' _Draco_ _had explained, sounding extremely bored and offhand. _

And what had Harrythought it_ was? _A relationship? 

Yes.

_Stupid him._ How quaint of him to think such a thing. How droll. 

And why had this travesty been pursued?

Because_, ' you kissed me and it pissed me off that you dared to, so I found you and the rest followed…'_

Because Draco wanted to see how far he could get with Harry.

Because,' _you don't have parents, so you have the need to take away other people's.'_

Because of a multitude of reasons, none of them _because_ Draco felt the same way about Harry as Harry did for him.

Funny thing, Draco could have got a lot _further_ with Harry had he wanted to. Harry had given him ample opportunity, but Draco had not taken it. He was probably repulsed at the thought of having any more close encounters with him, Harry thought bitterly. He felt the heat of embarrassment burn his face and could almost taste his mortification. Insecurity was rearing its ugly head and he could not help but be consumed with self-doubt.

'This is all about YOU.'

He looked at the closed door and imagined Draco on the other side of it, mopping his brow- thankful that he had got rid of Harry. He was probably going to Scourgify himself now wasn't he? 

A sudden thought struck him_. This_ is what Draco had wanted to say to him last night. He had started to say _something _and then stuttered and came out with,' _I can't stay for long tonight_,' crap. Why hadn't he said it at that point? What had made him change his mind? 

Harry could guess the reason why. Draco thought that he would dangle Harry on for another night and have a little more_ fun _with his stupid ignorance. He thought he'd have a quick grope and a kiss today and then dump Harry spectacularly straight afterwards. He could not begin to fathom Draco's behaviour at all. He tried to grapple with the realisation of what had just happened. Had Draco ever enjoyed their time together? Harry winced. What if Draco always wiped his lips clean once Harry was out of sight? What if he rinsed out his mouth to rid himself of Harry's taste after they parted? His breath hitched at such a crushing thought. 

He'd been dumped like yesterdays rubbish. 

Harry's mind drifted back to when Draco had first walked into the room. The way he had kissed him, with so much emotion and hunger – it had seemed. He had been in awe of how Draco had held him, and so amazed and thankful. Yet mere moments later, Draco had ripped it away from him. The passionate undercurrents Harry had felt from Draco were not remotely akin to what he had thought they were. Not even close. 

Harry began to walk in a daze down the corridor, Draco's words continuing to echo in his mind.

_'Everything is so bloody easy for you. The centre of the universe always has to be you! Oh look at the silent hero who holds the weight of the world on his shoulders. And you love it, you bask in your arrogance.'_

He reached the staircase and grasped the banister so tightly that his knuckles and fingers hurt. He took a deep breath and pushed himself upwards. 

' I don't want to be Harry Potter's boyfriend! Because you're Harry fucking Potter that's why. I'd be ashamed to tell my father about you. My being with you is nothing to be proud of at all. You are always the victim in everything. You feel so superior cos you keep getting lucky. You're so self-centred it's unbelievable. Your little hero complex doesn't allow for it.' 

Draco abhorred him. He had been thinking all these things all along and Harry had been so _oblivious_. He had thought that Draco was as happy as he was. And he _never_ had been, he hadn't even had the intention or inclination of being happy with Harry. He _loathed _him and to avenge his father he had made Harry fall for him and then chuck him away so he could brag about it to his fellow housemates. 

Harry stopped abruptly; his legs were quaking. He had this terrible urge to be horribly and violently sick. So sick that he would feel so damn awful, that he would not be able to think of anything else but the burning acrid sensation of bile pouring out of his mouth. That had to be a whole lot better compared to the dark abyss that had begun to engulf his body and mind.

He unstuck his feet and began to automatically climb the stairs towards the Gryffindor tower.  He was confronted with the Fat Lady sooner than expected and mumbled the password. She swung open and he crawled through the hole and spilled into the large room.  

He quickly dodged his way through it and slipped up the stairs before anyone noticed him. Successfully managing to reach his room without being seen, he sat on his bed. 

He was alone. 

His mind was now blank and he just sat there for many minutes, just sitting. Looking at nothing ahead of him and still sitting. 

The room was very quiet; in stark contrast to the noise downstairs. But that was fine. Hearing any more words right now would probably start to bleed his ears out. Hopefully. Then he could concentrate on the blood pouring out of his ears rather than the pain that was slowly shedding through his body. 

This wasn't actually happening was it? This was some horrible nightmare of his…

Everything had a strange dreamlike quality to it as if he wasn't really here, and it was all blurry and misty and weird. Perhaps Draco hadn't _really _said all those things and Harry would wake up now and joke about it with him later on when they saw one another. But it would be a really bad joke.

He suddenly laughed out loud, the sound of it shattering the silence in the room. No this was real all right. It had happened. Why pretend?

Draco didn't care and Harry should_ never _have expected him to. He felt like his favourite gift in the whole world had been crushed into smithereens right in front of him. And all Harry had been able to do was to watch helplessly, devastated at his loss. Not that the gift had been '_real_' or anything.

_Silly him._

He felt misery gush over him. He felt so humiliated and ashamed. Ashamed of how he had been with Draco; ashamed on how _open_ he had been with him. Ashamed of how he had so readily believed that Draco's kisses were _genuine_ and his phoney words were something that he had _cherished_. Ashamed of letting his heart down so badly. Ashamed of feeling so excited and happy and so naïve. Ashamed of feeling anything other than hate for the blond haired boy. Ashamed of falling…

Ashamed and humiliated. And so awful. He felt so gut-wrenchingly awful. He had lost Draco….

He lay on his bed and curled up on the blankets. His knees drawn high near his face and his head missing the pillow by inches - not bothering for comfort. Not that there was much comfort in this world. A lot of pain and so little comfort. How he had the gall to be happy over the last few weeks, escaped him entirely now. Nothing good happened. And nothing good remained. Hadn't he learnt that by now? That's the way life goes – especially his life. He thought he had the right to be a hardened cynic because hadn't life proved it over and over to him? He didn't know what it was like to be anyone else – how could he? When just being him everyday took up all his time. But being someone else would be terrific because they wouldn't have his life. His shitty, crappy life.

He reached out and loosened his hangings around the bed. He made sure not a gap was peeking through the curtains and then curled back up, with his eyes shut tight. A few minutes later he heard movement in the room.

'Harry?'

Harry turned his head briefly and saw Ron's shadow through the material.

'Where were you?'

Harry returned his head back on the mattress and stayed silent for a moment. He might as well lie again, after all the last few weeks had been nothing but _lies._

'Professor Snape.'

'Uggghh. Oh well. Dinners up, come on.'

'I'm not going Ron.'

Ron must have pulled back the curtains, as his voice was inches away from his ear.

' What? Why not? Are you feeling ok? Did you have a bad lesson?' he sounded concerned.

Harry smothered a sigh and turned his face around again. He attempted a broken smile,' uh no it was fine. I just feel a bit er..tired.'

Ron was looking at him closely.

'I'm just going to try and have an early night I think.'

Ron nodded, he was accustomed to Harry's ''early nights''.

'Do you want me to bring you up anything?'

Harry shook his head,' no really I'm fine. You go on down, I'm ok.'

Ron did not move away,' you look a bit funny. Are you going to throw up or something? You sure you….'

'Ron….' Harry cut him off. 'I'm ok. I feel a bit …off that's all. I don't need to go to Pomfrey, you don't need to go and call Mcgonagall and I don't need to see Dumbledore. I'm fine.'

'Ok, ok,' Ron sounded hurt and annoyed.' Just asking, fine then.'

And with that he let the curtains fall back into place and walked away.

Harry watched as his faint shadow disappeared out of range and then turned his face back to its original position.

_Life was shit. Life is shit, everything was shit._  

How had he _dared_ to believe that Draco would be able to get over their enmity? How had _he _dared to get over their enmity? He felt a sickening swoop of anger burn his insides. _How could_ he have been so appallingly _stupid_? There was no better word for it.

Why had he even _dared _to _try_ and have a relationship? As if that would _actually_ work out for him. 

He knew he was wallowing, and feeling profoundly sorry for himself – but he felt that he had good reason to. After all it wasn't everyday you got dumped by your fake non-boyfriend.

He felt his heart grow heavy, as he lay there balled up miserably. How many times had he voiced his roundabout desire to become more intimate with Draco? Too many times for him to be able to retain a shred of dignity now. 

'How come you've never…you know…ever tried to so stuff?' 

'Is it because you don't want to?'

'Of course I want to. I can't wait... I want to take it slow.'

Harry had believed him so implicitly in all that he had said. But Draco had not wanted to take it slow. He had not wanted to take it _anywhere_. He was just saying that and Harry had believed him…

But he'd sounded so sincere and Harry's heart had jumped for joy at the thought that Draco cared for him. 

_Stupid, _he thought his heart now aching.

He had forgiven Draco so easily for avoiding him on Monday, even though he had suspected something was not right. But Draco had quelled his uncertainty by kisses and no more was said. Draco had been playing with him for _all that time_. He had probably thought it hysterical that Harry had been sitting on the stairs waiting for him that morning. Harry could remember many an occasion when he'd heard Draco and his cronies twittering about some comment they had made about Harry. When Draco uncovered Harry's little idiosyncrasies  – they would twitter till their heads fell off. 

Later that day when he'd had a particularly bad Occlumency lesson, he had felt so shit but Draco had perked him right up. 

_Stupid._

' I like the taste of your mouth,' _Harry recalled saying._

He winced painfully. Those words had actually come out of his mouth.

Tuesday night Draco had said, _'I've managed to have the self-discipline of a monk I might add, not to rip off your clothes and take you on the floor every time I see you.' _

_'Liking yourself to a monk now are we?' _Harry had asked.__

_'Mmm.'_

'You could you know.'

_'I know.'_

Draco_ had _known andHarry had trusted him with no reservations at all. He had just said it and not been embarrassed at all. 

_Stupid._ You trusted him. Stupid. 

Draco. 

' I knew you were easy Potter.'

_ 'Only for you.'_

_ ' Promise?'_

_' Always.'_

Always……… Harry bit his lips in tightly and screwed his eyes up against the hurt that was hammering away at him unrelentingly. 

So perfect he had thought only a few nights ago. Everything was perfect and he had captured the moment in his heart. Ignorance is certainly bliss. It hadn't been perfect at all. He felt empty as every happy memory with Draco dissipated. 

How had he been so convincing? Or had Harry wanted to believe in him so _badly, _that he had not doubted Draco's motives? He was that pathetic and needy? He could never have imagined that he could have been so blind.

Hermione had said it spot on that day in the library.

' It's just not right for you to be smiling so much.'

She'd been right,he had absolutely _no right_ to be smiling at all – he just hadn't known it then.

Draco had probably been waiting for an opportunity all year to get his own back on Harry and Harry had proffered him a perfect window to climb in. He was sure Draco had not expected such an opening to present itself in the way that it had, but funnily enough a situation like that (if played right) would hurt much more than a few hexes and insults. And Draco had done it marvellously well. Harry was about as hurt as he could get. It hurt so much that he felt unable to do anything else but lie in his bed and carry on hurting. 

_'It just doesn't amuse me so much anymore and I got what I wanted…I never cared at all. And it would be foolish for you to think otherwise.'_

Yes he was foolish. So foolish. Draco had got what he wanted. And what was that exactly? Having Harry trust him? And what was he going to do with that knowledge? Not much other than to have a great old laugh at his expense. It was all out of pure spite and vengeance and Harry felt about a millimetre tall.    

What had Draco's words been at the end of the fifth year? ' _I'm going to make you pay for what you've done to my father… You think you're such a big man, Potter. You wait. I'll have you.'_

And he had had him, right where he had wanted him. He had waited and waited and then proceeded to lop off Harry in one clean strike. 

'It's over Harry.'

It was so pointless and seemed so cruel. Harry could not imagine that someone would go to such lengths to get revenge. He _was _naïve, even after everything. 

Had Draco thought his father would get a kick out of getting a rise from a Potter in such a way? No, Harry couldn't see that happening. This had all been for Draco's amusement and nothing more. It had been for Draco's own satisfaction and one-upmanship. 

Of course this was assuming that Draco was not planning to break his father out of jail and hand Harry over to him. But no, again Harry was forced to face the fact that he had been an inside joke for Draco and nothing else. It had been formulated so that Harry could feel shit about himself. That was a very Slytherin thing to do. Make others feel crap about themselves. 

Well Draco had succeeded. 

Harry should have just accepted his fate and kept his mind on studying and surviving his school year. He might as well face it once and for all; his whole life would be about Voldemort from beginning to end. Forget about attempting to have any kind of  'normal' teenage life. Forget about caring about someone and have them care about you back. Forget about relationships and kisses and tenderness.  What a ridiculous thought to have; what a laughable scenario, what an incredible notion. To have someone actually _care_ for him in that way had to be some kind of miracle. This was life's way of telling him not to bother with such things. Accept your fate and live with it. But could he harden himself to not want anyone else to care about him ever again? Now that he'd had the (fake) taste of being cared for. It had felt lovely to be (fake) wanted. 

But who would want him anyway? He thought dejectedly. He was probably the most unlovable person he knew. He wasn't clever; he wasn't good-looking. He was just this guy who got into life threatening situations and managed to make his way out alive somehow…whilst getting others killed.

His mind went back to how Draco and him had 'started' and his head began to spin again. No, there was no point on dwelling on how and why it had started. It had started and now it had finished. That part of it anyway…

He wondered if Draco would pin that picture Harry had sent him on the Slytherin notice board. That would cause a snort or two, if not many. 

Harry had admitted he was a virgin. That would go down very well in the Slytherin common room. 

He'd seen Harry naked. 

And everything Harry had said to him would be subject to ridicule no doubt.

Oh my god……..

Strangest thing, the first day they had kissed; Harry had sat at dinner thinking, what if it had all been some kind of practical joke? A trick of some kind? Perhaps Draco had been so bored that he would see how far he could get with Harry.

He had been accurate in his thoughts and should have gone with his gut instinct, but no he hadn't. He had preferred to bask in this mortifying and shaming experience instead.

Everything that Harry had thought they had shared together had been tainted now. Every memory was flashing with a huge question mark sign. It had felt so real, yet none of it had been. 

And he wouldn't go through their fake relationship with a comb and try to salvage the times when Draco's affection _might _have been real. He would not torture himself further.

His stomach suddenly gurgled. Why did stomachs gurgle at the most inappropriate times? He was depressed, he didn't want to eat. He deliberately ignored its plea for food. He was NOT going to step foot out of his room, let alone go to the Great Hall tonight.

He could not bear it.

*

He had probably been lying there on his bed for at least two hours if not more. By the sound of the heavy muffled thuds, he could tell it was Neville. What would Harry's life have been like had Voldemort chosen Neville? Like it mattered. He'd still be a sorry character undoubtedly.

Soon after Neville, there were more footsteps in the room and voices.

Seamus and Dean.

They had begun to talk about the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow. 

'Harry?' came Neville's hushed voice from nearby.

Harry lay even more still, pretending to be asleep.

'Ron said he isn't feeling well,' Dean whispered.

More footsteps. Ron.

Harry tried to blank out their voices. 

He could hear Ron shuffling by the side of the curtains. He was probably getting undressed. 

'Harry? You asleep?'

Harry didn't reply.

More talk, footsteps, and then silence followed. They seemed to have gone back down. It was Friday night after all.

Harry eventually fell asleep still fully dressed and not caring.


	19. Meanwhile

Karina still rambling: Just wanted to let you know that the **next chapter will be the last chapter of The Chariot**. I won't delay you in the final chapter so I'm gonna say my bit now. **_Thank you, thank you, thank you._**

Thank you for all the support and encouragement and it certainly has been a learning experience for me. 

I am so glad that you seemed to like the story and I'm sure I would not have reached all the way to the end of The Chariot, had it not been for you guys. As I said, I am writing for you as much as for me. I have quite simply adored typing The Chariot and sharing it with you.

Sorry carry on…

******

He woke up about six o' clock in the morning. His neck felt stiff and he felt all headachy and fluey. He stretched out. His layers of clothes bunched up awkwardly around him and he sat up. He undid his robes and kicked off his shoes. He pulled back his covers and got under them. 

Draco. 

His last thought of the night and the first thought of the morning. 

He wondered if he could stay in bed all day. If that was even possible. But it wouldn't be. He would cause alarm and questions would ensue. No, he would have to get up eventually.  He was dreading going downstairs. What if Draco had told people by now? Because clearly he hadn't up till last night. There was no way the Slytherins would have been able to keep such a delicious secret to themselves and not taunt Harry with it somehow. He was quite certain that Draco hadn't told them anything as yet – but he was going to. 

Now that it was over. 

It would be so much fun for Draco to hurt Harry yet further at this stage. Add insult to injury. Dumping him and then telling the whole school about it. Harry could see it now; a huge banner across the Great Hall that read:

_''Harry Potter is gay! And he is a shit kisser'', _in neon letters.__

He had avoided dinner last night but how long could he avoid venturing outside the dorm? Draco was very popular amongst the Slytherin crowd and when he would tell of his conquest; the news would spread like wildfire. It wouldn't matter if Harry was hibernating in his room. His friends, the whole school would hear of it, whether he was there or not. 

He lay huddled under the blankets feeling wretched. What was he going to do about it anyway? Corner Draco before he opened his mouth and tell him not to say anything? Hex him? Blackmail him? There would be no point. It would get out eventually – and Harry's attempts to stop it would be futile.

He would just have to let it happen and then deal with it. He would have to face it, like it or lump it. He didn't have a choice.

He lay listening to the others still sleeping. One thing was for sure, when Draco opened his mouth, Harry was not going to take it lying. He was not going to let Draco walk all over him. If Draco meant to drag Harry down, then he was coming right down with him. Harry would make sure of it. He would tell everyone that Draco had enjoyed every minute of their fake relationship and that he was gay too.

………

He might have rejoiced in his avenging spirit had he not felt so low. But at the moment, he couldn't muster up any sort of bitter enthusiasm for his hypothetical retribution. 

He continued to lie there. He had not moved out of his bed in over twelve hours. 

'Harry?' Ron's voice called out some time later. 

'Yeah?'

'How are you feeling?'

'Fine thanks.'

'Are you coming to breakfast?'

'Uhh…' he would have to get up in due course. 'Yeah I am, you go ahead. I'll see you down there.'

He heard Ron heave a sigh and the others moved around, as they got dressed.

Harry waited till everyone had left and then sat up. He did not want to go down _at all_. He felt so terrible. 

He had this sudden insane urge to run and find Draco and bury himself in his arms. Feel Draco's hands stroke his back soothingly. Have Draco kiss him and make him feel better. Funny the way the mind worked. The only one who he wanted to find comfort in was the one who had scorched him in the first place.  

Draco.

Draco…

He felt his chest tighten and he swallowed with some difficulty. He looked miserably down at his duvet. He didn't have anyone. He was alone in this. 

Tough. 

He willed himself to get out of bed and took a deep breath. He reached for his glasses and finally heaved himself up and to the bathroom.

It was nearing nine o'clock by the time he reluctantly headed towards the stairs. He could feel his heart jumping uneasily in his chest. He felt ill and tired and each step he took was wrought agonizingly with dread. What was going to happen when he went inside the Great Hall?

They would all know. They would all cackle at him. He would see Draco and it would be horrible. Hermione and Ron's faces would look appalled.

He kept his head down and shuffled into the hall. He listened carefully for any kind of abuse and laughter directed towards him…

But there was none. 

He let out a small, relieved breath but still kept his head low. So far so good, he couldn't hear any jeering, just normal chatter. The room had not gone silent as he went to the table.

It was all right.

So far.

There was a space next to Ginny and he quickly went to it and sat down, sinking into the chair as deep as possible.

'Hey Harry,' Hermione was sitting a few chairs away from him next to Ron.

'Ron said you're not feeling well.'

'Err no I'm okay now,' he mumbled as he reached for the toast that he didn't want to eat. ' I'm just a bit tired that's all.' 

He closed his mouth and buttered his toast. He wanted to try and remain inconspicuous and not draw any attention to himself.

_Maybe_ Draco hadn't told anyone yet. But why not? What was he waiting for? It was going to happen. Might as well get it over and done with no? Maybe he wanted to torment Harry further and make him wait on tenterhooks, never quite knowing when Draco was going to spring it upon him. Maybe he wanted to blackmail him?

He could clearly picture Draco's face in his head and tried to keep distracted by fiddling with his butter knife. He did not look to see if Draco was even in the hall. He was probably waiting to smirk widely when their eyes met. Well Harry was not going to give him the chance to. He wasn't going to meet _anyone's_ eyes if he could help it.

Ginny bent her head down near his,' are you sure you're ok? You look very pale, really.'

He lifted his head a fraction and shook his head.

'I'm fine thanks, just didn't sleep all that well. Headache. I'm fine now though thank you,' he repeated yet again. Perhaps if he repeated it enough, he could make himself believe he was fine. He tried to look as untroubled as he could manage. It seemed to work. 

'Ok,' she said and put her hand on his shoulder and rubbed it slightly. 

He gave her his best fake smile, hoping that it would reassure her and placed his hand over hers and gave it a small squeeze before he removed it from his shoulder. 

He released it gently and she nodded at him. 

Look happy; look happy he thought, feeling anything but happy. He was so far from being happy it was hysterical. 

He broke the toast in pieces and forced them down his throat, keeping his eyes down. He drank a cup of tea to wash the dryness away from the inside of his mouth.

The others had finished their breakfast and Harry was grateful to be getting up and out of there. He went outside along with them as they left the hall.

'What time should we go to Hogsmeade? The weather is awful,' Hermione was saying. The sky overhead in the Great Hall was thunderous and dark and it was bucketing outside.

'Mmm, shame about the rain,' Seamus said.

'Yeah worst luck,' Ron replied. 'Lets see if the rain stops before lunch. If it doesn't then we'll have lunch here and play it by ear yeah?'

They all agreed and Dean mentioned a board game he had upstairs that they could play in the common room to kill some time.

'All of us can play it, it's pretty cool. My dad ordered it from a wizards catalogue for me,' he said as they walked upstairs.' It's called Fortress.' 

Harry trailed after the many feet climbing the stairs, and once they reached the room, he thankfully found a cosy spot in an armchair in front of the fire. Ron shot him a smile and Harry smiled back. He felt bad for snapping at Ron last night.

Dean got out his game and laid it on a large table. With Neville's help he pushed the table closer to the chairs and then asked who wanted to play. Harry nodded along with the others and Dean began to explain the rules.

Harry sat in his chair concentrating on breathing. It was weird, breathing. It felt weird when you really thought about. Because thinking about breathing had to be a lot better than thinking about Draco. Think about anything but Draco.

But all he wanted was Draco…

His blond hair was so soft to touch. His skin was so soft. He had been so gentle, so sweet…

LIES.

Harry realised he had not heard a single word Dean had just said and the game was about to start. 

'What colour do you want to be Harry?' Neville was taking out the tiny two inch sized men out of a small box. They twitched into life and began to jump on the spot impatiently till someone called them. 

'Black?' he said the first colour that came to mind.

Neville nodded and his little man marched to the starting square. There were many things in the Wizarding world that never seized to amaze him. Animated counters that moved for themselves were one of them. 

Two minutes later the game began and Harry watched as it unfolded. He hadn't listened to the rules, so just pretended he knew what he was doing and rolled the dice when it came to his turn.

It looked quite complicated and he was glad that Dean narrated each move. It was Ron's turn now.

'Ron pick a card,' Dean said and Ron picked up a card from the middle of the board and Dean read it out,' you are the King of the Castle. Keep this card for two extra rolls.'

Ron grinned and his little man took out a tiny crown from his pocket and placed it on his head jauntily. 

Apparently the goal of the game seemed to be the first one to reach inside the fortress safe and sound. So far Neville seemed to be winning. 

'Harry, pick a card,' Dean said when Harry arrived on a small red square. He leant forward and drew a card from the deck. Dean took it from him and read it out aloud.

'You transform into the Dragon, seek its protection for the next two turns.' 

His little man immediately jumped off to the side of the board and a little red dragon came into its place. On another day, the sight of a small dragon huffing and puffing around a game board would have amused him, but nothing was amusing to him today.  

_'It just doesn't amuse me so much anymore_.' 

He had amused Draco but now not so much _anymore_. His amuse by date had come forth apparently.

'Let's do an Engorgio spell on the board!' Seamus laughed and Dean snorted at the thought. Hermione quickly stepped in and said no. It would distort the board and life size dragon figures were not acceptable game play in the common room.

Harry recalled the first time Draco and him had used ''their room''. They had been lying on the couch, side by side.

'Do you mind that we're just, you know, lying like this?' Harry had asked.

Draco replied back in a lazy drawl,' if I minded I wouldn't be here. Why, do you mind?'

Harry had shaken his head,' no.'

Draco had cocked his brow and then said,' well that's all right then.' 

Harry had nestled against Draco's shoulder and they lay in silence for a few moments.

Draco had then suddenly spoken.

'Do you think if we did an Engorgio Charm on the sofa, it'll double up in size?'

Harry had shrugged, 'don't see why not. You wanna try?' he'd smiled.

Harry watched the memory play out in his head. They had got up and Draco had muttered the spell and the couch had shakily grown larger. Draco gave Harry a satisfied smile. The armrest had become twice as high and Draco could comfortably lean his back against it. He propped his knees up on the couch and Harry had settled himself in between them, his back against Draco's chest. Draco had then snaked his arms around Harry's waist and Harry remembered feeling so warm and wonderful sitting there. 

Soon small kisses were placed against the back of his neck and he had shivered with delight as his eyes closed pleasurably. He had sat very quiet and still as soft lips covered his skin with such gentleness. Draco's mouth glided over him and he'd felt goose bumps rise over his body. He let out a small moan and then chuckled.

'If I was a cat, I'd start purring right about now.'

'Purring huh?' Draco had laughed. 'Meow,' he said and laughed some more.

'What?' Harry asked and Draco had shaken his head and said,' nothing.' 

Harry now remembered how he had tipped his head back and Draco had placed his lips perfectly over his own. 

They had kissed like that for a while. Finally Draco had lifted his mouth away and smiled down at his face.

'Are you getting neck strain?'

Harry straightened up his head and Draco kissed his neck again and then his ear and down his jaw line. Harry's head had fallen forward and Draco had continued with his tender touches- his lips brushing gently across Harry's nape. Harry had savoured every bit of contact Draco made with his skin. He'd then twisted around kneeling and fitted quite comfortably between Draco's legs. They slid their arms around one another and had kissed for another extensible amount of time. 

Harry could clearly remember the feel of Draco's tongue on his, the sound of Draco's soft moans, Draco's fingers running through his hair…

LIES.

How could he bear to kiss me so intimately, even though it had been an act? Harry wondered. What seventeen-year-old boy with previous sexual experience would willingly (even for a laugh), spend hours kissing a boy he hated? Draco must really _hate_ him to be so believable in his game. Harry felt sick. 

And there hadn't even been any sex. If there had been sex, then at least Draco would have received sexual gratification for all his troubles. _But there hadn't been. Not even close._

There had just been a lot of kissing and hugging and talking and more kissing. 

Had Draco laughed himself silly after every parting? Had he choked on his giggles at the thought of Harry moaning and smiling during their marathon make-out sessions? 

And all the while Harry had felt so _thankful _that he had found someone who wanted to kiss him in such a profound and affectionate way. 

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

He felt his heart clench horribly in his chest and he wanted to sink into the armchair and disappear. He felt despair swallow him up.  If there were Oscars for non-actors, he was sure Draco would get ''Best Male'' hands down. It had been the best performance Harry had ever seen.

It wasn't fair.

Life wasn't fair.

'Harry?!' came Dean's exasperated voice.

'Mmmm?'

'Roll!!' came a chorus of voices and he quickly hunched forward and threw the dice.

Double two's.

His Dragon got slain and he was out of the game. What a tragedy. 

He continued to not watch the game and desperately tried to shut out Draco's image swimming before his eyes.

The way his eyes glittered, the curve of his lips, the pale skin stretched out across perfect bones. His hands, his voice, his words…

Harry felt a terrifying surge of emotion push up through his chest. His eyes suddenly stung and he fought frantically to keep his expression impassive. _Oh god not here_……… he pursed his lips tightly to keep from howling out in anguish. He couldn't stop the gush of misery overwhelming him and tried to ride it through silently. His throat ached and he sat there surrounded by people trying to breath calmly as possible through closed lips. 

Draco didn't want him. He didn't even care about him. 

But I do, Harry thought. I care about you so much. I want you so much and you don't want me. 

You don't want me.

Calm down, shush, be quiet, he willed himself. He could feel his heart squirm and the aching hole grew immensely, till it was threatening to devour him from top to bottom. He wanted to cry out and scream. 

His head ached and he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't let it all out, let something out. He couldn't bear it any longer. It hurt so much. He wanted to fall apart into pieces. What could he do? He felt so desperate. 

The others were still playing and someone had exploded with laughter. But Harry didn't hear what they were laughing about, all he could hear was the blood pounding through his veins and his heart was racing. He looked down into his lap. He had to tell someone. Say something. The feeling of utter despair was threatening to suffocate him; he should tell someone. Maybe they could give him some advice. Tell him what to do. He didn't know. He just didn't know. He couldn't handle what had happened. His heart was weeping and he had lost Draco. 

Draco… 

Ron. Tell Ron. Maybe Ron could help. Make it better. Someone make it better please.

Draco.

No, he couldn't tell Ron. Ron would be disgusted and mortified.

Hermione. Maybe he could tell Hermione. She might be able to help. She was always so logical and clear-minded right? He brushed his hand over his fringe and kept his head low. 

Draco.

No he couldn't tell Hermione either. 

He couldn't tell anyone. He had got himself into this mess all alone and he had to get himself out of it.

But he couldn't sit here any longer. He got up quickly and mumbled something about going up. He turned and threw Hermione a quick smile to signal that he was fine.

And then he ran upstairs to the room before he collapsed into a small bundle.

Again he was alone.

He opened his mouth and drew in long gasps of air.

He went towards his bed and his eyes fell to his mirror above his cabinet. He imagined Draco's face in it. Draco with a mischievous smile on his beautiful face. The smile broke out into a grin and the grin turned into a smirk. The smirk turned into a sneer and his expression turned cold as did his eyes. Harry had seen Draco for what he had _wanted_ to see, not for what he _really _was. Draco's duplicitous behaviour had taken him in entirely.

Harry inched closer to the mirror and saw his face staring back at him.

Stupid face. Stupid glasses. Stupid hair. Stupid. 

He was probably quite ugly for all he knew. He couldn't really tell. Was he? Yes he was ugly wasn't he? 

He saw the same face day in day out and couldn't be so objective. But no, looking at himself now- he was ugly. Why would anyone find him remotely attractive? He had never really thought about it before. Hadn't really cared. His face was his face. He wasn't the one looking at him as he went about his day. He didn't have to see himself eating and talking and doing things. So he hadn't really spared much thought on his looks.

Though he had never particularly liked the way he looked. When he was younger he had liked his scar, now he preferred to keep his gaze away from it when he saw his reflection. But in all honesty that was the only thing that made him noticeable. His scar. If he received attention it was because of his scar not for the rest of him. Not really. 

He was ugly. Maybe if he had been better looking Draco might have liked him more or something. Maybe Draco wouldn't have been acting. He might have found it nice to look at Harry when they had been together. Draco was stunning to look at. He really was. He possessed an ethereal beauty that became even more riveting the more and more you looked at him. Harry had been delighted to be able to drink Draco in with his eyes. Run his fingers across his face. To touch him. 

Of course Draco didn't want Harry. Ugly Harry. With horrible glasses and a horrible face, and a horrible body. He was really _ugly_. He suddenly remembered last year's Valentines Day with Cho. He had made an effort that day. How stupid of him, like anything would make a difference to his head. They had been standing in line when Pansy Parkinson had guffawed loudly and pointed out to Cho, ' Potter and Chang,' she had screeched. 'Urgh, Chang, I don't think much of your taste….at least Diggory was good-looking!'

Of course Draco would be ashamed to be with him. Of course he did not want to tell people about them………

WAIT, it hadn't been _real._ Draco hadn't even _contemplated any_ of this. He had known what this was from the start. 

Harry moved away from the ghastly mirror and slumped onto his bed once again. 

He felt so tired. Tired of thinking. Tired of being himself. Tired of feeling sorry for himself. Shit happens, it always does. Why think any different? You're ugly; get over it. Draco had been stringing you along; get over it. There was no 'relationship'; get over it. Just get over all of it. He ought to feel burning hatred and raging anger towards Draco but he didn't. Not right now. All he felt was overpowering sadness and disappointment. Maybe it would pass and he would go back to not feeling anything but anger. He just had to get over this first. 

He couldn't. 

This seemed to be about the right time to start crying, if only he would let himself. And he wouldn't. No way. He wouldn't cry. Perhaps there were tears to be shed but Harry had frozen them dry long ago. His eyes could burn and sting all they wanted to – but not a teardrop would they see. He had forced himself not to cry over Sirius and he was certainly not going to cry over Draco. He'd sooner stab his eye out than do that. 

Tears of that kind meant pain and accomplished nothing. Pain meant that you had feelings and were hurting and that you were human. And it was better to be numb. So much better to think of yourself as a construction of skin and bones and blood and nothing else. A machine if you will. So much wiser than feeling wouldn't you say?

It was far better to ignore pain that spread in your body and seeped through your mind and oozed into your blood stream. What did it matter as long as you were _being_? No one saw what was going on inside of your mind and body – they just saw your shell. And as long as you were 'being' that was all that was needed to get through each day.

Being was better than feeling. 

It was odd, he had never thought of himself as a particularly emotive person. He'd had a habit of masking his emotions from a very young age and most of the time he didn't even realise that he was doing so. But never in his life had his emotions got the better of him and taken him over completely as they were doing now. He felt as if they had run him over. 

He shook his head and tried to clear his mind. He had to get on with it. He just had to. He forced himself to ignore his depressive state and plastered a fake cheery expression as he made his way back down.

The game was coming to an end as Harry came in and perched on top of an armchair rest next to Hermione. He stared at the little figures on the board and could see Neville's little man jumping onto the square that indicated the entrance of the fortress. Another dice roll and he would win.

He won.

Harry looked out of the window and saw the sheets of rain pelting down. The others had packed away the game and Harry glanced at the clock. It was lunchtime. His stomach rumbled at his discovery and Harry suddenly felt hungry. He had merely picked at his toast at breakfast and not having eaten dinner last night – his stomach was still empty and complaining. 

'You all right there Harry?' Ron asked as they made their way out of the common room.

Harry nodded,' yeah, I'm good.' He paused and then said,' thanks.'

'It's all right,' Ron said and Harry nodded.

He knew he had made the right decision not to tell Ron. It wouldn't be fair to embroil Ron in his personal angst. It was inevitable that his friends were going to find out sooner or later, but Harry did not want to confront it till he had to. 

He kept his head down once again as they approached the Great Hall. 

Once seated, he tucked into his lunch, fulfilling his stomachs request and kept his mouth busy as conversations flowed around him.

'Ron you might as well see to the second and first years while it's still raining heavily,' Hermione told him. 

Ron sighed,' yeah I guess. Hey Seamus do you mind helping us? We can start about two and say we leave for Hogsmeade about four o'clock? Even if it's still raining, otherwise we'll never go.'

'Yeah all right,' came Seamus's reply.

Harry realised that he had no idea what the three of them were talking about. He noticed Ron had asked Seamus and not Harry for help in whatever he had to do. Harry had been a crap friend over the last few weeks. He hadn't a clue as to what was going on in their lives. He hadn't even given them the courtesy of giving his full attention when he did speak to them. His mind was always off wandering towards Draco. What was Draco doing? What time should they meet? 

Draco.

Draco. 

Draco.

And where had that got him? A one way ticket back to his piteous self. 

Yes, he had been a rubbish friend. He had lied to them and sneaked around. He felt so guilty. What had he _ever_ done for his friends? Nothing that's what. It had always been them who came to his aid. Always them risking their safety for him. And he had never done anything for them in return. Take, take, take. He had never been a good friend to them.

He was a shitty person full stop.

He swirled his peas around with his fork, not wanting to eat them anymore. His appetite had vanished rapidly and he was left with half a full plate in front of him. He prodded his peas and waited for Ron and Hermione to finish. He didn't want to get up before either of them did – he didn't want anyone to notice him at all. He hated to be acting this way but he didn't have the energy to push it all aside and act any different.

Five minutes later they had all seemed to finish and they got up and left the Great Hall. 

'What should we do while Seamus and Ron go off?' Dean asked no one in particular.

'Let's do a quiz,' Hermione said,' it'll be fun.'

Dean snorted,' you have some weird tastes when it comes to fun Hermione.' 

'Well we have to wait till four anyway to go down, so we might as well be productive with the hours we have before then,' she persisted.

Dean moaned and Ginny laughed as the group started to climb the marble staircase.

When they reached the common room, Ron and Seamus went to find Professor Mcgonagall. Harry and the others settled themselves around the fireplace again. Harry watched a couple of first year's playing cards. Looking back, Harry knew that his life had been a lot simpler when he was that age. For the first time in his life he had made friends and had a place that he had begun to think of as home. Life had seemed a lot brighter then too. Much more than it did now. So much more.

He almost wished he could be eleven again but knew that there was no point wishing such a thing. His imminent fate would still be hanging over his head no matter what. He was destined to live out his miserable life as it came to him. He was pitiful and would watch others be happy and never have happiness for himself. He was doomed. He knew that. And now that he had learnt his lesson with Draco – he knew not to ever get involved with anyone ever again. 

He picked up a magazine and stared at it, not reading a single word.

 About a quarter past one Ron and Seamus came back.

'You're back early,' Hermione said.

'Yup,' Ron replied.' There wasn't much for us to do so………' his voice trailed off looking around at the bored faces. 'So shall we go down to town then? It's only a bit of rain and we can go to a few shops and then have a few drinks at the Three Broomsticks. What do you think?'

He was met with a whoop of approval from Dean who had been cornered by Hermione and quizzed too thoroughly for his liking.

The others got up too and everybody was ready in a couple of minutes to go down to Hogsmeade.

Ron smiled down at him as they reached the front doors and Harry smiled back and then looked over his shoulder.

'Hermione it's only a bit of rain,' Harry said as Hermione muttered a few words with her wand over her head. 

I know that,' she said reproachfully, ' but I wanted to use the spell to see how it felt.'

Ron chuckled and squeezed her shoulders as they came outside into the open. 

The sky was still darkened with rain clouds, though the rain had lessened somewhat than earlier that morning. It was considerably wet and muddy and they began to walk down towards the gates.

A while later they reached Hogsmeade. They all agreed to meet in the Three Broomsticks at three 'o clock, and then the group split up into different directions. 

'Harry I need to get a new quill,' Hermione said to him,' do you want to come with us?' 

Harry paused and felt strange and so much like the third wheel that all he needed was someone to ride him as a tricycle to befit it. It wasn't their fault; he was just feeling particularly sensitive. He knew that.

_Draco._

He took in a steady breath and then smiled brightly,' ummm no I'm uh gonna go and see something. I need to get some stuff too so I'll see you later for drinks ok?'

Hermione looked concerned and the three of them stood awkwardly for a moment. Suddenly from out of nowhere, Luna appeared by Harry's side.

'I'm going to see something with Harry,' she said in a fixed voice. 

Harry glanced at her gratefully and he nodded at Ron who looked relieved that Harry had found someone to keep him company. Harry smothered a sigh. I'm feeling sensitive that's all, he told himself again as he watched Ron and Hermione walk away down the street.

'He is very tall isn't he?' Luna said pensively. 

Harry nodded, though it was a given that Ron was extremely tall. 

'Are we walking then?' she said turning her large eyes on Harry's face.

'Uhh you don't have to Luna, if you know, you have something else to do,' he said quickly. Brilliant he was being so pathetic, any minute now he was gong to start apologising for his existence in the universe.

She looked at him, and disregarding his words entirely, said instead,' lets watch the owls in the post office.'

Harry raised his brow but walked towards the building nonetheless. A hawk owl screeched above him and he looked up as he reached for the door. Yup, all he needed was a bird to poop on his head and the day would end perfectly. 

Twenty minutes later he found himself still staring at the numerous shelves with various owls perched atop them. 

' I always think that yellow is quite a fast colour or orange,' she said. 

Harry shrugged, ' I guess.'

She turned her face towards him and then said, ' I'm hungry. Do you want to get something to eat? Chocolate sounds good.'

He nodded and they left the post office and over to Honeydukes. 

Luna bought a bag full of Fizzing Whizbees and some fruit flavoured mood rings. She had slipped one onto her finger and licked it now and again. She offered him one and he hastily shook his head and settled on getting some soft vanilla and creams fudge.

They left the shop, sucking and chewing and began to walk down the street. 

' I wanted to get some mittens,' she suddenly said.

'But it's getting warmer,' Harry told her.

'So?' she replied and Harry followed her inside Gladrags.

He would have really liked to come to town with Draco at his side...

_Oh god_, what if he bumped into Draco whilst he was wandering around? He looked about him wildly for a moment and then slumped his shoulders. If he was going to see Draco then he would see Draco. He would see him in time anyway. He felt so dispirited; it was a wonder that he had managed to keep upright at all. He felt so limp and drained. His self-esteem was virtually on the ground with its stuffing knocked out of it. He felt wounded and bruised and he was having such a hard time pretending that he was all right.

Tough. Tough. Tough. 

Luna bought mittens and then they visited a few more shops. She silently watched him and he smiled at her, suddenly wondering if she had been fooled by his behaviour. She nodded almost knowingly at him and he looked down at the ground.  

He battled a sigh and glanced at his watch,' shall we go into the Three Broomsticks then?'

'Yeah,' she said and licked the base of her ring. It had changed colour; it looked sort of purpley. 

As they neared the pub, Ron and Hermione joined them. The rain had seized to a lighter drizzle and Harry found that he did not mind it falling on his face. Though the little droplets on his lenses were annoying. 

He wiped his glasses with his jumper as they walked in. Seamus, Dean and many others were already seated on a large table facing the bar. Harry noticed a few Slytherin's in the far corner sitting far away from the other houses. 

Draco….

No.

'Harry, shall I get us some bottles of butterbeer yeah?' Ron asked.

Harry forced himself to answer,' uh yeah thanks a lot,' and found himself a seat.

He looked around the large room and sitting here surrounded by people, he felt so very alone. So alone. He felt his chest constrict and his head reminded him that it was still aching. 

Stop it Harry, you're feeling sorry for yourself again.

Was he being a wimp? After all people got 'dumped' everyday. He wasn't the only one. But surely not many of them, were dumped by a fake partner from a fake relationship? That was a little more rare, right? Was he being all boo hoo for no reason? He couldn't tell. He didn't know. But to whom was he going to confide in about his non-relationship problems? No one that's who. He could ask himself. Hello, am I being a prat? Yes you are. He scratched at the table's wooden surface absentmindedly. 

Ron came back a few minutes later holding several bottles in his hands. He passed one to Harry and slid on the bench opposite him, next to Hermione. Harry was facing the bar and watched people getting served. He gulped down a miserable sigh that was longing to come out in full volume. He rested his face in his left hand, his palm clamped over his mouth tightly. He gripped the bottle with his other hand and wiped off the cool droplets of water from the neck. He tightened his fingers around it, his thumb idly rubbing the cool glass. 

He remembered when he'd had his practical Charms exam and Draco had caught eye of him and whilst throwing Harry a scathing look, he had proceeded to shatter his wineglass.

We hated each other then and he still hates you, Harry thought glumly. I never became Harry to him, I remained Potter as always.

In his perfect and ideal world, he would be sitting here with his arms wrapped around Draco and softly talking and laughing together amongst friends. And Draco would turn his head and meet Harry's lips in a gentle kiss and no one would care, no one would bat an eyelid, because everyone knew that they were together and they were all, all right with it.

But that would never happen, why even go there?

Draco had toyed with him like a toy.

His mind wandered.

_'Only for you.'_

_'Promise?'_

_'Always.'_

Those words were haunting him. Harry again stumbled; he could not believe that it had all been a _lie._

Draco's words belied his actions. 

……….

………..

What if it hadn't been a lie???

That wasn't _completely _unfeasible…

Maybe Draco had got _scared_. Maybe he hadn't meant to like Harry at all and when he realised that he did, he got _scared_. Ok, sure perhaps at the beginning his intentions had been out of spite but they could have _become _something else…

Couldn't they?

And Draco instead of admitting it to Harry had ended it.

Harry looked thoughtfully down at the table, feeling stupid for even the small amount of hope he had managed to surface. But it was possible, _wasn't it?_

He was certain that Lucius Malfoy was a formidable father. It would be the hardest thing in the world for Draco to stand up to his parents. Harry wasn't stupid and he reasoned that he could not expect Draco to so easily and readily admit to their relationship. His situation _was_ different to Harry's. 

 And quite obviously Draco did not know the full extent of his father's involvements as a Death Eater. Perhaps Lucius Malfoy thought it best to spare his son the more gruesome details of his activities. Draco had indicated that Lucius was a good father. It wasn't unthinkable as much as unbelievable. 

'Evil' men throughout history had loved; often passionately so. It could be quite right to be thinking that Lucius Malfoy loved his wife and son very much. Draco seemed very enamoured by his father. Harry thought it could be _possible_ to be a good father without being a good person. _It could happen_. Lucius Malfoy thought nothing of killing a bunch of fifteen year olds, yet quite possibly could go home afterwards and play happy families.

It wasn't so unlikely…

He puffed out a tiny breath against his hand. Hmm, well whatever the reason behind Draco's dismissal of him was, Harry would just see where it led. If Draco gave him scornful glances and sneers; if he did not approach Harry in any shape or form other than to take the piss; Harry would know that Draco had definitely _meant_ all that he had said.

_However_, if he acted in contradicting opposition to that, then Harry might try and seize an opportunity and have it out with Draco. You know, just to see…

There was still hope right? Right? He still wanted to have faith in what they had shared.

Stupid…

?

He felt Colin tap his arm and begin a tale of what he would be doing over the Easter break. Harry listened politely, glad that he wasn't being asked to talk. 

Ron suddenly got up and tugged at Hermione's hand.

'We're err gonna get going now. We forgot something, as in Prefect duty stuff.'

What a lame excuse. Hermione had a red tinge smarting her cheeks and Ron looked all chuffed. They were in love and happy and Harry felt his gut twinge. 

Stop being silly. I'm happy for them, I am, he thought. I just want that too…with Draco.

Hermione gave a small smile in agreement and Ginny looked up and grinned,' yeah right. See ya.'

Ron clamped a hand on Harry's shoulder,' see ya later then Harry.'

Harry nodded,' yeah I'll be seeing you.' He smiled up at Ron and Hermione in assurance and then waved his two friends off as they stumbled from the bench and towards the door.

Colin continued to talk and Harry nodded now and again to indicate that he was still listening and time passed. 

Ginny turned a speculative look from across the bench towards him and he smiled, unsure of what she was thinking. 

About two minutes later Ginny leaned across the table to him, ' I've forgotten to get something. Stay right here ok?'

'Uhh ok,' he said slightly thrown. Huh? Why? 

She got up and sped out of the pub.

Luna gave him a queer smile a few seats away and he raised his eyebrows in question. But then she turned her face away and seemed to recite something to Neville from the latest edition of The Quibbler. Colin had left him to go and find his brother and Harry sat uncomfortably. He reached for his drink and took a long gulp.  He felt like wilting and straightened up his back quickly. He looked around as he took another swig of his drink. 

A few more minutes passed.

He suddenly saw something from the corner of his eye.

_What was that?_

Where…

……….. 

There it was again.

He put down his bottle and squinted carefully in front of him, watching for the movement to flicker across his eyes once more.

_Where had it come from………..?_

…….

There…

A large group of people had just entered the pub and made their way to the bar. His trail of vision was obscured slightly and he craned his head to the side.

The movement was coming from behind a door, which was situated on the left hand side of the bar. There was a small square of glass cut away in it and he fixed his gaze upon it. He had never noticed the door before. He presumed it led to a dim back alley behind the pub. Most likely Madam Rosmerta and her husband used it for easy access. He kept a watchful eye on the window. 

He looked intently for a minute and to his surprise made out a figure standing on the other side of the door. The figure came closer and he could see an outline of a head. He carried on watching. A face came near to the glass for a moment, looking in. 

_At him?_

He peered as he tried to make out the persons identity.

He recognised the face. 

He felt a small smile turn his lips. He quickly looked around to see if anyone else had noticed the person standing there, but it appeared that nobody had.

He looked at the person again. They now beckoned him with their index finger and his eyes raked over the tables to make sure that it was in fact _him_ that the person was looking at. 

Of course it was.

They were definitely indicating towards him.

The face came extremely close to the glass and gave an earnest smile pleadingly and mouthed something at him. He felt a small chuckle tickle his throat but kept his face expressionless. Should he get up?

A finger beckoned him again and the face moved slightly back.

He got up quickly from behind the table and made his way towards the bar and to the door.

No one seemed to notice him moving away from his seat.

The room was very busy and everyone was chattering and talking, and in the hustle and bustle, no one paid him any attention as he approached the door.

The face was back again near to the glass and a grateful smile graced their lips, as they inclined their head to say, ' yes come out.'

Harry stole a quick look around again to make sure he wasn't being watched by anybody and reached for the handle.

He turned it and silently opened the door, feeling the cool draft hit his face. He took one last look behind his shoulder before slipping out into the alleyway.

.


	20. What Was Around The Corner

**_Disclaimer: The HP Universe belongs to Miss J.K Rowling, I don't – AT ALL_**

Chapter Twenty 

_What Was Around The Corner_

'So now you got me out….' Harry began to say as he stepped outside the door. 

He felt it push gently behind him as it clicked shut, and the rest of the sentence melted away at his lips. 

The figure had vanished. 

There was no one here. 

His eyes flickered around, taking in his surroundings. He was standing in an alleyway, just as he had expected. It was a narrow and confining walkway, stretching thinly into the distance before turning left around a remote corner. The open sky was an infinite murky ceiling, covering its length. 

'Where are you?' he asked.

He took one step forward and called out the beckoner's name. 

No reply. 

The dark bricked walls closed in on either side as he began to advance. 

He called out the name again and frowned. 

_What was going on? Why was he not being answered?_

He stopped and stood still as he called out the name for the third time. He listened carefully but again there was no reply. 

He walked a few more steps ahead.  

He would call one final time and if no one answered, then he'd go back inside. 

'Are you still here?' he asked the dark lane.' Because if you don't say anything, I'm going to go back in…' he took a deep breath and listened for any movement or sound.

He wasn't alone. He could _sense it._

'I'm here.' 

It was a faint reply and seemed to be coming from further up. 

From around the corner.

He wet his lips and tread carefully as he took a few more steps away from the door. 

He could smell the dampened walls, and the cobble-stoned ground crunched with a slightly gritty sound under the soles of his shoes. The rain continued to trickle down insistently and he could feel the raindrops whisper against his skin and hair. 

'Why did you go down so far?' he asked in a louder voice as he walked on. 

'Because we were too near the door,' came the faint reply again. 

'Ok,' he said. 

His heart suddenly fluttered in his rib cage and he stopped again. He was about half way down the alley.

' Why don't you come out here now, so I can see you at least, we're not that close to the door.' 

He heard the words he was saying and cursed himself for the unexpected attack of nerves. 

_You're being silly. Just go ahead and walk up, and see what was going on_. 

But _something_ was holding him back.

_Something_ didn't feel right.  

'No Harry, you come here. I'm not that much farther," was the response.

Harry felt his skin prickle. 

'_Please_?' the voice added as an after thought.  

He was nearing the voice. He didn't have far to go. 

Not far at all.

He could actually _feel_ the presence gravitating towards him. _Feel the person just around the corner._ Feel it just like when you approach a room where the TV is on standby. That electrical charge that ripples through the air and travels to you and about you. _You can feel it._

'_Harry_…' the voice called him. 

'_Harry_…'

He instinctively reached for his wand and muttered under his breath, taking a tentative footstep forward. He couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling that was plaguing him.

'_Please_…'

He walked a few more hesitant steps. The alley seemed to grow darker, as if he were approaching the depths of a cave, leaving behind the light of the entrance. 

He was getting closer…

_Turn back_. _Something is not right here, turn back…_

'Harry, please, come here. What are you doing?'

The actions were strange, but the voice, well… Harry knew that voice, knew it as well as he knew the face he had seen through the alley door window. His logical mind fought with his gut instinct. He had his wand. He could defend himself if he needed to. 

Just go and see.

He looked over his shoulder again. 

The door was falling further and further away from him. He was walking _away_ from it. _Away from all those people in the pub. _

He was nearing the corner. 

It was just there…

He could feel his heart start to accelerate and gripped his hand tighter around his wand. 

He gritted his teeth, _go back Harry._

But he couldn't go back, he was so close. 

He inched further, hardly edging a foot ahead of him. He felt jittery, like a hand was gripping his heart and dragging it down towards his stomach. 

_Stop being stupid, just walk.…_ but he suddenly didn't want to. 

'Harry…' the voice called out softly.

He froze as fear enveloped him. 

His feet felt leaden as if they had been glued to the spot. He found himself not being able to move, neither forward nor backwards; trapped within the confines of the narrow alley and his own overwhelming dread.   

_What was wrong with him? _

The air was growing heavy around him and he felt a cold sweat break out on his forehead. 

'Harry?' the voice questioned and he stayed silent.

He didn't want to reply. He was almost afraid to speak for fear of disturbing the space around him. He stood still, not moving, hardly breathing. Every fibre of his body was telling him that something was _very wrong. And now he couldn't move. _

He was gripped by fear and tried to tell himself that it was unfounded and irrational. He took another deep breath and lifted his wand a little higher. 

His feet dragged heavily with another step forward. 

The short distance to the corner was taking him an age. 

He didn't want to reach it… he didn't want to see what was there…

_Just go would you._

He squeezed his eyes shut and took a few long strides and walked around the corner...

……

He opened them slowly, squinting against his vision - fearful of what he might see. 

_Nothing._

His eyes snapped fully open and he looked around.

_There was nothing there._

Just another narrow alleyway.

His breath suspended somewhere between his lungs and his throat.

_There was no one here._

_Oh my god…_

He suddenly felt it. 

The tidal wave of danger looming over him. The walls pulsed and rippled as the torrent surged past them and towards him. It was gathering force and he could feel it.  

It was coming closer… it was coming closer… 

_RUN._

He turned around.            

'Hello Harry.'

His scream had barely left his mouth before it became a stunned cry of agony. His body recoiled with the impact. 

He felt it go in, he felt it _sink in. _

His lips opened to yell out another shout of pain, but a hand clamped over his mouth, muffling his tormented cries. 

He was shoved back against the wall and his wand slipped from his fingers.

_NO._

His eyes widened in horror as he found himself looking into a crimson glare. A bright red glow. He tried to twist his head violently to rid himself of the hand over his mouth. But his struggling only increased the pressure and his glasses were knocked off of his face. He heard them clatter to the ground as everything went blurry. The brick wall opposite him lost its hard edges, becoming indistinct and vague. Everything went hazy, all except the figure in front of him. 

It was too close, horrifyingly close. He could see it too clearly. This could not be happening. It wasn't possible. 

But it was.

His stomach stung painfully as if a white-hot rod had been pushed into him. He brought up his hands and tried to kick out with his legs, when he froze in agony. He was burning inside. His screams thrashed wildly in his mouth; unable to escape from under the palm that was suffocating him. 

His wand…. He couldn't reach his wand. It was on the ground. He couldn't reach it. 

'Now, now Harry. Settle down,' the cold voice whispered. The palm left him momentarily and he gasped for breath. 

He felt a wand tap his arms and drop lower. Words were spoken but he wasn't listening. He could not focus. He couldn't think at all. Shooting pains like knives stabbed his head. He opened his mouth to scream but the hand stifled his cries once again. 

'Scream into my hand Harry. Scream as loud as you can for there is no help to be had.'

He was in so much pain. 

He saw a glint of steel as he felt it dig in deeper. 

It burned. 

A cold sensation seeped into his arms and legs and within seconds his limbs felt heavy and immovable. They were going numb as they hung uselessly from his agonized body.  

More words fell around him but he was deaf to them. All he could hear was his frantic heartbeat and his blood rushing past his ears. 

Pain.

He stood mute against the tall, thin figure. The chalk-white face closed in on him. A black hood covered the top of its head, grotesquely contrasting with the colour of the face. The red eyes narrowed, tilting thinly upwards. 

Harry's scar flamed upon his forehead. 

'You took so long. One might begin to think that you didn't trust me. Who was I?' the voice said silkily.

The sickeningly white face came within inches of his own.

He had been so convinced it was… he had been so sure. He had walked to his death so willingly. Following the face and the voice… 

What did it matter now? It had been a trap and he had walked into it again. Voldemort had lured him in and he couldn't get away, he was helpless. What could he do?

He was going to die.

The double-edged blade continued to press into him. Tearing through skin and flesh, paving the way for more steel. Harry could feel it creep inside him bit by bit and he was in agony.

'This will hurt. It will hurt so much you will beg me for death,' Voldemort hissed in cruel amusement. 'Though the bearded fool did say that there are things much worse than death. I guess you'll find out won't you Harry? Once you are dead you will be able to reflect upon whether it is true or not.' 

The sharp end drove in deeper and he felt his blood stream out against his skin. 

He saw the glimmer of silver as Voldemort's spidery hands gripped the handle. The blood was oozing out of him and coating the blade with a scarlet sheen. 

He could hardly breath and the cold palm crushed his lips as Voldemort pushed back against him for more leverage as he drove into Harry with his other hand. 

Blackness encroached his vision and he was starting to fade. The pain was beginning to numb too. He felt the hand move away and he felt so weak. He had no voice left. 

He was fading..

He saw the gaping slash in front of him open and close and let out words as his vision blurred further. His head lolled to the side and he breathed shallowly.

He didn't understand the words. They were fragments, 'Minuom. Inquam cum fluotis…' They didn't make sense. 'Sanguit fluit ex oris. Minuom.'

The only realisation he had was that he was going to die. Maybe he deserved to die if he had made it that easy for Voldemort. He hadn't been able to save Sirius or Cedric and would now die himself without any fight. No fight at all.

He felt the thin fingers press against his mouth again. The sensation of hot oil being poured into his abdomen drowned his senses completely. A small whimper broke out in his throat. 

The blade was slick with his blood and the flames were still licking his insides with long tongues of intense heat. 

Harry began to slip away….

It was becoming black…

'_Respiravit_,' Voldemort hissed and Harry regained full consciousness, reliving the pain fresh as if he were being skewered again.

He sucked in a tortured breath and his scream splintered into the hand. The pain began to gather in strength. 

'It won't do Harry,' he said softly,' for you to sleep now. Not now.'

The lipless mouth appeared as a black line that was now twisted cruelly upwards. Harry felt his lacerated stomach lurch with contradicting emotions of severe pain and joy as his scar throbbed. 

'Ask me for death, I'll give it you. You want to die, I know you do. Dumbledore couldn't even fulfil that request for you could he? He wanted you to go through this. He always wants you to go through these things. I think he believes it builds character. How strong are you Harry? Why don't you show me?'

The steel was vanishing into him and he kept fading only to be brought back to full awareness, being forced to go through the pain from the beginning again. 

It wasn't possible to go through so much agony and live.

Yet he was.

The torture went on and on. 

He couldn't tell for how long. 

Time had lost all meaning. 

The pain was excruciating…

He could feel the wall against his back, the sword as it tore its way in further, the hand that was crushing his mouth. Unbearable pain.

' I had wondered if you were able to increase your resistance to our little connection. It seems that you have indeed succeeded. I won't bother asking how, but only that you are still quite predictable. It was only a matter of time until we would meet again.' 

Harry screwed his eyes tighter against the onslaught mauling his body. He had become good at Occlumency hadn't he? The headache he'd had earlier was the result of its dulling affect to the connection. Strange how ''blocking his mind'' had worked against him in the end. The irony might have made him smile had he not been dying. 

He wouldn't see Ron and Hermione ever again. They had gone hadn't they? They couldn't help him. He wouldn't see them again. Draco… he was going to die. He hadn't had the chance to…

He could see the shadows swirling like mist in front of his eyes. 

'Beg for your death and I might reconsider… beg. Ask to live. I'm sure that is what your parents would want you to do.' 

Voldemort removed his hand briefly and Harry felt anger and hate loom in his chest.

'NEVER,' he spat out with the last dredges of strength he could muster. 

He would rather die than do that. This monster had killed his parents, he would never ask him of anything. He would never beg for his life. 

'_FOOL,' the red eyes narrowed venomously and Harry felt the sword drive into him to the hilt, slicing through his torso and out of his back. The force of the blow was of such magnitude that he heard the sword crack the bricks behind him as it pierced through the wall. The guard was the only thing preventing the handle from fully embedding within him._

His scream ripped out of his throat, dying against the hand. He writhed uselessly as he was impaled onto the wall behind him.

'Qui agnoscit mortem, cognoscit artem. Do you know what that means Harry?'

He couldn't possibly live through this. Why wasn't he dying? He must die now. The pain had to stop. It was all right. He wanted to die now. He would see Sirius and his parents. Luna had said so. He would. He would be with them. Away from here. Away from the pain and the horror. 

He had thought that the Cruciatus curse was the worst physical pain he had ever felt. But this was worse. So much more worse.  The blade seemed to have become molten inside of him. He was helpless against the overwhelming agony. He couldn't move, he couldn't escape. He could do nothing but breath through every second of what was left of his life. 

_Please die._

He tried to picture himself somewhere else. Make his last images of something other than this.

He'd always imagined that he would be killed quickly by a curse. That Voldemort would just point his wand at him and he would be dead. But he had never imagined this. He had never imagined the terror of being speared by a sword in Voldemort's hands. 

_He could feel every tear, every rip. _

It seemed that he was being pushed into the wall as the blade smouldered with the heat of Voldemort's malice.

It would cool down and the blackness would coat his eyes once again.

'_Respiravit_.' 

The pain came back ten-fold and he sucked in what breath he could. _I have to die._ He could not take it any more.

His skin felt sticky under his clothes. Wet. He was going into shock as the blood continued to surge out of him. 

'Well it seems that we have been here long enough, you and I. But who will come to your aid I wonder?'

_Nobody_, Harry thought hazily. No one had seen him leave. He didn't think anyone had noticed and all this time no one had come looking for him. They certainly wouldn't think of coming to look for him here. No one knew he was here and he would die alone. 

He closed his eyes as his head fell back against the wall. Voldemort lifted his hand away for a second.

'Where did your voice go Harry?' he asked softly.

He had no voice left. He couldn't speak. He felt so weak and drained, if not for the sword pinning him against the wall, he would have slumped onto the ground.

'We need a witness…' Voldemort continued, his eyes glowing crimson. 'A little display of light perhaps. How long do you think it will take for someone to notice?'

But Harry didn't care. He was dead anyway. Someone would eventually find his body but he would be dead. He had not rid the world of this evil. He was going to die to it. What was going to happen to the Wizarding world? Who would kill this monster? But there was nothing he could do now. He was gong to die and that was okay, he had asked for death in his mind, for the pain to end…

The inky blackness seeped before his eyes and he welcomed the dark. 

He was drifting again and Voldemort did not attempt to revive him once more.

*

Draco looked at his watch agitatedly. It was nearly four thirty. He tied his cloak tighter under his neck. The small raindrops that had fallen on him on the walk down, had managed to sneakily soak him quite thoroughly. 

He could dry himself later. 

He had to find Harry first. 

He passed the railroad tracks and came onto the high street. 

His first instinct was to go into the Three Broomsticks. That was where he expected most of the students to congregate on a rainy afternoon. 

As he approached the door, he saw faint blue sparks in the sky behind the pub.  Not paying them any attention he opened the door and went inside.

It was packed with people and Draco ran an anxious eye over the room. There was the female weasel, Thomas, and Longbottom. 

Where was Harry? He had to be here _somewhere. _

Draco pushed his way past several people. 

'Draco! Over here…' he heard someone call. But it wasn't Harry so he didn't stop. 

_Where are you?_

He's probably gone into one of the shops, Draco thought, and made his way to the bar, searching over it to the other side just to make sure that Harry wasn't there.

He stood on his toes and lifted his head higher, peering over people's heads for a sign of jet-black hair. 

Nothing.

He went to the left hand side of the bar and ran a hand through his wet hair, when a faint flickering light caught his eye. It was coming from behind a window on the door next to the bar. It looked like someone was doing fireworks or sparklers and the light was bouncing against the glass.

_That's weird._

Draco suddenly felt his stomach plummet. His heart started to beat faster and he impulsively walked towards the door. He could _feel it pulling him. _

He pushed it open and found himself in an alleyway. The blue light was coming from further down, from around the corner. 

Draco felt his mouth go dry.

'Harry?' he called out.

He didn't wait for a reply and started to run down the path, his feet pounding swiftly on the ground. 

'Harry? Are you here?'

There was a rustling sound and Draco halted and rounded the bend.

In a split second his eyes took in the horror before him. 

Harry was against the wall; there were dark red stains on his jumper and a sword handle protruding from his abdomen. A black-cloaked figure whispered, ' _a witness_.' 

Red eyes glowed in a white face and the figure stepped back.

' _Eruo Gladuim_,' and the sword shot out into long, spidery fingers. Harry's body jerked forward and blood spurted out like a tip of a fountain before it streamed downwards.

'NO,' Draco screamed. 

Harry was sinking to the ground; a glistening red trail decorating the brick wall as he slid down like a limp doll. 

Draco rushed forward hearing a popping sound as he gathered Harry into his arms.

Sheer blind panic overtook him as he held Harry's body close.

'HARRY,' he cried out petrified.

_My god THINK, THINK. _

_He's hurt, he's hurt bad.  _

Draco desperately tried to get his thoughts in order. 

_Quick, THINK._

OH MY GOD.

He drew out his wand and threw red sparks into the air and down the alley, praying that they would hit against the door. 

He projected his voice loudly and yelled,' HELP ME! PLEASE SOMEONE COME QUICKLY. HELP!'

His shout lingered in the air and echoed all around.

He looked down at Harry. He was so still. His eyes were closed and there was so much blood. Draco quickly bent his head over Harry's face. He was still breathing, he felt for a pulse. It was there, but faint and thready.

He lifted Harry's jumper and gasped. 

_There was so much blood._

A trickle of red appeared from the corner of Harry's mouth and snaked down.  

He had to stop the bleeding. 

_DAMMIT THINK._

He took a deep breath and desperate tears clouded his vision. What had he learnt about healing spells from his relatives? One summer in France, his aunt had taught him. 

_REMEMBER DAMMIT._

'_Abstergo Depurgit_,' he choked out, hoping to clear away some of the blood so he could see the lesion more plainly. It worked.

_'Medicorom_,' he hovered his wand over Harry's torso. It did not begin to close the severe wound but it did seem to slow down the flow of blood. 

He shot more red sparks and shouted again for help. He unhooked Harry's cloak and loosened his tie and collar. He hastily tugged off his own cloak and pressed it into the wound.

'_Harry, please hold on, please_.' 

He was doing something wrong, he should be doing more to help…what?

What was taking them so long?

Harry, oh god, how could this have happened? It was _him. Draco knew it. It was __him. But how had __he baited Harry out here? How? A sword… Why a sword? Draco couldn't focus his panic-stricken brain. What had stopped him from killing Harry with Avada Kedavra? _Why a sword?_ Because __he had wanted to inflict as much pain as possible that's why. The two killing words would have been too merciful for __him, _he_ had wanted to ensure that Harry went through as much pain as could be humanly inflicted. To be stabbed to death by a sword…to be impaled on one… _

'_A witness.'_

He wanted people to know that it was _him. Wanted people to know that he had managed to…wanted people to see what he had done to Harry. _

_'A witness.'_

Draco could not begin to understand such hatred and evil. 

The agony Harry must have gone through. Draco's body trembled with grief as he cried at the thought.

_Pain._

There was so much blood. 

Draco's hands were sliding in it as he held onto Harry. 

'Harry, please open your eyes, please. Oh god, please. I love you, I love you, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,' he sobbed. 

As if ''I love you'' would magically heal him. As if ''I love you'' would make any difference at all now. As if ''I love you'' would open Harry's eyes…

_What was taking them so LONG?_

He was filled with terror, regret, and paralysing fear that shook his hands as he clung onto Harry tightly. 

'PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!'

It had probably been under two minutes since he had called out for help, yet it seemed like forever until he heard several footsteps running in his direction.

'He needs a healer, please. He needs to get to a hospital,' he yelled out before the persons became visible. 

He heard more footsteps. 

'We've got help, ' he whispered.

Harry's face shone with a ghostly pallor.  His glasses…his glasses must have fallen. Where were they?

_Hold on please. Please dear lord let him be okay,_ Draco prayed. Please, please. I got here too late. I'm sorry my darling. I'm sorry.

'Harry,' he wept. His tears leaked out of his eyes and were falling down his face as he felt his heart breaking.' Please,' he cried. 

_Hold on, I beg you. You can't leave me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't take him away from me please. I'm sorry, don't punish him please._

As if his pleas would make a difference.

His tears were spilling over and he couldn't see straight, he couldn't think straight. _Harry._ It seemed so selfish to ask Harry to hold on with all that pain.

But I need you. You have to be okay; there's so much we have to do… I need to tell you…please oh god. Don't go, don't go. Just a little bit longer, they'll help you. I love you.

'Good heavens,' he heard a sharp intake of breath.

'It's Harry Potter,' said another horror-stricken voice.

'Please he needs help,' Draco cried out.

'It's all right son, someone is coming. We'll get him out of here.'

'Let me take a look at him.'

Draco loosened his grip on Harry and cradled his head in his lap as a man moved away the cloak and looked at Harry's wound.

'He's bleeding very badly. It was a sword. I saw it,' Draco said in a low voice. 'He needs help,' he repeated dumbly.

He watched as several people came forward, each trying to assist with healing spells. 

*

Madam Rosmerta's husband came rushing out. He ran towards the small crowd in the alley and made his way to the front. He recognised Harry straight away. The boy's eyes were shut and his clothes were drenched with blood. Another boy, his blond head lowered over Harry's body, drew deep shuddering breaths as he held Harry in his arms. 

'Harry please,' the blond boy sobbed. Madam Rosmerta's husband went closer. Several Aurors had run towards the commotion. They had been patrolling Hogsmeade since last summer and had heard the cries for help. However, it looked like they were too late to save the Potter boy. From the fear he could read in the eyes of the Aurors, it seemed as if they all shared the same sentiment. 

*

Draco looked up and saw the pitying and shocked looks on their faces. He looked at the bleeding figure that lay in his arms. They thought Harry was…

'He isn't,' he shouted out, crying hysterically. 'He's alive, he's breathing. He'll be fine.' 

_Harry._

They were trying to help but the blood continued to spread and soak into Harry and Draco's clothes. The blood on the wall shimmered mockingly as its path continued to seep down onto the ground. 

The starting point; a cracked brick coated with blood. 

Trickling. 

Blood. 

And Harry's was running out. 

Draining out. 

Harry had lost too much blood. 

_No. Stop._

Draco had never felt so helpless in all of his existence. The most beautiful thing in his life was slipping away from him and he couldn't do a thing to stop it. A montage of thoughts relayed in his mind in quick succession. 

_There was so much that he hadn't yet discovered._

_I'll never get the chance to now…_

_Kisses. Our last kisses. Just want to remember the last time._

_I wasted all his breath by words, by shouting. I didn't keep anything of his inside of me._

_It all escaped out of my mouth, I let it go, I let it all go…_

_Please Harry I need you back._

_Take me for I am yours._

Draco wept silently, every second precious, every moment crucial. 

Harry had to be all right. He had to. Because…

He just had to.

Hate, black, bitter, pungent hatred gorged Draco's heart. The injustice of evil ravaging something so good and pure was devastating. That evil and darkness was in an instant daring to snatch away the best thing that had ever happened to him. That evil could steal away precious beings like that from the world was unjustifiable. That evil could consume and overtake and engulf…

It was wrong and that couldn't happen. 

He was supposed to start living today. That was what was _supposed to have happened. His life was going to start when Harry forgave him. That was the plan; he'd had a plan…_

He'd _planned_ it all out...his apology. 

_Harry_. 

And he hadn't had the chance to say it yet... 

He thought he had _time_, plenty of time to right his wrongs. We all think we have time, Draco thought as he watched numb with dread and shock; silent tears dripping down his face. But we don't. There is never enough time. 

He stared fixedly at Harry's face as the rest of the background died away into colour and noise. 

Time. 

A petrifying sense of sheer hopelessness surmounted his mind. What if he didn't get any more time? What if time ran out? It _was_ running out and he could feel uncontrollable hysteria constricting his throat. The unfairness left him breathless with sorrow and guilt and his tears burned hot paths down his skin.

He imagined Harry smiling not bleeding. He imagined Harry alive not dying. 

I love you. 

Draco lifted his eyes and looked at the sea of faces around him. 

They still had that look on their faces. That time had indeed run out.

That…

 Harry Potter was dead. 

*


End file.
